Hermione glared around her furiously. She hated Valentine's day. If one more stupid, singing cupid tried to corner her in between classes (or, even worse, in class) she was going to hex someone. She had actually already attempted to hex the cupids, but Dumbledore had anticipated these reactions and her curse had simply rebounded straight at her. Only Harry's quick reflexes had saved her from lighting herself on fire. She snorted at the thought of Ron's gleeful face when he heard her muttering darkly under her breath at the headmaster. He could laugh all he wanted- he didn't have those barking cupids after him. It was cute that the first years had crushes on her, it really was, but this was too much. She was in her seventh year, and they were eleven.
She was currently cowering behind Harry, in a strategy that had proved fairly successful. As both Head Boy and the (so proclaimed) Chosen One, he had almost as many valentines as she did. Meaning that if a cupid saw him first, she would have the entirety of the poem to make her escape. Fortunately, Harry had not yet caught onto her little scheme but it was only a matter of time. She sighed in relief as the charms doorway came into view. So close! She was nearly there when a particularly ugly cupid trilled her name, plucking an ominous sounding chord on his harp. "Oh bloody hell." She spat, shoving her books into Harry's arms. Perhaps all those years of studying did cause her to snap, but in her defense you might react similarly if you had spent the last six hours with horrible ugly men in diapers throwing pink glitter and chanting bad poetry at you.
Without another word, she turned and sprinted for the one place not even the bloody enchanted cupids would dare go. As students headed to class, the hallways cleared and she increased her speed, growing desperate as it slowly gained on her. She nearly fell going down the stairs, but caught herself and continued at an all out sprint. Nevertheless, the cupid inexorably inched closer, now emitting the pungent stench of over-ripe flowers. Her eyes wide, she chanced a glance backwards. It was only about a foot behind her. Her destination in sight, she put on one last bust of speed and hurled herself into a classroom.
The teacher looked up, clearly horrified. Grinning maniacally, she flung herself behind him. The cupid zoomed in after her, only to come face to face with one very irate Potions Master. As Snape's gaze darkened, the cupid visibly shrank backwards. Snape slowly reached for his wand, a look of twisted glee spreading across his face. The cupid, wisely, decided to make a hasty retreat. High pitched squeals could be heard echoing up the corridor as the smell of funeral flowers drifted behind him.
Hermione nearly cheered, but instead she gasped out "Thank you, Professor! They are driving me mad! I can't even get to class without one tracking me down, singing some horrible song, and throwing pink glitter." He sneered, arching one eyebrow imperiously. "Too many admirers, Miss Granger? I can't imagine why." Smiling warmly at him, she ignored his insult completely. With a great amount of effort, she pulled herself upright and caught her breath. As soon as she was composed enough to speak again, the desperation of her actions truly began to set in. "I am sorry to interrupt you, Professor. I can help you grade papers if you want." She noticed his look of confusion and looked back at him aghast. "Well I'm not going back out there- its probably lurking!" There was a clear note of panic in her voice, and despite himself he nearly smiled at the thought of Hermione Granger, Gryffindor princess and resident bookworm, being terrified of a silly Valentine's day tradition. She seemed to catch his amusement. "Don't laugh, Severus, you know they are horrid. If Dumbledore hadn't charmed them to repel curses I wouldn't have this problem."
He sighed. "As much as your sordid love affairs are not my concern, you can't very well stay here all day, it will disrupt my work. Drink this." He handed her a potion off a nearby shelf. "It's a concealment potion. They wont be able to connect your face with your name. Humans are immune to it, so it should not disrupt your school work."
Hermione beamed. "Thanks, Professor Snape! I'm not even going to ask why you have a pre-made bottle sitting next to your desk." She winked cheekily and swallowed the potion, beaming euphorically. Impulsively, she kissed him lightly on the cheek and danced to the door. There she paused, turning and gracing him with the most Slytherin smirk she could muster. "Oh, and Sev? Your second years are staring at you." Laughing, she blew a kiss at the astonished class, who had been watching the scene unfold with rapt attention. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger, for referring to me casually during school hours. And another twenty for that...unseemly form of affection!". He had clearly forgotten their presence until her reminder. "It's called a kiss!" She retorted in her best know-it-all voice, her laughter echoing behind her as she spun giddily out of the dungeon.
Ten minutes later, Hermione walked calmly into Charms. "Sorry, sir, Professor Snape was helping me with a problem." Professor Flitwick nodded, motioning her to her seat without a reprimand. Hermione was some what of a favorite with the teachers, and had even accepted an apprenticeship with Snape the previous summer. The school was aware that he tolerated her, but they usually kept their friendship closely under wraps. Nevertheless, it was not unusual for her to show up slightly late to class, and since they all knew she kept her work up and how time consuming it could be to work with Severus, they were quite tolerant of her tardiness.
She slid into her usual seat next to Harry, and he wasted no time in leaning over to talk to her. "You do realize that the entire school is talking about how you kissed Snape, don't you?" She nodded. "He gave me a concealment potion. Those things can't find me now!" Harry glared at her jealously. "No fair! Do you think he would give me some?" She chuckled. "Sorry, Potter, I think you are stuck." He pouted slightly before sitting upright abruptly. "What? You actually kissed Snape?" She rolled her eyes. "On the cheek, Harry. Like I do to you and Ron. Now pay attention!" He shrugged and settled back into his seat as he as Ron shared a glance and chuckled lightly.
Hermione quite enjoyed her cupid-free Valentine's day, and in no time at all it was dinner. She smiled serenely as she walked into dinner on Ron's arm, Harry trailing just behind underneath the invisibility cloak. It was just minutes after Charms that he had been ambushed by no less then fifteen of the horrid creatures and in a blind panic actually attempted to run through a wall. The resulting concussion made Hermione send him to bed for the rest of classes, and only the threat of hexes and an empty stomach had convinced him to brave the halls of Hogwarts once again.
Unfortunately, she had only just slipped him his food and began to work on filling her own plate when Professor Snape stormed into the great hall, his normally sedate pace suddenly hurried. He stopped by her seat. "Hermione, we have to get out of here- now. Dumbledore found my potion stash and-". She had heard enough. Snatching her bag off the ground, she rose and turned to flee the hall. They had taken no more than two steps, however, when Dumbledore's cheerful voice stopped them in their tracks. "Severus, Miss Granger, I must say that I am very disappointed in you. The Head Girl and Potions Master trying to sabotage this lovely holiday tradition. I'm afraid that can't be allowed." Hermione and Snape glanced at the twinkle in his eye, then let out a slight whimper of fear. Raising their wands at the exact same moment, they began chanting all the shield and silencing charms they knew at the army of cupids that had appeared over their heads. For a moment, it looked as though the charms would hold, then Dumbledore smiled serenely and waved his wand. The wards shook ominously. Snape cursed. "One more of his clever little spells and we are done for."
Hermione grasped desperately at Harry. "You're the bloody boy-who-lived! Do something!" He hissed back urgently. "No way! I just got away from those monsters! I'm not risking myself!" Snape sneered at him "Some hero you turned out to be! How anti-Gryffindor of you!" Ron shook his head. "Hes not suicidal, you know." Dumbledore swished his wand a second time and the first cupid swooped towards the pair. The surrounding students gasped in excitement. Panicking, Hermione yanked off Harry's cloak. "Look! IT"S HARRY POTTER! GET HIM!" She screeched, ducking under it desperately. Harry gaped at where she had just dissapeared, horrified. "She just... sacrificed me...to..." A few of the cupids swept towards him, eyes glinting madly. "Accio invisibility cloak!" Dumbledore intoned, leaving the three people entirely exposed.
Cursing, Hermione shot a jet of water out of her wand, hitting the surprised bug in the face. It shied away, and she shrieked in excitement. "Sev, use the food! They are all sweetness and love, they hate to be messy!" His eyes shone in admiration. "You really are the brightest witch of your age, you know," he asserted fondly. She smirked. "Yes, I know."
"SLYTHERINS! UP!" Snape roared, and the entire house flung themselves instantly away from the table, several older students grabbing the confused younger ones. "When Snape says something, you do it." Blaise crossly informed the first years who were unceremoniously chucked onto him in the haste to get them off the table. Snape and Hermione dove towards the table, one quick spell turning it sideways to use as a shelter. The food fell to the side, instantly covering them in a mess of colors and textures. Hermione grinned, watching in glee as the already disgusted cupids darted away from her carefully placed handful of mashed potatoes. The Ravenclaw table shrieked as the remnants splattered down on them. Severus gulped as more cupid appeared. "Uh, 'Mione? You appear to have made them angry." She gulped. "HELP!" She yelled, in the general direction of the Gryffindors and they just as quickly turned their table into a battle fort. Hermione shot an impatient glare at the Slytherins, who in the seconds without shelter had become absolutely covered in food. Harry shrugged at them and waved them under the Gryffindor table. "He's your head of house, help us defend them and you can stay."
The food from the combined houses caused even more of the cupids to retreat, and Snape gurgled happily. Startled, Hermione stared at him. "Did you just gurgle? Never mind, just remind me to mock you later for all of your secret admirers." He scowled. "I am the feared potions master! I have greasy hair and sallow skin and a nose like a beak!" he lamented, "WHY would they fancy me?" Hermione studied him for a moment as the cupids paused to regroup. "Well, there is that devastatingly sexy voice you have." He blinked, and she yelled a war cry and launched yet another attack on the looming faeries. "Are you going to help me? Or what?" He shrugged and joined in the fight. Between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins, the cupids were slowly but surely backed into a corner.
Up at the relatively mess free Head Table, Dumbledore surveyed the scene in astonishment. He hadn't truly thought that Miss Granger and Severus would lower themselves to this point just to avoid some decorations. As McGonagall spluttered in horror next to him, he noticed the cooperation between the Gryffindor and Slytherin battle troops. The twinkle returned to his eyes full force. Was this really all it took to mend inter-house rivalries? Well then... A flick of his wand summoned even more of the creepy cupids, this time aimed in the direction of the Head table, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. Simultaneously, the students all screamed and adopted similar defense strategies. The teachers chose to rush to the defense of their various favorite students, leaving Dumbledore alone at the head of the hall. Beaming, he cast an impervious on himself. "FOODFIGHT!" He bellowed, snatching up a large biscuit and throwing it in the general direction of Hagrid.
An hour and a half later, Dumbledore chuckled to himself and banished the now unconscious cupids. Whistling cheerfully, he sat back upon his podium and observed the remains of the Great Hall. To his left, an exhausted Hermione was using Snape's stomach as a pillow, her hair splayed across him and her hand still wrapped firmly around what appeared to be a half rotten pear.
His grin widened as he observed the fort Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter had made out of chairs and rubble from what used to be the Slytherin table. The majority of the first years huddled behind the walls, and Harry and Draco had defended Fort First (as it had been dubbed somewhere in the beginnings of its construction) with great success. They had been fighting together for the past hour, never letting a single cupid within fifty feet of the safe house. Relieved of their duty to protect the ickle firsties, Harry and Draco had simply sagged against each other and sank to the floor, somehow in possession of each others wands. They were back to back, supporting each others weight and providing a shoulder for the others head to fall back onto, both asleep before they hit the ground.
The Ravenclaw battle had been turned into HQ, with Ronald Weasley, Luna Lovegood, and Blaise Zabini conducting the student's strategy. Most of the Ravenclaws had taken up defensive positions around HQ, keeping the cupids away with any means necessary. (Really, no one was sure who had begun conjuring books to throw, but it had proved quite successful- the larger tomes could knock out a cupid entirely -although they were quite difficult to throw.)
The most shocking spectacle, however, were the Guard and Supply Teams, or G.A.S. Teams. The Hufflepuffs had almost immediately entered into an alliance with both Peeves and the House Elves to provide sufficient ammo for the other houses. Once Peeves assortment of muck, ooze, sludge, and swamp water entered the fray, the tide turned. At great risks to themselves, Hufflepuff began sprinting across the hall to each student strong hold, carrying great platters of ammo. Burdened down like this, they could not protect themselves. Ron saw this, and with a curt suggestion sent the Slytherins out to guard them. The two houses who always had such disdain for each other found new respect during the battle, working seamlessly to distribute food. The remaining Ravenclaw joined this effort as well, along with most of the teachers. Somehow, table SG (formerly known as the Slytherin table, shortened to Snape/Granger and then to letters alone) and Fort First required more ammo than anywhere else, despite the fact that there were only two people guarding each.
As soon as the Cupids had vanished, everyone had slipped into a dazed silence before curling up on the floor in any matter they found comfortable and drifting off to sleep. Dumbledore chuckled lightly and pulled out a muggle camera, snapping pictures of the entire room before sweeping off to have a talk with the house elves.
The next morning, Hermione woke to a strange rumbling noise coming from the ground. Why is the ground rumbling- wait, why am I on the ground? She wondered, feeling the warm sun on her back. Her nose was pressing against something soft, and she reluctantly decided that she should probably look to see what it was. Cracking open her eyes with great effort she found herself staring into the face of- Professor Snape? Startled, she let out a soft scream. Not the wisest decision, she noted as he instinctively sat up and reached for his wand, dumping her onto the ground beside him. He stared around in confusion. Where is my wand? Is that a... carrot that I am holding? Why am I not in my rooms? What was Miss Granger doing laying on top of me? As that last thought sank in, he began to panic in earnest. Oh, shit. Ive done something stupid. He thought in horror. How drunk was I last night? As he frantically swept his eyes over the Great Hall, he sighed in relief as he remembered what had happened.
On the ground, Hermione was amusing herself with the emotions playing across his normally composed face. Apparently, he was unused to being woken at such an early hour (by her guess it was around six in the morning, the time she usually got up for school) and was still confused. When he pulled himself to his feet and offered her a hand, she accepted graciously. "Morning" She whispered cheekily. He glowered. "What are you so bloody cheerful about? You know I hate morning." Her grin widened. "It is officially the fifteenth of February, Sev. Valentines day is over." His sleepy scowl dissipated instantly. "Thats right! Those bloody bugs didn't get us!" The stared at each other ginning for several moments before Hermione's expression fell. "oh, no. Look! We've practically destroyed the Great Hall! I am going to be in so much trouble..." Snape shrugged grimly. "Well, Valentine's Day does make people do desperate things."
Hermione nodded fervently. "And I'm sorry about interrupting your second year potions class. Oh, and I've probably ruined your reputation as the Greasy Bat of the Dungeons who no one likes. Sweet Merlin, I kissed you in front of a class!" He shook her slightly to get her out of the panic she was working her way up to. "'Mione, I don't care. Really. They were all suspicious anyway what with me taking you on as an apprentice. Now, lets get cleaned up and meet back here in an hour. I suspect that Dumbledore will show up around then, and we can get this all straightened out then." She nodded, still looking slightly panicked. "wait, I can't make it up to Gryffindor, shower, change, and get back in an hour. Can I just use the Slytherin showers?" He eyed her suspiciously. "Not trying to steal house secrets are you? Just in case, you can use mine- Ill borrow Draco's."