Puzzles of love
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: Eight long weeks...
Rated: T
Spoilers: If you haven't watched beyond the early 8th season, I wouldn't recommend reading it. But this story kind of falls behind after 08x07.
A/N: I wasn't planning on publishing this, because I didn't think it was good enough. I put it away for a long time and found again it this morning. New idea's almost instantly started popping up, and I decided to continue it. I won't know if it is good or not if no one else reads it, eh?
Enjoy!
1.
She'd never seen him like this.
His eyes were tired and strands of curly grey hair went in every direction, as the complete opposite of what his hair used to be like; perfectly shaped and well taken care of. The dark hollows of his eyes rested on a file in his hands and when he sighed, he looked at least a hundred years old. It hurt Catherine to see him like this. But there was nothing she could do to ease his pain.. nothing she could do..
It had been eight weeks now. Eight weeks since Sara marched into the hallway, found him talking to Hodges and had kissed him, right then and there. Eight weeks since she left him that horrible, heartbreaking yet sweet letter. Eight weeks.. eight long weeks. From the moment Grissom had read the letter, he'd changed. The sparkle that was with him and in his eyes was gone; like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water onto his inner flame. No one dared to speak, or to ask him how he was. That just wasn't the sort of thing you asked Grissom, that was something everybody in the lab knew. Even Greg was wise enough to shut up this time. Catherine had as well, although she really wanted him to talk about it, as he so clearly suffered from the sudden departure of the love of his life.
He laid dropped the file, put his head in his hands an sighed again.
'You miss her, don't you?' He looked up en blinked. For just a second Catherine thought she saw a glittering of tears in Grissom's eyes, but the moment she thought about it they were gone already. She stared into the harsh, cold face of a man in great pain, while she was leaning against the frame of the door.
'I do..' he mumbled.
'You want to go grab a drink? Talking about it may not help to ease your pain, but it may ease your mind. For all sake just a little.'
He looked at her and gave her a small smile that almost broke her heart – that he had the strength to smile at all..
'Thanks, Cath. But I think I'll just, err..'
'What? Come on, give me an excuse that's worth laughing at.' She looked at him with a stubbornness he knew damn to well and sighed again.
"There's no way I'll get out of it, is there?'
She smiled.
'Nope.'
He shook his head and stood up. He walked towards Catherine and both of them strolled out of his office, heading for a cold drink in the bar around the corner.
'I can't stop thinking..' Grissom started when they were sitting at the bar a good twenty minutes later. It was a small, cozy looking place. The wooden tables with colored chairs gave it a warm look and the few sofa's –also bright colored – made it look more like a student hang-out than a bar. He had gone here before, always in company of a good book, but this time he was accompanied by Catherine and her I-really-want-to-help-you-out-of-your-misery look. Grissom had a glass of scotch in his hand and nipped it absently, while Catherine looked at him with pity. She sat on a bright pink barstool with her legs crossed, while she also had a sip of her drink; ginger ale, she still had to drive.
'What if I wouldn't have been so stupid to deny my every feeling? If we had been together earlier, maybe things wouldn't have gone so far. Maybe then she wouldn't have felt so bad, maybe that way she wouldn't have left..'
'Stop it.' Catherine said. She really wanted to slap him right now.. Grissom looked up from his drink and saw her eyes burning with fury.
'This was not your fault.' She said, 'Even if you would have pounced her the moment you two met, she would have left. Everything just got so bad for her with the kidnapping and her last cases.. she couldn't handle it anymore. Her past haunted her for so long and the past few weeks brought everything back to her. You would have had a hard time dealing with all of that as well.'
'The past catches up with everyone of us..' he murmured and drank the last bit of scotch, before putting his glass back on the bar.
'Look..' Catherine started, but she finally started to realize a pep talk wouldn't get him out of the deep, dark hole he was in at the moment. His heart was broken, and she wasn't the person with a roll of duct tape. Nothing in the world could make him happy now, except Sara. But Catherine knew chances were bigger that she woke up one morning seeing pigs fly in front of her bedroom window, then those of Sara coming back to Vegas in the near future – not to speak of ever.
'And you know what's the worst?' he asked softly. Catherine shook her head. 'Now that I want to fight for her.. now that I want to commit.. You know, if I would get a call right now that my sweet-' He stopped in time; he didn't want to speak to emotionally of Sara in front of Catherine.
'That Sara was in Europe or somewhere, I would take the first flight there. I don't care where she is, all I want right now is to be with her..'
Catherine felt a lump in her throat while she put a hand on his arm.
'Gil, it'll be okay..'
'No it won't.' he said in a harsh tone. He looked up at her and this time Catherine could see him clearly fighting back the tears in his eyes. 'She's gone, Catherine! She's gone and nothing I can do will make her come back to me.'
'Go after her.'
'What?' he looked bewildered at the words she had just spoken, but he understood them crystal clear.
'You heard me, go after her! Look at yourself, you're genetically closer to a car wreck than to any form of human life right now! What have you got to lose? Go, find her, and tell her everything you just told me; every feeling about her that spins around in that head -and heart- of yours.'
She hopped from her barstool en when he did the same, she pulled him in a warm, friendly hug.
'You two belong together.' She whispered as she let him go.
'Thank you, Catherine. You really have been a good friend to me just now.' She gave him a smile and then slapped him on his shoulder.
'C'mon, get your ass in gear! You're wasting time!' Surprisingly, he returned her smile, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and then took off like the Grimm Reaper himself was following him.
--
Sara yawned. She looked at the small clock on her bedside table, which pointed out to her that it was way past bedtime. The book that she was reading before she snoozed off to sleep had fallen from her chest and now lay silently next to the bed. Sara picked it up, put it away and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She ran her tongue across her lips and feeling how dry they were, decided to make herself a nice cup of hot chocolate, after putting on some lip balm.
Waiting for the water to boil, Sara looked around her new apartment. It was smaller then the one she'd had in Vegas, but in it's own way it was quite nice. The colors were a bit brighter than the burgundy she's used in her Vegas apartment; this time it was caramel with soft orange accents. The caramel looked very cozy, especially when an afternoon sun shone on it, and the orange matched her furniture – her couch used to match burgundy, and orange also kind of suited it. She had picked up her things the week after her departure and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. No, that's a lie, she thought.
The hardest thing was leaving Grissom..
She didn't want to, but as one thought of Grissom crawled back into her mind, so came another. And another. And another. Sara shook her head and walked back to the little kitchen. She poured the hot water in a cup and mixed it with the other ingredients. Whilst stirring it, she looked around again. With her back against the counter, she faced the window. Under the window, on her desk, stood a pretty little flowerpot and in the pot stood a beautiful orchid. It was the orchid he'd sent her.
When Sara was standing in her apartment back in Vegas, clearing every cabinet, packing all her bags and checking everything for stuff she might have forgotten, she had left this plant on the counter. She didn't want to take it with her, since the mere sight of it made her cry already. When she opened the door for the cabdriver, the man had looked around.
'Aren't ya taking tha'withya?' he had asked with a strong southern accent, whilst pointing to the orchid. She had shaken her head.
'No..'
'Too bad, miss. It's a pretty lil' thing!'
'It sure is..' She felt her throat swelling while she walked over to the plant and carefully stroke the petals. They were soft, and looked so fragile in the early morning light.. The driver shrugged and took the largest suitcase and another, smaller one. Sara turned around, grabbed her purse and a duffel, and had one last look around the place she'd called "home" for the past years. Then, she walked towards the door and shut it with a firm blow.
The driver was already pushing her suitcase into the elevator, as Sara changed her mind.
It'll be the only thing to remember Grissom by, why leave it behind like everything else?
'I forgot something.' She said, and ran across the hall. With one smooth movement she opened her door, and carefully took the orchid in her hands. She sighed out of relief and smiled, happy that she decided to take the plant with her. The plant she loved so dearly, almost as much as she loved the man who had sent it to her.
And now she was standing here. A new apartment, a new life, a new beginning. She tried to smile, but the recollection of Grissom and him not being here with her right now made that impossible. Walking towards the window, she nipped her chocolate again. It tasted nice, sweet. She closed her eyes when she reached the large glass door, which led to her balcony, and took another sip. It reminded her of Grissom.. of the way his lips had tasted..
Stop it, Sidle.
She shook her head and spoke the words aloud again.
'Stop it!' A deep sigh followed her words as she put her head against the cool surface of the glass. Touching something so cold made her realize how warm her cheeks were. She drank the remaining chocolate from her cup, and then walked back to the bedroom.
As hard as Sara tried, she couldn't fall asleep. She tried a thousand positions, but her bed just suddenly lost it's comfort. With a deep sigh she got up again. She pulled the blanket from the bed and dragged it with her. She walked to the breakfast bar and got the new Science Magazine that was neatly placed on top of a newspaper and some letters. With the magazine and the blanket, she curled up on the couch, wrapping the blanket tightly around her to keep her warm.
Reading scientific magazines or papers always cleared Sara's head. It felt like her thoughts were a total chaos and after reading for a while, the chaos would smooth out into pieces of black silk, each piece containing another thought.
It had the same effect on her now, and her mind was starting to make much sense right now, although the occasional mad thought crossed her mind.
Why don't you call him? Was a good example.
Two little voices seemed to start a war inside her head. The first one wanted Sara to call Grissom. The second one tried to speak reason with the other, and said that it was a bad idea.
Why is it a bad idea? What have you got to lose, you were planning to get married before you left! He won't hang up on you or anything.
That was true. He wouldn't hang up on her. Sara started to wonder more and more. Does he miss me? Does he ever think about me? Would he still.. want to be with me?
There's only one way to find out..
She bit her lip.
Then she sighed, shook her head and reached for the phone.