Heart Beat
Roxas was lost, cold; drowned in painful memories, and the happiest he had been for a long time. He was standing in the street in front of Memory's Skyscraper, which stretched out above him so far that he didn't doubt it actually scraped the sky. Standing next to the shivering blond was the one who made it okay – Axel. The lovers hadn't been together by themselves for weeks – they were always on separate assignments or busy working on reports to give to Xemnas. One of Axel's lean arms was wrapped around Roxas's tiny waist and held the two black hooded forms close. They both stared at the large building, reviewing memories that they thought were lost forever. Deafened by the silence, Axel spoke.
"Roxas, give me your hand."
Roxas, without a word, obeyed, and Axel, his fingers circling the bony wrist bound in leather, placed Roxas's hand on his chest, right over where his heart should have been.
"What do you feel, love?" Axel inquired, addressing the younger boy.
"A heartbeat – it's really strong."
Tears hit the back of Axel's eyes. After he hadn't finished an assignment properly, Xemnas had verbally abused Roxas and told him countless times that he wasn't hurting his feelings because there were none to hurt. He had told and told and told Roxas that he lacked a heart, but Roxas wouldn't hear it. He simply went to Axel, near tears, and Axel had healed the wounds, kissing them away and smothering Roxas in embraces. It didn't seem to help, though. Roxas had burst into tears and shouted over and over, "I have a heart! I can feel it beating…it's a strong beat…how can it not be there?" Axel, not knowing what to do, just kept Roxas in an embrace, praying to a God that never answered anyway. After Roxas's fit ended, the two went, without a word, to Memory's Skyscraper.
It was a waypoint for the couple, where they went when they needed to reflect on their happier days. They would stare at it in silence until one of them said, "Hey, remember that time when we –" and would launch into a remembrance of love, the passion that they once shared each waking moment.
Tonight, though, there wasn't a word. The memories were still flooding into their minds, but none of them were happy. All that existed in the memories was pain, physical or mental - it didn't matter. A spell seemed to lay over them, which ordered that any speech would have to lead to more sadness.
"Roxas…tell me what you feel again."
"The strongest heart I've ever felt."
Axel knew that Roxas was saying that to reassure himself, but he needed to face what the matter really was.
"The beat is very rhythmic and soothing, and it makes me feel warm."
Tears spilled from Axel's eyes. "There may be a beat, love, but there is no heart." As a reflex, he added, "Got it memorized?"
Almost immediately, Roxas snapped again. "You have a heart! The rhythm is strong and I can feel it!" Roxas was sobbing now. "You have a heart…I have one too…" he chanted like a mantra in between sobs.
Axel was chocked up too. "We don't…neither us…we can't. As Nobodies, we are nobody, and have no right to hearts. We cannot feel or—"
"Can't feel! Are you insane, Axel? Look at you. You're crying. You're obviously feeling something. I can feel our hearts beat. I can feel your love for me, and you can feel mine."
"We are only pretending. We are only mimicking emotions and –"
"They only tell us that. They hammer it into our minds and torture us with it, use it to control us."
"You don't know how much I wish that that were true. Roxas, you can feel like you have a heart and make me feel like I have one, but you can never have one. Neither can I. We have to accept it as Nobodies."
"That is something that I will never be able to accept, Nobody or not. How can something be alive and not have a heart or feelings? I'm leaving this Organization and forgetting everything I was told. If I don't have a heart, then I'm going to go find the person that has mine." Roxas walked away, in the opposite direct of The Brink of Despair. He seemed to disappear in the pitch-black rainy night. He turned his still crying face over one shoulder and called, "Goodbye, Axel." before he disappeared completely into the darkness.
Axel whispered to no one, tears pouring out his eyes and blending with the falling rain, "You're right. How can I say we have no hearts, Roxas...when you just broke mine?"