Well hello my dearest fangirls! I am the great and wonderful Marik Ishtar! You may know me for my unbelievably sexy abs or my extremely effeminate looks. Either way, I am him. So, now I bet you are wondering why I am writing this. Well, it is not too hard to figure out. You see, I've read a lot of this fanfiction stuff. Some of it is more accurate than others. Yet I've finally had it with some of them. It is about Bakura, you see, nobody seems to notice that Bakura is in fact a weak pansy. And please note, I'm talking about… what is it calls him? Yami Bakura? Well, you get the point. Anyways, Bakura is weak. Nobody seems to get this. I mean I read some fanfics and they end up saying Bakura has "chiseled abs" or, the even more inaccurate, "muscular figure." Then there are others that say Bakura is some sort of sex obsessed freak! That likes knives! Lastly, some fangirls must have something wrong with them as they think Bakura tops. He most certainly does not! He only wishes he did.

Now, I live with Bakura. I know best what he looks like. He has no muscles that he can flaunt and he is weak. He can't lift heavy things because of it! Fangirls love to make Bakura walk around shirtless, if anything he always wears a t-shirt to hide his rib cage that is easily seen as he is skin and bones. He makes up for his weakness by having multiple smarts. Like book-smarts and street-smarts! He does not have both smarts and strength, if he did, he'd be me.

Next, fangirls think Bakura is obsessed with sex. Now, he likes knives, just not in the bedroom and let's keep in mind that Bakura is a spirit taking possession of a teenage boy. He probably does have thoughts go through his head whether he likes it or not as teenagers have something that Odion informed me of just last week called, hormones! They apparently cause you to think about sexy time and make you hate yourself one minute and love the entire world the next. Bakura has the hormone issue that causes him to take things you say the wrong way. I like to use it against him, but whatever. These hormones do not make him obsessed with sex; they are a phase that he will get past. Hopefully.

And my last topic, who tops? Well, a lot of fanfiction says Bakura. But, let us take a moment to think of all I have discussed. Would a weak limey like Bakura be able to top me? No. He can wish about it happening. Dream about it happening. He can even stare at me and drool over him hallucinating it happening. It will never happen in reality. Plus, he probably doesn't even want to top. All his pictures on his computer have me… on the uh… top… yeah. So… Bakura doesn't top.

Now, for all you good little fangirls who read this entire rant, please follow my guidelines for Bakura. It is weird to read something that describes my roommate as something he is not. Do both Bakura and I a favor and describe Bakura correctly.