Title: Sticky Troubles

Author: Omnicat

Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge: Nothing in particular.

Warnings: Innuendo, Dialogue Only

Pairings: Heero x Relena

Summary: Even the best laid plans... and especially the best opportunities to get laid. 1xR

Author's Note: Enjoy!

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Sticky Troubles

"I secured the tent pegs, Heero. Oh, you even brought marshmallows!"

"This isn't a survival training. We're here to enjoy ourselves, so it's only appropriate."

"You really thought of everything. Have you done this before?"

"No. I just did my homework."

"Well, I imagine that still makes you more knowledgeable than me, on both accounts. The closest I've ever come to this kind of camping was a safari back when father was still alive. He didn't exactly skimp on the luxury."

"The stuff we brought here actually isn't much better than standard survival gear. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. I've been wanting to test that survival technique you mentioned once. You know, sharing body heat?"

"But what about the marshmallows?"

"We'll work them in somehow."

"Was that supposed to sound so wrong?"

"I'm glad you noticed. Take your clothes off, Mr Yuy. We are conducting an experiment, starting immediately."

"Yes ma'am."

A while later:

"Relena?"

"Gasp - yes?"

"Our marshmallows are running down their sticks."

"Can you get them? You're at a better angle. Thanks. Huh, you were right on time. The ants were just starting to swarm in."

"Relena? I know that look, what are you thinking?"

"Do you think you could beat those ants again? To, say... this spot right here?"

"Relena..."

"Hm..."

Crack.

"Heero?"

"Relena."

"Did you hear that?"

"I... dammit, cover yourself and stay low. And hold on to that thought about marshmallows."

"Got it."

Craaaack crack CRASH.

"Never mind, that sounds like a bear. Run."

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PSAN: For the record: you're not actually supposed to run from bears. Heero's not as perfect (or good at research) as he'd like you to believe. ;)

By the way, the time is fast approaching for this year's Church of Lemons. The Church of Lemons is an annual het lemon event that's up to its tenth consequitive year this year. It's mostly Gundam Wing and 1xR centered, but all GW het ships that don't disrupt 1xR, as well as all het ships from several other animanga fandoms (this year including Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Princess Tutu), are welcome. The 2012 Church of Lemons will kick off in early February, and if you're interested, details about how it works and how you can sign up are in my profile.