Violated
Title: Violated
Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX
Series: C.S.I
Rating: T
Genre: angst/comfort
Spoilers: none
Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Catherine Willows
Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.
Summary: Sara is raped, violently raped and Grissom is there to offer her the comfort she needs. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.
Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.
Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.
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Rape, one of the ugliest words in the English language as far as Sara Sidle was concerned. The definition according to the dictionary was assault sexually; ravish or an act of raping, but to those victims it means so much more than that. Fear, pain, shame, violation only a few words that can be used to describe how the victim felt. Sara Sidle was a victim, and she hated it. All she could do was cry endless tears wanting someone to hold her safe. The team would be here any second to 'process' her. She looked terrible, she knew that but truth be told she didn't care any more. Everything that was Sara Sidle had been taken from her by a strange man that smelt of cigarettes and bad aftershave. Life had a harsh way of taking away your sense of self. She felt lost inside her own skin, inside her own mind.
Crime scene tape covered Sara's front door. It was like something out of a horror movie for Gil Grissom. Police officers at her door, blood trailing across the floor and condoms dropped just outside her bedroom. His heart ached for her. As he and Catherine entered her trashed apartment each C.S.I. gasped. The place was a mess. Blood and semen littered the cream carpet, the sofa was slashed, pictures ripped from the walls. It was safe to say that violence played a huge part in this rape. As the two investigators made their way to Sara's bedroom, they saw the two female officers, pleading with Sara to open the door. Grissom wanted nothing more than to break it down himself, but as usual protocol won him over. Catherine placed her head on the wood of the door, sighing when she heard the quiet sobs through the thick panelling. She turned to the officers,
'Give us a minuet will ya?' Sara was a proud woman, she'd never forgive her or Grissom for that matter if her privacy was stolen from her. Rapping lightly on the door Catherine called to her friend.
'Sara? Sara honey come on open the door for us. It's only Catherine out here now darling no one here is gonna hurt you.' With her ear still pressed to the door Catherine could hear the sobs get louder, sounding like she was terrified out of her mind. Knowing that she was getting no were she pulled away from the door and went in search of Grissom.
She found him sitting on the front steps leading up to the apartment building. Not the cleanest place in the world to sit, but to be honest Grissom didn't really look like he cared. Catherine had never seen him loose his self control like this before. He stared into space, thinking. She had know for ages that Grissom and Sara cared about each other, but in all the years she'd known him she hadn't pegged Grissom for the type of guy who would just sit there doing nothing. Sara needed him and she sure as hell wasn't going to let Grissom let her down again. If he was the only one who could get into her room then in he would go.
'Grissom...GRISSOM!' she knelt in front of her dazed friend and took a firm hold on his shoulders. He looked up at her a glazed look in his eyes, like he wasn't really focusing on her.
'Griss' Catherine spoke a little softer this time, seeing her best friend fall apart like this made her heart wrench. 'None of us can get her to open the door. We need you to go in there and try to get in. She'll let you in, you know she will, she trust you. You need to do this for her.' Catherine took his hands and pulled him to his feet.
'Come on, let's get you in there.' The two walked slowly up the steps to Sara's apartment and the private hell that she had endured.
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A few minuets later, Gil Grissom was standing in front of Sara's bedroom door. Catherine gave him one last fleeting glance before she left the apartment. She hoped that for both their sakes that Sara would let him in, just his once.
He knocked, harder than he wanted, it was funny how now that it really mattered he was loosing all control of his emotions. Everything he did seemed wrong to him. When he got no answer to his questioning at the door, he spoke.
'Sara? It's Grissom, c-can i come in?' He put his ear to the door, trying desperately to hear some sign of recognition. He heard footsteps coming cautiously to the door, he heard her hesitate before unlocking all the bolts and chains. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven bolts and locks, God Sara, what the hell happened to you? Thoughts and flashes of violence rushed through his head. The door opened a crack to reveal a dark room, no lights had been turned on, but the mess was still visible. Sara was already backing away from the door, falling back onto her bed, holding her head in her hands like it might break. Grissom closed the door softly behind him, his eyes still on Sara. She was on the verge of breaking down completely. Grissom took a quick look around what he could see of the room, it obviously had received the worst of the attacker's rage. He stopped in front of Sara and crouched in front of her face. He stretched out his hands to her, wanting to hold her make her all right again. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, what if she rejected him? What if she couldn't stand to be touched like so many of the rape victims he'd seen over the years. His hands hovered over hers as if asking for permission. She raised a tear streaked face to meet his eyes. He felt his heart rip in two at the pain and fear they held. Suddenly she grabbed his hands and threw them around her shoulders, burying her head deep into his. His arms went carefully around her, midfull of the many bruises and cut that littered her body. Her arms crushed her small body into his chest, almost choking him with the force of the hug. Tears fell onto the skin of his neck as she wept uncontrollably into his shoulder, practically screaming with the pain she held inside. He held her as tightly as possible, glancing around what was now more visible through tear filled eyes. It hurt him so much to see her like this, a woman usually so strong and confidant in herself drained of every piece of that she ever had. Huge bloodstains covered the bed sheets, probably stained through to the mattress. Bite marks on the headboard, probably Sara's. Her ripped clothes hung off her, showing of every little scratch he put on her. Rage filled him almost to overflowing, he would find this monster and bring him to justice and not necessarily in court. She was an inconsolable mess in his arms, falling off the bed more and more with each passing second. On impulse he swept her up into his arms and sat on her bed, cradling her like a child. She fit into his lap like she had been made for him. Her arms snaked around his neck, still crying like she would never stop. God only knows what she was thinking.
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Sara's POV
What if he lets me go? What am I going to do without him? He's here now that's all that matters right? No, no that's not all that matters. I need him here; I need him to help me deal with this. I feel so violated, so defiled like he's taken me, my soul. I need someone to touch me, to let me know that I can still feel that I'm not dead to the world. Even if I'm not I feel that way, like I'm living my life from a distance, like I don't belong to my body anymore. I hurt everywhere, physical and emotional pain screams through my whole body. I want my security back, I want to feel like I'm in control again, that damn bastard took everything from me, and I want it back. I can't stop crying, like all the years I've kept my emotions, my hurt to myself are finally being allowed to air. Sitting in Grissom's lap like this makes my head spin, but it makes me hurt at the same time, because I know that for him this is only friendship, he doesn't want anything more, and right now I want more from him. I want to love him and I want him to love me back. I want him to give me back my security. He is my life now, I don't intend on loosing that.
After what seems like ten years Grissom pulls back ever so slightly, I raise my head fear flooding back through me at the thought of loosing the physical contact that he's given me. I don't want to be left alone, what if he comes back? Grissom takes my chin, looking into my eyes, I'm shaking with fear.
'It's o.k. I'm not going anywhere honey, it's o.k.' He whispers the words so quietly, I'm comforted by them, but I still shake. I clutch at his shirt, not willing to loosen my grip on him.
'I swear Sara I'm not leaving you here alone o.k.? Trust me. Now though I need you to take to me. I need you to tell me what happened to you.' I stare at him, the fear intensifying, clutching at my throat. He wants to know what happened, how am I supposed to tell him? When we both know the man who did it.
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O.k. So here's the next piece I quiet like this one. Please let em know if a new chapter is in order and I'll get right on it for you. Review my work please, every review matters. Enjoy.