Title: Lost Cause

Fandom: Bleach

Rating: M. Language, sexual situations, sex. Lemon. Yaoi.

Description: Ichigo is forced to become a lieutenant, but he begins to mind it a lot less when he falls for someone. Unfortunately that someone happens to be straight. It's a lost cause but that's never stopped Ichigo before. Eventual ShuuheixIchigo, with a lot of side pairings and mixed up feelings.

The timeline is sometime after the war is over. For the purpose of this fic we're just going to assume that everyone survives, even people who look pretty not completely alive (because who knows what will happen?). Aside from Momo that is. She's not in it, assumption being she's either dead or just no longer able to continue working as a shinigami (I like the happier answer).

Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.

Prologue: First Kiss (before the war)

Renji hit Ichigo's zanpakuto so hard that Ichigo was forced backward. He leaned with all of his weight and Ichigo was forced to the ground. Renji threw himself on top of him.

"Renji, what are you doing?" Ichigo asked, pined underneath Renji's body.

Renji didn't answer but used his hands to grab Ichigo by the wrists, lifting them over Ichigo's head and holding them there.

Ichigo could feel the entire length of Renji pressed up against his body. "Renji?" he asked.

He felt warm lips on his own, and moaned, "Renji…" Hands began to remove his clothing and his called out Renji's named again.

Wait…what…Ichigo's eyes flickered and he woke up suddenly. "Re…" he was interrupted when Renji kissed him again. Ichigo pushed him away. "Why are you in my bed, Renji?" he panted. "Why the hell are you kissing me?"

"I don't know," Renji said with a smile. "It kind of seemed like you wanted me to; you certainly were calling my name loud enough."

Ichigo remembered his dream with a blush. "I…"

Dreaming about being with Renji and actually being in Renji's arms were two different things.

"Don't be scared," Renji said mockingly.

"I'm not scared!" Ichigo said angrily. "You just shouldn't be crawling around sneaking into beds in the middle of the night!"

"When you blush like that you really are too cute," Renji said, wrapping his arms around Ichigo tightly.

Ichigo froze; his heartbeat racing.

Renji had wrapped his arms around Ichigo's waist to give him freedom to pull back if he wanted to, but Ichigo didn't want to. He wasn't bold enough to lean in towards Renji, but as Renji came closer to kiss him, he definitely didn't back away. Renji kissed him, taking his time, knowing that it wasn't likely that Ichigo had a lot of experience (assuming he had any at all). He gently led Ichigo into opening his mouth wider, prodding with his tongue. Ichigo moaned as he felt Renji inside his mouth. He began to clutch at Renji, pulling him closer. He started to kiss Renji back with passion. It was Renji's turn to moan.

Ok, time to stop, Renji thought to himself as he felt Ichigo's hardness push into his thigh. This is starting to really turn me on. He pulled away. Ichigo groaned his protest.

"Ichigo, I hope you know that you don't really like me in this way," Renji said.

"What?" that wasn't at all what Ichigo had been expecting. Why would Renji kiss him and then say something like that?

"Why do you like me?" Renji asked.

"I just…I mean, I thought I had killed you and it was a pretty bad feeling; especially finding out about you and Rukia. I was so happy that you were ok, and you tried to help me. Then of course, training with you here has been pretty great. I've never really had anyone…I mean, I knew I was gay but I haven't…," Ichigo wasn't really sure what Renji was asking for, and it was hard to think in coherent thoughts when all of his body was definitely thinking about something else.

"Look, we've both tried to and came close to killing each other, and we've both fought against what seemed like impossible odds together, that sort of thing tends to make people really close really fast. I know I'm a little physical and touchy-feeling, and I'm sure that's had some hand in it. I admit that I am attracted to you, and that you and I have some great chemistry together, but we wouldn't get anywhere with it. We're built to be best friends with each other, not lovers," Renji said.

Ichigo didn't say anything. They were still close, lying together in bed, facing each other.

"If you were older and had a couple of boyfriends and relationships under your belt, then I would gladly pound you into the sheets," Renji said. Ichigo trembled at the thought, "But your first time should definitely be more than just recreational sex," Renji continued.

"What if you just…we don't have to have sex," Ichigo said; his hands now on Renji's chest.

He's so needy, Renji thought, I can see it in his eyes. I love that look, and seeing it come from him, practically begging me to touch him…I really need to get out of here before I do something stupid to him.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo," Renji said, getting up. He stood at the window for a moment before leaving.

Ichigo sighed, looking at the tent in his boxers. He felt that he should be mad at Renji, but he was just happy that he had gotten his first kiss, and from someone who obviously knew what they were doing. That thing he had done with his tongue…Ichigo moaned to himself. This time I'm going to remember to lock my window and close the blinds, he thought, giving himself privacy before beginning to stroke his hard erection. It's so much better when I still have his taste in my mouth, when I still remember the warmth of his hands on my bare back. Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned his head back, trying to remember the exact sound of Renji's moan.

"You had better be happy you didn't do anything more," Rukia said, landing next to Renji on a roof top a couple of blocks away.

Renji raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you enjoy watching men sleep with each other or do you just enjoy peeping in general?" he asked.

Rukia hit him. Hard.

"Ow! Gesh, I was just kidding," Renji said, although he was still slightly upset that she had been watching him. It wasn't like there were a lot of secrets between the two of them though. "I'm not cruel; I know well enough to leave him alone."

"Then maybe you shouldn't kissed him at all," Rukia said.

"Hey, it's hard liking someone and not having it returned, or knowing it's not going to go anywhere. I know he hasn't dated anyone ever. I just thought…" Renji shrugged. "Anyways, problem solved. Hopefully he'll just move on to someone else now," he added.

"Well, I'm off to bed I guess," Rukia said.

"Um, maybe we should talk a little longer," Renji suggested. The last thing Ichigo needed to top off this night was Rukia walking in on him.

Punishment (after the war)

"I have called this meeting for several important announcements," Head Captain Yamamoto said. All around were members of the thirteen court guard squads; captains, lieutenants, higher level seated officers, and those that had been prominent in the fighting of the Winter War.

"One is that I will pass judgment on Ichigo Kurosaki for disobeying direct orders on multiple occasions in a time of war," he continued.

"What?" Ichigo yelled.

"Take it easy, Ichigo," Renji whispered. "Let's hear it out first." He stepped forward. "I also should be punished."

"Me too," Rukia stepped forward. "We went to Hueco Mundo without authorization."

"The actions of the two of you were indeed headstrong and ill advised, but not specifically against orders. Since official requests for vacation were submitted and approved by your captains, technically it wasn't under the Soul Society's authority in which you made your visit."

Renji's jaw dropped. His captain had done that? He and Rukia hadn't had any time to work out anything, which meant that Byakuya had forged a request, signing Renji's name. Renji could see Captain Ukitake doing that for Rukia, but Captain Kuchiki…he forced himself to not turn around to find his captain and look him in the face.

"Ichigo, on the other hand, was specifically ordered to not go and in doing so he abandoned his post at Karakura town when it was at its most vulnerable," Yamamoto spoke on.

"Kisuke was there! And Yoruichi! And…my dad." It still felt weird to say that part.

"I really hope that you are taking into consideration that he's saved the entirety of the Soul Society on several occasions," Captain Kyoraku said.

"You really can't plan on punishing him, can you Yamamoto? He's just a boy," Captain Ukitake chimed in.

"I am not taking opinions. The outcome has already been decided."

"I never signed up for this! What even gives you the authority and right to judge me?" Ichigo said.

Ichigo found a hand on his shoulder, and was surprised that it was attached to Kenpachi.

"Kenpachi?" he asked.

"Don't worry kid, if you want we can just blow this place. It'll be a lot of fun," Kenpachi said with a disquieting smile as he looked around at the assortment of shinigami. He began to pick the ones he wanted for himself and the ones that Ichigo could have. Ikkaku and Yumichika quickly moved next to their captain, ready to move whenever he did.

"I believe we should listen to the punishment before acting too rashly," Captain Kuchiki said calmly.

There was a palpable tension in the air as they waited.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, you are to join the thirteen court guard as lieutenant of Squad 5," Head Captain Yamamoto decreed.

There was a mini eruption among the watchers. The loudest was Ichigo though.

"You can't do that! I haven't graduated school yet and I have a family and friends. You can't take that away from me because of stupid laws that I never agreed to follow!" he said angrily.

"I can and will," Yamamoto said with a determined look in his eyes.

Ichigo reached for his zanpakuto.

"You would really fight against your comrades, against people who you fought alongside with in the war?" Yamamoto asked.

Ichigo faltered.

"It won't be as bad as you think," a familiar voice said from immediately behind Ichigo.

"What the fuck!" Ichigo almost jumped out of his skin. "Kisuke what the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh, just things," Kisuke said noncommittally. His face got more serious. "Your father already knows about this, and arraignments have already been made. Trust me; this is your best option." He paused. "It's better than I got!" he said with an off putting laugh.

"Wait, so I have to be here and now is the time you get un-exiled? There really is no getting away from you," Ichigo said with an annoyed sigh.

"Never," Kisuke said, looking slightly evil with a lopsided grin.

"Damn it, are we really not gonna fight?" Kenpachi said irritably.

"Kenny that means Ichigo will be here to fight all the time!" Yachiru pointed out.

"Fantastic," Ichigo groaned. "Wait, I don't know the first thing about how to run a squad. I can't do it without a captain."

"You have one," Head Captain Yamamoto answered.

All eyes returned to him.

"The new captain for Squad 5 will be Lieutenant Renji Abarai," he announced.

"What? No!" Renji yelled, almost as upset as Ichigo had been. This time he did turn around to find his captain and looked at him with desperate eyes. He was shocked to see something in his captain's face as their eyes met, an emotion he couldn't define, but an emotion none the less. "I…I refuse to leave Captain Kuchiki…I mean, Squad 6," he declared, his fists clenched.

"I am not sure why I have to continue to repeat myself. I am not asking for opinions. All decisions have already been made," Yamamoto said crankily. These damn kids were being so difficult. Most people would jump at getting promoted or at least think about their duty, but these children just couldn't see past their own noses.

Renji looked over at Ichigo, their glance sharing their misery with each other.

"We have two other new captains," Yamamoto continued.

"Where did Ikkaku go?" Yachiru asked.

Ikkaku had bolted on the off chance that someone was going to force him to be captain. His plan was to get as drunk as possible and then hide someplace, maybe under Rangiku's bed, until he got the all clear.

"Oh no!" Ichigo said, looking over at the smirking Kisuke.

"Former captain Kisuke Urahara will take over as captain of Squad 9," the head captain said.

"NO!" Captain Kurotsuchi cried out. "I refuse to allow..."

"IF I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF AGAIN I WILL TURN THIS BUILDING AND EVERYONE IN IT TO ASH!" Yamamoto roared.

There was silence.

"I would have preferred Squad 3," Kisuke confided to Ichigo. "Kira looks a little jumpy: exactly the type that's fun to play with."

"I'm sure that's why you're on Squad 9. Shuuhei is pretty solid, he'll take a lot less of your crap than Kira would," Ichigo replied. Shuuhei looked over at him. Whoops, said that a little too loud, Ichigo thought.

"Squad 3's new captain will be Yoruichi Shihoin," Yamamoto said. Yoruichi appeared from behind him, although when she had gotten there was anyone's guess. Kira took one look at his new captain and flushed slightly. She leaned forward and blew him a kiss and his face went crimson.

Yamamoto was happy to see that this announcement went better than his others. He was beginning to lose his patience.

Shuuhei eyed Kira enviously. Great, he thought, Kira gets the super hot chick that runs around naked half the time and I get a man who might change me into a toad just to see if he could.

"But…but she's MY captain!" Captain Soifon called out, practically in tears.

Head Captain Yamamoto sighed.

Yoruichi went to Soifon and wrapped her arms around her. "Don't worry, this just means we can be together a lot more," she purred alluringly into Soifon's ear.

Close your eyes and take deep breaths, Shunsui thought. I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear that and it's going to be pretty awkward if I get turned on right now. He opened his eyes and looked to the person on the other side of Soifon and was surprised to see his old friend Jushiro with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths. I am so going to tease him about that later, Shunsui laughed to himself.

"That concludes today's meeting. The new captains and lieutenants will stay, but everyone else is dismissed," said Yamamoto.

"Captain…" Renji said, stepping in front of Byakuya before he could leave. "I never wanted to…"

"Congratulations," Byakuya said. He paused. "I would like to invite you to have tea at my estate tonight, as a farewell."

"Of course, Captain," Renji said, bowing.

"Renji, your position has changed," Byakuya reminded him gently. Renji gulped and stood up straight. There was no way in hell he was going to call Byakuya by his first name though; if he did he expected to be slashed by Senbonzakura within seconds.

Captain Kuchiki seemed to understand Renji's confusion. "9 o'clock," he said, leaving.

"Well look at that," Kenpachi said to Yachiru as they walked out, "Another squad that'll be a little fun. Maybe Yamamoto isn't off his rocker after all.