Yuugi Mutou: The Pinball Wizard. Desu.
By Isaac Kiernan.
Kaiba Was late for the big board meeting. all of Kaibacorp's big 5 would be there, and even some of Tumblr's Big five. Kaiba knew that both Abouftw, AND Milleniumtinnyrod would be there. So he had to hurry. He had no choice but to hire a cut-rate babysitter to take care of Mokuba for the afternoon, and that is where our story begins.
The side of the van read "Kev Walker's babysitting". It was an old van, and pretty grimy. It stopped out side of a mansion on the outskirts of town. From his window Mokuba observed the Blonde man emerging from the van. "Why do I even need a babysitter?" asked Mokuba. "Because," said Seto, as he swept a lock of green hair from his eye, "I won't be back until late. Hitoshi-san is going to be there, and he is Kawaii-desu." Mokuba nodded. He understood that his older brother had a huge crush on Hitoshi. Kaiba had even kidnapped Hitoshi-san once. The doorbell rang. "I'll get it" said Kaiba, and he opened the door. The man in the doorway was around 23. He wore a black leather Jacket with a Swastika emblem on the back. His T-shirt read something to the effect of "Fuck the World", and from one ear hung a swastika ear-ring. The man stood there a second before introducing himself. "Kev Walker!" He said with a thick british accent, as he swept back his long blonde hair. "Is this the li'l bastard?" Kaiba glanced at mokuba, who was cowering in fear. "Mokuba, greet mister Walker!" "Oh," said 'Kev', "E kin call me Kevin or Kev if he likes" "H-Hi, K-Kevin" said Mokuba. Kevin glared at him. "No need to worry 'bout me, sir. I'll treat 'im like I would, my own Cousin." Kaiba looked at them. "Well," he said, "I'm Off". And Just like that Kaiba was gone.
Meanwhile, across town, Yuugi Mutou was helping his grandfather hang up posters for an upcoming event, Sponsered by his grandfather's Game store. "the 1996 Domino Pinball championship?" asked Yuugi, as he read one of the posters. "But Gramps, it's 2011!"
"Ah" said Yuugi's grandfather, "But it says 1996 on all the merchandise, so I'm just gonna pretend the series is set in 1996." Yuugi stared blankly at him for a moment. "what the fuck is wrong with you?" Yuugi continued to hang posters without incident, until there was a jingle, and a man entered the shop. The man who entered the shop immediately stood out to Yuugi and his grampa. The man was around 6 feet tall, with long curly blonde hair, that fell down past his shoulders. He wore an all white Tuxedo, and in his hand carried a walking stick topped with a Pinball for a handle. He also stood out because of the rather large mirrored sunglasses he wore. "'ello" he said. "Is this were I sign up for the pinball Tournament?" "Who are you?" asked yuugi. "Tommy" the man said. "Tommy Walker."
"And so" Hitoshi-san, the VP of marketing said in his deep, alluring voice"That's why duel disk sales are down this quarter. Desu. Nya." Kaiba could only stare in awe at the beauty of this man. Hitoshi was the most handsome man Kaiba had ever seen. His blue hair reminded Kaiba of the sea, and his vulgarly mis-shapen body reminded kaiba of the cliffs and rocks located by the sea. Kaiba turned to his right hand assistant, Raku. "What do you think Raku-chan?" Raku was nervous to respond, but eventually piped up. "Nya, I think that Hitoshi-san is So Sugoi...Maybe I can treat him to mochi ice cream Nyaaaa?" Kaiba looked at her. He couldn't agree more, but what if he voiced his feelings to Hitoshi, and Hitoshi didn't feel the same way? Kaiba wished he knew what to do. "I wish I knew what to do!" said kaiba, as Hitoshi covered his mouth with his deformed hands. "I don't have an answer, sir, Desu" Hitoshi said. Kaiba was embarassed. "I... Need to leave." Kaiba said. "Gentlemen, I bid you Adieu." He stood up, and exited the boardroom. "Wait!" A voice called behind him. He turned around to be face to face with the bulging, distorted visage of none other than Hitoshi himself. "NYa" he said, "It's gonna sound really stupid mr. Seto, but... I think... I Love you." Kaiba was in shock. he swept his beautiful green hair back, and thought a moment before replying. "Hitoshi-san. Would you be so kind as to accompany me to my car? I have some...business...to go over with you. and you're bottom" Hitoshi giggled, "Sugoi, Desu, Nya!" he said, with a few audio crackles, and pops.
Mokuba was scared shitless. The babysitter his older brother had left him with was a menace. Kevin had started off well enough playing a jolly little tune on the Kaiba brothers' Piano. It turned sour however, when Kevin had tied mokuba to a chair, and ducked his head under water. Kevin did more things than that though. he burned Mokuba with cigarette butts, pushed him down the stairs several times, and even dragged him around by his hair. Kevin put 'Icky Vicky', Mokuba's last babysitter, to shame. Kevin was trying on a new pair of Brass knuckles. "Don't move, ya little blighter. Who Am I kiddin' You can't move!" he laughed maniacally as he punched mokuba in th jaw. "How could this day get any worse?" thought Mokuba. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Kevin went to get it. "Oh, Hi Uncle!" he said. Kevin returned to mokuba, but he was not alone. With him was a man of about 47. He was wearing a beaten old suit with patches, and was missing several teeth. "I'm ernie!" He introduced himself to Mokuba. "How about some fun?" and with that, Mokuba's eyes opened wide with fear, because Kevin's Uncle Ernie, had started to unzip his pants. I won;t get into details, but what happened next was very un-pretty.
Back in Yuugi's granfather's shop, Tommy was explaining why he should be allowed to enter the pinball championship. "I'm a pinball wizard, to put it simply." "I don't understand what that means." said yuugi. "It means", Tommy said, "that when I was six, I witnessed a very gruesome murder. In shock, I was struck deaf, dumb, and blind. but somehow, I managed to play pinball. I became the world's pinball champ when I was only 16, and I couldn't hear it, I couldn't see, it, I couldn't say nothing to no-one, about what I knew was the truth. But that all changed one day, when My mom pushed me through a wall mirror. The mirror was mounted IN the wall, and i fell about 40 feet. Lucky we managed to have a swimming pool there, huh? anyway, as soon as I hit that water, my senses came zooming right back to me. " "Oh my god!" said Gramps, "You're THAT tommy Walker?" "The same!" said Tommy, "and there's more! Whenever I play pinball, I wear this!" at this point he opened a box that he had brought with him. inside was an odd headset. it consisted of headphones, sunglasses, and a mouth gag, painted to look like a pinball. He slid the headset on, leaving the gag out of his mouth, so that he could speak. "The lenses are painted black so I can't see. The phones block out ALL sound, and the gag pretty much keeps me from talking. When I paly with this thing on, I draw the big crowds. So how, about it? sign me on to the tournament, and people will come to see me alone." at that moment Yuugi remembered a dream he had had the night before, "If you sign him, People will come" Yuugi grabbed a pen and quickly entered Tommy's name into the competition. at that moment Yuugi thought of something else. what if he could beat Tommy? what if he could beat the world's Reigning Pinball champion? The fame and glory would be uncompareable. Yuugi knew what he had to do.
Ernie Walker had just finished. as he exited the kaiba's mansion he left a business card on the mantle. it Read "Ernie Walker, Pedophile for hire" Kevin opened the door to peek in on mokuba. Mokuba was alrready awake again, and the rufies appeared to have worn off. "and did we have fun today?" Kevin asked him. "I-I don't remember..." said Mokuba. Kevin grinned, evilly. "You slept all afternoon, like, right after I gave you that diet coke." "Oh. Said Mokuba., "I dreamed I got raped by a big british guy!". Kevin shut Mokuba's door again, and prepared the house For seto's arrival home.
Kaiba's limo pulled up outside Kaiba Manor. Kaiba and the grossly malformed blue haired man he was with exited the limo. Kev came out to greet Kaiba. Money changed hands, Kevin got back in his van, and left. "Big Brother" called mokuba, as Kaiba walked through the door. "Yes, Mokie?" "My ass hurts really bad!" Kaiba groaned, "Not this again, we go over this every time I hire a new babysitter." Kaiba noticed something on the mantle. a business card. "Ernie walker, pedophile for hire..." Kaiba turned back to mokuba. "If you don't behave while I have company I might have to call this guy!" Mokuba shrank away in fear. "Come, Hitoshi let us enjoy a glass of fine wine in front of the fire place." "What type of wine is it Nya, Desu?" Kaiba smiled, "Oh, you'll find out. I'm about to summon it!" he rang a bell. His house-maid, Koneko came right away. " what is it mr. Kaiba ?" "Whoa" said Hitoshi, "What is this fine neko doing here? RAR." Kaiba bit his lip. he didn't want his date to go sour. "Bring me my finest wine please." Koneko left. Hitoshi couldn't help but admire her mis-shapen flabby body, or her crinkly cat ears, or even her tail which appeared to be broken in several spots. "Damn!" thought Kaiba, "I'm losing him!" "Hey!" Kaiba said, "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" and with that he brought his hanky to Hitoshi's mouth, knocking him out.
When Hitoshi came to, he was chained to the wall in a dank dark basement. he felt something quite pleasurable though. he looked down to see Seto Kaiba sucking on his grossly twisted and lumpy cock. "Kaiba What are you doing Desu?" he asked. Kaiba looked up from his dirty work. Wiping Hitoshi's cum from his lips Kaiba said, "I love you, you big lug". Hitoshit smiled. "You're the guy that kidnapped me that one time." Kiaba nodded. "Yeah, that was back when I decided to dye my hair brown for about five seasons." Hitoshi laughed."haha, fourth wall break, rawr."
Yuugi approached the door. it was an old house, with paint peeling from the walls, and several shingles falling from the roof. Nervous, Yuugi knocked on the door. no answer. He rang the bell. The intro to "Pinball Wizard" played as the doorbell's ringtone. The door swung open. In front of Yuugi stood an aging legend. This man, known only as the champ, Was The ORIGINAL Pinball wizard. He wore gittery overalls, a glittery shirt, and a glittery beanie with a pinball atop. The man was clearly drunk, and his clothes were covered in stains. The years had NOT been kind to him. "Can you help me?" asled Yuugi. "Who are ya?" asked the champ. "I want to defeat Tommy." The man stared at Yuugi for a minute. "So, you want me to train you?" Yuugi nodded. "Come on in".
Meanwhile in Kaiba's Love Dungeon, Kaiba and Hitoshi were chatting, and getting to know each other better. "You know that fine ass Neko you have working as a secretary?" Hitoshi asked Kaiba. "You mean Raku-Chan?" asked Kaiba. "Yeah, rar. She's stalking me. *Crackle, hiss* hahaha." Kaiba laughed as well, although he didn't really understand how this was supposed to be funny. "She invited me to this Pinball Tournament" Kaiba listened. "Some game shop or another is sponsoring it" This grabbed Kaiba's interest. "You don't say." "Yeah," said Hitoshi, "Some guy named Sugaroku Mutou owns the place". "When's registration for the tournament closed?" "tonight, 11:15". Kaiba helped Hitoshi to his feet. "We don't have much time."
Meanwhile at the Champ's house, Yuugi was being taught the subtleties of Pinball. "We'll start with something easy. okay, paint my fence please?" "w-what?" yuugi was taken aback, he was supposed to be learning pinball, not doing this man's Chores! " Paint Fence, up down, up down, then Paint house, side, side. When you are done, come back and see me." The Champ turned, sat down in his armchair, and clicked on the tv. Yuugi grabbed the paint bucket and Brushes the champ had laid out for him. So unfair.
On the drive over to Sugaroku's game shop, Kaiba filled Hitoshi in on his rivalry with Yuugi. Hitoshi was a good listener, and seemed genuinely interested in what Kaiba had to say. When they pulled up outside of the game shop, Kaiba was the first out. he ran inside, and bumped into a man in a white tuxedo. "Hi." the man said, "Walker's the name, Tommy Walker-" Kaiba pushed him aside, knocking him to the ground. "Outta my way, nerd!" he said, as he quickly signed his name on an entry form and dropped it into the participants box in one fluid movement. Back outside, he ran into the babysitter he had hired for Mokuba. "Hello" he said. "Hi" Kevin replied. "Look, I 'eard ya pushed me cousin down in the street." he said. "I might have, I push alot of people down in the street." Kevin pulled out a switch-blade knife. "Look, I may have beaten my cousin severely, and even almost drowned him a coupluv times. But no-one, NO-ONE pushes 'im 'round but me, Yer got that?" he lunged at Kaiba, who quickly stepped out of the way. Kevin fell on his own knife. Kevin looked at the knife sticking from his heart, and back up at Kaiba. "Touche" he said. "Remember me as a peace maker!" he said, as he died.
Back at the champs house Yuugi had just finished all of the champ's chores. He had sanded the decks, Waxed the car, painted the house, AND the fence, and was unbelievably tired. "So your done" the champ said, "I guess you can run along home, now." "NO!" Yuugi practically screamed at him, "I did all YOUR chores, and you didn't teach me one fucking thing about pinball!" The Champ laughed. "Show me, wax car." "Wha-" "SHOW ME WAX CAR." Yuugi started making the movements with his hands. "Good. Now show me side, side. Sand Floor. Excellent." Yuugi had no fucking clue what was going on. "You have become a master, my friend." "What?" Yuugi asked. "You have mastered the Pinball Techniques handed down to me from my sensei, Mr. Miyagi." Yuugi couldn't tel if the champ was being serious, or not. "go try a pinball machine, you'll see what I mean." Yuugi approached the champ's prized machine. He inserted a quarter, and began to play. Yuugi couldn't believe it, but by doing all of The Champ's chores, he had become an expert Pinball player.
The Tournament set off at 10 AM the next day. All the champions were there, and ready to play. Yuugi approached his machine, nervous. he looked around at the other contestants. To his right was a severely ugly girl that appeared to be part cat. Her name-tag read "RAKU". Her mis-shapen breasts made yuugi's penis feel like crying. a to his left was an American. He wore sunglasses, and a name tag that read "HYDE". He recognized Tommy as well as his old nemesis, Seto Kaiba. The tournament was going to be intense.
Tommy Slipped on his headset. He plugged the gag into his mouth, and was set to start. They got going fast, each scoring an astounding number of points. The first one out was Raku, who sucked extremely. The next one out was Hyde, who muttered something about a water-powered car, and left Graciously. Eventually it was down to 3. Kaiba, Yuugi, and Tommy. Tommy was exceptional, even with his lack of sight, hearing, and voice. Yuggi Knew he could beat Kaiba, that was for sure, but Tommy was a problem. He had to take out Tommy. The three were tied for hours. Finally, Yuugi decided he might as well get rid of Kaiba first, and pulled out his secret trump-card. Yuugi Knocked Kaiba right out of the running. "Fuck You, Mutou!" hollered Kaiba, as he was forcibly removed by security guards. Tommy and Yuugi were neck and neck. If yuugi wanted to win...He'd have to think of something fast. Yuugi was close to beating Tommy, he was only 3 points away! And then -
The ball dropped. Yuugi had lost. "!" Yuugi screamed as he threw his millenium puzzle as hard as he could at his pinball machine. the machine exploded in a fiery orgasm of rage. Yuug Screamed A He rushed at Tommy, only to be stopped By Ernie. "Hello there, and how old might you be?" Yuugi stopped for a moment, and looked up at Ernie Walker's Untrustworthy face." s-sixteen" Yuugi said. "Young enough for me!" Ernie exclaimed, and dragged Yuugi into the men's room, unzipping his pants as he did so. Tommy Removed his headset, the crowd cheered. Sugaroku approached Tommy with a microphone for his acceptace speech. "If I told you what it takes to reach the highest high," Tommy Started, "You'd laugh and say nothing's that simple! I'm Free! I'm Free! And I'm Waiting For you to follow me!" The crowd roared with applause and excitement. Tommy had never felt better in his life. Kaiba turned to hitoshi. "I may have lost, but I still have you!" Kaiba kissed Hitoshi Passionately on the lips. Meanwhile in the bathroom, Yuugi was learning why they called it being Embar-ASS-ed. Ernie was a rough lover.
The next morning's paper read "tommy Walker wins Championship! boy raped."
THE END