Disclaimer: I do not own Superman, Smallville, or anything else used in this work of complete fiction.
Notes: ... I have nothing to say.
One time, Lex told Clark that he would never understand what it's like to want something that he couldn't have, and for a split second Clark had the strangest urge to bury his fist into Lex's face.
Because Clark knows.
Better than anyone.
Clark knows what it's like to smile at someone and put every single feeling, every drop of unrequited feeling into the upturning of lips, and have them not see.
Clark knows what it's like to let fingers brush against skin, partly to see if they get that same static shock, cataclysmic electric, pure heat feeling, partly because it's the only excuse to touch.
Clark knows what it's like to look in the mirror and not understand everything in that reflection, the utter confusion thrown back, the expectance of seeing the ever present feeling of rejection and anguish in the glass only to see something fake.
Clark knows what it's like to look at someone, watch them, and be so obsessively caught up in every movement, breathing becomes forced and easily forgotten, and hands twitch with an overwhelming urge, I need /I , to just touch, just once, just to see if their real.
Clark knows what it's like to wake up one morning and realize that you would do anything to have this one thing, this one person, just look and know the thoughts, the feelings, the kind of madness and anger and hurt they unwittingly force every day they don't realize how much their loved, needed.
Clark knows what it's like to want someone so bad sometimes it's hard to actually make a complete thought without them coming to mind, hard to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night because one dream can't pass without them, hard to look at them and not just break down because the want is so bad and will never bee reciprocated.
Clark knows because everyday he sees Lex, sitting in his desk, working at his computer, drinking coffee, driving around town, and there's nothing he could ever do to get Lex to understand those smiles or those light touches or why he looses his breath sometimes. Clark knows because sometimes he looks at Lex and forgets everything, everything except for the want to kiss him, if only once. Clark knows because he thinks about Lex so much sometimes he thinks that the only way to get his mind to stop is to bang his head into the barn. Clark knows because Lex is on his mind when he wakes up, all through the day, when he goes to sleep, and is the only re-occurring, starring roll in his dreams, and has been for nearly a year. Clark knows because Lex is the only person that makes him want to forget about powers and crime and trying to right the wrongs, and makes him want to be selfish, take something for himself, and that scares him, shakes him to the core, but it still doesn't stop him from wanting it.
But Clark didn't say anything.
Clark just looked down at his sneakers and held his breath and let Lex keep talking about LuthorCorp, about how Lex would do anything to get it back from his father and make things right there, right with his whole family, his whole life. Clark fisted his hands and told himself to be calm, be calm, because he was Lex's best friend and the only one Lex could talk to. Clark reminded himself that it wasn't Lex's fault he didn't see how much Clark cared, how much Clark hoped against hope that somewhere along the line a more-than-friends relationship could come between them.
Clark told Lex everything would work out in the end, because Lex was a good person, and good things followed good people. Clark ignored all of his urges to scream at Lex when he said that the world didn't work that way, that it didn't matter how good a person was, horrible things would always happen, to everyone. Clark didn't want to believe that, because it meant that no matter how much he sacrificed, there would still be no way to get the only thing he'd ever wanted.
That day, Lex told Clark he would never understand what it's like to want something he could never have, and for a split second Clark just wanted to forget the consequences and show Lex that, yes, Clark could have what he wanted, if he could actually forget about his conscious and just took it.
Because Clark knows.
Better than anyone.