Four Times You Didn't Take a Chance, and the One Time You Did
The Bride
You never thought you'd see that smile again. It's the one that's just for you, and you've known that for a while, ever since you pulled the coffin out of the ground bare-handed and she told you it was always you saving her. That's not true of late. You've tried so hard to protect her because having her in your life is so good and easy that you take it for granted. Then the infection came and you tried to cut her out of everything, thought that would save her, but it didn't stop a monster, some massive Beast from tearing through her wedding, and it didn't stop Brainiac from taking her too.
Now she's safe and knows who you are. You know it's wrong that you took that from her, and a huge part of you is relieved it came back with the techo-exorcism. So much has happened in twenty-four hours, and at the top of the list is the burning desire to kick the crap out of the Legion, to tell them never to darken your door again.
Not when they say that Chloe doesn't matter in the future.
What the Hell would they know?
They think you'll kill someone, that you'd ever murder your best friend for the good of the world.
They know nothing about you. They're posers, children playing dress up, and you're glad they're gone.
It's just you and her, like it felt walking her down the aisle. She's back and she remembers and your life can be together again. Except that's not completely true. She's packing up a ton of cookies and nattering on about fucking Jimmy Olsen, and all you want to do is hold her close and beg her to never leave you again.
You want to kiss her, to sweep her away like you've tried with brides before, but that's wrong and Jimmy's sick and you can't.
"Thank you," she says.
And you could say so much right now-tell her the Legion doesn't understand anything, that she's your heart and soul and, yes, brains. You could tell her it killed you to walk her down the aisle, could tell her you want her to stay with you forever and that you could try.
But she baked cookies and he's on a respirator so you hug her instead and wish her luck, even as it burns into your soul.
The Damsel in Distress
She's crying.
She's cried so much this year and, for the longest time, you didn't fucking care.
You didn't care when she begged you to set back time. You know, you both do, that it's not possible, that after your father's death and the disaster with Linda Lake, it's the one thing you can never do. But you didn't care about her pain. You didn't care when she cried on a roof top, saying she knew now that she had to let you go. You didn't care at all a couple weeks ago, no matter what red K can do, you still threatened her and burned her home and left her in tears and didn't care.
You can't explain it.
You just can't. You know everything hurt. You made a mistake and got a friend killed. You know you ran to the Fortress and called it father and let it put ideas and powers in your head that you never even asked for. Everything's so foggy from this past year and you swear at the time hurting Tess or screaming at Chloe or setting buildings on fire was the right thing. Felt expedient, was ruling them with strength.
But in the last few weeks the fog is finally gone and you feel horrible, that you've ruined everything except your relationship with Lois. Everything else is in tatters and you've burned things to the ground on a loop, and you don't know who you are anymore.
You just know you're sorry but after nine months she won't believe it.
Chloe's crying now as she walks around the remains of the Watchtower. She's lived in a virtual reality, a prison of her own making, doing her own penance for Jimmy's death as well. And you want her free. You wished to God the Fortress had done the trick last year and she could have left all this pain and death and horror behind. You were born to it and she wasn't. She can be happy, should be.
But not yet.
The Kandorians are coming, a legion of people more powerful than you, led by a madmen, and you could have stopped it earlier but everything's just so damn fuzzy. Trying to bargain seemed like a better idea, at least for a while.
She's crying again and you're feeding her lines about how important the place she built is, how the Watchtower makes Justice more, how it'll stand long after she's left it. You're telling her anything you can because you're terrified she'll leave you before this fight and she has every right to, she should leave. But you need her again, need her as your right hand, so even though it's killing you both, you beg her for a few more weeks, beg her to stay.
Because you've worked together even during this terrible year for so long you barely can function without her.
The Hole in the World
Oliver is flashy with his grief. He drinks himself stupid and tells everyone his identity and jeopardizes everything Justice has ever tried to do. He might not care if the VRA exists. After all, the worst he could face is fines he'll be more than able to pay. Rich people don't go to jail. Lionel's taught you that.
But aliens?
If they figure out what you are because Oliver won't stop self-destructing, because she's not here to pull either of you back, then there will be scalpels and a cage and you'll never see daylight again. You hate him for that, almost as much as you hate him for loving Chloe, for being for her what you never could be.
So you tell him what you can, make him pull through, keep him in Metropolis as something weird starts rising, something Dark and powerful, that even scares Kara with all she's seen and learned, especially during her time in the Zone. Because you're playing one down already and you can't lose another.
You tell him sitting in the cold dark of the Watchtower that you have to trust her, that whatever she saw is terrible and that Chloe will know how to fix it when it's time. That she'll come back to both of you because it's what Chloe does. But you're not even sure. You were so cruel to her, did so many things last year, turned your back on her, and you're scared deep down that she's truly left her prison, fled the tower that trapped her, and that she'll leave you both to rot.
You'd deserve it.
Oliver doesn't, but you surely do.
So you tell them all to be strong and wait, while at the same time you hurt. You want to call her about something annoying at the DP or text her a thought about the Darkness near bedtime. You want to hear her laugh-so rare last year-or see that smile that used to be just for you but she started sharing with him now too. It wasn't even something for Jimmy or for Davis, but Chloe's shared it now, found someone better and maybe she's even beyond that.
Beyond Metropolis and Smallville and the government and alien drama.
Maybe you'll be alone in the Watchtower now, and you only have yourself to blame.
The Night No One Remembers
You feel her, all of her, and you feel her in a way you've never thought possible. It was one thing as a kid to make out with her in the back of Pete's car, to feel her ample curves in your hands or her kisses, feverish and frenetic, on your neck. It's one thing to have her kiss you like there's no tomorrow because on Dark Thursday there very well could have been true, but now is different.
You can feel the heat of her around you, the softness of her flesh, hear her heart pounding in your ears-you've always been so attuned to it and maybe this is why, this attraction that's played out for eleven years and never capitalized on until now-and your eyes burn because that's what you do and what you are. You've never…even though Lois knows it's too embarrassing to do everything you want.
Chloe's laughing as you blink, her grin so wide and it's for you again and you never found it possible, not thought it could be.
"I didn't know I could do that. That's smoking cool, but don't singe the lemur!"
You have no idea where that rat's gone, and you don't care either. But her laugh is so warm and you feel good, relaxed in a way you can never be, and you're glad Zatanna spiked that alcohol, that she made this possible. It's the best damn night of your life.
"I can't," you say, blinking back the heat as you've done so many times before.
It's weird and inhuman and not like other guys. Oliver wouldn't do this, and you want to be like him, be whatever she wants for the night because the alcohol will wear off and this won't happen again.
Chloe laughs again and licks at your pulse point and you let go, let go in a way you never have before and scorch the ceiling, make the smoke rise and that damn rats chattering in a corner, clinging to its bag of potato chips.
But you don't care.
Because she's under you and happy and you feel amazing, like the damn ubermensch you read about as a kid, like you're as wonderful as she always said you were. You eventually collapse, bringing her to your arms and kiss her temple, promise her everything, promise her the world after Darkseid's done, and you get mawkish too, thank her for saving you from government slavery. Tell her you're nothing without her.
"Me neither, Clark," she says, and there's awe in her voice and happiness, so much after that dark year of yours and you don't deserve it but you take it gladly, even with a weird monkey in the room too. "I'll stay, always."
But it doesn't last.
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
She's gone again.
It's so fast. She was here for barely three weeks and gone.
With him.
She's always leaving, always going off with anyone but you, but you never ask her to stay. You just want her happy, and Chloe's made it clear that you don't make her that. You can hardly blame her.
You're miserable and things fail on their own. Your so-called father gives your fiancée powers and she can't understand that you need breaks too. You did that once, ran full out for three weeks, not even sleep, and gave yourself your first cold. But you're not that sorry to see Lois go. The wedding is off but the Darkness is still out there and now a Legion of Doom too, some awful trick of Toyman's.
So you talk to her and Ollie in Star City. There are video conferences and late nights and plans; there's drawing of allies.
But you don't talk to Chloe Sullivan.
You talk to Watchtower, and it's all business and it's killing you because you know it's not the way it's supposed to be, and you wonder why she came back at all if she was only going to rip your heart out all over again. Maybe you'd almost rather be a government puppet.
Almost.
Then one night when the DefCon 2 meeting is over, Tess turns off the screen but boots something else up on it. You frown, confused when the drunken night antics of the video start and blush on the redhead's behalf when her time with Emil is fast forwarded through. You sigh at the images of your vows to Lois because it was never real, was never enough, and part of you wishes you didn't keep driving the Sullivan-Lane women off. Ones in Africa and one's in Oliver's arms and you just don't know how you keep making everyone leave you.
That maybe that's the joke.
You were sent away only to end up all alone anyway.
Then Tess stops on something and you recognize your own face on the screen, some drunk giggling to the camera and then your own bedroom and you recognize everything. You can't remember it, but it feels right and it explains so much about the morning you woke up. It explains everything. Tess cuts the feed before it goes into Skinemax territory completely, but she frowns back at you, her words simple and direct.
She's a Luthor after all, they cut to the quick, even the good ones.
"So what are you doing here when you're faster than a speeding bullet?"
"But she's…"
Tess laughs and it's bitter. "Any girl would rather have you over Ollie, trust me."
You frown and you know there's more there. It doesn't matter what your cousin says. You are not that hopeless.
"I-"
"Just go!" she says and it's a blessing and a gift.
You find yourself in the basement of the Star City Register and you realize then that all newspaper basements look alike and all of them suffer from lack of windows or natural light. She's typing over an article, fingers fast and furious, and you didn't even realize till you narrowed in on her heart beat she was Skyping in from her desk and not from the Star City watchtower.
Someone has deadline.
You're far past yours.
You zoom up to her and smirk at how well she startles. Chloe's not been home enough in the last year, and her scare reflex is back. You're going to enjoy ruining it all over again. You're going to enjoy so many things.
"Clark, what are you doing here and you are picking up all my papers, mister."
You smile and stroke her cheek. She tries to back away and then you explain everything in a scared rush, terrified she won't let you finish. By the time you explain about the tape and the night together, she bursts into tears and you're scared.
Afraid this is the last thing she wants to hear when she's sort of married (it wasn't legal) to someone else, when she honors that contract.
"Chlo?" And you sweep her into your arms, hug her as tightly as you dare. She's just human after all and you're not and you have to be so careful.
She keeps crying and you know you've messed this up, messed so much up, and then you set your chin on her head, on that comfortable shelf that you think was made just for you. You open your hearing because even when she's sad, even with you shushing her, you take comfort from her heartbeat.
Then there's a third in the room and you know it's not either of yours; it's too soft, too fluttery.
You pull back and your eyes are wide.
She sniffles and nods. "I broke a door knob yesterday, and two days ago it was a keyboard. I figured it out a few weeks ago but I wasn't sure what to say because Lois was still…I'm sorry."
You hug her again and kiss her and promise this is what you wanted, that you've never been happier. Because it's true. You're not the last, not anymore, and you fit with someone and the one you do is the girl in the loft who gave you your first kiss, the woman who's saved your life more times than you can count, the cyber-savior who brought the VRA to its knees.
Because she's Chloe and it's what she does.
"So you're happy?"
You're grinning so wide you think your face will split, and you're glad she let you take her hand. Leading her out to the alley, you wrap her up in her arms and for the first time it's easy. So easy you don't understand how you never did it before, why you were grounded for eleven years after you first floated. But you didn't have her, not like this, and maybe she's your magic feather. The thought makes you chuckle.
She rolls her eyes and it's so her, so perfectly Chloe. You're already starting to leave the ground and she's taking it in stride, and she's the only one who ever has.
Because she's the only one for you.
You're up, up and away in no time with her gripped tightly to you, and you're never letting her go.