THE WEDDING DRESS
AN: This is a one shot I wrote based on something Shonda said in the podcast after "Elevator Love Letter." At this point, it's a little outdated, but I wanted to post it before Thursday's big wedding event. So this oneshot takes place sometime after "ELL." Enjoy, and please, please read and review.
"This is ... so not right."
Cristina looked up from the medical journal on her lap to her best friend adorned in ivory lace and tulle. "Ugh. So not right is right. Who picked out that monstrosity."
"The clerk." Izzie said as she looked through the rack of dresses that had been set aside for Meredith to try on. "I told her it wasn't right for Meredith, but she insisted." The tall former model pulled out another dress and handed it to Meredith. "Try this one." The bride-to-be smiled and took the simple mermaid gown back behind the curtain of the changing room.
Izzie sat down in the chair and rested her eyes. Cristina looked at her pale, frail form. Her eyes were sunken and her cheeks were gaunt. She had been responding well to her surgeries and treatment, but they were taking their toll on her appearance and her normal vivacious demeanor.
"Sorry I'm late!" Lexie bounded into the room. "Has she found the one yet?"
"Nope," Izzie said, her eyes still closed.
"Good. I thought I'd miss it. I was, um, stuck at the hospital."
"More like you were stuck in the on-call room with McSteamy," Cristina replied, her gaze fixed back on the journal. Izzie laughed at the comment.
"I, uh, um ... I," Lexie stuttered, failling miserably at denying the accusation.
"Don't fight it, Lexie. We've all done it. Trust me when I tell you no one here will judge you for a little on-call room liasion." Izzie opened her eyes, and looked at the young brunette woman.
"That's the truth," Cristina noted.
"This isn't right either." Meredith exited from behind the curtain.
"It looks great, Meredith." Lexie responded eager to get in on the dress decision.
"I love it." Izzie added, nodding.
"I think it looks nice, too, but it's just not right. Something is off." Meredith's voice was nearing a whine, so Izzie stood with an exhausted sigh and walked back over to the rack. Grabbing two gowns, she held them both up for Meredith to chose from.
Taking hold of the one on the left, the tiny woman pointed to the dress on the right. "Iz, I'd have to be about 5'10" and have perfect curves to look good in that one."
"Yeah, she'd have to look like you," Cristina mumbled.
"Izzie, that one would look amazing on you," Lexie chimed in. "Why don't you try it on?"
Izzie looked at the gown uncomfortably. It was beautiful. Top to bottom french lace, fitted and backless, with cap sleeves, a small train in the back and a silk sash around the waist. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she placed the gown back on the rack. "No, I can't."
"I'll try one on, too," Lexie volunteered, trying to make Izzie more comfortable with the idea. "It'll be fun."
Izzie met Meredith's gaze. "Go ahead if you want to, Iz. Remember, plan for the future, right?" she said, repeating what had become Izzie's motto. Izzie took another look at the dress, and a smile spread across her face. She pulled the gown off the rack again and headed into another curtained area. Lexie found one that she liked and headed into a third room. Cristina focused on her magazine, not the least bit interested in squeezing into a white gown ever again.
About five minutes passed, when Meredith exited her room with a wide grin on her face. "This is a definite maybe." Cristina looked up to find her person wearing a simple strapless chiffon gown with an embroidered empire waist.
"It looks really nice, Mere. Very you."
"I'm just not sure about the fabric."
At that moment, Lexie popped out of the room she was in, wearing a ball gown style dress, looking like a Disney princess. "Is that it? Mere, it's gorgeous. Perfect for an outdoor ceremony."
"I'm not sure, Lexie. It's a contender."
Meredith looked around, knowing that she needed Izzie's opinion. Seeing that she hadn't left her dressing room, Meredith moved over to her curtain. "Iz?" She got no response. "You okay in there?" Suddenly the silence inside the room was broken by a strangled sob. Meredith didn't hesitate to fling open the curtain.
She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but what she found broke her heart. Izzie was standing there in a gown that looked like it had been made for her, tears soaking her face. Unsure of what to say, Meredith pulled Izzie into a hug. "Shhh. It's okay, Iz." She looked to find that Cristina and Lexie were flanking either side of the curtain.
"It's not okay. None of this is okay. This dress is perfect and it's not okay! It's ... it's not fair." She sobbed into her hands as Meredith held her. "Why is there such a perfect dress for someone who's never going to get to wear it. It's not FAIR! I hate this."
At that moment, the store clerk, a middle-aged woman named Linda, entered into the dressing area. "I heard crying. Is everything okay in here?"
Izzie began to cry even harder. Cristina pulled the woman away from Izzie's dressing room. "We're fine. Just give us sometime. Please. She's having a difficult time, and she just needs a minute."
"That woman wasn't even supposed to be trying on dresses. I can't have everyone bounding in here playing dress up with these gowns."
"Yeah, well that woman in there has been fighting stage 4 cancer for the last three months. She may never get to have the wedding she's been dreaming about all of her life. The least you can do is let her feel like a bride for a few minutes."
Linda, flushed with embarrassment, nodded and backed out of the room with out another word. By the time Cristina gets back to Izzie's room, her sobs have quieted, and she is seated on the chair in the corner, with Lexie and Meredith on either side.
"I'm sorry, you guys. I just can't control my emotions like I used to. I'm really sorry. It's just ... It's beautiful." She stood up again and looked in the mirror, forcing a smile onto her face.
The others remained silent, not sure what to say. Without a word, Izzie took one more look in the mirror and began to unzip the back of the dress, an air of saddness about her.
Hours later, Meredith was laying in her bed, reading a trashy romance novel that kept her occupied on the nights that Derek was on call. A light knock on her door pulled her away from Clifton and Esmerelda's torrid love affair. "Come in?" She was expecting Izzie, but was suprised when Alex walked into the room. He shut the door, and Meredith could tell that something was off. "What's up?"
"What the hell happened at the bridal shop, Mere?" he asked softly as he sat down at the end of her bed. "Izzie hasn't said a word to me tonight. Something's wrong, and it has been since you got back from shopping."
Meredith sighed, as she had been hoping that Izzie would tell Alex herself. "She got upset. We were looking at the gowns and we found one that we knew would look great on her. So we told her to try it on. Lexie tried one on, too. Cristina wasn't going near a dress, which is beside the point. It was supposed to be for fun, but ... the one she tried on ... Alex, it was beautiful. You should have seen her. It looked like it was made for her. She knew that it was HER wedding gown, but then she started thinking about it, and the cancer and everything and ..."
Alex sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. Meredith could see small tears welling in his eyes.
"It broke my heart to see her like that. If we had known that it would have affected her like that, we never would have pushed her into that dressing room. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He rose from the bed and walked toward the door. "Look, don't tell her you told me, okay?" She nodded and he exited her room. Tossing her book aside, she turned off the lamp on the night stand and tried to sleep, the image of Izzie in the gown filling her mind as she drifted off.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Izzie. The chemo and radiation treatment aren't working quite as quickly as I'd like." Izzie felt Alex's hand tighten around her's as Dr. Swinder went over her lastest round of tests. "But honestly what I'm most concerned about is your liver scans. There appears to be a recurrance of the mass that Webber and Bailey took out the first time around."
"The mass is back?" she repeated, a lump growing in her throat.
"It's small. It's something we will have to take care of sooner rather than later. With the surgery and more aggressive radiation, we might be able to get it back under control. It won't be pleasant, but things like this never are. I'd like to get you into surgery as soon as possible. Tomorrow, if we can."
When the consultation was over, Alex and Izzie found themselves in an on call room, laying together in silence. With her back flush against his chest, he thought that she might have fallen asleep, but suddenly he felt her beginning to shake. Then a tear hit his hand, and he moved so that he could look her in the eyes. As soon as their eyes met, she succumbed to the tears and began to sob like he had never seen.
She had broken down a time or two since her diagnosis, but nothing like this. She was inconsolable, and he knew that nothing he said would make it better. And that fact killed him. So he held her and let her cry.
Just when he thought she was calming down, she began to speak which brought the sobs back to a peak. "This isn't fair, Alex! There's so much more I want to do. I haven't had the chance. I wanted to go to Italy. See Tuscany. I wanted to see the Northern Lights. I wanted to skydive and swim with dolphins. I wanted a big wedding with the cake and the white dress and everything. I wanted to have babies that were mine, that I could raise. I wanted to watch them grow up and go to college and get married and have babies of their own. I'm never going to get those things am I? It's not fair!" Her weeping increased with every revealed desire, and it broke his heart. His tears flowed as freely as hers.
They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms until exhaustion over took her. He held onto her as if his life depended on it, and maybe it did. After laying there for at least an hour, his mind rushing with thoughts of what life could be and may never be, he slid off the bed. He made sure that she was still asleep and tucked the blankets close around her body. Quietly exiting the on call room, he went in search of Meredith.
He found her in the residents locker room reading a chart.
"Mere, I need a favor."
Later that night, after they had gotten Izzie admitted and settled into her room, he sat next to her bed full of nervous energy. Seeing him send yet another text message, Izzie raised her eyebrows at him.
"Alex, is the person on the other end of the phone going in for a major surgery in the morning?"
"No," he said distractedly. "Wait, what? Sorry. I was just, uh... Sorry." He put the phone in his pocket quickly, and turned his attention to the woman sitting in the bed. "You okay?"
"It's routine, right? I've done this before. I'll be fine. Bailey and the Chief took good care of me last time. They will this time," she said, working through the nerves. "I just wish I didn't have to sit here all night. I think the waiting makes me more nervous than anything."
"Iz, It's okay to be scared. Hell, I'm terrified." He grabbed her hand and placed a gentle kiss on her fingers. "You know how much I love you, right."
"Yeah, I do. I love you, too." It still brought a smile to his face to hear those words come out of her mouth. She had first said it not long after her brain surgery, and Alex never tired of hearing them. Hearing them and knowing that she meant it was what kept him moving every day; it's what got him out of bed in the mornings.
"I just ... " His words were interrupted by Meredith knocking on the door. He stood and kissed her softly before moving to the door. "I'll be right back."
He left the room, and shut the door behind him. "Did you get it?" Meredith handed him a large box wrapped in cream colored paper, and tied with a gold ribbon. "And everything else ..."
"Everything else is taken care of. Lexie and Bailey handled of most of it. Everything looks perfect and it's all very Izzie-like." She watched as he took the box from her and stare down at it. "Alex, are you sure about this?"
"Mere, I've never been more sure about anything. All I want to do is make her happy." His eyes were clear and certain and strong.
"This will make her happy. You make her happy. Now get your ass in there and get this thing started. Remember she's NPO after midnight." She turned around and headed in the direction of the locker room to get her ownself together.
"Hey, Mere." She turned back to him when he called out to her. "Thank you. For doing all this." She nodded and shot him a smile, then disappeared around a corner.
Alex took a deep breath and opened Izzie's door, quietly slipping back inside. She sat there knitting something out of a light yellow yarn. Even doing a menial task like knitting, she was beautiful to him. Perfect.
"You just going to stand there, staring at me?" She looked up at him with a grin on her face. He moved back over to her bed, and placed the package beside her. She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes. "What's this?"
"Open it." He watched as she carefully tore the delicate paper, taking what felt like years to the man standing beside her.
Setting the paper aside, she pulled the top off, and pushed aside the tissue paper. Getting her first glance at what was inside, an audible gasp fell from her lips. Seeing the ivory french lace shocked her speechless. She looked at Alex and then back down to the dress. She ran her fingers over the neckline of the dress, fighting the tears heavy in her eyes. Swallowing deeply, she looked back up at him. "Alex. What's going on? This is the dress from the bridal shop. How ... "
He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "Meredith told me what happened. And then, what you said this morning in the on call room. Iz, I can't give you Tuscany or the Northern Lights. But I can give you this. The white dress, the cake, surrounded by our friends."
"Alex, I can't." She pulled her hand from his and diverted her gaze.
"What? Iz ..."
"It's not fair to you. You're doing this because I'm sick. I might die. You feel sorry for me."
He had prepared himself for this. He knew that it was possible that she would see this as a pity proposal. He ran his fingers along her jaw, and turned her face back toward his. "Iz, I promise you that this has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you. It has everything to do with me wanting you to be happy. Whether we have five weeks or five decades together. I love you and the thought that I might never get to call you my wife, that hurts. I know I'm not the guy who always says the right thing. I may be screwing this up right now, but you know that I love you. So do this, if not for yourself, then do it for me. Marry me."
The tears poured from her deep chocolate eyes at his words. She could see the sincerity written in his eyes. Not trusting herself to speak she nodded and fell into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her head and then pulled away from her, sliding off the bed.
"Okay, so I'm going to page Meredith, Cristina and Lexie to come in here and help you get ready. I've got to go change and make sure everything is perfect."
His words clearly surprised her. "What?! Alex what are you talking about? We're doing this now?"
He nodded. "I don't want to wait any longer. Do you trust me?" She nodded. "Okay, then don't go anywhere. I'll see you in a little while." He winked and was gone.
Pacing at the front of the hospital chapel now dressed in a black suit, Alex was the picture of a nervous groom. He watched as Bailey ran around making sure the flowers and candles were perfect, and apparently Callie and Arizona had taken it upon themselves to get the roof set up for a reception. Unlike the women, the men weren't being very productive. Seated in the first few rows of the chapel, Mark, Derek, Richard, Owen and George were arguing the pros and cons of marriage. For the most part, Alex wasn't listening. He just wanted things to get started.
Finally the Chief's pager went off. "That's my cue. I'll be right back with the bride." The hopsital chaplain walked in and stood at the front, next to a now still Alex. Callie and Arizona walked in with smiles on their faces. A few moments later, Meredith, Cristina and Lexie walked in and sat down next to their men in the pews.
Then the door opened. Standing there in her wedding gown, was Izzie. She looked unbelieveable. Meredith had been right, the gown was made for her. Alex struggled to take a breath as she walked down the aisle on the Chief's arm in the silent chapel.
"Who gives this woman to this man?"
"Their family does," the chief responded, kissing her right hand before placing it in Alex's as they moved to face each other.
The chaplain started speaking, but Alex and Izzie didn't hear. Wrapped up in their own world, where there was no cancer, no dead fiances, no crazy chicks, they were focused only on one another. Tears brimmed her eyes, and he could tell that she was happy.
"Repeat after me." Alex was shaken out of that quiet little world by the minister starting the vows that would bond him to Izzie forever.
"I, Alex, take you, Izzie to be my beloved wife, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy," he paused to wipe a tear off her cheek, only to have his own voice break. "In sickness and in health, in the good times and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life."
The smile on Izzie's face at that moment made everything worth it.
She took a deep breath and shakily began to repeat her own vows after the chaplain. "I, Izzie, take you, Alex, to be my beloved husband, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life."
Not a dry eye in the room, the ceremony continued, with the words, "in sickness and in health" reverberating through everyones minds. It was clear to everyone present that no matter the amount of time they had left, that Alex and Izzie wouldn't be broken. Wouldn't give up. Wouldn't falter. True love never did.