Long time, no see, fanfiction! The last time I was writing, it was for Pokemon. In fact, I imagine all of my readers over in that fandom saw that there was a new story from me and proceeded to plot my death once they realized it was for a different fandom entirely... Oops... Well, I'm not too busy right now, so I will do my best to reply to all your PMs soon, get caught up on all your stories, and write something new for you guys! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. :(
Now, Mass Effect lovers! This is a fill for a prompt over at the Mass Effect Kink Meme. Basically, OP wanted Liara's bachelorette party to be completely crazy with bullets, inappropriate use of Krogan statues, and Blood Pack mercenaries. Well, I'm here to deliver. I expect this to be a few chapters long because I've got some pretty good ideas! Bear with me on my editing. It's 3 in the morning where I am and I can never wait to post the things I write in the middle of the night. I get too excited. :) I hope you enjoy!
Parings: FemShep/Liara, some Jack/Miranda awkwardness, and we'll see if anything else works itself in.
I'm open to requests for just about any pairing or any crazy thing you'd like to see happen!
Liara told her father she wanted a nice, quiet evening in with close friends.
Friends.
Not vorcha. Not varren ("C'mon, kid, it's on a leash!"). Not three full units of drunken asari commandos she'd never met.
And certainly, certainly not a "special guest appearance" from Blasto himself.
"This one received a 911 call. This one believes there is an imminent lap dance emergency..."
Liara shuddered.
Well, her body tried to shudder, but it experienced genuine difficulty from its position. She wriggled against the ropes.
Where's Shepard when you need her? No, no, she wouldn't help. She'd see me tied up against this chair and have her way with me.
Liara's second shudder was of pleasure.
As the betrothed asari looked around the living room of Anderson's old apartment, she took in the passed out silhouettes of each of her party guests. Ashley, who had been the first to pass out (with her faced pressed into the fridge) was dressed in what appeared to be some sort of human ritual attire (were those... leaves?) and her Alliance helmet. Liara's eyes traveled to the kitchen table, where Miranda had fallen asleep, snoring unceremoniously. Her usual black and white catsuit which Liara could have sworn she had originally arrived in had apparently been replaced with a very tailored tuxedo in the fashion of human men.
I don't even want to remember what happened last night...
Next, Liara saw Jack.
Quite frankly, Liara was surprised she had missed Jack in the first place considering she was stark naked and curled right up against Miranda's backside.
Oh, that's going to release some unresolved tension...
Liara forced herself to turn her gaze away from the slumbering pair, smirking mirthlessly.
"I hope I'm still here to see how that gets resolved."
Liara's head jerked up at the sudden, gravelly voice. She turned slightly to the left to see Matriatch Aethyta, fully dressed (thank the goddess), fully awake (why, goddess?), and staring straight at the naked Jack, who promptly nuzzled her face into Miranda's neck, hand sleepily reaching over Miranda's side and finally settling against the other woman's tightly knotted necktie (oh, goddess, you're deliciously cruel).
"Aethyta!" Liara struggled against the rope, keeping her voice low as to not disturb the late sleepers.
"Hold on, kid, I need to loosen my muscles after last night," Aethyta dismissed, swiftly eying the ropes fastening her youngest daughter and reaching her arms over her head, fingers curling for the sky. "If I hadn't been around for a thousand years, I'd say I'm surprised we even made it out alive last night." the Matriarch yawned for good measure.
"Made it out of what last night? Father, please!" Liara struggled harder against the ropes, brows furrowing with frustration. "I woke up with my entire body roped to Shepard's living room chair, I have unpleasant memories of hanar tentacles stroking parts of me that tentacles ought not to stroke, Miranda is dressed like a man, Jack is completely exposed, and Ashley-" Liara paused midsentence to take a deep breath. She glanced into the kitchen, trying to find the words to express her confusion. Several soundless words formed on her lips before she could continue.
"I knew having YOU plan my bachelorette party was just the most irrational idea anyone could ever possibly possess! Now will you please untie me before I start shooting singularities from my eyeballs?"
Before Aethyta could console her rapidly angering daughter, the front door of the apartment opened gingerly, and the matriarch could just barely make out a tuft of crimson hair before the figure slowly began to lean further into the apartment.
"Li—Liara?" Shepard's electrifying green eyes came into range behind the door (which curiously still hid the commander's entire body from the nose down). "Are you in there? Is Blasto gone? Is it safe to come in?"
"Shepard!" Liara exclaimed, instinctively trying to run to greet her lover before sighing and slumping against the back of the chair. "Shepard, over here! I just woke up tied to this chair, Jack is naked, Miranda looks more ready for our wedding than either of us ever will, and Ashley... Well, frankly, I'm not sure what to say about her, but-"
Shepard stepped all the way into the foyer.
Liara blanched.
Her lover's right shoulder was wrapped in a bloodstained bandage, her left leg supported by a single crutch, forearm suspended in a sling, several deep gashes were spread across her cheeks, and the look of absolute terror in her gaze was unmistakable.
Aethyta sighed. Being the only one who remembered everything about the night before was about to become a real pain in her ass. Explaining to Liara exactly how Shepard was injured was going to be fucking peachy...
Stay tuned for more! :) I'd love if you left me a review. This is my first time writing for Mass Effect and my first time really writing in general in months. I'm probably a bit rusty!