A/N: I'm sorry.
ANOTHER SETTLEMENT NEEDS YOUR HELP
It was nearly midnight in Beverly Hills, and two young women with engagement rings on their fingers were sitting in front of a huge flat screen in a very blue living room. The one in a pink baby doll nightgown looked puzzled; the one still dressed in business clothes looked overly serious for the situation.
They arrived in this situation due to the fact that Ty Lee had not watched Azula play a video game in a long time, partially because of all of the needless murder. No, entirely because of all of the murdering. Half of it was extremely sexy; the other half was disconcerting. Ty Lee thought her fiancee's psychopathy was super hot, but she could not help but think about the digital dead and their lives.
Azula went out of her way to run over civilians in a game in which she played a cop.
It was baffling to sane people.
"Everyone has some reason they would want to survive an apocalypse," Azula said, pausing the game exclusively for this situation.
"Yeah. I would love to loot a mall," Ty Lee replied, then she took a moment to think. "I would like to loot way more than a mall. I'd like to loot everything."
"And you would die," Azula said, softly sighing.
Ty Lee scowled at her. "You would protect me."
"Maybe," Azula chimed with a smug smirk.
"Maybe?" Ty Lee hit her with the couch's decorative azure pillow.
Azula grabbed it and threw it at the fireplace beneath the television. It bounced off the protective glass that Azula had considered removing multiple times. She really wanted to burn things every now and then. Well, every day, to be honest.
"Now that you've hit me with that, I absolutely will not protect you while you loot a mall. I would like to survive the apocalypse so that I could build an empire. I'd start out very friendly and helping people rebuild, and then slowly – very slowly – I would implement a strict caste system and probably enslave some people – I haven't decided on that – and I would force them all to put up my flag and worship me as their utopian dictator."
Ty Lee wrinkled her nose. "That's. . . boring. What does that have to do with this?"
Azula shrugged and unpaused the game. "Oh, well, that's what I have done in this game."
"It's a game about becoming a dictator?" That piqued Ty Lee's interest at least mildly. She still thought she preferred Bioshock, because when she panicked, Azula held her. Azula did not usually hold people; Ty Lee knew it was because she was scared too and that was a pleasant thought.
"No." Azula waved her hand. "It's a game about a lot of things. But mostly it's about rescuing my lost child and acclimating to the world ending in nuclear fire."
"Mhm." Ty Lee tried to enjoy the game. It was ugly. There should be more games about cute animals. "Did you find your kid?"
Azula almost paused it again. "No. I have not found my child yet."
"You've been playing this for like a month!" Ty Lee exclaimed with her eyes wide.
"I have more important things to do," purred Azula. "Like forcing people to kneel to me."
Ty Lee pointed at the screen. "Who's that and why are they stalking you?"
"That's my girlfriend, Piper," Azula admitted without a second thought. Ty Lee could not believe her 99% of the time.
"You have a digital girlfriend?" Ty Lee attempted to remain calm. Azula saw through it.
"Yes. But she's not prettier than you, so calm down. You're turning red."
"Yeah. And she's fat too," muttered Ty Lee.
"That is unnecessary," Azula snapped.
Ty Lee squealed, "Becoming an evil empress is unnecessary!"
Things were too silent. The only sound was the fire crackling.
Azula cleared her throat and attempted to involve her girlfriend. God, she was beyond saintly. "Right. So, here is my Capital. I reign from this very lovely home. Here are some stores."
"Those are horrible stores," Ty Lee chided. "You've made better lemonade stands than those when you were like six."
"I know, but it's the fucking apocalypse."
More silence.
This was not going nearly as well as Zelda.
"What's the plot? I want to watch." Ty Lee crossed her legs and tried to enjoy it.
"Right, so my husband was shot and my son has been stolen, and I am trying to rescue my child."
"Mhm." Ty Lee did not look away from the screen even though she was rather unimpressed by Azula's empire. She expected more of her fiancée. "So, wait, wait a minute, stop showing me your slave town. Your husband got shot and your son got stolen so you built an evil empire and got a girlfriend?"
The room was uncomfortably quiet.
And Azula said, "Oh, look, this settlement needs to die. I will murder them all because I love you so much."
Ty Lee's eyebrows shot up. "What are you doing? Stop killing those people! Stop it! Stop!"
"Make me," Azula taunted. Ty Lee grabbed her and pinned her down by the wrists, and Azula shrieked. "Don't make me! Let me go! I will kill you too!"
"Break up with your stupid fake girlfriend!" Ty Lee demanded shrilly.
"I can't do that unless you let me go." Azula had no idea how to do that in the first place, but her attempts to knee Ty Lee in the gut were going poorly. Nearly two decades of martial arts training were somehow useless. "I will break up with her and stop killing the settlement if you stop suffocating me!"
"You can't unkill those people! Did they have lives? Husbands? Children? What if you killed a mother, you monster!"
Azula rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes I can. I just have to reload my last save."
"Oh, well, okay." Ty Lee released her and sat back on the sofa.
She broke the silence by kissing Azula, and promptly watching her die on screen.