A las nueve
- 8:18am, just a little more... - Mumbled Eric to himself, watching at the black digital numbers on his watch while walking aimlessly around the walkway of a rundown house. The freezing air hitting the chubby teen's face annoyingly, making his frown to deepen.
Eric stopped abruptly when he heard some noises coming from inside the house. Like a dog who has caught a scent, Eric lifted his head, eyes fixed on the brown scratched door, trying to hear what was happening inside.
Putting his hands on his jacket's pockets and trying to look casual, Eric waited patiently on the outside but brimming with anxiety and excitement on the inside.
Finally, he could hear louder noises coming from the house and the unmistakable sound of a voice saying goodbye. The same voice that seemed to be engraved into Eric's mind like if it where some kind of ancient instinct that always managed to incite the same reaction in his body. Eric's heart started to pump faster, his hands started to feel damp and his chest swelled with joy and warmth. As if it were a Pavlovian response, Eric couldn't stop his own body from going on that frenzied state whenever he heard that thin but sweet voice.
The brown haired boy had stopped hating that feeling long ago. About a year ago, when he started to get all those irritating and puzzling feelings, he had been very upset with himself. First of all, how could it be that he, Eric Cartman, could get that kind of thoughts about another guy? It was preposterous. But as the days went by and the feelings only seemed to grow stronger, Eric accepted that it was a part of him and he wouldn't let that to diminish his awesomeness.
But when Eric finally came to terms with the fact that he liked guys, then came another wave of self loathe. Being that there were literally dozens of beautiful guys just on his school, how in the world could Eric had fallen for THAT guy? Sure, he was good looking... Amazingly good looking in fact. Exuding self confidence anywhere he went, bold and daring, always the first to try new and bizarre things. With a strange but always hilarious sense of humor that managed to make Eric laugh effortlessly even on his darkest days. Always being there for Eric, even despite all the shit Eric put him and the others through... It didn't sounded so illogical after all.
But then, after that realization, came the pain.
Eric had never thought of himself pairing up with anyone. At first he just thought that he was too awesome, too important and above everyone else to seek for a partner. There was no time for that. There was no need for that...
But on those cruel and lonely nights after being awake until 3 or 4 in the morning, waiting for his mother to come home from her usual whoring tours, Eric would always crave for a pair of loving arms and a warm smile to comfort him after having helped his drunken mother to her room. On those nights, Eric would spend the rest of it sitting on his bed, crying silently and hugging his pillow while thinking that he wasn't worth of anyone's time. His own mother didn't cared about him, how could anyone else?
That thought was the one that always brought to the earth all his plans of finally go and confess his feelings to that boy who had been present on Eric's life since they were just 4 years old and that now was plaguing his mind with thoughts of endless lustful pleasures and the worst of all, false hopes of finally having someone who really cared about him.
The doorknob rotated and with a creaking sound, the wooden door in front of Eric opened wide and finally, the moment that Eric had been waiting for arrived.
Eric looked to the door frame and could see the boy he had been waiting for at least half an hour. Clad in orange pants and an equally orange big parka, blond hair flowing wildly with the wind, beautiful aquamarine eyes, filled with a light that always managed to mesmerize Eric whenever he dared to stare into them. A smile, that beautiful and ever present smile that made Eric's heart to beat crazily fast and that could lift even the heaviest sadness off his heart as if it were some kind of spell.
- Cartman! Here again dude? I'm gonna start to think that you like me or something - Chuckled Kenny, making the chubby boy to almost leap in his place from the sheer joy of finally being again in front of the boy that gave meaning to his life.
Feeling the warmth of his heart going up to make his face burn, Eric cursed himself for not being able to control his stupid body from doing such an embarrassingly display of weakness at the words of the blond teen. Turning his head to the side and scoffing, Eric gathered all his might to reply in his almost patented dismissive tone - Yew're lucky that I'm in a good mood today. Or else I could have punched yew'r stupid face 'till tomorrow for saying such idiotic stuff -
- Yeah yeah... I'm glad to see you too lardass - Laughed Kenny making Eric almost to smile at those words. Well, not the last one of course...
- At least I'm not a skinny rat like yew - Eric scoffed again, finally transforming his awkward attempt of a smile into a defiant grin.
- This skinny rat could take you for the ride of your life anytime though - Chuckled Kenny amused. He always enjoyed their little insults exchange.
Eric felt a shiver running down his spine at that sentence and his face turned into almost a grimace. Kenny used to tease him about that kind of stuff all the time, but Eric knew that the blond boy wasn't being serious. Although this time he had been too explicit, too bold...
Just as Eric was about to reply, Kenny said - Wow dude, are you okay? Your face... - Kenny's tone was one of sincere concern.
Eric shook his head, trying to do the same with the turmoil of thoughts that were running wildly inside his mind. Clearing his throat the chubby teen said - Of course I'm fine. Let's go now or we'll miss the bus - Eric started to walk and Kenny followed him still with a trace of concern on his blue eyes.
The two boys reached their usual bus stop and waited for the vehicle in silence. Eric hated to wait for the bus. He even hated more the fact that the asshole of Kyle had gotten his driver's license before him. Eric had tried to get his license two months ago, but the instructor hadn't been amused by the anxiety and language of Eric during the exam, that and the couple of red lights the chubby teen had ran through... So now he had to wait another painful month to take the exam again.
But all of that had a bright side after all. Now, there were only Kenny and him at the bus stop, since Kyle's father had bought him a used old car and the redhead would take his super-best-friend Stan to school with him every day. At least now Eric could steal all the glances he wanted at the blue eyed boy that he loved without having to be cautious of the other guys catching him.
The bus finally arrived and the boys hopped in, going to their usual back seats. Eric loved the bus ride to school, it was the happiest moment of his days. There, he had a whole half-hour of joy next to Kenny, where he could talk to him about anything, have a good laugh and, if he was very lucky, even get the chance to squeeze himself against the blond boy, faking that it was because of a sudden maneuver of the bus, getting to touch that forbidden body which made Eric's steamiest fantasies to emerge.
But that body was so forbidden to Eric... The chubby boy also loved that happy but very short half-hour everyday because then he could forget, at least for a moment, that at 9 o'clock, when they had arrived to school, his day would become a living hell.
The blissful moment at the bus came to an end and the boys got out of the bus and started to walk towards the entrance of the school. With every step, Eric could feel the great mood he had been in during the last hour, slowly descending into the same gloom that was going to accompany him for the rest of the day, like always.
Just as he was hearing Kenny laughing at one of his weird jokes, trying to grasp that last second of joy, Eric's eyes caught a glimpse of the reason that crushed his heart every day at that exact same hour.
Black jeans, blue jacket and matching Peruvian hat, Craig Tucker was coming towards them.
Eric braced himself for what was coming but he couldn't help to cringe at the excited shout that came from beside him - Craig! - Yelled Kenny with an almost palpable happiness on his voice. Then, Eric saw how Kenny walked faster to meet the black haired boy and he cringed again when Kenny threw his arms around Craig's neck while locking lips with the blank faced boy's ones.
Eric averted his eyes from the painful sight and hastened his walk, storming past the two teens that were too immersed into their kiss to even notice him.
With his heart feeling heavy and his mind at the verge of becoming a raged mess, Eric reached his locker and angrily threw his backpack inside. Then, with an infuriated sigh, he opened it and grabbed the books he was going to need for the firsts classes of the day. Almost smashing the locker door shut, Eric headed to his classroom and once there, he sat at his usual spot at the back corner of the room.
The class advanced at the same painfully annoying snail pace as always and Eric couldn't give the slightest ounce of attention to it. Inside his mind, the image of Kenny practically jumping to Craig's arms and kissing him was weakening Eric's control over his emotions and he dreaded what was going to happen next. Sometimes, he was really proud of his mind working like a clock, always controlled, cold, calculative. But he hated that precision when it came to it every day, at 10 o'clock, making him lose that control and start to overflow with the pain and envy that the scene he had to witness every day stirred in him.
Balling his fists and clutching his teeth, Eric put all of his focus into stopping the tears that stubbornly wanted to come out. Eric loved to fight, he felt a special thrill over his whole body when it came to trade punches with someone, anyone. But fighting against himself, against his own feelings was a struggle he loathed. Mostly because he knew that it was an already lost battle, since no matter how much effort he put into it, Eric knew that those feelings were never going to disappear.
Finally, after what it looked like an eternity to Eric, he managed to contain his feelings and taking a deep breath, he tried to clear his mind, to detach himself from all of that and to leave his heart devoid of any emotion, like he always did when he was confronted with something that he couldn't handle consciously.
That brief moment of fabricated peace gave Eric the comfort he needed, seeing that he was again in control of himself.
The rest of the class went by and so did the rest of the day. Eric felt specially lucky about not having to run into Kenny again, even if he was desperate to see the blond boy again, being at school meant that Kenny was going to be always accompanied by Craig and Eric couldn't stand to see them together. It was getting harder and harder with each day and Eric, even if he didn't wanted to admit it, was fearing that all of that could get out of control one of these days and that he would just snap and do something stupid.
Taking the bus again to go back home, Eric stared at the school's parking lot, hoping to catch a glimpse of the blond teen that owned his heart. Every day, Craig would take Kenny back home in his father's car and Eric didn't wanted to dwell too much into what could happen inside that car, so he finally looked away from the window and leaned back into his seat.
Eric arrived to his house and went directly to his room, ignoring his mother's greetings on the way up. He threw his backpack on the floor and crashed on his bed with a loud sigh feeling miserable.
The brown haired boy remained immobile on his bed, his mind replaying the images of the routine he went through every day, making him want to grab all those thoughts and just throw them out the window.
After reluctantly going down to have dinner, Eric went back to his room and sat on his bed, staring outside the window like he always did. Looking at the moon was one of the only things that could give Eric a little of inner peace and to his relief, that night the moon was bright and big on the sky.
The husky teen sighed again, thinking about what would happen the next day, smiling at the thought of that blissful start of the morning, where he would be able to see Kenny again, but dreading the rest of the day that would be filled with pain and sorrow like every other day since he had started to get those feelings for the blond boy.
Stripping off his clothes and getting into bed, Eric closed his eyes, hoping that the next day would bring him at least some relief from his ever present sadness, but knowing that life would never be that kind to him.
Days went by, always repeating themselves. Eric was growing into a painful despair under the crushing routine of waiting at Kenny's door before going to school, sharing a wonderful time at the bus ride and then, having arrived at the place only to every day be witness to the scene that made his life to again go down that endless abyss of sorrow that he seemed to have no escape from.
One those days though, things started to changed. Eric was waiting outside Kenny's door like always, anxious from getting to see again his crush. When unexpectedly, he heard footsteps coming down his way. Surprised and puzzled by that, Eric turned around and his heart sunk at the sight of Craig coming down the walkway.
Not even trying to mask his killer glare, Eric asked with disdain - What are you doing here? -
Craig stopped in front of the chubby boy and flipped him off before answering in his usual deadpan tone - Came to pick up my boyfriend. What's it to you? -
Eric stood there silent for a couple of seconds, trying to ease the fury that was boiling his blood at the sight of the person that day after day ruined his life. In other circumstances, Eric would have gladly just jumped onto Craig, beating the hell out of him without bothering himself with words for being an asshole that caused him so much pain. But Eric didn't wanted to see again that sad look on the beautiful aquamarine eyes of Kenny like the last time he had fought with Craig.
Mustering all of his strength and focusing on controlling his voice and body, Eric replied - I'm waiting my friend like I always do. You see, I'm not like some shitty asshole that never bothered to pick up his boyfriend before school until like four months after he got his license... - Eric's voice laced with a caustic tone so intense that could have made many people to faint.
Craig scoffed and looked to Kenny's door - I don't have to explain shit to you -
- I wouldn't want to hear your sorry excuses either - Eric said quickly shooting another glare at Craig for being so insolent for not even looking at him when he talked.
Craig finally turned his head and stared at Eric for a couple of seconds with a blank expression that made the chubby teen to feel uncomfortable - You shouldn't be doing this to yourself anymore, you know? It's gonna destroy you... - Said Craig finally with a low and expressionless tone.
Eric was shocked by that. He could have expected a yell, an insult, even the usual silent flipping off that was trademark of Craig. But those words seemed to shake Eric's stability and all he could do was shakily ask - What the hell are you talking about? -
The black haired teen clicked his tongue and replied - I'm talking about coming here every day, hoping that Kenny will look at you as more than just a friend -
Eric couldn't hide his shock anymore at those words, his face twisted into a horrified grimace. How could Craig know all that?
- It's pretty obvious you know? - Added Craig as if he were reading Eric's mind - Maybe not to the rest of the idiots at school but to me it is -
Eric was frozen on his feet, his heart beating erratically and even in the chilly air, his forehead and palms were damped with sweat.
- I'm not mad at you, at least not yet. I mean, it's hard not to be blinded by Kenny, he is too pretty... But I have to warn you, you don't have a chance here - Continued Craig still without an ounce of sentiment in his voice.
Eric's frozen state immediately switched into a red frenzy that made the ice in his veins turn into molten lava. A deep frown accented the already killer glare that Eric was shooting at Craig.
Not only that asshole stole Eric's life, but now he was daring to be condescending to him?
The husky teen's fists were balled with enough fury to topple a mountain and Eric, for a second, entertained his mind with an image of Craig's wrecked face after he had finished with him.
But another image came to Eric's mind. That unbearable image of Kenny sadly asking Craig if he was okay after Eric had trowed him against the lockers, almost leaving him unconscious, the last time they had fought. That had happened almost a year ago, just before Kenny and Craig had started to date. But that image had been one of the most heartbreaking ones that Eric had seen in his life and he didn't wanted to repeat it.
Making an unbelievable effort to stay calmed, Eric just turned around and left, knowing that just one more word would shatter his self control.
Walking heavily to the bus stop, Eric couldn't stop hearing those hideous words inside his head. But the thing that infuriated him the most was that he had been called out.
How could he had been so careless, so stupid to let himself get caught by that smug idiot? Then, a horrible realization came to Eric's mind. What if Craig told Kenny about his feelings? What if Kenny didn't wanted to see him again after that?
After all, that had been one of the main reasons why Eric had never confessed his feelings to his crush. He could bear with rejection, or at least he thought that. But he couldn't bear to be apart from Kenny anymore.
Even those hours between one bus ride and the next one were painful for Eric. Every time that Kenny died, Eric felt like he had died a little too, but those times he knew that Kenny would come back, so he could bear that pain. But telling Kenny something like this and watching how the blond boy didn't wanted to spend any more time with him because of it was something that Eric wasn't prepared to deal with.
The husky boy finally reached the bus stop and hopped in when the vehicle stopped in front of him. His usual seat felt so empty and cold without the warmth of Kenny's laughter beside him.
Finally arriving to school, Eric headed to his locker and absentmindedly grabbed his stuff and went to class.
The hours seemed to fly away as Eric was too immersed into his own miserable thoughts to even acknowledge where he was. The chubby boy had spent all day roaming around in some kind of auto pilot mode until the last hour ended and he headed towards his locker to grab his stuff and head back home.
As Eric was stuffing his backpack, a familiar and heartwarming laughter made the chubby boy to jump a little and look around for the source of such beautiful sound. Coming down the hallway, Eric saw Kenny walking, his eyes fixed on Craig who walked beside him.
Eric couldn't help but to smile a little internally at the sight of his crush, so beautiful and graceful. But he quickly remembered what had happened that morning and Eric could feel his blood starting to boil again. Letting out a grunt, the chubby boy grabbed his backpack and slammed the door of his locker with fury.
He wanted to get out of there as fast as he could, not wanting to face the couple, afraid he might lose control. But just as he was turning around, Eric bumped into someone and almost lost balance.
- Watch were yew're going asshole! - Eric growled.
- You bumped into me fatass! - Replied the smaller, redheaded figure that had almost fallen to the ground.
- Move out Jew - Eric growled again. His day was bad enough for him to have to endure the stupidity of the ginger.
- Wow... Rough day? - Asked Kyle more calmed and not with his usual smartass tone, but with a sincere one.
- None of yewr business - Grunted Eric easily shoving Kyle to the side and walking away.
Just as Eric thought that he was out of all that annoyance, he heard the loud and obnoxious ringing of Kyle's voice - Cartman! - Kyle finally caught up with him and walked beside the chubby boy - Hey, what's happening to you? You're not looking okay... -
Eric scoffed and said with an icy voice - Since when do you care if I'm looking okay? -
- Since we're friends? You being an asshole doesn't mean we don't care about you. Besides I thought that we were getting along better than before lately... -
Eric had to give it to Kyle, he was right about that. Since they all had entered high school, Eric's behavior had improved. He was still the same irritating, smartass and pushy guy from before, but his levels of racism and general bigotry had lowered noticeably and he wasn't so bent on pestering the others so much like before. And since he had started to feel drawn to Kenny, Eric had even started to act a little more politely. All of that had made his friends to not just tolerate him like before, but to really consider him as a friend.
Still, at that moment, Eric just wanted to be left alone and so he let out a deep and exasperated sigh before saying - What do you want Kahl? -
- I don't know... To talk maybe? - Replied Kyle feeling a little uneasy at the unfamiliar situation - I mean, maybe I can help you with something? -
Eric stopped in his tracks and stared at Kyle with a surprised look - Yew wanna talk with me? Yew want to help me? - Eric thought about that for a second. Never before he had been in that situation where someone was willing to actually listen to him and to help him. Because Kyle's eyes were sincere about it and Eric wasn't doubting him. But then, the thought of telling Kyle everything that was happening to him stirred an alarmed state at the possibility of his secret crush being out in the open, with all the dangers that came with that.
Deeply regretting denying what could be his first real opportunity of maybe getting some actual relief for his heavy heart, Eric frowned, more at himself than at Kyle and said in a raspy voice - I'm not in the mood to talk -
Kyle looked directly into Eric's eyes, not averting his gaze even at the harshness of the chubby teen's eyes and said - Look, I can see that, but sometimes talking is exactly what you need. I'm sure that you will feel better after letting whatever is bothering you to come out -
Eric couldn't help but to chuckle internally at the firm tone of the smaller boy in front of him - You won't give up won't you? - Scoffed Eric but not in a mocking way like always.
- You know that I can be almost as stubborn as you - Replied Kyle easing his look and giving Eric a half smile.
Eric sighed again and said - What the hell... Alright. We can talk at my place -
The brown haired boy started to walk again towards the bus stop when Kyle yelled at him, almost laughing - Want a ride? I have a car you know? -
Eric turned around and walked back to Kyle only saying - Smartass - As he walked past the red haired boy, heading to the parking lot. Kyle limited himself to chuckle and walked beside Eric.
Neither of the boys talked during the short trip and when they finally got to Eric's house, he thanked that his mother was out.
The two teens walked upstairs and into Eric's room, then the husky teen sat in his bed and seeing that Kyle was just standing there said - Yew won't sit down? -
Kyle nodded and sat on the edge of Eric's bed. After a whole minute in which neither of them knew what to say, Kyle finally asked - So, what is troubling you? -
- Don't talk like that Kahl, this is difficult enough without yew sounding like a fucking shrink - Scoffed Eric, more playful than annoyed. Although he was just trying not to show how nervous and even scared he actually was. Eric took a deep breath and said - I have been having this problem... And I don't know what to do about it... -
- A matter of the heart I suppose? - Ventured Kyle with a slight grin.
Eric stared at the red haired teen with wide eyes, then he frowned, trying not to be so obvious about that issue - Who said it's something like that? - Asked Eric with a growl.
- You. Just know by making that face.. - Replied Kyle almost amused at his friend's reaction.
Eric hmpfed and looked away. Maybe this whole thing was messing with him more than he had imagined. If people were reading him so easily...
Trying to sound nonchalant, not wanting to give a full victory to the red head, Eric said - Yeah okay... It is something like that - The chubby boy looked to the ceiling and taking another deep breath continued - The thing is that I've been... Feeling something for someone. I don't know where that came from but now I don't know what to do with it -
- Because that someone doesn't feel the same way right? - Asked Kyle with a calmed but firm expression.
Eric's eyes widened again and just managed to ask - How in the hell did you guessed that? -
Kyle looked down and said quietly - I've been there too. I can see the signs... I've also experienced unrequited love you know? - The green eyes of the teen were plagued by an almost palpable sadness.
Eric, to his own disgust, couldn't help but to feel sad for his friend, even if he wouldn't accept it. The chubby boy remained silent for a while, trying to decide if he was daring enough to carry on with this. Kyle already had guessed most of it, but now came the really important and dangerous part.
Eric was about to speak again when Kyle asked - Is it Kenny right? -
The husky teen felt a shiver going down his spine and turning all his blood into ice. The other things may have been guessable, but this? Eric didn't even knew what to think anymore, he just stared at Kyle with a look of total disbelief on his eyes and his jaw slightly dropped.
Kyle looked back at Eric and said - Don't be so surprised... I'm a pretty good observer and I've seen the way you've been looking at Kenny lately... - Kyle gave Eric a reassuring smile - Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about all this and there's nothing wrong with you liking him... -
Eric was just astounded by Kyle figuring all out so quickly. As if the red head were reading his mind, Kyle chuckled a little and said - Hey, we've known each other since we were four, it's logical that I would figure this out. After all, you haven't been quite yourself since a while ago. That made me look a little closer. But don't beat yourself, you haven't been that obvious, it takes someone who knows you to be aware of this -
- It wasn't so difficult for that boring asshole... - Said Eric with an angry tone.
- Who? - Asked Kyle puzzled - Is there someone else who knows about this? -
- Craig - Growled Eric as if the name itself were a hideous word.
Kyle stared at his friend with an almost horrified look - Craig knows? -
- At least he suspects it - Replied Eric still with the same anger on his voice.
- What did he said about it? - Asked Kyle, then he shot a concerned gaze at Eric - You didn't fought right? -
- Nah... He said he wasn't angry about it but that I should stop hoping to get something with Kenny - Replied Eric furious - That little piece of shit, I almost wrecked him on the spot... - Then Eric's expression turned into a sad one and sighed - But I didn't wanted to... -
- You didn't wanted to hurt Kenny... - Finished Kyle - You love him don't you? - Asked the ginger quietly.
Eric looked away, feeling his face warming and just nodded.
Kyle's expression turned serious and said - Eric, I know that this is not what you want to hear right now but, Craig is not the only one that thinks like that... - The chubby boy looked at Kyle again, almost glaring at him and Kyle continued - Listen, I know how much this must be hurting you, but you should know that Kenny is in love with Craig... And Craig is really serious about Kenny too. Kenny told me that they even have plans to leave the town and live together after finishing school... -
Eric felt his heart almost stopping, his mind becoming numb and he just stood there, completely unable to articulate a word.
Then, his ever present pride kicked in and Eric said defiantly - I'll make Kenny change his mind. I'll make him ditch that idiot so I can give him the happy home he deserves... I'll... - Eric didn't realized at the moment but tears were falling from his eyes and his broken voice tried to desperately let out what he had been thinking for a long time.
Kyle looked at his friend with a deep sadness on his heart and interrupted him - You'll do nothing Eric. Can't you see it? Kenny is happy with Craig. What makes you think that you can change his mind? -
Eric glared at the green eyed boy and yelled - You don't know shit! -
- Yes I do! - Yelled Kyle too, sorrow so deep on his eyes that it stopped Eric instantly - I have been right where you are now, feeling that my heart and life belonged to someone that not only didn't even acknowledged the possibility of us being more than friends, but also proudly showing me how happy he was with someone else! - A couple of tears escaped from Kyle eyes - I did my best effort to meet his requirements, shredded my resolve and pride going out of myself to get at least a glimpse of his attention. But all I ended up with was a broken heart and almost losing a friend... - Kyle's voice almost broke then and he stopped talking, trying to calm his erratic breathing.
Eric was shocked by all that. The always perfect and measured Kyle had gone through all of that? The chubby boy then started to quickly connect the dots and asked quietly - Stan uh? -
Kyle raised his eyes and met the brown ones that were staring at him, he nodded and said - Pretty obvious right? -
For the first time in his life, Eric felt the need to wipe the sadness off Kyle's eyes. For it wasn't a sadness produced by something vain or even funny, at least to Eric, but a sorrow that Eric had been feeling for too long and he knew that that kind of sadness was no laughing matter.
Making an effort to sound nonchalant and trying to change the mood Eric chuckled - Well, I always knew you were a fag... -
Kyle looked at the husky teen and smiled, understanding Eric's intentions. He chuckled too, wiping the tears from his eyes - Well, it looks like you're a fag too... -
Eric blushed but welcomed the change in the room's atmosphere. It didn't lasted much though, because Kyle's look became serious again and said - Cart... Eric. I know what you're going through and I know I don't have the right to tell you what to do. But please listen to me, you have to forget about Kenny or you'll end up broken -
Eric was speechless. Hearing his first name coming from Kyle was something almost unbelievable and to top that, Kyle was giving him advice in an attempt to help him...
Still, despite all that, Kyle's words sounded too harsh for Eric to just accept them. But at least in some remote place inside his mind, Eric knew that Kyle was right.
- Look Kyle, I can't just forget Kenny okay? You know me, you know that's not how I work... - Said Eric with a raspy voice - You know that when I want something I can go all the way to get it. And Kenny isn't just something I want, I need him... - The chubby teen's eyes were getting blurry again and the trail of dried tears across his cheeks was getting wet with new ones. This time Eric knew that he was crying but he had reached a point where it didn't mattered anymore. Eric was opening his heart for the first time and at the moment, he didn't wanted to hide behind his tough guy mask.
Kyle stared at his friend, astounded by the display of sincerity and at the same time feeling his heart sinking feeling related to the sight of the brown haired boy showing his broken heart.
- No one said it would be easy Eric - Finally let out Kyle quietly -But you can't go on denying the truth and letting your hopes soar with false wings just to see them crashing against the ground when it's too late to back down -
Eric sniffed and wiped the tears from his face. He knew pain, he drowned in pain every night thinking about how another day had passed without him being able to hold Kenny in his arms and listen to that sweet and always cheerful voice saying his name in a loving and warm tone.
But now, the realization of Kyle's words being right was a pain he had never experienced before. Sharp and white hot needles piercing his chest while a sore bump on Eric's throat was making breathing difficult for him.
Silence reigned in the room for a long while. Kyle didn't wanted to press on, giving Eric time to let all of their conversation to sink in his mind, knowing that admitting such defeat surely was something almost unbearable to the brown eyed boy.
Finally, after taking a deep breath that strangely calmed Eric, the husky teen said in a tired and sorrowful tone - Maybe I should listen to you for once... Maybe I am so deluded that I even thought I could have a chance with Kenny... - Eric sighed looking as if the world were falling on top of him. The chubby boy covered his face with his hands and fell to the side on the bed.
Kyle watched Eric sobbing quietly and trying not to let his sadness reflect on his voice said - Eric, this is not the end of the world. I know it seems like it to you right now, but you can overcome this and someday you will find someone that will not only fill, but overflow that void in your heart... -
Eric rolled to his back and staring at the ceiling said sadly - I know that you're trying to cheer me up, but no one will want to be with me, ever... Not Kenny, not anyone... -
- What makes you feel so sure about that? - Asked Kyle defiantly.
Eric turned his head and looked directly into Kyle's eyes raising an eyebrow - Have you seen me? - Asked Eric sarcastically - I'm fat and ugly and no one would ever want to even touch me... -
Kyle rolled his eyes and scoffed - You're just being an idiot now... Yes, you are fat I give you that - Eric frowned and Kyle chuckled a little - But you are not ugly... In fact, you are quite good looking... - Eric raised an eyebrow again and Kyle blushed a little looking away - But don't worry. I won't hit on you or something, we could never get along as a couple... - Kyle sighed, then he smiled warmly - But there is someone that likes you though... -
Eric sat up again and stared at Kyle with curiosity - Who? - Asked trying not to sound so eagerly interested, although he actually was that interested.
Kyle looked at Eric like if he were deciding if to tell him or not, then said hesitantly - Clyde... -
Eric's eyes widened in disbelief and asked - As in Clyde Donovan? Clyde likes me? - Kyle nodded and Eric's expression changed into a suspicion one - How do you know about that? - Asked the chubby boy.
- He told me a while ago... - Replied Kyle - He was needing to tell someone and since Token became pretty homophobic when Craig said he was gay, Jimmy moved out and Butters can't hold a secret, he came to me. In fact, he didn't actually came to me. We were doing some homework for biology and he looked like he was about to faint from the stress, so I asked him what was happening and after much convincing, he finally told me that he had been liking you for quite a while... I don't know if it's love, but the guy clearly has a crush on you... -
Eric could sense the honesty on Kyle's voice and just stared at the red head for a while, letting all of that to sink in his head. That was a big shock, not so much the part about Clyde being gay, Eric had never payed much attention to him but he had noticed that Clyde hadn't showed a real attraction to girls, always sticking too close to his male friends instead. The thing that shocked Eric the most was that someone actually liked him. Eric had always thought that he was too ugly for anyone to feel attracted to him. But here he was, listening how someone may actually have a crush on him...
Still, even if that stirred something inside Eric, something that he wasn't sure what it was yet, the image of Kenny was still branded on Eric's heart and he knew that it wouldn't go away so easily.
The chubby boy adjusted himself on the bed and said - This is quite a news... But I don't know... That wont be enough for me to forget Kenny... -
- Of course not - Replied Kyle knowingly - But at least you know that you do have an option... - Then Kyle frowned concerned - But don't take this as an opportunity to just forget Kenny okay? Don't you dare to just use Clyde as a consolation prize or even worse, as a replacement... - Kyle looked down a little and said quietly - Now I'm kinda regretting telling you that... -
Eric frowned deeply and said - Hey, I'm an asshole sometimes alright, but I would never do something like that! I don't even know if I'm gonna do anything about that guy... - The husky teen blushed a little - He is kinda... Cute... But I don't know... -
Kyle laughed - Cute? I never thought that I would be hearing you saying that someone is cute... - Then Kyle just smiled warmly again and continued - But I'm glad that I did... I'm glad to see you acting like this... You should be more kind more often, it suits you better you know? -
Eric blushed even more and looked away but said softly - Thanks... -
- Uh? What did you said? - Asked Kyle amused.
- I said thank you - Replied Eric raising his voice a little. Then he looked at Kyle smiling and said - Thank you for all this... I do feel kinda better... -
- I'm glad to hear that - Smiled back Kyle - But, what are you gonna do? -
Eric looked at the ceiling and sighed - I still don't know... I got so much to think about... - The chubby boy closed his eyes for a second and then, he opened them again saying - I just can't let Kenny go like this... At least I gotta tell him... Then I'll see where that leads me -
- Well, that's not so bad after all... - Said Kyle - But be careful, don't try to push an answer out of him and more importantly, be prepared for things going south... It's better to brace yourself for the worst than to go with high hopes in these kind of cases... - Kyle looked away with sorrow - Believe me, I know what I'm talking about -
Eric stared at his friend for a couple of seconds, feeling the pain on Kyle's voice - Hey... How are things now with Stan? I mean, I take it that he knows about your feelings right? -
Kyle sighed and replied with a half smile - Well, things are going back to normal, slowly but steadily... It's been six months already since I told him how I felt and at first he didn't even dared to talk to me... - Kyle chuckled sadly a little and continued - He's so great that he wasn't mad at all but just didn't wanted to keep hurting me... In the end, I accepted the fact of that door being closed to me and we went back to just being friends -
- I'm... I'm sorry about that... - Said Eric hesitantly but with sincerity - I mean, about that not working out for you... -
Kyle smiled warmly to Eric and replied - Thanks. But I'm not so sorry anymore. At least I got that out of my system and I didn't lost my best friend as I feared. Besides, now I can concentrate on other things in my life... Maybe finding someone that would want to reply to my feelings? -
- I know that you will - Said Eric with a smile on his lips - After all, you're not bad looking either... -
- Thanks - Kyle smiled back - You know? I really liked this... We should talk more often. I mean, sincerely and openly like now... -
- Well, I hate to admit it but I liked this too - Replied Eric with a smirk - But don't get to rosy with me okay? -
- Never - Kyle laughed - Well... I should get going now - The read headed teen got up and then looked back at Eric and said - Are you really feeling okay? I could stay a little longer if you need it... -
- Yeah, I'm fine - Replied Eric smiling warmly and fully for the first time - Thanks but I need to be alone right now -
Kyle nodded - I understand - He walked to the door and Eric followed him. They walked downstairs and Eric opened the front door for Kyle - Call me if you need anything okay? - Said Kyle stepping out.
- Sure, thanks - Replied Eric - You... You can do the same - Added hesitantly.
Kyle smiled to Eric and waived to him as he walked to his car. Eric closed the door and went to his room again, crashing on his bed, head filled with so much to process that he could barely believe that all that had happened in just a day.
Eric spent the next week avoiding Kenny as much as he could. Thankfully, the blond boy wasn't taking the bus anymore, going to school with Craig instead. Eric had never been so grateful about missing that little moment he used to share with Kenny before. He did regretted having to spend so much time away from his crush, having to fight himself every day not to go right to Kenny's house and at least try to repeat his old routine. It was something quite painful, Eric's body was going through some kind of withdrawal phase, aching to just go and kiss Kenny every time he saw him.
But Eric knew that things were at a point where a single false step could send everything into a fiery whirlwind that would only end up with him broken.
Even if the need was great, Eric wanted to regain control over his life and heart so he almost ran away when that Friday, after the last hour of class had finished, the chubby boy was grabbing his stuff from the locker when a familiar and enthralling voice said next to him - Dude, is there something wrong with you? -
Eric felt a shiver going down his back and for a second he thought of just ignoring that voice, but he never could. Eric was almost physically unable to ignore Kenny's voice. Slowly, Eric turned around and trying to sound casual said - Nothing wrong with me -
Kenny raked his eyes over Eric's face raising an eyebrow and said - Really? Come on... That's the best you can say? -
- Don't be an idiot Kenny. Just leave me alone - Replied Eric making a great effort to control his voice and maintain the cool act.
Kenny's eyes became serious and said - Cartman, we need to talk -
Eric was desperate to just turn around and leave, but there was something on Kenny's look that kept Eric glued to the spot - Look, I'm tired and not in the mood for this shit okay? I'm going home... - Eric finally said, unable to hide the shadow of sorrow that plagued his eyes.
- That doesn't work with me Cartman - Replied Kenny impervious - We need to talk - Kenny's tone was demanding but also showed concern and a little sadness.
Eric closed his eyes and took a deep breath - Alright... But not here -
- Fine by me - Replied the blue eyed boy - Let's take a walk -
Eric nodded and grabbed his backpack, taking his time even in closing the locker door, stalling as much as he could without being obvious. Eric knew that this wasn't going to be a normal talk and so he tried to prepare himself for whatever the outcome may be.
The two boys walked past the school gates and down the street as if they were walking back home. But a couple of blocks later, Kenny signaled Eric to follow him and they ended up on a deserted and little square that sat at the back of some rundown buildings.
The blond boy sat on a bench and Eric followed suit, being careful not to sit too close.
Neither of them had said a word on their way and now Eric was dreading the moment when their conversation would start, because it would surely bring a big change to his life.
Finally, Eric heard Kenny asking - Why have you been avoiding me? - Kenny's voice was calmed but sad.
- I haven't been avoiding you - Replied Eric. Telling the truth to Kenny wasn't something easy to do - You're the one who has forgotten about me. Going to school every day with your perfect boyfriend on his perfect car... - Eric noticed alarmed that his voice had sounded way more caustic than what he had intended.
- I didn't knew that Craig drove me around the school hallways too -Replied Kenny sarcastically - Or at lunch, or last weekend... -
Eric sighed heavily - I've been... Busy... -
- Cut the crap Cartman! - Exclaimed Kenny exasperated - We're not kids anymore. You can't fool me so easily. We're friends, we're supposed to tell things to each other. What's happening to you? - Kenny's tone was almost angry but mostly pleading.
Eric closed his eyes at the sound of his crush's obvious sorrow. The lump on that had been growing on Eric's throat threatened to mute him forever and his heart was beating furiously but at an erratic tempo that seemed to mimic Eric's messed up mind at the moment.
- Look, you're right okay? I have been avoiding you. Is that enough for you now? - Asked Eric with a furious but measured tone, wanting to just run away instead.
- Why would you do such a thing? - Asked Kenny painfully - Did I do something wrong? - The blond boy's sad whimper teared through Eric's mind and heart, making him to start shaking both in abyssal sorrow and fiery rage against himself for making Kenny feel sad.
- I just couldn't stand to see you parading around with that asshole okay?! - Exclaimed Eric punching the bench beside him - I can't stand you spending so much time with him, shoving all that right in my face... - Added Eric, his voice finally breaking without him even caring if it showed or not.
Kenny raked his eyes over Eric's shaky figure, his voice came out hoarse and sad but harsher than he intended - So now I can't spend time with my boyfriend? I thought you were okay with that! Why do you care about it now? -
Eric could feel his blood boiling and his mind going into that blinded state it turned to when things overwhelmed him. But this time, it wasn't the crimson of rage what tinted his thoughts, but the unbearable blackness of pure sorrow.
- I'm not caring about it now! - Yelled Eric unable to control himself anymore - I've been caring about that since before it even began! I've been caring about who you go out with for more than a year already. And when you started dating Craig my days became unbearable - Eric wanted to stop yelling but his heart was throwing out all the sadness he had been bottling up for so long and there was no way to stop it - I love you Kenny. There you have it, that's the reason why I've been avoiding you all these days. I didn't wanted to see anymore how happy you are with another guy, knowing that I will never even have the chance to prove you that I can make you happy too - Tears were running wildly down Eric's cheeks and his whole body was trembling uncontrollably.
Kenny just stared at Eric, mouth agape and total disbelief on his eyes.
Eric was breathing heavily and tried to kill the sobs that were escaping from his mouth. He looked at Kenny for a second, trying to decipher any other emotion on his blue eyes other than shock. Not getting what he wanted, Eric said - Fuck this - And stood up angrily, starting to walk away.
After having taken just a couple of steps, Eric heard Kenny shouting - Eric! Wait! -
The chubby boy hesitated for a second and then stopped. He could sense Kenny coming closer and growled - What do you want? -
- Turn around and look at me - Commanded Kenny with a hoarse but firm voice.
Eric took a deep breath and turned around saying - What?... - But was interrupted by Kenny grabbing Eric's jacket and pulling him closer while pressing his lips against Eric's.
The husky teen stood frozen in shock for a couple of seconds, thinking that somehow reality had shifted into something completely unbelievable, while Kenny's lips were warmly locked with his own.
Finally coming to his senses, Eric wrapped his arms around Kenny and pressed the smaller teen's body against his own. Kenny, taking that as a good signs, wrapped his arms around Eric's waist while his lips started to caress the plump and soft ones of the chubby boy.
Eric didn't knew what to do at first. That was his first kiss after all and the shock of the whole situation wasn't helping either, but he had always been a fast learner, so after a couple of seconds Eric started to imitate Kenny's movements, softly caressing the blond boy's lips.
The kiss quickly became a hungry and passionate one. Eric felt Kenny's tongue slowly pressing against his lips, trying to part them and he gladly allowed it to enter, moaning as that wet and warm intruder started to move inside his mouth wonderfully, searching for Eric's tongue until they started to dance together. Soon, the kiss turned almost furious, as if the two boys tied to pour all their accumulated want into that one kiss.
Moaning loudly into Kenny's mouth, Eric started to feel that his head was getting heavy from the lack of oxygen and finally separated from Kenny's warm lips, panting heavily but smiling like never before.
- Wow... That was... - Eric said breathlessly. He stared at Kenny's beautiful eyes and asked - But why? -
- God... You are clueless sometimes... - Sighed Kenny smiling too - You're not the only one who has been hiding feelings you know? - Then, Kenny looked away and his expression turned into a sad one - But this was wrong... -
- Wrong? It was amazing! - Exclaimed Eric still unable to fully believe what was happening.
Kenny looked back into Eric's eyes and a tear escaped down his cheek - It was wrong. I have a boyfriend and... I love him... - Kenny eased his arms from Eric's waist and tried to break free from the chubby boy's embrace. Eric didn't eased his arms though, not on purpose, but it was more like if his body couldn't bear to be apart from Kenny's again.
The blond boy sighed sadly and put his hands on Eric's chest. Pushing softly said - Let me go... -
Eric finally eased his arms startled by Kenny's tone. The blue eyed teen walked away a couple of steps from eric and said, unable to look at Eric - Look, you are gorgeous and I did had a crush on you for so long... I... I think I still have feelings for you. But we can't do this. I can't do this. I love Craig and he doesn't deserves this - Eric stared at Kenny completely frozen. His mind just couldn't process all that had happened and the only clear thing on his head was that he needed to kiss Kenny again.
Slowly, his senses came to him again and Eric asked quietly - Why... Why can't we be together? - Eric's voice sounded excruciatingly pleading and Kenny couldn't stand to hear it - You said you liked me. You can't like me and still be with Craig - Continued Eric in a tone that a child would use when trying to find an explanation to the death of something dear - Wait... How long have you been liking me? - Asked Eric finally.
- Kenny looked to the sky and sighed - Since before we got into high school... - The blond boy shook his head with a half smile - I wanted you so much... -
Eric felt his heart leaping at first, but then he furrowed his brows and asked - Why you didn't told me anything? -
Kenny finally looked at Eric again and gave him an almost tired glance - I was afraid that it would end our friendship. Being that you were always talking shit about gay people I figured that you wouldn't want to have a fag as a friend... Even less if such friend had a crush on you... - Kenny half smiled again sadly and continued - Then you started to change, to be more tolerant, or at least less caustic... So I felt encouraged for a while. But then I realized that it wasn't just a crush what I had on you... I realized that I cared too much about your feelings, even more than my own. I understood that we could never be together without it hurting you... -
Eric frowned puzzled and asked - Why you say that? -
Kenny sighed again - Cute but really clueless... Eric, if we were boyfriends, how do you think you would feel every time I died? -
- I can handle that - Replied Eric shrugging - I've been doing it since we were kids -
- How? Childishly denying it like before? Or roaming around my house the next morning with a deplorable look until I came back like you've been doing lately? -
Eric looked away knowing that Kenny was so right about that. After all, that's how Eric had started to wait for Kenny every morning before going to school. At first he only did it when Kenny had died, and he did looked deplorable, he was feeling that way too.
Then it became a habit and Eric started to wait for Kenny every morning so he could spend as much time as he could with him.
- Eric, maybe you don't want to admit it but you are clingy - Continued Kenny - You feel things more deeply than the rest of the people and when it comes to lose something you hold dear you tend to break - Eric stared amazed at Kenny figuring him so well - You shouldn't look so surprised - Said Kenny - I've known you for too long and I know how you work... - The blond boy looked away again and wiped the tears that were about to fall from his eyes - That's why I could never be with you. I could never break your heart so much, so many times... -
Eric was fighting the need to cry desperately but still trying to sound unaffected said - Then you don't love Craig so much as you say. If you're willing to put him through that... -
Kenny frowned at Eric - That's different. He is different. He can take it -
- So you're saying I'm just a pussy... - Said Eric with a tone of disdain.
- No you idiot. I'm saying that he takes that kind of things in a different way. He just shrugs all that and keeps going on - Replied Kenny frowning deeper.
- Then he is the one who doesn't love you... - Said Eric with an acidic tone.
- You can be such a huge asshole when you want... - Said Kenny almost glaring at Eric. Then his look eased and said - Craig loves me. I know that and there's nothing anyone can say to make me think otherwise. That emotionless face he shows to everyone is not who he really is. When he's with me, he shows so much passion and care and love... - Kenny sighed and looked to the sky again - At first I thought that if I couldn't be with you then I needed to be with someone else to forget you. I didn't want to put another person through the same thing I didn't wanted to put you through though, so for a while I was really lost. Until one day, when I had to share a hospital room with him after he had broken his arm trying to climb a tree to rescue his guinea pig... - Kenny half smiled - Such an idiot... From that day on, we became closer and a month later he told me that he liked me. I never had seen Craig that way before, but then I recognized that he was pretty handsome. So we started dating and I knew that he would be perfect for me, for I wouldn't have to worry anymore about breaking someone's heart because of my stupid deaths... With time I learned to really love him and now I can't imagine myself without Craig - The blond boy looked at Eric with sadness and said - I still like you. But we will never be together Cartman... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you now... That was really stupid of me. I'm really sorry -
Eric stared at Kenny completely mute. Feeling his heartbeats slowly decreasing, threatening to stop at any second. Then, Eric remembered his talk with Kyle, how horribly he had felt at the time but how he had understood that even then, he could pull through all this. "It isn't the end of the world" Kyle had said. To Eric this felt like it, but he realized that Kenny telling him all this just confirmed what Kyle, Craig and even Eric himself had thought, he had no chance with Kenny and it was stupid to try forcing his way there or even hoping for a change. Eric understood that it wasn't a defeat if he never had been running the race at all.
Still, Eric was crying when he said - So... What happens now? -
- I don't know... - Replied Kenny filled with sorrow - It's up to you. I don't want to do anything that hurts you anymore -
- I'll think about it... - Said Eric quietly - I don't want to lose you. I know now that we won't be together like I wanted but, you're still my best friend... - The chubby boy wiped the tears from his face and said - I'll need some time... -
Kenny sniffed and nodded slowly - I understand. But promise me that you won't do anything that hurts you just to stay close... I don't want that for you and you should understand that you deserve better... -
I don't know if I can promise anything right now - Replied Eric looking away - But I'll try... - With that, the husky boy turned around and said - See you... -
Kenny stared at Eric's back and replied sadly - See you... - Eric started to walk back home, not even acknowledging what was around him.
The chubby boy finally made it to his house and heavily went to his room and sat on his bed. Eric felt strangely calmed and just stared at the moon that was starting to become visible in the sky. That night he didn't even went down to dinner and just spent the whole night staring at the moon, as if with that, all the sorrow and pain he felt inside could just go away with the satellite.
Finally, when the sun started to rise, Eric laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. The events of the last day and of the entire last year since he had started to feel those wild and strange feelings for his best friend had been running around in his head through all of the night, but with the breaking of the dawn, Eric reached an understanding. His life hadn't ended, it was just beginning. Eric had discovered things he hadn't imagined that could happen to him and he could finally see clearly what he wanted for his life from then on. The chubby boy slowly drifted into sleep, feeling for the first time that we was really in control of his life.
Six months later, a car accident took Kenny's life. He was walking to school since Craig was sick, when a drunken idiot missed a red light and ran over him.
The next morning, Eric was waiting outside Kenny's house again at 8:20. The chubby boy had his hands on his jacket's pockets and was humming some catchy song when he heard footsteps behind him. Eric turned around and saw Craig coming down the walkway. The black haired teen stood next to Eric and the husky boy chuckled - You look like shit... -
Craig just flipped him off and Eric said amused - Don't be an idiot. I should be the one flipping you off. This was your fault for not coming to pick up Kenny yesterday... -
- I'm here today - Replied Craig expressionless and with his nasal voice even more accented by his obvious cold.
- Yeah... But you're not driving today in the state you're in - Scoffed Eric - Give me the keys dude, I don't want you to get us all killed -
Eric extended his hand and Craig clicked his tongue but didn't protested as he gave Eric his car keys.
- Did I missed something? - The two boys heard behind them.
Eric turned around and said bluntly - We're not exactly watching a TV show here Clyde... -
The smaller brown haired boy looked down and replied sheepishly - Sorry... -
Eric got closer to Clyde and wrapped an arm around his waist smiling - Don't worry baby... - Eric leaned onto Clyde and gave him a warm kiss on the lips - I was just kidding -
- Wow, we're getting cozy already? - Kenny chuckled coming out from his house.
Eric turned around and smirked - So says the guy that almost got suspended for practically fucking his boyfriend on the school hallways... -
Craig rolled his eyes and Kenny wrapped his arms around the black haired boy's neck before planting a kiss on his lips - Don't listen to him honey, we'll get to do it eventually... -
Craig rolled his eyes again and Kenny chuckled - Let's get going shall we? -
Eric and Clyde nodded amused and started to walk towards Craig's car. Once they were inside, Clyde looked dreamily to Eric and said - I got us some discount tickets from my mom... You're up for some tacos after school? -
Eric chuckled and leaned towards his boyfriend to plant a soft and warm kiss on the boy's cheek - You know me so well... - Clyde smiled and kissed Eric on the lips.
- Hey lovebirds! - Exclaimed Kenny chuckling - We're gonna be late to school if you keep up like this -
Eric and Clyde laughed and the bigger teen started to drive towards the school.
***Well, this is my first story not involving Kyman as a couple. I was a little nervous about it because I'm so immersed into that ship that going outside it feels a little strage. Although I really like how this story came out. This fic is losely based on the song "A las nueve" belonging to the group "No te va a gustar" I hope that you like it and as always, your reviews are more than welcomed.
***I wrote this little tale for CordialBloodBath, as thanks for her being an amazing friend, helping me to improve my writing and always willing to listen to my ramblings. I know that you like Crenny and I wanted to give you a story with them being together, but I don't know so much about Craig to write a full story about him, so I made it Eric centered... I hopw you forgive me for that... u_u
***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.