Ok, here is yet another sad and depressing fic from me. This is extremely sad and involves the death of two caracters via suicide. Suicide is a terrible thing and I am telling the story of what can happen using CSI. So here ya go. This story is dedicated to all my faithful readers and reviewers. Any mistakes are mine so please don't be too mad.
The song is Whisky Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss
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Sara would never have imagined that an innocent relationship with Grissom could result in all of this. She and Grissom had been going out for around 6 months before they decided it was time to tell the team. They had all gone out for breakfast upon Grissom's request. Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Greg, Sara and Grissom sat at a large table in the dinner they were so drawn to for some reason. Grissom, Sara and Nick sat beside each other as Greg, Catherine and Warrick sat across from them.
"So what's up guys?" Greg asked, taking another bite of his eggs.
"What do you mean?" Sara asked
"You just seem...I don't know."
"We have some news for everyone," Grissom cut in.
"We?" Catherine asked.
"Sara and I," he paused, taking her hand in his. "We're together."
Everyone was shocked. After a few moments Catherine spoke up. "Congratulations."
"Yeah guys, good luck," Nick said.
"Glad you two finally made it," Warrick said, smiling at them.
Greg just sat there, still taking it all in. No one noticed as he left the table, placing money for his food down. He walked out the door, went to his car, and drove back to his apartment in silence. Locking himself in his bedroom, he cried himself to sleep.
She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spent his whole life trying to forget
"Where's Greg?" Sara asked back at the diner.
Everyone looked around. "He left money," Nick said, holding up the $10 left on the table.
"Must have went home," Grissom told her, taking her hand in his. "He's probably tired, he's been working really hard lately.
Sara smiled, but inside she knew something was wrong with Greg.
The next day at work Sara confronted him. "Why'd you leave the dinner yesterday?"
"What? Oh, I forgot I had something to take care of." He brushed past her toward the break room.
"No you didn't," she said, following him. "Don't lie to me, Greg!"
"I'm not lying," he stated calmly.
"Damnit! Yes you are!"
"Why are you so mad at me?"
"I'm mad because you won't be happy for me! I finally found someone that I'm happy with and you can't accept that."
"Sara, just stop. Ok? The world doesn't revolve around you."
"Greg, I know how you feel about me. I've known it for a long time."
"Then you should know that I can't be happy for you."
"Why not?"
"Because I love you, Sara! Is that what you wanna hear, that I've been in love with you from the first time I met you? Hell Sara, I've asked you out loads of times."
"I didn't know it was that serious."
"Yes you did! But you were stuck on Grissom, the man who broke your heart more times than you can count! Who was the one who held you after he turned you down? Who was it that stayed with you for weeks after Kay Shelton was murdered? Who was it that held you after Nick was taken because you were scared? Who was it that-?"
"Stop it, Greg!" she yelled, cutting him off. "You're my friend, my best friend, but that doesn't make us lovers."
"It damn well should," he said, walking out of the room, ignoring the stared he received from over half the lab who had heard their argument.
A few hours later, after his shift was over, he sat in one of the many bars in Vegas, staring into his bottle of beer. How could she do this to him? He loved her, always had. He had been her shoulder to lean on when Grissom turned her down over and over again. She hadn't seen the signs he had thrust into her face for over 6 years. I don't need her, he thought, taking another swig of his beer. He knew he was lying to himself; he did need her.
He paid the tab and went to a liquor store, buying cases of beer and numerous bottles of whisky. He knew he was being stupid, the last thing he wanted to do was to drink her memory away, but what other choice did he have. Somewhere deep down inside he knew that Sara belonged with Grissom, he just never wanted to admit it. He loved her too much to let her go, but the fact was that he was going to have to. He was giving up the one woman he had ever truly loved because she was happy with another man.
Greg woke up as his loud alarm clock was going off. He pulled himself up off his bedroom floor; he hadn't managed to make it to his bed yesterday. It had been weeks since Sara and Grissom had made their announcement and still Greg was drinking heavily every day after shift. His floor was littered with cans of beer and open bottles of whisky.
He took a cold shower in hopes it would wake him up. It didn't. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a button down shirt he drove to work, fighting to keep his eyes open.
He noticed Sara was in the break room so instead he went to the locker room; Nick was there changing. "Hey man, what's up?"
Greg rubbed his eyes. "What?"
Nick took a closer look at the young man. "Greg, have you been drinking?" he asked, walking over and placed his hands on Greg's shoulders, keeping Greg from falling down.
"No," he said, slurring his N as he did.
"I can smell it on your breath, not to mention you can barely stand and can hardly talk."
"Alright, I had a few beers at a bar yesterday. I don't drink much so it took its toll."
"You weren't drinking beer, it's whisky. I can smell it."
Sara walked in just then. "Hey gu...what's wrong with him?" she asked, indicating Greg.
"Someone here decided to go and get himself drunk this morning."
"Greg, you didn't. Did you?"
"Whatta you care? You don't give a shit." He broke loose from Nick and stumbled out the door.
"Grissom, I need to talk to you," Nick said, walking into his office.
"What is it Nicky?"
"It's about Greg."
"Ok."
"Have you noticed his appearance lately? The way he's been stumbling around a bit? He looks like he hasn't slept in days and he's been slurring his words and mumbling."
"What are you getting at Nick?"
"I think Greg has a drinking problem. I was in the locker room when he came stumbling in; I had to practically hold him up. I could smell whisky on him and when Sara came in, he went off on her."
"He's never been like this before. I didn't even know he drank." Grissom sighed as he removed his glasses. "This has to be and Sara and me. What else could it be?"
"It's no secret that he likes Sara and then there was the fight they had a few weeks ago. Now that I think about it, that's when it really started, after he and Sara had the fight."
"First of all we need to get him home; I'll make up so BS story to tell Ecklie. Just find him before someone else does. Take him home and sober him up."
We watched him drink his pain away
A little bit at a time
But he never could get drunk enough
To get her off his mind
Until the night
It wasn't hard finding Greg. He had passed out in the break room and Sara managed to get him on the couch to make it look like he was sleeping. Sara was sitting in a chair beside him, running her fingers through his hair. "Why Greg?" she asked softly.
"Hey," Nick said from the doorway. "Grissom told me to take him home but I can see it's going to be a little harder than I anticipated."
"No one's seen him yet. He passed out sitting on the couch so I made it look like he was sleeping. All we need to do is get him to the elevator around the corner and take him down to the morgue. I'll bring my car around and we'll take him home from there." She continued stroking his beautiful hair.
"We?"
"Listen, Greg's still my friend. I don't care what he's gotten himself into; I just want to get him out of it. Now help me get him home."
Between the two of them Greg's weight wasn't bad. Sara didn't know he'd lost so much weight in the span of the two weeks they'd been arguing. Doc. Robbins just gave a curious stare when the three of them passed through, Greg's feet dragging the ground.
They loaded Greg into the back seat of Sara's car and hurried back to his apartment. They fished his keys out of his pants and unlocked the door, the smell of stale been and liquor assaulting their noses.
"God!" Sara exclaimed, setting Greg down on the sofa and covering her nose.
"Look at this," Nick said. "There must be 2 dozen empty bottles of whisky and a dozen half empty ones, not including all the beer cans. What the hell happened to him?"
"I'm calling Grissom, I'm gonna stay with him tonight," Sara said softly. She walked into his kitchen and grabbed a garbage bag out of one of the cabinets, knowing exactly where they were. She began picking up bottles, cans and an assortment of trash that littered the floor.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Nick asked her seriously.
"Greg won't kick me out and he would certainly never hurt me, no matter how drunk he is."
"Do you think he would…?" he trailed off.
"No, Greg would never force himself on me, he loves me too much to do that."
It took Sara nearly 2 hours to clean up the trash and vacuum. She then wiped down the walls, some spattered with beer. She also had to clean up shards of glass from a bottle of whisky Greg had thrown against the wall of his bedroom. She changed the sheets on his bed and gather up all of his dirty clothes, sorting them into piles to be washed. After checking that he was still passed out, she went to the laundry mat in the basement of the complex.
She returned ten minutes later, having put the piles into various washers and starting them. Greg was still passed out. She scrubbed his bathroom and kitchen until they sparkled and yet Greg slept on. It wasn't 'till Sara dragged him into the shower and turned the cold water on. After a few moments Greg began to wake up. Sara stood with him, holding him up and also getting drenched.
"What the hell?" he muttered.
"Come on Greg, wake up," Sara ordered. After several minutes of cold water, Greg was finally awake enough to stand on his own. Sara retrieved towels for them both and walked him back to the living room.
He refused to look at her as he sat shivering on the couch. She was making coffee for them, she herself shivering. "Why do you care so much?" he asked clearly. He was sober for the first time in weeks.
"Because I care about you. I actually give a shit about what happens to you. Do you remember anything from today?" She came to set beside him, handing him a steaming cup of coffee.
"I don't remember anything from the past two weeks, actually. I remember yelling at you, working a couple of scenes, and drinking. I remember drinking all the time." He lowered his head, ashamed of himself.
"What were you thinking?" Sara asked him softly. Placing her hand on his cheek.
"I wasn't thinking. I'll be lucky if Grissom doesn't fire me and I've compromised scenes and everything. I don't know what I'm going to do if I get called to testify in court for one of them. I mean, I could process a scene fully drunk but I feel awful. What if I missed something or a killer walks because of me?" He placed his hand in his hands.
"Greg, why did you start drinking?" Sara had to know. She had to know if she was to blame for what Greg had done to himself.
He shook his head at first but after a few moments of Sara's coxing, he finally began talking, "I couldn't believe it when Grissom said you two were together. I wanted to die and I didn't know how to deal. I left and went home. The next day we had our argument and that was when I turned to the bottle. I tried to drink you away but the more I drank, the more I thought about you." He said all of this in a whisper; afraid he would start crying if he raised his voice above a small whimper.
"I'm so sorry," she told him, pulling him towards her. "I don't know what to do!" she cried into his chest, tears falling from her beautiful eyes. "I'm so happy with Grissom but I don't want to lose you. If my being with Grissom is going to make you like this then I'll end it with him; whatever it takes to keep you safe."
Greg couldn't believe what he was saying; she was willing to give up the man she loved for him. "No, Sara. I won't let you break up with Grissom because of me. I want you to be happy, even if that means being with another man." As Greg said these words, he knew his life was over. He could never be happy again, and he knew what he had to do.
Sara grew happier over the next week. Greg promised to stop drinking and came to work sober every night. Grissom decided to keep Greg's 'episode' a secrete because Sara had begged him to. He was giving Greg another chance.
Greg seemed happier, and it was on Friday night that she knew he was back to his old self. He joked with the team because there were no new cases. The team spent the night together hanging out and talking. Greg laughed and carried on just like old times. At the end of the night, just before he was about to go home, Greg stopped Sara in the hall. "Thanks, Sara, for everything," he told her, smiling sweetly at her.
"No problem, it's what friends do for each other." She leaned in and hugged him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you on Monday." With that she walked away, leaving the young CSI to watch her go.
He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
He finally drank away her memory
Life is short
But this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
Sara got the call at 4 pm. She was asleep and it took her several rings for her to pick up her cell phone. "Hello?" she asked with a yawn.
"Sara," Grissom said in a soft voice, "there's been an incident."
Sara drove like a maniac to the scene, still wearing her pajamas, short black shorts and a white tank top. Grissom said something bad had happened at Greg's apartment but he refused to go into detail so Sara had decided to investigate for herself.
She hurried past the officers outside and the crowd of people standing around. There was crime scene tape at the door of his apartment but Sara lifted it and hurried in. She found Nick holding Catherine, both crying on the couch; Warrick was nowhere to be scene, and Grissom stood leaning against the wall. He immediately spotted her and grabbed her into a tight embrace.
"What's going on?" she demanded, pulling away from him. Warrick appeared from down the hall, carrying his camera and kit. He spotted Sara and met her eyes. Sara immediately knew what had happened.
"No," she whispered. "No." She started toward the hall but Warrick refused to let her past.
"Don't, Sara. Don't," he warned her. She tried to pass him but he caught her in his arms and held her tight.
"NO!" she yelled. "LET ME GO! NO!" She tried to break away but Warrick had a good hold on her. Nick broke away from Catherine and helped Warrick hold Sara.
"Sara, stop it!" Nick yelled at her. "We're not gonna let you see him like that!"
She collapsed on the floor in tears, Grissom hurried to her side but she pushed him away. "Don't touch me!" she told him.
Nick and Warrick helped Sara from the apartment just as David came through with the stretcher. He sent Sara and the guys sympathetic looks as he hurried past them.
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that says I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
The gruesome details from the scene were not told to Greg's parents. They flew in from California and agreed to bury their son in Vegas. They knew their son had committed suicide but they did not know why.
Sara knew why. She knew she was to blame for his death and she knew she could never forgive herself for what she had done to him. She thought he was okay, that he was doing better, but she was terrible wrong.
Greg had killed himself with a single bullet to the left temporal lobe of the brain. He had been found in his bed beside of a bottle of whisky with a note that broke Sara's heart in two. 'I'll love her until I die' it read.
After the guys had taken her home, she locked herself in her apartment for 3 days. She didn't eat or sleep, she simply was. Grissom came everyday and begged her to let him in. He would sit outside of her apartment for hours at a time, waiting for her. On the fourth day he told her it was the day of the funeral and used his key to let himself in.
He found Sara in her bed, just lying there. He came to sit beside of her and told her how much he loved her. "You need to get up, Sweetheart. Today's the funeral."
She slowly sat up and walked into the bathroom. She showered for a long time while Grissom laid out an outfit for her. She dressed slowly and left her hair down and curly. Grissom drove them to the funeral home and sat with her, holding her hand.
Sara's eyes were empty of emotion and it was only then that everyone knew how much she and Greg had cared about each other. People but the pieces of the puzzle together, the things Greg had said during their argument, how Sara had come to his rescue when he was drunk at the lab, how she had come to his aid when he had been beaten up but those people who were beating up tourists, how they were always together before she and Grissom became a couple. Everyone knew Sara had lost more than a friend; she had lost Greg Sanders, the man she truly loved.
Greg's mother approached Sara. "Sara?" she asked.
Sara looked up at the small woman with kind eyes "Yes," she heard herself saying.
The woman bent down and hugged her. "Greg spoke of you often," she whispered in her ear. "I helps to knew he had friends like you."
A little while later at the cemetery, Sara stood beside of Greg's mother, the older woman holding her hand. Greg's mother thought Sara was her son's friend, not the cause of his death. She would never understand why her don had killed himself. Sara felt horrible as she let the woman find comfort in her, she didn't know she was holding the hand of her son's killer.
No tears came to Sara's eyes as the casket was lowered into the ground; her grief was beyond tears.
The rumors flew
But nobody knew
How much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whisky on her breath
Sara had no clue how to deal. She turned to the bottle just as Greg had. Grissom tried to comfort her but she blamed herself for breaking Greg's heart and soon ended it with Grissom. She broke away from the team and although she was sober at work, she couldn't stand being around the lab.
People talked and rumors were that Sara and Greg had had a secret relationship before she and Grissom got together and that when Sara broke it off, she broke Greg's heart. There were others, of course, the ones that told how Greg and Sara were sleeping together, how they were in love. And then there was the worst one of all, the one Sara knew was true. The biggest rumor of all was that Sara had never cared about the Grissom as much as she cared for Greg. She only clung to Grissom because he was the one man she knew she could never have.
Sara let herself go. She stopped smiling and wishing, stopped loving Grissom, stopped loving life. After Greg's death she finally realized how much she loved him. She wished with all her heart that she could bring him back and spend the rest of her life with him.
Even though Sara stopped loving Grissom, he never stopped loving her. He knew what she was doing to herself and he couldn't even count the number of times he had found her in a bar and taken her home.
At work people gave him sad looks because they knew what was going on. The light in Grissom's eyes had gone out as he watched Sara die. She was the only thing in life he cared about; his mother was gone and he had no one left in this world.
Sara managed to keep working in Vegas for 2 more years after Greg's death. The only reason Ecklie didn't fire her was because Grissom begged him to. Even Ecklie knew how much Sara meant to Grissom and even he felt bad for the both of them. After 2 years, though, Sara couldn't take it anymore; she quite her job of 9 years. Grissom begged her not to go, told her that he still loved her and that Greg wouldn't want her to do this.
Upon the mention of Greg's name, Sara went off. "How the hell do you know what he would have wanted?! You didn't know him at all so stop pretending that you did! Greg means more to me than you ever did!" She yelled. They were in Grissom's office and outside the open door a crowd was gathering.
"Calm down, Sara," he told her. "Be reasonable."
"I am being pretty damn reasonable! How dare you bring up Greg!"
"It's about time somebody did. He's been dead for 2 years and you can't get over the fact that he killed himself! You blame yourself for what he did but it's not your fault! Stop feeling bad for yourself! I know he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself!"
"I don't blame myself, I blame you! He killed himself because we were together and I wish more than anything that I could take it back! I wish we had never gone out, slept together, and everything else we did! I wish I had gone out with Greg all those times he asked me. I loved him, I still do!" She was still going through the 5 stages of grief. She had been through denial, anger, and bargaining. She was in the depression stage and Grissom knew she would never go through acceptance.
"Blame me if you want, bland us, blame yourself, I don't care. We all loved Greg, believe it or not. He made us laugh and smile when we so sad we didn't think we would ever be happy again. I loved you and I would never wish to take back what we had. Greg loved you too and you need to think about what he would want. Would he really want you to make the same decisions he made?"
"I don't know what he would have wanted, and it's too late to find out." She turned on her heal and walked out of the office. The whole lab was gathered outside of the door. Everyone cleared a path as Sara marched through.
She cleaned out her locker the same day and left soon after. All she wanted to do was drink. Drinking helped her remember Greg and it made her happy in some strange way.
She finally drank her pain away
A little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough
To get him off her mind
Until the night
Grissom always knew the time would come when he would receive the phone call although he prayed it would never come. It was Sofia who called to tell him, she was the one he could trust. He had been pretending to sleep when she called.
"Gil," she said in a tearful voice. "Sara…she…," she trailed off.
"When?"
"A few hours ago. I'm so sorry."
"I'll be right there."
He arrived at her apartment a little while later. The scene wasn't all that different from Greg's. Catherine, Nick, and Warrick were all sitting on the floor in Sara's living room, leaning against the wall; they all had tears rolling down their faces. Sofia was the one to come to him. She hugged him tightly. Grissom hugged her back, knowing she needed to be embraced as much as he did.
"Where is she?" he asked softly in her ear.
"In the bedroom. Don't go in there, Gil. Don't let your last memory of her be like that. Remember how she looked before all this happened, remember the real Sara," she whispered back to him.
She put the bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
The funeral was a few days later. It was nice but reminded everyone too much of Greg's. Suicide was a terrible thing and unlike most women, Sara chose a bullet to the head. Although she could have had an open casket, Grissom refused to let everyone see Sara like that. He was the one to plan her funeral since she had no family to speak of.
Everyone considered Grissom Sara's husband although they had never married and had not been together for more than 2 years. It had only been a week since Sara quite her job at the lab but it already seemed like a lifetime to Grissom.
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whisky lullaby
Over time Grissom began a new life, this time with Sofia. Sofia knew Sara was still the love of his life but she accepted it and moved on. She took care of Grissom, making sure he never made the same choices as Greg and Sara. She often found him staring off into space and at times like this she let him have his space.
They married 2 years after Sara death and a year after that Sofia gave birth to fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. They named them Sara and Greg, for the two friends they had lost. Although they never told their children the true stories behind their names, they did tell them about the people they were named after. They described Sara as a beautiful, intelligent woman who always stood up for what she believed in. Greg was described as funny and caring, extremely handsome and brave.
Over time Grissom came to accept the deaths of Greg and Sara. He sometimes caught himself replacing the images of his ever-growing children with those of Sara and Greg. It was strange but ever day they seemed to resemble the two CSIs even more. Sara had blond hair like her mother although it was curly. She was also tall and freckled. Greg had dark hair like his father and it was often unruly and impossible to tame. He became known as an intelligent jokester who loved nothing more than to listen to loud rock music.
Grissom never gave up on loving Sara. He still had a picture of her on his desk at work beside of the picture of Sofia and his children. He often visited the graves of Sara and Greg. They had been buried beside of one another, under the branches of a willow tree that constantly watched over them with her continually weeping branches.
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So what did you think? Dis it make you scry? If it did I'm sorry. Please leave me a review telling me what you think.