-1This is a story that started off as a note between me and a friend of mine. We have certain symbols to tell the characters apart….so, here they are:
(HH)-Hilary(one of my best friends
(T)-me
3- Tyler (my boyfriend, love, everything)
(GH)- Gregory House(yeah the one on TV)
(W)- Wilson (the one from House)
- Gerard Way(yes, of My Chemical Romance)
Page One
(HH) Howdy! How's life treatin' you?
(T) Pretty okay. You?
(HH) I'm decently awright. Dude that candy looks good…
(at this point, our German teacher had presented the class with chocolates for certain classmates)
(T)Milk chocolate?! No thanx…I'm vegan.
(HH)Oh…right…you can't have milk chocolate? What about dark chocolate?
(T)IDC…none of 'em really sounds good to me…I gave it all up.
(HH)gasps dramatically That horrible! I couldn't live without chocolate…eyes glistening with tears
(T) LOL…I can, have, & will! superhero pose superhero music
(HH)sets up a fan so your black cape can blow I'm your number one fan! taking pictures of Super Tracy
(T)puts on mask & stalks off into darkness Why, danke! turns into vampire
(HH)turns on light over you and transforms into a fox Now now its daytime, dear. waves paw sheepishly
(T)bursts into flame
(HH) squeals and turns off light, stumbling in darkness finds some water and douses you with it Come back! I wuv you too much. (heart)
(T)opens eye is it moving water, like in a lake? Is it filled with garlic or sunlight or…dramatic musicwood?audience gasps
(HH)It's regular water, hun. Water from the sink…don't worry, I won't punish you. smiles, teeth glistening
(T)smiles & shows fangsThank you, kindly madam. I am forever in your debt. bows & cape falls over face I CAN'T SEE!!! AAHHH!!!
(at this point I start speaking in a Transylvanian accent for the rest of the story.)
(HH) skips over to edge of cape and nudges cape with paw Hallo? removes so your face can be seen Hi! rubs nose to your cheek
(T)hisses & recoils into corner The werewolf does not touch the vampire! It is unheard of! Inconceivable!gnashes & bares fangs
Page Two
(HH)whimpers and fox tail swishes I'm sorry Tracy-san. bows frail fox body I didn't know of this…
(GH) pulls up in his motorcycle and removes helmet
(T) hisses removes cape And who is this? You've brought me a little snack?
(HH)fox ear twitches in recognization of the motor Es ist mein mann, Herr Hause. turns human and runs into his waiting arms
(GH)Hey sexy fox baby. kisses her on the lips Who's the Goth? sees her fangs and grip tightens on his cane
(T)bares fangs Now I REALLY want to feed on you!
3pulls up on skateboard & gasps for breath DAMN! That's a big incline!
(T)eyes light upMY BABY!!! runs over and tackles to floor, attacking with kissesYAY!!!
(HH)takes House's hand and steps kindly out of the way How are you honey?
(GH)watching them make outOoooh…cool…eyes widen, then Hilary takes his chin and faces it towards hers Hello Moto?
(HH)giggles and starts kissing him like a madwoman
(GH)laughssome..kiss…one…kissesmissed…shirt removed to show T-shirt me…kisses
3I missed you too!chuckle…Wait, you have fangs…does the math…you're a-a VAMPIRE?! Kewl.
(T)blushesyupp
3eyes widen in aweI WANNA BE ONE!!!
(T)shrugs Okay!tackles to floor & turns him…looks at him lustfully you taste……wonderful…..mmmlicks lips
(HH) smiling into his deep blue ocean eyes I did miss you, hun.
(GH)glancing in the direction of the vampire couple Uh…limps his way to the kitchen in search of garlic
(HH)runs over and huggles him from behind
Page Three
3jumps up & down in celebrationYAY!!! I'm a vampire!!! Let's go out and do some evil deeds! smiles with fangs glinting in moonlight
(T)kisses on lipsDarling, you must pace yourself. The thirst will go away with time.
3whimpersPweaze?puppy dog face
(T)rolls eyesFine! Let's go. glides away
3YAYY!!! follows
(HH)spins him around and wearing a low-cut purple dress with a glowing gem around her neck Sweetie…we're alone now…eyes glint in evening light
(GH)Are they gone?eyes scanning empty house
(HH)Ja, sie siend. giggles and pulls in close and plants a kiss on his lips
(MEANWHILE, IN A STRIP CLUB IN FINLAND)
(T)up on stage, working pole
3eye twitch come…here. drool
(T)struts over & gives lap dance Wanna take this somewhere else, big boy?
3nods head mindlessly(in dead tone)Yes.
(T)pulls by hand & takes into alleyway XP
(BACK AT HOUSE)
(HH)pulling him by his motorcycle jacket into a bedroom, slams the door shut, and pushes him playfully on the bed
(GH)looking at her like a fool in love and catches her in his arms, hands on her hips
(HH)Hey baby. smiles as she turns off the lights
(GH)raises eyebrows and releases her pants Oh…shikaka.
(IN BOTH SCENES, HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD'S "TURN OFF THE LIGHTS" PLAYS)
(IN ALLEYWAY)
(T)shoves into brick wall & starts kissing his neck, biting gently & moves to nibble ear then kisses down his chest
3moans gently & leans head back, undoing his pans & slipping off both of our clothing
(T)licks up chest You ready, baby? purrs seductively
(BACK AT HOUSE)
(HH)removes his belt and allows him to slips out of them I can't…wait…
(GH)unbuttons his shirt, removes both their shirts and kisses from her neck downwards Me either…breathless gasps It's been too long.
Page Four
(HH)moans and kisses his lips down to his briefs Baby…
(GH)groans deep in his throat It's time. removes their undergarments and presses their bodies together
(HH)gasps deeply and starts moving her hips up and down
(ALLEYWAY)
(T)strips to bare skin I. WANT. YOU. NOW!!! rips off clothing & presses up against him
3moans pleasurably Ohh…yess…mmm…
(T)gasps & moans, grinding pelvises together
(AT HOUSE)
(GH)groans again, finding the familiar place between her legs and pushes into her I…love…you…babe…
(HH)moans, arms wrapped around him in a passionate embrace Too…much…sometimes…can hardly breathe evenly
(GH)doesn't care about the pain in his leg, just melting into the moment, into her Oh…god…
(HH)struggling to take deep breaths but can't I…can't breathe….
(GH)pushes harder, kissing her neck and biting slightly
(ALLEYWAY)
(T)climaxes & screams passionately YESS!!!
3still thrusting No, don't stop. Keep going…pants & moans
(T)whispersI won't…gasps
(HOUSE)
(HH)climaxes shortly before him Wha-hoooo!raises arms above head and groans for final time
(GH)(Don't ever stop, don't ever stop)Hold on…it's gonna be a bumpy ride.rolls over so he's on top and resumes being the masculine one
(HH)continues being the feminine one by giggling at the sound of the headboard slamming against the wall Wow…you're strong…
(GH)lowers head to her chest and kisses up from her boobs You bet I am. thrusts deeper into her
(TRACY & TYLER ENTER THE HOUSE, GIGGLING. THEY STOP & LOOK AROUND FOR HILARY AND HOUSE)
Page Five
(T)Where the hell are they?! hears hardcore stuff in other room & shudders
3laughs hysterically Canoodling.
(HH)stops & grabs chest dramatically, breathing heavily and eyes widen They have returned…
(GH)hold her protectivelyOh…snap…snaps fingers and they are back in their normal clothes
(HH)grabs his cane from the headboard and gives it to himLet's go…
(GH&HH)walk out as calm as possible, and shifts hairHowdy…
(T)eye twitchesEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!!groans & passes out on floor, snoring loudly
3clutches stomach & laughs hysterically, rolling on the floorHAHAHAHAHA!!!CANOODLING!!!HAHAHAHAAA!!!sees Tracy on floor & curls up nest to her, wrapping arms around her waist
(T)smiles faintly
(HH)looks at House with the same look of disgustYou…you…raped…me?
(GH)gasps, eyes widen and throws hands above head, cane around neckYou caught me, officer.
(HH)looks downwards at the coupleAwwww…eternal love…that's cure…
(GH)still standing there like a deer in headlights
(HH)glances at her husband at ease, soldier.
(T)rolls over & sees Tyler & smiles at him, falling back asleepI love you…
3smiles wearilyI love you…too…closes eyes & falls back asleep
(HH)finds a black blanket around the corner and sets it on top of them Good night vampires.
(GH)watching herYou would make a gut mutter, ya know that?
(HH)smiles brightly and sighs wearilyThanks.
(W)shows up with pizza and in a delivery boy uniformHowdy…I brought the food…
(T)peeps open eyesWhat kind of pizza?
3wakes up with a start & gaspsBut, but…it has CHEESE on it!
(T)blushesI cheat
3hurt look
(T)eyes widen & gaspsNOT ON YOU! ON MY VEGAN DIET!!!
Page Six
(HH)sets the table with knives, forks, plates and napkins and cupsHalf cheese and half meat.pours Wilson, House, and herself some root beerNo garlic.
(GH)looks at Wilson as he sets the pizza on the table as if he was a threat to his and his wife's happiness (He better not approach her)
(W)as if in slow motion walks over to Hilary, but House holds his cane at nuts level One more step and you will have nuts on your pizza.
(HH)does the limbo under the cane and glomps WillyMissed you, man!
(GH)glare
(T)jumps up in air & grabs slice, eating greedilymmm…ahahahahaa…
3laughs & grabs a slice mmm, it's good.
(T)laughs yeah, no meat lover's for him…I don't like my men to eat meat.
3huffs you eat meat….no, wait…thinks about it
(HH)puts a slice of pizza on top of another slice different on top than on bottom, takes a big bite and squeals
(GH)chokes on what Tyler and Tracy said…either that or the peppercorn on the meat lover's
(W)takes a small bite of cheeseWho are you guys?
(HH)nibbling on her "sandwich" a bit like a chipmunk (Soo delicious…)
(T)I am Tracy Evans, born in 1792, turned 1807...bows elegantly
3 I'm Tyler Wilkerson, born 1992, turned 2007...tonight, actually
(W)sips root beer and looks at their fangsAh…well…I'm James Eric Wilson born February 22nd, 1969...I'm not a vampire…pauseYeah…eats pizza hungrily as if it had garlic
(GH)holds someone's hand from under the table, not sure whose exactlyGregory House. 11th June, 1959. Not a blood-sucker…
(HH)beams through the napkin Hilary House. 31st of January, 1992...shape shifter.
(W)thinking he's holding Hilary's hand(good…)finds the wood and pulls away (That's House's cane…)
(GH)looks hurt at Hilary
Page Seven
(T)looks curiously at House, placing a hand on Tyler's leg, moving it up inconspicuously & slowlySomething wrong, Mr. House?
3thinking(move your hand a little higher, baby) gets excited when Tracy moves her hand up
(T)can read his mind
(GH)wipes mouth and looks at Tracy and holding hand to chest I just held hands with a man, but I'm okay.
(W)takes that as his cue to takes the dishes to the sink
(HH)gasps and raises hands above headAHHHHHH!
(GH)looks at wife and screams like a little girl
(T)laughs hystericallyhysterical laughter turns into sinister laughter I'll stop now…o.0
3shocked look on facehides under table
(T)looks under tableSPOOPTEH! TU LOCO!!!
3...
(T)You'd better not be looking up my skirt!
3...
(T)0.0 TYLER!!!
3bangs head on tableCHICKEN SOUP FOR THE MORBID SOUL THAT HURT!!!!
enters randomly & squeals upon seeing pizzaYAY!!!
3 Who's that?
SPLEEP!jumps 5 feet in airWHO SAID THAT?!?
3crawls out from under tableOww…my friggin' head!!!
0.0 jaw drops open did that table just give birth?!?
(SILENCE)… cricket chirps
3 WHO IS THIS?!? looks at Tracy someone I should know about? narrows eyes
(T)raises eyebrowHis name's Gerard…he's the lead singer for my favorite band, My Chemical Romance, & he's a vampire…turned by the same vampire as me…unfortunately
throws arm around Tracy's shoulderSo that makes this pretty little girl here my "blood sister". -
Page Eight
(T)(in deep, threatening tone)death glare Did you just call me…
What? A "little girl"? Yeah, you heard me…LITTLE GIRL!!!
(T)bares teeth & growls I'M GONNA KILL YOU MUTHERFUCKER!!! leaps on back & takes Gerard to the ground
gets up with Tracy on back & runs around in panicAAAHHH!!! HEEELP!!!
3 D OMG!!!
(T)gives wedgie & noogie I'LL "HELP" YOU!!! falls off back chases after GET BACK HERE!!!chases out the door
3 NOOO!!!runs after
runs back in & grabs a slice of pizza, closely followed by Tracy & Tyler YOINK!!! runs back out
(GH)looks out window to see three people running after each other in the streetlight Oh dear lord. nibbles nails nervously
(W)What…
(HH)shrugs and waves after them
(W) Just…
(HH) continues eating
(W)Happened? -.- o.o -.-
(GH)looking out window still Gerard…wait…eyes widen My Chem…sweet…gets up, transforms into a bat, and flies out swinging door
(HH)looks at Jimmy Jimeny crickets!
(W)death stare Don't…call…me…Jimmy…
(T)sees bat & glares House is following us…chases Gerard into alleyway & laughs evilly MWUAHAHA!!!
runs into wallOww…turns around
(T)head butts Gerard HA! Take that!!!
(LATER)
runs into house, his golden eyes wide with fear, one of them is blackened, his hair messed up and his pale skin littered with bitemarks, rips, & on floor
(T)comes in with crazy look in eyesWhere. Is. He?!?
Page Nine
crawls under table & sobs
(T)finds Gerard & drags him from under table GIMME A HUG!!!pulls Gerard into a hug
confused lookhugs back
3comes in & sees Tracy & Gerard huggingWHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!?
(T)pulls away & runs over to Tyler, tackling him down on the floor & planting a big kiss on his lipsYAYY!!! You're here!!! I thought we lost you at Taco Bell!!!hug
(GH)still flying around Gerard's head and then lands on his shoulderIf you need medical attention there's a doctor in the house…but it isn't me. smiles, fangs bearing, proud of his joke
(W)who cleared the table, sighsNeed some first aid, Mr. Way?
(HH)huggles Tracy & Tyler I missed you guys…looks at Gerard and her husband Is someone desperate for an autograph?
(GH)flapping wings, pouting, eyes shiningNo…maybe…nope…so-so…sure…looks at Gerard
NO WAY, LOSER!!! lol Just kidding! - signs autograph
(GH)transforms human, raises it above head I got an autograph! I got an autograph! sticks tongue out at Wilson
(W)sighs and taps first aid kit
(HH)Cool, dear. smiles
(GH)hugs Gerard
laughs No need for the 1st aid, man. We kewl! pops shredded collar
(T)scoffsYeah, you're a real gangsta…rolls eyes
Sooo…whatcha been up to?
(T)Nothin' much, you?
Same hurr, homes. -
(T)0.o
(W)feels like his purpose in life has been extinguished Awright…slumps in chair until falls off onto butt and on the floor
(GH)Butt…you're still a good person.laughing really loud D
(HH)considers herself the mother of the group, runs over to Wilson's side
Page Ten
(HH)Did Willy-boy get a boo-boo? talking to Wilson as if he were a 2-year-old
(GH)still laughing his ass off D
(W)stands up with a loud RRRRIIIIIIPPPP
(GH)falls over onto couch laughing harderToo…much…blood in…my…caffeine system…XD
(W)looks down and a large rip from his thigh to his butt is on his pants, turns a bright hue of pink Oh, Jewish goods…
(HH)wraps arms around Wilson and walks with him, joined together with him, into the bathroom
(GH)peeks open one eyeWhere are they?clutching stomach and autograph 0.0
(T)attacks GerardTICKLE FIGHT!!!tickles Gerardstops & looks at Tyler0.0attacks & tickles TylerMWUAHAHA!!!
3squirms OWW!!!
(T)stopsOMG!!! Did I hurt you? O.O,
3laughsNah, I'm fine. I'm a freakin' vampire, remember?
(T)Ohh yeah!!….D
(GH)squirming away from the fight and curls up on the couchI can get hurt…I'm hurt already…holding onto cane protectively
(W)looks down at herYou can let go now…
(HH)smiling and lets go You are in a bit of a jam her…so am I…as she's sewing up the pantsI'm torn between two men.
(W)laughs slightly at her pun but then gets what she's sayingWhat?
(HH)sly smile as she sews up to his butt
(T), 3, and 0.0 backs away slowly
(GH)grabs heartYou just ripped my heart in twogrip tightens on cane
(HH)walks out, suddenly aware that everyone heard herI shouldn't have said that out loud.
(W)walks out dusting off pantsWhat happened?
Page Eleven
(GH)You know damn well what happened…two timerstands up, glaring
(W)looks at Hilary You should not have let this one rip…
(HH)looks at Tracy, Tyler, Gerard, and then her husband approaching Wilson
(T), 3, and run away to Taco Bell
(HH)Stop!walks up and pushes them apart with one hand on each their chestsThrow flowers, not punches.
(GH)breathing heavily and wedding ring glints in the lightYou're married to me. How could you say something like that?
(W)lowers head and taking deep breaths She was being funny, House. That's why you married her.
(HH)looks at HouseI know you don't like talking about it but I dated James back in medical school. I still love him in a way you couldn't understand.
(GH)Oh, I understand. You want to nail him again!twirling cane
(W)looks up eyes burning with anger I never slept with her. Never!
(HH)looks at houseYou were my one and only.smiles
(MEANWHILE, UNDER A TABLE AT TACO BELL)
(T)smiles childishly & rocks back and forth YAYY!!! I LOVE TACO BELL!!! looks at Tyler & hugs him BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU!!!
3AWWH!!!hugs & kisses
(GH)sees that innocent smile but devilish thoughts in her headWow…that's intensely hot. gives a hardly innocent smile back
(W)still has a cane to his throatAgain…you can let me go now.
(GH)lets go and huggles HilaryI'm sorry, hon.
(HH)You shouldn't apologize to me…but instead to the man rubbing his neck(W)rubbing his neck You almost had my neck there…
(GH)laughs heartily and pats hard on the back
Page Twelve
(STILL AT TACO BELL)
(T)to person behind counterI would like a 7-layer Crunch wrap - Please.
-cashier rings up priceThat'll be $2.69.
(T)hands money to cashierDanke!
-No problem. Your number is 183.
I WANNA MEXICAN PIZZA!!! - SQUEEE!!!
-0.o Ok…That'll be $2.53. Your number is 184.
hands money to cashierHave a nice day!!! -
-Um…thanks. You too!
3MY TURN!!!
-jumps out of shockUh…how may I help you?
3I would like…uh…a…uhh…A GRILLED STUFFED BURRITO!!!
-0.0 That'll be $2.24. Your number is 185.
3hands money to cashierHERE YA GO!!!walks away to fill up drink
(T)looks in Gerard's cupWhat's in there?takes a swigEw.
laughs maniacally It's Fruit Punch & Diet Pepsi! takes a contempted gulp & looks in Tracy's cupWhat's that radioactive sludge?
(T)Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and Sierra Mist. Mmm!
3I have Diet Pepsi!!! YAYY!!!
(T) & 0.o
(T)…
Wet blanket.
3 WHAT?!smacks Gerard in the face
Oh, you wanna go? stands upLet's go, nigga!
(SILENCE)…
all burst out in hysterical laughter