Haruno Chapter 1: Honesty, a naruto fanfic

Chapter One: Honesty

Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi were walking back through the forestry toward Konoha. Kakashi had just officially made them Team Seven for the first time; they had just left the training field.

They were walking along when, near a massive, twisting post of a tree trunk full of thick, hole-like knobs, underneath the shade of thousands of tiny green leaves, Kakashi gently pulled Sakura aside and stopped her. "Sakura," he said quietly, "we need to talk. Sasuke, go ahead."

Sasuke looked back over his shoulder curiously and then kept walking, his face still holding the peace of one in an unusually good mood.

"Kakashi-sensei." Sakura scowled. "I was hoping to talk to Sasuke-kun and try to squeeze a date out of him." She tried her best not to sound sulky, but it didn't work.

"Sakura, you haven't changed," said Kakashi, his expression frozen fearsomely above her, frigid.

"Er - what?" She blinked. Then she laughed uneasily. "Kakashi-sensei, if this is another test, I -"

"No, Sakura. No more tests."

Something in his voice made her pause.

"Kakashi-sensei…" she said slowly. "What's going on?"

"Sakura, I'm going to be honest with you," said Kakashi, and he did sound just that - honest. "Do you know why you passed you back there? Because I can only pass a three-man team, and those two boys deserved a pass."

Sakura felt something freeze inside her chest.

"I know that may sound harsh, but I need you to listen to me.

"All you did was faint. Even Naruto put up more of a fight than you. I don't care how smart you are, or how much potential you have - on a practical level, right now you're less talented than Naruto."

Tears filled Sakura's eyes as she fell into a dreary kind of despair. Less talented than Naruto. Even Inner Sakura was having trouble with that one.

"And then you didn't do anything in the team's favor in the second test. You were the only one who protested putting the team first - because on a practical level, you always put yourself first. You went after your crush instead of helping your teammate during the first test. Then you protested putting your teammate first during the second test.

"You have no skills. And this dieting you appear to be doing? It's why you fainted out there in the field. People who truly train their hardest and eat healthfully don't need to be dieting, Sakura. Yet all you seem to care about is your hair.

"I'm saying this to tell you - break this habit now. You still haven't broken it. I walked off expecting either you or Sasuke to help untie Naruto. And you didn't, Sakura. You just left him there. You seemed to think it was funny."

"Sasuke-kun left him, too!" Sakura protested. "And I don't always put myself first - I put my love and Sasuke-kun first!"

"I am about to make a few things brutally, honestly clear to you," said Kakashi, sighing.

He hadn't done that already? Sakura thought with dread, shrinking in on herself.

"You say you put your love for Sasuke first, but what do you really know about him? At this point in your life, Sakura, you're not in love with Sasuke. You're in love with the ideal you have of Sasuke. In other words, you're in love with yourself.

"You don't always put Sasuke first. You put your perfect image of you and Sasuke together first. You don't seem, at least not at this point in your life, to put his feelings first in any way. You have to recognize that he seems uncomfortable when you chase after him, squealing and calling his name and giggling over him and always wanting to be close to him.

"But you do it anyway. You define yourself by this perfect image you have of your future. As evidenced by the fact that you talked about nothing but him in your introduction of yourself to the team.

"I know nothing about you besides that you like Sasuke."

"But… but there are other things about me!" Sakura protested. "I like reading, and crossword and sudoku puzzles, and flowers and hair ribbons, and I love sweets but I hate spicy food!"

"Exactly. And I wouldn't know any of that about you. Because you didn't seem to find it worth telling me," said Kakashi, exasperated. "And as for Sasuke?

"Sakura, I'm going to continue on my general bent of being honest with you. Sasuke is obsessed with killing the man who murdered his family. That is his current purpose in life. He is never going to notice you until he has murdered a man classified above A level. Assuming he survives the experience, and assuming he decides he likes you afterward.

"Right now Sasuke is emotionally shut down. In a way you can't get through to with packed lunches and dates. He went through the horribly traumatizing experience of watching his family be murdered in front of him, and he reacted it to in the worst way possible. First, he completely shut down emotionally. Then he set himself an impossible, suicidal honor goal. Then he decided everyone else was beneath him and to never have contact with anyone again. Then he decided he needs absolutely no help, which means you can't help him - he has to come to you on his own.

"Do you see him doing that?"

Sakura was not crying by now. She was silent.

"I'm telling you because… I don't know, maybe in ten years it will work. But chasing Uchiha Sasuke is not a very spectacular goal for a preteen girl to have. Especially when her attentions seem to make him visibly uncomfortable. For fuck's sake, Sakura, the poor kid probably has PTSD!"

Kakashi threw up his hands in the air.

"So no. I did not expect Sasuke to go back for Naruto. Because I don't expect Sasuke to directly acknowledge he cares about anybody. He offered Naruto his lunch during a mock mission. That is the most I expect from him. For him, that is a great show of vulnerability.

"But you? You come from a great family, loving parents who are still married. The most traumatizing thing that's ever happened to you is probably friendship drama and preteen crushes.

"But you acted exactly the same as Sasuke. And I can tell you right now? This not-crying is the most useful thing I have so far seen you do. Crying doesn't get you anywhere in the world of the ninja. So you can stop feeling sorry for yourself.

"Because that kid you just left back there? He grew up in total isolation. No one could adopt him under Konoha law because his Mom wasn't there to give consent. Never a single friend. Frequently bullied. Taught himself everything he knows. He didn't really have a much happier childhood than Sasuke. Me? I had a single father who committed suicide when I was five. A few years later I was a child soldier in the Third War, back before those were illegalized."

Sakura looked up with big, horrified eyes.

"And this conversation? It's probably one of the worst things that's ever happened to you. Do you see any of us crying?"

Sakura bowed her head - feeling true shame. For once, Inner Sakura was silent.

"To be honest, Sakura, I was going to tie you to the post. But Naruto broke my direct rules. So I had to give that poor sap the axe instead. But you know what? At least he put in an effort. He fought. It's more than you did.

"No Genin was going to hide from a Jounin. This Naruto you consider so stupid? He might have actually figured that out. So he faced me head-on. And that takes balls. It does.

"You fainted."

"... I'm not a nice person, am I?" said Sakura quietly, almost to myself. "I complained to Sasuke-kun about Naruto. The day teams were announced. I said he was lucky not to have any parents there to get angry with him."

"... You said an orphan was lucky not to have any parents," said Kakashi slowly and incredulously, "to another orphan?"

Sakura winced, staring at her toes.

"How… how do I get stronger?" she said at last. "You… told me to exercise more and eat healthier, not diet. So I can do that. But… what else can I do? Kakashi-sensei," she said painfully, "I don't have parents powerful enough to pass on any abilities to me. That's why… I don't have any."

Kakashi looked down at her expressionlessly for a long moment.

"There are two women I can contact," he said at last, and Sakura's head shot up, "who I think might be of benefit to you. You can train with them alongside our D rank first missions. Your chakra control seems good, so Kurenai, a genjutsu specialist, might be of benefit to you if I can swing her. And Anko… well, Anko's good at everything, but especially taijutsu, elemental ninjutsu, and snake summoning.

"Meanwhile, I can help you integrate your intelligence into battlefield strategy and I can teach you how to officially register the Haruno as a clan. Basically, it entails a lot of paperwork and a promise to have significant clan abilities by sixteen. Clan status comes with certain privileges, among them multiple marriages. And with your parents as minor ninja as well… it should work.

"But are you willing to put in the effort? Anko is especially harsh, but neither woman will be an easy taskmistress."

"... Yes," said Sakura, becoming more determined. "I'm ready."

"Very well then. Here's a freebie: tie up your hair. An enemy could yank on it in a fight and use it as a vehicle to capture you. And that would be a really stupid way to get caught.

"Beyond that… I will talk to the two women. In the meantime I suggest you start changing your ways by going to untie Naruto," said Kakashi meaningfully, his eyes flashing, and he walked off.

Sakura slowly reached up… and tied her long pink hair in a bun, wrapping her hitai-ate around it. Then she turned back toward the training field she'd hoped she'd never see again.

As Sakura walked back across the velvety green grassy field toward the massive, intricate chain-linking of the training field fence-line, she had a lot to think about. Most troubling… was what Kakashi had said about Sasuke.

"But you do it anyway. You define yourself by this perfect image you have of your future. As evidenced by the fact that you talked about nothing but him in your introduction of yourself to the team.

"I know nothing about you besides that you like Sasuke."

"But… but there are other things about me!" Sakura protested. "I like reading, and crossword and sudoku puzzles, and flowers and hair ribbons, and I love sweets but I hate spicy food!"

"Exactly. And I wouldn't know any of that about you. Because you didn't seem to find it worth telling me," said Kakashi, exasperated. "And as for Sasuke?

"Do you see him doing that?"

Sakura was not crying by now. She was silent.

Kakashi threw up his hands in the air.

"But you? You come from a great family, loving parents who are still married. The most traumatizing thing that's ever happened to you is probably friendship drama and preteen crushes.

"But you acted exactly the same as Sasuke."

So that was what PTSD and lack of emotional feeling looked like. But Sasuke… Sasuke had shown he liked her the day of the team announcements. Hadn't he?

She approached Naruto's post slowly, frowning.

"Wow, you came back, Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, excited, writhing around in his bindings. Then he paused and frowned, tilting his head, his eyes narrowed and fox-like but with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Naruto, do you know what happened between me and Sasuke-kun at lunch on the day of team announcements?" said Sakura, revealing little.

Naruto laughed uneasily. "I don't know what you're talking about -! Oh, who am I kidding, I can't do this." He sighed and looked down. "This is probably going to make you hate me," he muttered, shifting his feet, "but I… I turned into Sasuke using a Henge to talk to you. I felt sick to my stomach, so I had to leave."

"That… that was you. Being nice to me," Sakura breathed, her eyes widening. "I… I thought it was him…" She trailed off, hand to her mouth, stunned. "So all he said was…"

She deflated, saddening.

Sasuke turned to look at her, a very cold glare in his velvety black eyes. "You," he said with pure ice in his tone, "are annoying."

"That's really what he thinks of me," she said to herself sadly. So not only was he not good for her… he didn't like her. Not even secretly. What was it he'd said? She had suggested they quit Kakashi's test together, and what had he said?

Sasuke's back was to her. "There is a man I have to kill," he said in a soft voice.

Like with Kakashi only expecting so much from Sasuke… maybe that was all she could expect from him. He'd finally said it. That at least until he successfully murdered an S class criminal when he was much older, they weren't happening.

"Sakura-chan, I thought you knew." She looked up. Naruto's big blue eyes seemed puzzled. There was genuinely no malice in his next words. He was innocent, open, and honest. "All those nice things you loved hearing? The Sasuke we know now would never say those things to you. I'm not sure if he'd ever say them - not even to someone he liked. I think whoever he marries would have to not give a shit about romantic, affectionate, emotional things. Though it's weird thinking of the teme getting married at all.

"I mean, he's not exactly known for…" And then he trailed off, looking at her expression uncertainly. "Sakura-chan?" he said softly.

"Yes, Naruto," said Sakura distantly. She felt oddly numb, as all her dreams crashed down around her and all that was left was that she had to get stronger, she had to, or else she risked getting left behind. "I understand what he's not known for."

She still liked Sasuke. She couldn't have him. More than that… he wasn't good for her. And she'd been making him uncomfortable by behaving selfishly.

She didn't know... what to do about any of that.

"Do you… hate me?" She looked up to find Naruto staring at her tentatively.

"No," Sakura decided. She went forward to untie his bindings. "But you should know," she said, all business, "you and me? We're not happening. I don't like guys like you.

"And if you ever pull a Henge on me again -" Here she pointed into his face as he relaxed to his feet. "And don't tell me about it? I'm kicking your ass.

"Because I'm set to get stronger," she said to his surprised face, "and train a whole lot. You should ask Kakashi-sensei for training, too. You never know. There might be an Uzumaki clan whose scrolls you could train from.

"You and me, we have to help each other out. We're the weaker ones who have to get stronger. You plan on besting Sasuke as a rival?" She smirked and lifted her chin, hands on her hips. "Why don't you start with me? We can be rivals."

She felt slightly ridiculous - but she still said it.

She had remembered, also, what Kakashi had said about Naruto's childhood. And that she had decided she was going to be a nicer person.

Naruto blinked happy tears out of his eyes and grinned. "Okay!" he said, lifting his fists. "Let's go wild!"

He was endearing, in his own dorky way.

They walked off the training field together, smiling, laughing and talking.

Hell yeah! Let's do this! Inner Sakura cheered, recovering at last.

And if that sounded a little like Naruto... well, maybe being like him wasn't so terrible.

Notes:

This will not be a training fic. One chapter of training, then the Wave mission. That's about how the timeline seems in canon. Besides, it would be no fun if Naruto and Sakura learned it all at the beginning. ;)

I wanted Sakura to be trained by strong women. So did my Kakashi. We thought it would be good for her.

I'm assuming Kakashi always knew about Sakura's chakra control. He always knew about Sasuke and Naruto's chakra strength, even before being directly confronted by them, as he demonstrated during internal dialogue in the tree climbing section.

As you can see, Sakura also did not get over her crush on Sasuke immediately. But I paved the way for her to see certain things.

I always felt like a better SasuSaku story would have involved at least one if not both characters realizing where they'd fucked up, falling out of affection, and then falling back into love in a truer and more open-eyed way as a more loving person. I didn't feel like we got that in canon. Sasuke was Sasuke, Sakura continued to like him even when she knew she shouldn't, and then her crush was validated. That's not healthy.

I actually like the way the SasuSaku marriage ended up, in its own weird way. But that's still not healthy.

And somehow, when I look at poor young PTSD Sasuke getting all weirded over women who are borderline stalking him... and I see them not seem to give a shit... it always makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable. My heroine is not going to be that person.

Finally, I will forever wonder how much of Sakura's continued childhood hope for Sasuke's affections had to do with Naruto manipulating her. It's actually in my eyes one of the shittiest things he did in the series. That poor girl thought Sasuke had almost kissed her. Everything she did and said afterwards has to be seen through that lens.

Last but not least, I am not saying in this chapter that Sasuke is like this and Gaara or Itachi are not similar in certain ways. But I can see Sakura happily with them better, there are important differences, and it will be... a long journey towards that end of the road. As I said, I love the idea of Sakura and the boy being disenchanted first... then both going in totally willingly with clear eyes and no nonsense.