All right…this was written while I was on crack…r&r and I'll love you forever!
Random Schwarz Randomness
Day 1-Mission: Annoy Crawford into submission.
*the scene is the Schwarz kitchen. Crawford and Schuldig are sitting at the table. Crawford is reading the paper and drinking coffee and Schuldig is leaning over the table, trying to get in his face*
Schuldig: Bradley-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
Crawford: No.
Schuldig: Brad…
Crawford: No.
Schuldig: Brady-
Crawford: No.
Schuldig: But Braaaaaaaaaaaaad…
Crawford: No!
*Nagi wanders downstairs rubbing his eyes and yawning*
Nagi: What's going on down here?
Crawford: Schuldig wants me to buy him the new Mercedes Benz-
Schuldig: But Bradley, it's only 764345675675648786767, 000, 000 yen!
Crawford: *straightens his paper* No.
Schuldig: But Bradley, it's not-
Crawford: End of discussion.
Schuldig: But Bradley, it's just-
Crawford: The subject is closed.
Schuldig: BUT BRADLEY, I'D LOOK SO SEXY DRIVING IT! DON'T YOU WANT ME TO LOOK SEXY?!
Crawford: You look sexy enough under me, moaning my name.
Schuldig: *blushes*
Nagi: *rolls eyes* Get a room…
Crawford: *grins and raises an eyebrow* What do you say, Schu?
Schuldig: Bradley…*leans across the table at Crawford's level and slowly licks his lips*
Crawford: *leaning forward* Yes…?
Schuldig: *face twisted* I WANT A MERCEDES! PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSE????!!!!!
Crawford: *falls backward off the chair* Ack!* after much deliberation(2 seconds worth!) just lays there, face blank* …I hate my life.
Day 2-Mission: Bargain with Crawford to get what you want.
*the Schwarz boys are going to the American owned Safeway that just opened up with Crawford driving. Schu is in the backseat, leaning over with his mouth to Crawford's ear*
Schuldig: Bradleeeey…if you buy me the car, I'll make it worth your while…
Crawford: No.
Schuldig: Don't you want to see me wearing only caramel tonight?
Crawford: Been there, done that.
Schuldig: *pouts* Brad, you're mean!
Crawford: Yes, that's right.*evil glaretm*
Schuldig: *cries*
Crawford: *evil cacklingtm*
Day 3-Mission: Be poorly enigmatic.
*the next day at the Schwarz household…Crawford is reading his paper and drinking coffee(fun!), Nagi is glaring at him, occasionally glancing over at Farfello and doing the same. Farfello is continually stabbing a piece of toast with his knife and grinning*
Farfello: Yum, yum…dry toast makes God cry…
*Schuldig parades in with a box*
Schuldig: *leaning over at Crawford's level* Bradleeeeeeey…*big eyes*
Crawford: *sighs and massages his temples* Schu, whatever you did or broke I'd rather not know about it right now.
Schuldig: No, no, it's not that! It's just that…well, since I can't have a car…can I have a kitten?
Crawford: A *what*?!
Schuldig: A kitten! I promise I'll feed him and clean his litter box and train him and give him lots of attention and play with him and-
Crawford: *twitches*
Nagi: Would we really want a kitten around Farfello?
Schuldig: Well why not?
Farfello: *stabbing the toast harder* I hate you toast, child of God!
Schuldig: *pales*
Nagi: I think I've made my point.
Schuldig: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddllllllllleeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy…*melts into a puddle on the table*
Crawford: What the hell is wrong with this household?! Why am I still alive, why?!
Nagi: What's in the box, Schu?
Schuldig: Huh? What box? *kicks it under the table*
Nagi: …the one you just kicked under the table.
Schuldig: You're hallucinating, Nagi! I knew that cereal tasted odd…
Nagi: *head in hands* I give up. I just give up. I'm going to school to wallow in my misery furthermore. *walks out, slamming the door*
Schuldig: Have a good day! Play nice with your little friends!
Cawford: *is passed out with his face lying in the bowl of Cheerios in front of him*
Farfello: *jams a handful of forks into the toaster*
Schuldig: *blinks, then picks the box back up* Come on, Ein Wenig Schuldig…*walks to his room and shuts the door, smiling*
Well…are you just *dying* from the anticipation?