So I've been gone for months. There's no excuse. But basically I missed writing, so here I am, back with a bit more H/N love. Enjoy all x
When Skies Get Rough
I wont give up on us
Even if the skies gets rough
I'm giving you all my love,
I'm still looking up
(I won't give up, Jason Mraz)
*.*.*
It'd been one of the most difficult cases you'd both encountered. Nikki had, of course, claimed she was fine. Feigned nonchalance to you and Leo, but you weren't buying it.
The murder of a baby was horrific enough, but when the murderer was the infant's own brother, a 14 year old boy jealous of the attention placed on his newborn sister, that was another matter entirely.
It had been a long and arduous task completing the final paperwork for the case, but it was finally over and you'd been convinced that Nikki would benefit as much as you from a drink that Wednesday evening.
When she'd turned you down, you knew instinctively that she'd been more affected by the past fortnight than she'd ever let on, so you'd turned up on her doorstep, a bottle of South African Pinot Grigio in each hand and an offer to keep her company while she pondered the existence of evil in the world.
You can't quite put your finger on what was different about this particular evening, but you felt just as relaxed, content and, dare you say it, tempted as usual.
Tempted to do the things you know would ruin the best relationship you've ever had (albeit a very platonic one). Tempted to explore the consequence of your dreams being turned into a reality.
You know you'd never act on these temptations but sometimes it's just so hard… when she flicks her hair as she whips round excitedly to question you about your day; when she's cooking or watching a film with a complicated plot with her tongue ever so slightly sticking out; when she licks her lips…
…or like now, when she's suddenly in floods of tears.
At first you had no idea what had triggered it. The documentary on the television was about Britain's declining wildlife or something similar and you didn't think your choice of wine was that bad.
It was then you realised it had all just got too much. And you were glad you'd called in on her and could share in her grief, instead of letting her suffer on her own as you knew she'd have done otherwise.
It was one of the very many things you loved about Nikki Alexander- her ability to care for, love and grieve for those she barely knew. She is one of the most emotional people you know and though you hate seeing her like this, you adore witnessing how dedicated she is both to her work and life in general.
"Nik, come here." You find yourself subconsciously pulling her against you on the sofa. Your arms wrap around her comfortably as her head is supported on your shoulder and you're rocking her gently as the sobs work their way through her petite frame.
"Let it all out Nik. It's been a tough few weeks. Just let it all out."
You managed to hear a soft "sorry" through the tears.
"You've nothing to be sorry for. You did a brilliant job on a difficult case and you just need time to grieve."
"I'm such a hopeless, over-emotional wreck", she says, half sobbing, half laughing.
"Not at all Nik. You're just an incredibly caring person. And you shouldn't always think you have to handle these things on your own. You turned me down for a drink earlier and if I'd not turned up here, you'd be in this state on your own with no one to hug you, pass you tissues", you reach across to the side table and grab a handful of tissues, "and pour you more wine".
"Thank you Harry."
"No need. I just hate to think of you alone and upset like this. You're my best friend Nikki Alexander and I want to…"
"Before you even have a chance to comprehend what's happening or the impending consequences, her lips are on yours and her hands are in your hair.
You've never experienced a kiss like this with Nikki before. So hasty and emotionally charged and so desperate to be something much more.
You begin to melt against her as a thousand scenarios race through your brain. Nine hundred and ninety nine of these scenarios end either here on the sofa or in the bedroom across the hall.
You curse then when your brain pauses on the one scenario in which everything you currently have is destroyed by the outcome of one of the previous scenarios.
Gently tearing your lips from hers you ask the one question most would deem irrelevant by this stage and you once again curse yourself for your deep commitment to this friendship.
"Nikki. Stop a moment. Is this what you want?"
"Harry?"
"I mean, is this really what you want or are you doing this as the result of a desperately difficult few weeks at work and a ridiculous amount of wine?"
"Will you just 'shh' for once Harry Cunninghm and kiss me."
You can't help notice that her words are now extremely slurred. You know she's had one too many glasses of wine, but you also know she's drunk far more than this in your company before and things have never escalated to this.
You pause for a moment longer, staring deep into her eyes while she stares intently at your lips. You're almost convinced you're about to leave, to play the 'sensible Harry' card and walk out, until she raises her eyes up to meet yours and you realise, after all these years, just how much she loves you.
In one single motion, you scoop Nikki Alexander off the sofa and into your arms and within seconds you're both lying on her bed breathing heavily and smiling like teenagers in love.
"Harry? Are you alright?"
As you lean over her, taking in her beauty and ever so slightly dilated pupils, you realise you don't want your first time with Nikki to be like this; alcohol-fuelled and on a whim.
"I've got to go, Nikki."
"What?"
You hate being the one to cause that hurt look on her face, but you can't see how the outcome of this situation will end in anything other than total disaster as far as your friendship is concerned.
"I'm going to go Niks. You've had a lot to drink and this isn't really what you want. I'd feel like I was taking advantage."
"It is what I want. I want this Harry… Maybe it's you that doesn't want it?"
"Don't be ridiculous Nik-"
"Yes, foolish, ridiculous Nikki believing that you'd have me. Let's all have a good laugh at ridiculous Nikki. Go on Harry, no need to stay on account of keeping me happy, just go."
"But Nik-"
"No really Harry, just go. I want you to go."
"I really am sorry Nik. But I know this isn't what you need right now. This isn't what you want."
There are now endless tears streaming down her face and you can hardly bear to look.
"This really isn't what you want Nikki." You say once more, trying to convince yourself more than anything.
"Just get OUT Harry." She screams as she slams the door in your face.
You can barely believe what's just happened. You suspect it'll be a while before the enormity of the situation fully dawns on you. You've possibly just lost the best friend you'll ever have.
You slump back against the front door and slide all the way down till you are sitting with your head in your hands. You can hear, almost feel Nikki sobbing through the door and you wonder whether she is sitting on the other side, unable to move, miserable, just like you.
You're just about to gain composure and make your way home when, through the sobs you hear her cry, "I do want you. I need you Harry."
More chaps on the way if you fancy. Next one from Nikki's perspective. 4/5 chaps in total I'm hoping. I do love a cheeky review so if you have a spare few minutes...