Tactics
A dumb (and short) idea but once it was in there, I couldn't scrape it out of my brain.
The drone of the TV faded into the background as Garfield Logan, also known as Changeling, gently stretched on the sofa. Gently, because nestled in the crook of his arm, legs pulled up beneath her, lay Starfire, his girlfriend.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
To say that he was still getting used to the fact was an understatement at best. Even after a month together, even if their start was tentative and careful, he had to remind himself almost every morning. It had gotten to the point where he had put a sticky note next to his mirror which simply said: 'You're going out with Starfire. DO. NOT. SCREW. UP.' A few times, when he was especially groggy after waking (he would never truly be a morning person), he found himself saluting the humble note and it's sage advice.
So here they were, watching the TV, barely noticing it as they revelled in the simple closeness. The members of Changeling's team largely ignored them, Superboy having already attracted some unwelcome attention from Starfire when he suggested their leader was in turn being led around by his... well, he never got to finish that sentence. Bizarrely, he seemed more frightened by her threat of telling Changeling more than any physical injury she promised him. Of course she had told him anyway, but only after he promised not to reveal the fact, and then she had confessed she was strangely proud that Superboy was intimidated by her boyfriend. She had said it so casually but Changeling reeled as the truth sunk in. Starfire. His girlfriend.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
His girlfriend, Starfire.
His boundless amazement took a break when the woman herself stirred, sitting up and stretching, unfolding her legs and planting her feet on the floor. He pouted at the loss of her, pretending to reach for her yearningly. Starfire giggled at him but didn't move any closer. She looked at the window once and seemed to straighten in her seat. She quickly inspected the common room: they were alone. She returned her attention to the green man beside her.
"Garfield, I have decided I am ready. Are you ready?" she asked.
"Sure. Wait, ready for what now?" he answered, helpfully. She narrowed her eyes at him, thoughfully.
"I have decided that subtlety is not one of my strengths and so I must rely on others," she stated, firmly.
"Other strengths? Like what?" he asked, not sure where this was leading.
"Courage. Commitment. Both needed when making a tactical decision," she said, almost regally. Changeling had only become more confused.
"Tactical? What?" he whined, longing even more that they go back to their blissful relaxation.
"A bold advance. That is what I can do, Garfield."
"Um... okay. Where are you going with this whatareyoudoingStar?!" His fuddled question settled into a frantic hiss when Starfire, eyes still on his, reached her hands under the hem of her skirt, lifted her bottom from the couch for a second, and removed her underwear before sitting back down. Pleased at his wide-eyed and speechless condition, she twirled the garment around her finger, eventually flicking it into his lap. She stood and, unsurprisingly, his eyes followed her hemline as she did, looking up at her face when her hands alighted on her hips. She looked... triumphant.
"I believe I have made myself clear. I am very much ready. Are you?" she asked, not waiting for him to speak before walking - not flying - from the room, perhaps to preserve her modesty, perhaps so she could add a little sway to her gait. Either way, the effect was hypnotic. The door opened and, just as it closed, he heard Starfire mutter a polite greeting to Wonder Girl. Panicked, he shoved Starfire's panties (shit, they were warm) in his pocket and stood as Wonder Girl entered, heading for the fridge. She waved.
"Hey, boss," she said, smiling.
"Pffft! Please, I don't even know what you're talking about... I mean... hey, Cassie." Watching him carefully and with no small amount of suspicion, Wonder Girl retrieved her snack and left again. Changeling patted his pocket, picturing his noble sticky note and only just resisting the urge to salute.
"I'm ready... I am so ready," he said to himself. He started walking toward the door. Then he started dancing down the hall. And hey, no-one was around, why not make a Spongebob reference while he was free to do so?
"I'm ready... relations... I'm ready... penetration... I'm ready... protection... Protection? Oh no no no no no no I don't have a fucking condom!" he whimpered, honestly on the verge of tears. Fortunately, by that point, he was near Starfire's door that she had left conveniently open.
"I have purchased many of the contraceptives, Garfield," she said, helpfully. He blinked a few times and then carried on dancing through her doorway.
"I'm ready... fornication... I'm ready... uhhh... sex!" he finished, victoriously, slapping the wall panel with a grin that disappeared behind the closing door.
And they had a right good time, well-deserved, but I ain't writing it. Yeah, this one is just a collection of stupid gags pushed into a shape resembling a story, lol. Still, I hope you get a giggle out of it.
I don't own Teen Titans and I definitely don't own Spongebob.
-Jack