Let the world burn

For Opheliac Angel

(notes - suicide ideation, if it triggers you, don't read it. Also AU as it contains some people CW have killed off. Also cross posted on AO3)

Dean drove the Impala as fast as she would go down the highway, trying to get away from Sam, from the bunker filled with angels and friends, from their pitying looks and Sam's worried eyes. But mostly he tried to get away from himself. He'd heard all the platitudes, listened to them all tell him what he did wasn't his fault, but he knew that was a damn lie. It was his fists, his hand on the knife, his mouth that uttered those hateful words to Sam, it was him who wanted to see his kid brother flinch away from him, wanted him to see how angry Dean was at him.

But there was also part of him who remembered flinching at the words he had spouted himself, willing himself to shut up, to stop talking, yelling at himself that it wasn't true, that he didn't mean any of it. However much Sam told him he knew that, Dean knew him well enough to know that he would stew on his words, let them fester in that clever head of his, that he would remember them, relive it when he was at his most vulnerable and hurt him more than any physical wound could.

That was something else he couldn't forgive himself for. He, Dean Winchester, was supposed to look after his little big brother, make sure he was okay, protect him from the world and its dangers, and not cause him more and more pain. Just how badly had he failed at that? Like everything he had ever attempted, he'd failed, people got hurt, Sam got hurt. Sam always got hurt, whatever Dean tried to do, however many times he tried to stop it, nothing ever worked, his younger brother always ended up with the brunt of it.

Maybe if the one thing he didn't fail at would make sure Sam would never get hurt because of him again, he thought to himself, and it wouldn't leave him alone, that thought. What if he could simply get away from the Bunker, find somewhere no one would look for him, no one would find him and put a bullet through his brain. Sammy would be okay, what with Charlie, Garth, newly re-angeled Cas, newly returned Gabriel and Balthazar back and at home at the Bunker he'd be safe, they would make sure of it. He'd get over it, quite quickly probably, pleased that his worthless grunt of a brother had gone and given him his freedom – he'd spent a lot of his life trying to get away from the Winchester family after all. Dean did have a twinge of guilt (more) at the thought of leaving Gabe now, when he was just back with them, after he'd been imprisoned in heaven by Metatron, with only a de aged Balthazar as company. But he would get over it, probably quicker than Sam, he was older than the solar system, he'd known countless humans, all better than Dean, and he still managed to be himself.

So Dean had left, after days of not being able to look any of them in the eye, especially his brother, days of simply lying in bed, staring at the walls, every tiny little thing he had done and said while demon running through his brain over and over. Until a couple of hours ago, where he had forced himself to get up, had a much needed shower, got some clothes on and slunk out of the bunker, favourite gun in hand, and escaped in his car.

He'd even treated the Impala badly while he'd been …. AWOL – it was easier to call it that than what it really was. He'd at least spent some time cleaning her out, but she really needed a proper tune up. Maybe someone would find her, treat her better than he'd managed to, she deserved that.

He glanced at the passenger seat next to him, empty apart from the gun he'd brought with him, which reminded him of how alone he really was. Which meant no one could get hurt, he thought grimly to himself, they were all safe from him.

He had no idea where he was now, just that when he looked around him the road was empty, they were speeding through dark countryside, no lights on anywhere around to indicate people living here, the only light were his car headlights or the moon above. It was a nice clear night, no clouds that he could see, the area was empty farm land apart from a few trees flashing by, and he decided it was as good a place as any. He took his foot off the accelerator and allowed the weight of the heavy Impala slow them down while he looked for a suitable place to park. There was a layby further along the road, really just the gated entrance to a farm track, and he stopped the car there, parked up and turned off the engine.

It had been dusk when he had left the Bunker, now it was full dark, so he got out of the car, and rummaged around the trunk for a torch. He'd emptied the weapons out of it a few days ago, Sam had told him that neither of them were going out hunting in the near future and he had planned to get all the weapons and other supplies clean and in working order. That was when he had felt a bit more optimistic, but that feeling hadn't lasted. He'd left a bag of essentials, looked through it and smiled grimly when he found a torch, then simply shut the trunk and turned and walked away.

Gabriel looked around the main area of the Bunker and frowned to himself when he could not see who he wanted. Sam was slouched in an armchair in the living area, dozing it looked like, while Charlie was sitting in the corner of the couch near him, typing away on a laptop on her knees. Balthazar was next to her, stretched out on the rest of the couch, his back leaning against her side, reading a book. He looked content; all four foot nothing of him, an angel in a 6 year old vessel, reading what looked like a copy of 50 Shades of Grey, probably pilfered from the woman next to him. From the expression on his face he found it as entertaining as Gabe himself did, as in, not at all, but he was still reading it. Cas would be scandalised, the Archangel thought to himself as he walked passed them, he had trouble differentiating the young boy in their midst with the angel millions of years old that wore him. Castiel had been spending a lot of time with Baz, trying to reconnect, he felt guilty about what happened and was trying to atone for it. Balthazar was more interested in getting back into the swing of things, he had already found that people saw him as cute and helpless rather than the conniving little shit that he really was. Gabe huffed a laugh at the wince the kid gave his book and walked past them all into the kitchen, if Dean wasn't there Cas may be, and he might know where his charge had gone.

The other angel had decided to learn how to cook, since Dean had been out of commission for a few days, hiding away in his room from them all. Gabriel could and had been creating meals for them all, either with a snap of his fingers or actually cooking them himself, and Cas had been helping as well. So he wondered whether the other angel was in there, pottering around with Dean. He was pleased to see his little brother was there when he walked in, but no sign of Dean.

"Hey, Cas," he greeted him as he entered. "What are you doing?" It looked like the other guy was trying to use every single pot and pan in the place, and the kitchen was large and well stocked, there were a lot of them out on the table, work tops and on the stove.

Cas turned round and looked at him for a few moments before he answered. "I thought I would attempt to make soup," he replied and returned his attention to the stove he was standing next to. "Dean told me once about his mother's soup, and I remember Bobby Singer making it for both Sam and Dean when they were injured."

Gabe nodded. "It seems to work," he agreed. "Have you seen Dean recently?" he asked him. "He's not in his room. I wondered if he came to see you."

Cas frowned at him and shook his head. "I was hoping to tempt him out of his room," he replied, concern obvious in his tone. "He seems to be … drowning in unnecessary guilt."

Gabriel nodded. "That is what I'm worried about," he admitted. "Have you been here before? Do you know if Dean has a place here that he hides out?"

Cas shook his head after a few moment's thought. "Sam would know," he said slowly. Gabe nodded, he hadn't wanted to wake the other Winchester brother to ask, he was also worried sick about Dean and hadn't been sleeping properly over it either. He's tried to talk to Dean about it, but the other kid had simply retreated into himself and into his room and tried to hide from all of them.

Gabriel was beginning to worry. "You ask Sam, I'll check the garage for the car. He may have gone for a drive. I'll meet you in the living room, okay?" When Cas nodded and put down the wooden spoon he'd been holding and hurried back out into the living area, Gabe quickly used his wings to get to the garage of the place. He'd been there a couple of times when he and Balthazar were exploring, found the cars that Dean had obviously been working on before all this crap had happened, and found his beloved Impala in pride of place in the large space. Now the space was empty, the vehicle was not there, gleaming in all her glory. Which meant the kid had snuck out. "Crap," the archangel murmured to himself as he quickly flew around the garage, just making sure the boys hadn't moved the car somewhere else. "Where the hell have you gone, boy?"

No one else had any answers for him when he returned to the living area. Cas had woken Sam and he and the others were all looking worried as they realised the elder Winchester had gotten around all of them. "When was the last time anyone saw him?" Charlie asked sensibly. "I spotted him this morning, headed to the shower. He didn't say much, but at least he looked at me," she added, subdued.

"He made lunch," Balthazar piped up. He'd put his book down and was sitting properly on the couch, looking as concerned as Charlie sounded. "I didn't see him eat it though."

"And I checked in on him at about four pm," Sam added quietly. "I made him eat a sandwich and some pie. But he didn't look at me, I don't think he can."

Cas laid a comforting hand in Sam's undamaged shoulder. "He will," he assured him. "It will just take time."

Time Dean may not be willing to let them have, Gabe thought to himself in sudden panic. With everything that had happened recently, words both brothers has said to each other that couldn't be taken back, too many deaths, too many friends gone or injured, Cas included, would Dean let them have the time needed to recover? Knowing the kid, probably not. "Cas, those markings on his ribs. Are they still there?" he asked his brother quickly. When he nodded thought quickly. "What about the car? Sam? Anything on the car to help us find it? Or stop us from finding it?"

Sam shook his head. "There's no GPS on it," he told him. "Its demon proofed, I topped it up after we got him back. But there's nothing there to stop you from finding it."

"Have you got your phone on you, Sam?" Charlie asked as she looked down at her computer. "I can track the GPS in his. Call him," she instructed when she saw him pull his own device out of a pocket. He did so, but they all frowned when they heard the ring tone, something Metallica like coming from Dean's room.

"Okay," Gabriel said, mainly to himself and mainly to stop himself from shouting obscenities at the boy. Instead he concentrated, pushing them out from the Bunker, trying to find a trail that he could follow. He couldn't zone in on the kid himself, Castiel had made that impossible some years ago, but the Impala made an impression wherever it was driven. Cas had also left an impression in the vehicle, the amount of times he had been in it had left a residue of his grace that he could track, and he smiled slightly when he found it, parked on the side of a road in nowhere, over a hundred miles away. "What are you doing there, kiddo?" he said to himself, and then looked up at the others, all watching him worriedly. "I've found the car," he told them. "He's been gone a while."

Sam looked up at him. "Please bring him back," he asked him seriously. "I… I need him here, with me."

Gabriel nodded, spread his wings, and left.

It was a beautiful night to be out, Gabriel thought to himself as he covered the distance it had taken Dean a couple of hours to in mere moments. He had missed the freedom of being able to go anywhere, any place and time, be anyone or anything while he was caged up in Heaven, and out here, on this planet, he felt like he could breathe again. Dean had been a good part of that, he knew it, being around the human again had made him realise just how fond of the elder Winchester he had become. After he'd been 'killed' by Lucifer he'd heard Dean's prayers for him, he hadn't been able to show him he was still alive, much to his own anger and regret, especially when the human had been so upset about it. But he was back now, and if Dean gave him the opportunity, he was going to make it up to him. If he could find him first.

The car was empty, typically, and Gabe flew upwards so he could look down on a wider area to see if he could find the driver. He couldn't have gone far; he'd stopped the vehicle on a narrow country road, in a wide stretch of farm land, crops half grown in them, a stand of trees about a mile away from the road on the western side and hills bleeding up from the land a few miles further on. On the east side of the road was a large drainage ditch, nowhere to cross near where he'd parked so the archangel concentrated on the west. He spotted a possible form in the middle of the field, looked like it could be a possible, definitely bigger than a rabbit anyway, and he headed that way.

He grinned again when he found he was right, but wasn't particularly pleased at what he'd seen. Dean was in the field, lying on his back, staring up at the stars, a gun held tightly in his hand. He didn't move when Gabriel fluttered to a landing beside him, just flicked a glance at him and breathed out a sigh, but that was it.

Gabriel sat down beside him, letting his wings settle on the ground around him, not hiding them away. "Nice night for a drive," he commented after a few moments. "I didn't take you for a star gazer though."

Dean huffed, and Gabe did think he wasn't going to say anything else, but he did, eventually, glancing in his direction. "Too many eyes in the bunker," he explained and then looked back up to the sky.

Gabriel nodded. "I know what you mean," he agreed. He sat there for a few moments, watching his companion, and then realised he was doing exactly what Dean had escaped from. So he checked the ground around them for undesirables and then lay down on his back beside him, close enough that their arms touched, and stared up at the sky as well. It was a great view, the sky was clear, they were in the middle of nowhere so no lights to ruin it, and the Milky Way was stretching out above them, bright and welcoming. "Why do you think it's called the Milky Way?" the Archangel asked the human after a minute or two. "Why not the Starry Way, or the Twinkling Road or something?"

Dean glanced at him again and gave him a brief, tiny, wry smile. "I thought you'd know, being an Archangel and everything. Didn't you call it that?"

"Nah, humans did," Gabriel answered him. "It's just a galaxy, with some interesting things in it," he added, also glancing at the human. Dean was still looking at him and they caught each other's eye. Gabriel grinned, which made Dean smiled slightly too. It was't much but it was a smile at least.

"Interesting?" the human queried.

Gabriel nodded and let his hand nearest Dean creep towards the hunter's. His lover wasn't one for PDA but the Angel thought he really needed it, and he wasn't going to be thwarted. Dean was still holding the gun, but in his other hand. Gabe tangled their pinky and ring fingers together, and when Dean didn't complain or pull away, went the whole hog and interlocked their hands. "Humans," he told him and continued to look up into the sky. "This one has you lot. You're interesting." He raised his free hand and pointed to an area in the sky that looked a little like a fuzzy dot to Dean. "That is the Andromeda galaxy," he told the Hunter. "It's got planets galore in it, just like this one. But the inhabitants of those worlds are different. Some have a god type of thing they all believe in, some don't. Some are like ants or bees, living in hives, some creatures have such slow metabolisms you wouldn't think of them as living at all. None of them in there have the same structure as here; a few did but evolved out of it and are now boring. A couple have creatures that could become human, or at least similar to humans. But there's none with so many unique things going on as here." He glanced over at Dean and noted he had his attention, the kid was frowning at him at least.

"Unique? Like apocalypses, Horsemen, demons and crap?" the human asked him, derision in his tone. "I don't call that interesting."

Gabriel squeezed his hand and was gratified when the kid squeezed back. "I meant the differences you all have. You're all made from the same DNA bases, chemicals and star stuff. But you have so many differences. You and Sam were made by the same people, but look at you, see how different you both are. He's overly stretched, you're the perfect height. He's a reader, and you're more action. You both brood and loom perfectly," he added with a smile at him. "You're great with kids, whereas he's lost unless he's read all the instruction manuals in existence before he speaks to one. And not just you two," he added, moving his free hand in a wide expansive arc, encompassing the planet. "There are people on this place who never look up, have never even thought about what's above their heads, don't care about anything apart from what's in front of their faces. They never spend a moment thinking about the possibility of life somewhere other than here, just care about their own short little lives. But there are others who do nothing but look up, who spend their days and nights, watching the skies, exploring where they'll never be able to actually go, just because they want to know what's out there."

Dean was silent while he thought about that, then he turned his head to face him. "A bit deep, Gabe," he commented dryly. "I get what you mean, I do. I just … wonder sometimes what keeps you here. You can go anywhere you want, any time you want, but you're here, where you got hurt. Why aren't you up at that one?" he asked, and points with the gun he still held to the brightest star he could see, the bottom right of Orion.

"Rigel?" Gabe asked him, and squeezed his hand again. "It's a beautiful monstrosity, makes this sun here look like a zit on it's backside. It's a three star system, the big one you can see and 2 smaller ones. Those have got planets around them. One of those," he explained with a grimace. "It's illegal to look up. The things that live there live underground, scurry around like … cockroaches, fucking and feeding and nothing else. Anything that looks up is dinner."

Dean grimaced too. "Not a vacation spot I'd like to go to," he told him and his hand around the gun relaxed a bit more at Gabe's laugh. He had wanted to let it go for a while, but hadn't been able to. The more Gabriel talked, the more he ignored the gun, the less pressure Dean had on the handle and he could feel his grip easing from it.

"No," Gabriel agreed. "Although I'd send those idiots from Westboro there, if Dad would let me," he added - his tone vindictive. "Assholes deserve somewhere like that. They'd be eaten in moments.

There he was, the Trickster Dean was so fond of. He'd been on the receiving end of some of his tricks, and had seen the aftermath of others, even participated in carrying out some of them before. "I'd help you send them there," he told him and grinned at him when Gabriel turned to face him with a wide smile.

The Angel studied him for a moment before he turned onto his side and rolled towards him. "I know," he told him and moved close enough to steal a quick kiss. "And I'm here, on this planet, at this time, because you're here too," he told him gently.

Dean closed his eyes, shifted some and buried his face in Gabe's shoulder to hide himself away. He knew his Angel meant it, he just didn't understand why.

"Let me have this," Gabriel added quietly, and Dean felt him tug the gun at the gun in his hand, something he had virtually forgotten about. He let it go, find he didn't want it any more, and used that now empty hand to clutch at Gabriel's jacket. His Archangel was relieved when he relinquished the gun and Gabe quickly sent the thing away, back to the Bunker where it belonged. He then embraced him tightly with his arm and let his wings manifest physically so he could wrap him up in them as well. They lay there together, in a nameless field somewhere in the wilds, hidden from view in the cocoon of Gabriel's many wings.

"Why do you do this for me?" Dean asked him quietly after a while. "I'm not…"

"Carry on with that sentence and I'll turn your car pink," Gabe cut him off. "And if you try to repaint it, it's just turn pink again."

Dean huffed a laugh. "Her," he protested without much heat. "My baby is a she."

"Whatever," the Angel replied, but hugged him tighter to soothe any hurt. "She'd look good in pink."

Dean shuddered and lifted his face from the Angel's neck so he could look him in the eye. "No, she wouldn't," he told him firmly. "Please don't do that."

"Only if you get it through that stubborn head of yours," Gabriel replied as firmly. "You are worth so much, to a lot of people Kid. Not just me. The people at the Bunker, they wouldn't be there if they thought the same about you that you do. Would they? Look at what Sam did to get you back? What both he and Cas were prepared to do. It's in front of your face, but you still listen to the lies your Dad told you years ago. None of what he said is true. None of it."

"You know what he did to me," Dean said quietly and tried to hide in Gabriel's throat again. His lover wouldn't let him, he used a hand to cup his chin and forced him to keep looking at him.

"Yeah, I do," the Angel replied. "And I still have no idea why he's not rotting in Hell, rather than living it up in Heaven. But I don't want to talk about him," he added and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth. "I want you to know I'd do anything for you, Kid," he told him and shook his captured chin for emphasis. "Do you get that?"

Dean nodded and smiled at him, a small one but genuine. Gabriel could see the crinkles around his eyes and the life in the green. "Just stay," he stated, all he wanted. "Please, just stay."

Gabriel nodded and let go of his face so he could embrace his shoulders and pull him tightly against him again. "As long as you want me," he told him gently. "And after that, as long as I want to."

Dean relaxed, Gabriel could feel it in his shoulders, letting the stresses of the last few days fall off him, as much as he could. He still had the Mark, the crap with Metatron was on going, Crowley was still around, but here, surrounded by Gabriel's wings, nothing around them apart from some rabbits, bats and a few insects, he could relax and let the Archangel take care of him. "So what are we going to do now?" the human asked his Angel curiously.

Gabriel took in a breath and let it out slowly. "How about we stay here for a while, it's a nice place and the view is great," he added with a nod at the sky. "Then we go home and after a week or two, when we finally get out of bed, we go kill Metatron. Sounds good?"

Dean pulled away from him only so he could give him a grin. "Sounds good," he agreed. "Can you rustle up some snacks too?"

"Snacks?" Gabriel protested and snapped his fingers. Around them appeared a veritable feast of snacks, non-alcoholic drinks (Dean did not need that on top of everything else) and a soft mattress, some pillows and a blanket or two so they could get even more comfortable. "I can do better than that. Stuff your skinny face, Kid, and I'll take you on a tour of the Milky Way."

Dean finally fell asleep, snuggled up again Gabriel, as the sun began to rise. The gentle thrum of Gabriel's grace he sent over him kept the nightmares away, and the bubble of grace the Archangel used to surround them kept everything else away too. Gabriel was quite content to stay there in that un-named field, listening to Dean's steady breathing as he slept, sprawled over half of him, completely relaxed. He clicked up a book for himself, set it to hover a foot or so above him so he could read it, and used a finger every so often to coax the pages to turn. His lover snuffled once when a short run shower pattered over their invisible bubble protection, but he settled again quickly when Gabriel hugged him a little tighter and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'd let the world burn for you, Dean," he told him quietly. "All the way to the core. Go back to sleep."

Dean relaxed again and did just that.

End