Hello, peoples! It's me Sol-Ratcht Saporro and I am back with a new comedy called "The Misunderstood Asylum" This is supposedly a new type of comedy with a suspense like twist. Now, this isn't your everyday whodunit case or whatever but it was an idea that was in my head. Sorta a cross between The Real World series (a drama on TV which depicts 7 people of no relation living in a house together), The Haunting (A super scary movie about some people about a team of paranormal experts who look into strange occurrences in an ill-fated house.), Battle Royal (A Japanese pulp fiction about middle school kids killing each other to survive) and various sitcoms that have the same scenario in which I happen to watch on TV. This was something I was thinking about on a rainy day with some cabin fever brewing up so forgive me if the story gets a bit too loopy…I get a little crazy when it comes to humor stories even obsessed.
Disclaimer: Well I don't own Star Fox but I do own my original characters. Oh and none of the titles above in the introduction.
Author's Note: There are four chapters which were originally made out to be one giant one but, I wanted to split it up because each part with relatively be long so there are four chapters acting as the introduction to each team. Then the story progresses.Oh as you know in my first story, how I had the language variations and inner thoughts are the same. And those who aren't familiar with my story Any type of translations are in parentheses (translations) and inner thoughts are italicized inner inner thoughts. And now Ladies and Gentlemen….I now present "The Misunderstood Asylum" By: Sol-Ratcht Saporro
"The Misunderstood Asylum"
By: Sol-Ratcht Saporro
"'Twas a day none like before when 15 animals were pulled into it's lore……"
Star Fox Narrative
The Great Fox was patrolling around the Lylat System's Northern End like it usually does….Blah, Blah, Blah…. Fox McCloud, the gallant leader of these adventures-for-hire, noticed that ROB's indicator light was blinking.
"Hmmmm….." Fox pondered "I wonder what's wrong with ROB now?" At that point, Fox walked over to ROB and said, "ROB, initiate Troubleshoot mode."
ROB's circuitry chirped and whirred before his initial response, "Initiating Troubleshoot mode….." A pause in the midst " Fox there are five problems occurring with me and/or the ship. I will rank them in the order of the most importance….." ROB turned around and pressed a button which activated a monitor to appear out of nowhere.
"WAAAAAAAAHH!" Fox jumped as the monitor turned on equipped with music, lights and confetti galore!
ROB chirped and whirred before announcing the problems , " Here is your hostess with the mostess Sol-Ratcht Saporro." You can't tell the excitement in ROB's voice because he's a robot.
"Umm…..(o o) 'scuse me ROB……but which Sol are you referring to…..? I asked
"You, ……the narrator…."
" But ROB, I just tell the story that's all. I'm not in it. In other words, I am not an ACTIVE character like you guys. I am more of an invisible person, so don't include me in the dialogue okay?"
"No,…..not okay…..After all you said about us video games characters…..you should be wanting to help me out."
"Umm, huh? What did I say to you ROB, I would seriously like to know. Seriously….scoffs"
"On February 14th, 2005 you said the following, pulls out a tape recorder and pushes playback 'Man what is up with these voices they sound so retarded so…..FAKE! GAAAAH HAHHAHAAHAHAH! (XD)' Do you need me to go further into your commentary?"
"Psssshaw….when did I ever say that? Man, you confused me for somebody else ROB dear."
"Hmmmm…" ROB then pushes Fast-Forward on the tape recorder and then plays it. 'Man, these voices are stupid. I swear it or my name is not SOL-RATCHT SAPORRO! GAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (XD)'
"…….(O.o) ummmm…..ah- heheheheheeh…..well how did you get that? I am not gonna lie. That was me. But now, up close and personal you guys' voices are astounding really." (How the hell did he know about me?)
"Well there's a magical portal that the Nintendo executives never wanted anyone to hear about. To give us characters an edge over these buyers. And all that you said Sol, I am really hurt." ROB sorta sounded sad. I guess I dunno….
"Well I apologize and all that but all I am saying is leave me out of the story please. I just wanna tell it that's all…. (u.u )"
"No, tell my problems, Sol. You owe me. I could sue due to verbal abuse."
"Why the hell do I have to comply with you? You're just a compost heap. I can damn well take you out of MY story. HA!" (: p)
"You are so mean to me….." (;; supposedly)
"Yeah Sol, what did ROB ever do to you all he wanted was for you to help him out and you….tch….where do you get off threatening him? You know you need to-" Fox nagging me
"Yaagh! Okay okay okay already GOD! I'll do the damn thing okay? Jeez laweez leave alone okay? Man, make believe characters get on my nerves. I can't take it anymore! Sheesh….It's only the first chapter and I am starting to lose it….-sigh- Okay, let's take it from the top…..I don't know why I am doing this, but anything's worth shutting those two up, especially that bucket of bolts they call a robot.
Music and confetti are all cued up "Clank, clank….(ROB's "throat clearing up) "Here is your Hostess…."
Interrupts music and confetti time, "ROB, cut the crap and let's get this over with…(--)"
"Okay fine Miss Party-Pooper."
"(Well…here goes nothing …. Grrrrrr….) HERE ARE ROB's TOP FIVE PROBLEMS OF THE DAY!"
Fox fell anime-ish style and ROB's microphone had a bunch of feedback.
"Sol…..you are being too…..how can I say this?...plastic." ROB being a smartass analyzer
"Oookay……." I gritted my teeth and shook my fist malevolently "So, then, how would you like me to ap-proach this then?"
"More realistic. More of yourself. That is all."
"Okay…..ahem, Here are the TOP- FIVE problems of the day." I said nonchalantly
"Sol….?"
"Yes?"
"You are sounding like an old fart."
"Grrrrr! You know WHAT? Forget this shit! I've had it!" I stomped off and went on my computer and typed up whatever the hell he wanted came back and through it through the fax machine and faxed it over to Great Fox (don't ask……All I know is MEGA phone charges await me in next months billing cycle) "Okay there! Happy now? Leave me alone Dammit!"
"She really needs to go to a mental asylum don't you think Fox?" ROB asked as he handed him the paper. " Okay Fox, read this."
"First leave me out of this, I don't wanna mess with Sol because who knows what she could do to us in this story…..Second, no ROB I am getting to the paper now. Fox proceeded to open up the document and read:
5. Andross has risen from the dead in the third time and he's out to get me in person, "Yeah got that"
4.Star Wolf is gonna kill us, "Yeah yeah….Blah blah blah….
3.General Pepper had a serious stroke……"That's no excuse from delaying our pay Oh…." He could die from it "Yeah sure he can…..(--)
2. There's a contest held in Corneria for 10,000,000 Venomian Units "Wow! There is a Man upstairs and he really listens! "
"And finally,"
1.I, ROB, need an upgrade you cheap bastards. "Well…..that's not important…(--)
"Well, a contest! Isn't that something? I should go inform every one huh ROB? Fox merrily skipped off to the central bridge area where everyone treats it like a lounge area when it's really for commerce and meetings for future plans for Star Fox.
"There is something definitely wrong with Fox……He seems a little too chirpy for my tastes….Probability that Fox is gay……100 percent. Oh well with him, there's only one thing else I can do….. FREE OIL AND PARTY IN THE GREAT FOX DOCKING BAY!" ROB's voice just got louder to show his "excitement" then he went on to say, "I need to call all of my homeboys and homegirls to get this party started right…." ROB went over to the phone and then….
BZZZZZZTTT…..KRRRRRZZZ….
"Damn…it. I forgot my new circuits can't take any more interferences. I almost scrambled my mother board again. I will have to try another method….perhaps emailing…." ROB went over to Slippy's room and continued to plan for the party that he was going to have.
Meanwhile Fox walked down the Great Fox's hallway and noticed something…..something very disturbing….something that jeered at his very thought of process….
"Damn it….I need to clean these windows they are STREEEAKYYY! (:o) Fox rubbed his paw against the glass and a shitload of dust layered his hand. "Huh?" Fox then pricked his ears up due to the noise he heard coming from the central bridge area.
"Guys, hey guys, where are you all at? Grrrr….I never did like 'Hide and Seek' in fact I suck at that game till this day. You all are so immature…." (u.u) Fox still hearing the indistinct laughter in the lounge area/central bridge area. He proceeds to bust open the door and look stunned (O.O)
"What the hell is going on here?"
Record scratches and everyone stops what they are doing. "………. (o.o)" Was their response.
"Hmph…..we were just playing cards and reminiscing about the good ole days until you stomped in…." Falco said
"Listen up everyone!" Fox announced and everyone except Falco respectively gives their leader his attention Fox noticing Falco continues by saying, "including you too smartass."
Falco scoffed a bit then shot a brow at Fox.
"Okay everyone, there's a contest in Corneria that up to 4 people can participate in and guess what?
"What Fox?" Slippy said in a mock-concerned type of way
"(--) This crap is worth 10,000,000 Venomian Units! So how about it? Huh…Huh?"
"Wayt a minint Fox….what's the catch? You know there's always a catch to everything." Krystal chimed in with a fake-ass British accent (I am not hating or anything but it's true! Tell me I'm lying)
"You're lying…."( : ( ) Somebody else said….
"What the hell?" Who are you?" I wanted to know since you had to rudely interrupt my story
"……"
"Fine be a pussy….and don't answer WHIMP! HAHAHA! ( : p) Now where was I…..ahh….yes…
Fox answered, "Catch? Oh I said it already but there's more to it….. Okay there's only four maximum and we don't know anything else until we go down to Corneria and hear out the rules for ourselves.
"Ookai…. So how would we go about this…?"
"Well….ummm….Damn I dunno…." (u.u) Fox scratched his head in the process "Sorry Krys…."
"Oooh….process of elimination! That's fair and square! The four of us will compete so that we can come along with you Fox!"
"Yeah, great idea!" Fox seemed lifted from it all
"So how would we do this…? Hmmmm…" Krystal asked
"Krystal you sure do have a lot of doubt for this team….dontcha?" Falco wondered
"Why do you ask that?"
"Because you ask TOO many questions. And you are on the Star Fox team for less than a week you were 'blah blah' This and 'dadadadada' That…..It's weird….."
"Oh….I see….(u.u)"
"Oh boy….please don't get like that….I am sorry Krystal sheesh…."
"Okay Apology accepted!"Krystal hinted a spot of joy
"Glad to see the sudden turnaround….(--)
"Okay! Now I am ready to share my ingenious idea! Yup yup! Okay everyone! Hear this out….. How…about….a SINGING CONTEST? Let me start…. He---
"NO!" Everyone yells out at the same exact time
"Okay, fine be like that…..not gonna hurt my feelings. No way no how. Hmph and that's that." Slippy exclaims "But I wonder, what can you do about this dilemma smart one?" Referring to Falco.
"Well, ahem, how about we go to a deserted area you leave us stranded with no food, water or shelter and the "survivors" of that contest wins and gets to go with you on that contest! How about it? Huh huh? A great plan from a great mind right? () I know I know…. Don't sweat the genius."
"Falco, oh great genius…..how long were you intending on making this contest last? Seeing as we only have two days before the contest and for a person to really experience a harshness of nature would be more like a week, so tell me, how would you go about this?" Peppy asked
"Well….you see, we would just…..DAMN!"
"As I thought……Fox, my dear son, it's time that you listened to your elders; we tend to know a LOT more than your average schmoe." Peppy pointing at Falco
"Oh, okay!" Fox allowing Peppy to drag him but he had his doubts of course (I sure as hell don't know what this old coot is saying but I just hope this won't make me look stupid and/or take a long time)
Hours Later……
There's an executive board table and the seating arrangement is Fox at the head, the Krystal and Falco at the sides on Fox's immediate left and right. Peppy is on the opposite head of the table and ROB and Slippy are at Peppy's left and right.
Fox looking stupid with his oversized power suit, loud orange toupee and fake jewelry reddened in the cheeks was addressing his crewmates for the final selection of who could go with Fox in the contest.
"ahem Okay Lady and Gentlemen, I have come down to the final decision. After I heard your proposals I concurred with myself with the new team selection. How I went about this is in order to produce for the best, we need the best. And with that we are the best. The best in the Lylat system. Yes, that is what Star Fox is all about…..being the best of the best….Because…."
"----Man, if he says 'best' one more time….I am going to strangle him…." Falco whispered to Krystal.
"Yeah, I'll even help you with this one…." Krystal pulled out her paw towards Falco….. "Agree?"
"Agree…"
Slippy had messed with ROBs circuitry to play music. "singingSometimes I run sometimes I hide…"
Peppy's face was in shock paranoia (O.o) "Slippy, why in God's name are you listening to that gay shit?"
"Shhhh….don't bother me. I am jamming to my own tunes…."
"Don't use ROB for retarded crap like that…." As Peppy cut the vital power link to ROBs main power
"Why don't you go eat some carrots or something….."
"WHY….! You, lilly-swamper!
"Who are you calling a lilly-swamper, buck-teeth?"
"Well at least I have teeth so I can bite your whinny, rude ass!"
"Are you sure that there YOUR teeth and not some dentures grandpa?"
"That's it…….I am whooping your ass Mr. Green!"
"Bring it……fake ass Bugs Bunny!" And Peppy tackled Slippy down to the ground and basically beat the shit out of him…..Man, you should've seen it. Peppy was giving knuckle sandwiches like he was working at an all-you-can eat buffet. After the amusement, Fox and Falco had to rip Peppy off of Slippy.
10 Minutes Later……"Oookay, well after that strange ordeal I have come to a decision……After hours…."
"Hoours?" Falco butted in ( : p)
"Okay, minutes…"
"Minutes, Fox?" Krystal wondered (: p)
"Okay! TWO SECONDS AGO……"
"Two Sec----?" Peppy asked (: ) )
"WHAT'S QUICKER THAN SECONDS!" Fox became pissed off.
"Ahhhhh! Stop yelling….my old heart can't take that. Besides I was just messing around with you."
Fox glared at Peppy then cleared his throat "Okay…..after a considerate amount of time I have come to a decision that Slippy…..You're Fired!" Fox points a finger directly at Slippy
"Whaaaaat……? Why Fox? I LOVED YOUUUUUUU!" Slippy raised his hands with grief
"(O.O) Well, ummmm…….I need the best of the best and apparently you are not it."
"Grrrr…..You wish you had me on your team…..Slippy stomped off in a little hissy fit.
"Fox…..what the hell was that all about?" Falco asked "We never even had a damn proposition to give you and why are we in these funky-ass business suits?"
"Yes Fox, and another thing…..Why are you wearing that silly toupee and talking like you are from some other place?" Krystal inquired as well
"GAAAAH! Haven't you kids seen The Apprentice?" Peppy got a little offended
"Ummmm…..no." Everyone else said
"Well…..you kids and your brand of television……Earth TV is somewhat decent in my opinion."
"So what about this contest Fox? How does it all go down?" Krystal getting back to old business
"Well along with you guys, I am like a deer in the headlights…All I can say is, it's held at Corneria, we have to be ready in two days for departure to the location and that prize money is as good as ours!
"Yeah!" The three shouted back
"So team, are we all good to go on this matter?"
"Hell Yeah!" Falco's okay
"Sure Fox, count me in!" Krystal's okay
"Of course Fox, I will be representing the peoples of wisdom in all of our ende-----." THUD! Peppy fell on the table face forward
"Peppy?" Fox walked over then poked the non-moving figure "Peppy? Are you okay?" He continuously poked Peppy
"Oh, No Fox! Do you know what this means?" Krystal looked into Fox's eyes with concern
"HUUUUH! Oh no! I know what that means!" Fox stopped poking the hare who was in a effete state. "Tch…man….Slippy has to fill in his place. Awwwww…..man.Gawddamit Peppy" (u.u)
"Bummer Foxie…..who's gunna tell him the news….?" Falco looked disappointed as well
"Meh….might as well be me….." Fox was really depressed about Slippy coming along with the others Man, that old sack of fur, could've had an heart attack some other time….WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE NOW?
The three other animals walked out of the central bridge area to pack up for their trip, tell Slippy the "unfortunate news" and left Peppy slumped unconscious (tongue all out and all) over the table and ROB continuously and repeatedly playing that annoying ass Brittney Spears song, "Sometimes".
"Grrrr…..I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!" I had to walk over to ROB and with my new signature baseball bat give him a little "grand-slam" hit to his core again and again...and again…. TO END the madness…
"The End…..for you that is! HEEEHEEHEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!" A insane laughter follows the magical trail from the Great Fox back tothe computer.
End of Star Fox Narrative
Sol-Ratcht's Commentary
Well….how did you like that for starters? A "Lil' funny"…. "Okay funny" or that's "Pretty good funny"? Hey it's my first crack at comedy. As always, I appreciate every review or flame (Hey, people have their opinions. And I am cool with that) and I won't yap as much as I did for "A Dance With Wolf, Remake"(although I think you should read it. Ahem) (I know sad attempt) Thank you so much and be on the lookout for Star Wolf's introduction! Bye now!
Sol