The life Nozomi Toujou knows is constantly changing. Her parents are always on the move and Nozomi never quite understood what home felt like, not when the house she came back to had a terrible habit of changing. The cupboards were on the right side now instead of the left, or Nozomi's bed is one inch higher than it used to be, and the bathroom is next to her parent's room instead of down the hall like the last two houses. Her time is spent remembering these details that are otherwise insignificant to anyone else.
The night that Nozomi finally becomes used to it is the last time she cries about it, when she cried one night, asking why they couldn't just stay in one home. Her parents have to explain to her that they simply couldn't. There were some things her parents couldn't do and it was staying in one place. She's too young to leave alone too. She feels sad about it, but no longer cares enough to cry anymore.
What hurt is going to school. She thinks she'd be able to make friends but after the third move and saying goodbye, she realizes saying farewell always hurt more than starting greetings. The promises that they would keep in contact also sting and leave a heavy scar on young Nozomi's heart, as she waited eagerly for phone calls that would never come. She likes to think of this time as when she was still naive and foolish, believing that people she only knew for the span of one or two months would take the time to remember someone like her.
She learns to keep to herself because in a few months, she's never going to see these people in her life again anyway. Faces and people begin to blur together and she no longer cares whether or not there are people she could call friends. She turns to her fortunes and the supernatural because at least those remain constant.
When her parents finally allow her to live by herself, she's already resigned to the idea that she'll never truly make friends or be able to find someone who remembers her. Everyone's been stable their whole life and don't know what it's like for Nozomi, to have to constantly move around and accommodate others, feeling as if she's barging into their lives. It wouldn't be any different at Otonokizaka Academy.
Nozomi keeps her mind far away when introductions are done, only zoning back when in to remember to move her eyes. It's getting closer to her now and she wonders what to say. When was the last time she was actually there for the beginning of a term? She can't remember. The chair in front of her slides out as her classmate begins to speak. Nozomi brings her eyes up – and finds herself in disbelief, unable to stop staring.
"Hello everyone. I'm Eli Ayase."
Nozomi goes home that day and dreams of eyes the color of the sky.
2
Eli Ayase is beautiful.
Nozomi's seen all sorts of people and has seen her share of foreigners. She still thinks none of them match up to Eli, but maybe she's just biased because Eli is her age. In all honesty, she's not even sure how she managed to miss someone like Eli sitting in front of her until they did introductions.
Eli is responsible and dependable but standoffish, which puts off many of their peers. Nozomi doesn't blame her, not when Eli's barely moved to the country. Though her Japanese has a different sound from their classmates' standard accents, her pronunciation is flawless. She always keeps her back ramrod straight and Nozomi can't help but think what it would be like to run her finger down it.
Maybe what makes Eli so interesting to Nozomi is that she can recognize that same aloofness she has. Nozomi has already resigned herself that friends are some far off concept that she doesn't think she'll ever grasp, but she still knows how to be polite and friendly. Though unconventional, her tarot cards and other less used methods earn her some fame, but young high school girls all want love fortunes. The heart of a maiden is tricky indeed.
But Eli pushes people away. Nozomi recognizes she's awkward, in that she doesn't know how to express herself that doesn't come off as prideful and brash. Strangely enough, her exotic looks and her responsible demeanor somehow end up making her one of their more respectable peers. It's a paradox, but Nozomi is willing to admit that she likes things that are mysteries.
Maybe this is why, Nozomi finally decides to gather her courage and be the one to reach out, because looking at Eli is like watching herself.
But Eli Ayase being very pleasing to the eye is certainly a nice thing too.
3
"Ayase-san, lunch?"
This time, Eli only glances up at her before stiffly nodding, moving her lunch box to make room for Nozomi. It was better than the first time, where her eyes stared at her with such distrust first before she slowly nodded and watched Nozomi like a hawk. It was one of the more awkward lunches Nozomi remembers having. Nozomi would have minded more, if Eli's eyes aren't a beautiful shade of blue, endless like the sky, and she likes looking at them as well but she could do without the wariness.
Just as she thought, earning Eli's trust is a harder task than it sounds, not that Nozomi expected otherwise. Where Nozomi is polite to their classmates and willing to compromise, Eli isn't someone who backs down so easily. If Eli was more trusting, there would have been no doubt that she would have been friends with their whole class.
Eli's lunches are the usual, though Nozomi spots things that even she would consider odd for her own tastes. A taste of Russia?
"Do you make your own lunches, Ayase-san?" Nozomi decides to ask. Eli's eyes flicker to hers.
"No, my mother does. Sometimes I do." Eli pauses to put another bite into her mouth. Nozomi can't help but follow Eli's slender throat as it swallows, wondering why it fascinates her so. It takes her a moment to realize Eli returns her question. "Do you?"
"I cook everything," Nozomi answers nonchalantly. Eli blinks at her and brings her gaze down to her lunchbox.
"... I'm surprised, Toujou-san. Your lunches look delicious."
"Is that so?" Nozomi smiles brightly. "Thank you!" Eli's cheeks tinge pink for a moment. Nozomi files that look away for later, in her increasingly growing mental album of flustered Eli.
Conversations falls short again but it only gives Nozomi an excuse to study the girl who she hopes will be something more of an acquaintance in their upcoming days. Eli's hair is long and smooth, and it makes Nozomi wonder what it would be like to run her hands through it. It'd feel soft, she thinks. Eli's chopsticks click together, bringing Nozomi's attention to her fingers.
They're slender and thin. There's the faintest hint of gloss on her nails, perfectly manicured. The way she holds her chopsticks are perfect, and Nozomi wonders absently if Eli's used chopsticks in Russia. Would her hands feel soft as well, if Nozomi reached out to hold them? How would they feel in Nozomi's hands?
She doesn't really know why she's so fixated on Eli, only that there's something about her that draws her to Eli. Maybe it was because underneath everything, they were fundamentally the same, though Nozomi is the only one who notices it. Eli is quick to close herself, write everyone else off.
Nozomi doesn't deny that it isn't... exciting, trying to get the attention of someone like Eli Ayase.
Eli clears her throat suddenly. "Toujou-san? You've been staring at me." Eli's voice breaks her out of her thoughts, and Nozomi realizes she's been caught. She makes a note to at least be more discreet next time. Eli makes a face and glances down at her hands. Nozomi smiles politely.
"Ah, sorry. I was thinking you had really pretty hands," Nozomi answers earnestly. She has to try really hard to repress the grin trying to break through when Eli's head snaps at her, face turning red. Eli ducks her head and lets out a polite cough.
"... thank you."
Nozomi smiles faintly, making a memo to see this side of her more often.
4
"Toujou-san?"
Nozomi pauses from her sweeping and turns around, finding Eli blinking owlishly at her. Eli looks as if she wants to speak, before she blinks again. Nozomi notices her eyes trailing down before they quickly shoot back up to Nozomi's eyes. Nozomi can't help the crinkle in her eyes, and Eli at least looks vaguely embarrassed at being caught. A younger girl bounces excitedly next to her, watching her with such obvious awe that even Nozomi doesn't know whether to feel enthusiastic as well or feel awkward. She decides to go with the former, polite smile ready on her face.
"Ayase-san, good afternoon. Come to visit the shrine?"
"Yes." As always, Eli's answers are always terse.
"Hey, hey! It's a shrine maiden, isn't it?" The girl next to Eli exclaims, tugging on Eli. "Look, look! Just like on TV!"
"Arisa, don't be rude," Eli scolds, but Nozomi notices how her tone softens as she looks at her. Eli catches Nozomi's gaze and gestures to the younger girl. "Toujou-san, this is my sister, Arisa."
Nozomi smiles and bends down to her. "Nice to meet you! My name is Nozomi Toujou."
"Toujou-san!" Her sister exclaims. "Are you a shrine maiden? You're so pretty!"
"Thank you! You're pretty cute yourself." Nozomi gives her a grin before she straightens herself back up. "The owner of the shrine is an old friend of my parents, so I help out here." Arisa nods excitedly but realization seems to dawn on Eli's face.
"Ah... that's why you aren't in any clubs."
Nozomi tries not to show her surprise on her face. She's never really told Eli that she was in any clubs, but it isn't as if she excuses herself to go to club activities either. Now that she thinks about it, Eli doesn't talk about club activities either, so maybe she isn't interested as well? "No, I can join, but I'm not very interested in any of them."
"Oh?"
"Maybe if we had a siesta club," Nozomi laughs to herself, and gives herself a mental pat on the back when she notices the way the corners of Eli's mouth quirks upward, "and there are no fortune telling clubs, so..." She shrugs her shoulders. This time, Eli's mouth really does quirk upward.
"You really like fortune telling, don't you?"
"I enjoy it. I love things that have to do with the spiritual." Nozomi smiles suggestively. "Do you have any fortunes you want told? Maybe some love fortunes, Ayase-san?" If Nozomi had her cards, she'd take them out right now but she doesn't, a shame because Eli's cheeks immediately burn from the suggestion.
"W-what!?" Eli gapes at her, mouth moving up and down as she tries to recollect herself. Nozomi never gets tired of seeing that face. If there's a secret pleasure she can admit to right now, it's trying to make Eli as flustered as possible. Red is a nice color on her pale skin. "Jeez, you're always teasing me, Toujou-san," Eli mutters, shaking her head. Nozomi only titters behind her hand.
"You can tell mine!" Arisa's hand shoots up, looking at Nozomi excitedly. Eli pushes her hand down, sighing exasperatedly.
"I think it's too early for that." Arisa deflates at her sister's words but she nods. Eli gives Nozomi an apologetic look. "Sorry, we have to go now. Arisa wanted to see the shrine and I promised I'd take her but my mother also wanted us back so we could help her with dinner."
Nozomi pushes down the sudden pang of loneliness to smile at them. "No worries. Have a good night." Eli waves at her as she walks away, her sister bouncing from foot to foot.
"A real shrine maiden! Isn't she pretty?!" Nozomi can hear Arisa in the distance.
"Yes, she is." Nozomi freezes up and even if it's a throwaway comment and she isn't even part of the conversation, she's sure her heart is pounding so loudly that Eli should be able to hear it. She shakes her head, wondering where such strange thoughts come from.
Nozomi spends the rest of the day smiling to herself.
5
Being on the student council is certainly one of the last things Nozomi sees herself doing. The stacks of paper before her seem endless, and Nozomi is sure that her hand has cramped maybe a few times and she hasn't noticed because there's so much paperwork to do.
But there are some consequences she's willing to endure if she wants to spend time with Eli. By now, Eli has grown comfortable enough in Nozomi's presence, no longer tense and guarded as she always is. She doesn't try to hide her smiles though Nozomi has yet to see a full smile from Eli. She treats Nozomi with much more familiarity than the rest of their classmates. Eli at least can trust Nozomi to be her vice president, something that still surprises Nozomi.
Nozomi doesn't know how long time goes by until the screech of a chair makes her zone back in. By now, Eli and her are the only ones in the room, the other student council members having left already. Eli stretches, pulling her arms over her head, groaning lightly, and Nozomi tries not to stare so hard.
"Whew, that took a while." Eli shakes her head and rolls her shoulders.
"Yes, it did." Nozomi tears her gaze away to glance at the clock. Far later than any of them anticipated, with the sun so low that the sky outside is already orange.
"We're done for today so let's hurry and go home." Eli straightens out the papers on the desk. Nozomi joins her in organizing their papers for tomorrow.
After they're done, they're walking outside, squinting at the sun in their eyes.
"Do you have to go to the shrine today?" Eli asks once they're at the gate. Nozomi shakes her head.
"No, not today."
"Ah. I'll walk you back part of the way then," Eli says with a nod. Nozomi only gives her a smile, falling into step with Eli.
What do they talk about? Nozomi doesn't particularly remember, only meaningless things, like their schoolwork, or what their classmates have been up to, things of that sort. But they're conversations Nozomi treasures, both because she's talking with Eli, and because she never gets to experience anything like this before. This is her first time she can remember where she's walked home with someone and didn't have to think about what it would be like to have to move in a few months. The thought makes her giddy, though she does a good job of keeping her excitement down. She doesn't want to explain to Eli what's gotten her so excited.
So it makes her sad then, when they reach the junction where they usually part. The times where she can have Eli to herself without their classmates are the real times she looks forward to. Nozomi shifts her feet anxiously and turns to Eli to say goodbye.
"Um, Toujou-san." Eli suddenly speaks up, looking at her out of the corner of her eye. For some reason, Eli glances all around them, as if expecting someone to come out.
"Yes, Ayase-san?" Nozomi tilts her head, wondering what Eli is thinking.
"It's..." And here, Eli looks as if she's embarrassed. "We're... friends," Eli says the word as if it's something she didn't expect to say, "and... it's... fine for you to use my name."
It takes Nozomi a moment to realize what Eli says. She turns to her slowly, as if disbelievingly. Eli's eyes dart away and she looks so embarrassed that Nozomi wants to tease her, but even Nozomi is caught off guard, her own cheeks burning.
"Eli," Nozomi says slowly then, testing it out on her tongue. "Eli... chi."
"... chi?" Eli blinks confusedly. Nozomi only gives her a smile and thankfully, Eli knows her well enough to know that Nozomi won't give her a straight answer. Knowing Eli, she'll probably chalk it up to Nozomi's strange mannerisms with her speech.
"Elicchi!" Nozomi chirps, grinning. Eli begins to look more exasperated and less embarrassed, but she has a tiny smile on her face. "Then, you can use my name too."
Eli gives her a nod, and smiles shyly. Nozomi freezes. "Alright... Nozomi."
Nozomi's mood abruptly changes, and her smile drops as she stares wide-eyed at Eli, almost awestruck. The double strike of Eli's smile and her name slipping past Eli's lips have caused her mind to almost shut down.
She doesn't remember the last time anyone other than her parents have said her name. It sounds... nice, she quickly decides. Her chest flutters, and she feels like she could float away, to the stars above.
"Tou – N-Nozomi?!" Eli's tone is panicked and her hands are reaching out for her. "A-are you alright? Your face is really red."
Nozomi yelps at the sudden intrusion in her vision and backs away, shaking her head. "N-no, I'm fine!" She covers her mouth and glances away, trying to calm herself down. Eli's hands drop back down to her sides as she stares worriedly at her.
"You should go home and get some rest."
"Y-yeah. I'll see you tomorrow," Nozomi mumbles, taking care not to stumble back home.
"Take care, Nozomi!" Eli calls out. Nozomi turns around and waves.
"Nozomi." Eli's voice replays itself in her mind as she skips back.
Nozomi giggles to herself when she's finally at home, unable to keep the grin off of her face.
6
The cafe is small and cozy, partly why Nozomi likes to come here sometimes. Business is light today so they don't wait for long before they're led away to their seats. They're seated at a small booth for two, and the next few minutes are silence as they look through the menu, though Nozomi already knows what she wants from this place. She's already been here before and wouldn't risk going to a new place with Eli.
"Do you already know what you're getting, Nozomi?" Eli murmurs as she flips through the menu.
"Yep. A parfait! They're really delicious here."
"A parfait..." Eli flips to the end of the menu where the desserts are. "Oh! I can't believe I missed this part..." She pushes her lips together in thought. "Chocolate!" Eli finally murmurs in awe. Nozomi can't help the smile that cracks when she's sees Eli practically watering at the picture of the chocolate parfait.
After they've placed their orders, Nozomi and Eli turn their attention to the sudden music playing on the TV on the opposite wall.
"Who... is that?" Eli blinks at all the sparkles and lights on the screen. Nozomi tilts her head, trying to recall where she's seen them.
"I think they're... school idols? It's a popular trend right now." She sticks her tongue out as she tries to remember them. A... A...
"Hm." Eli's eyes narrow slightly and Nozomi can feel the disdain radiating from her.
"Not a fan of their music?"
"No... well," Eli shrugs, "their music's fine, but their dancing..." She makes a strange face, one that looks as if she's trying not to grimace.
"Their dancing?" She waits for Eli to elaborate further but Eli only shrugs noncommittally. She recognizes when Eli doesn't want to talk, when she gets that wistful look in her eyes, and wisely drops the subject. "What sort of music do you like then?"
"Hm... classical."
"Classical?" Nozomi... can see that, actually. Eli doesn't look as if she'd listen to pop music, though she's been surprised by some people she's met at the shrine.
"My family is pretty big on classical music, so I listen to it a lot. I do listen to other music but some of them are Russian, you know?" Eli laughs before continuing. "I haven't really found anything here that catches my ear yet." Even as she says so, her eyes glance over to the screen one more time before going back to Nozomi.
Nozomi gives a small hum, moving her eyes over to the TV. "How about you try being an idol?" she teases with a faint smile. "I'm sure you're cute enough for it."
Eli's face immediately burns red as she thought it would, and her friend lets out an exasperated sigh. "There you go again, Nozomi." But her eyes narrow. "But I wouldn't call that farce dancing," she mutters so lowly under her breath that Nozomi only barely catches it.
Their parfaits come in the next moment, leaving Nozomi to wonder what exactly made Eli irritated.
7
Eli's house is modest, though Nozomi isn't sure what she expected in the first place anyway. Her hands are shaking, when she realizes this is the first time she's been invited over to a friend's house.
"I'm back!" Eli calls out. "I brought –"
"Elichika!"
Nozomi stands there awkwardly when she realizes she can't recognize what's being said. Eli shouts something back, just as foreign, and gives an apologetic look to Nozomi. Russian, Nozomi remembers belatedly, and wonders if that's what Russian is supposed to sound like. She's heard it before, but never in such close proximity. Maybe she'll ask Eli to teach her some phrases one day so she isn't completely clueless, she thinks absently to calm her jittery self.
"Mom, we have a guest over!" Eli calls out. This is the first sentence Nozomi can understand since stepping into Eli's house.
"What?!" Nozomi's actually surprised that was in Japanese. Eli's mother comes out of a doorway – and Nozomi has to repress the sudden laughter of realization that Eli takes very much after her mother, as she now has another pair of blue eyes staring attentively at her. Then she remembers she's in the presence of Eli's mother and immediately bows to introduce herself.
"H-hello," Nozomi winces at the stutter, "I'm Nozomi Toujou."
"A friend of Elichika!" Her mother smiles before ushering them away from the door. "Go make yourself at home. I'll bring you tea and snacks shortly!" Eli's mother smiles excitedly before dashing off. Eli sighs exasperatedly before taking the lead, gesturing for Nozomi to follow after her.
"Thanks mom," she calls back. "Well, here's my room. Sorry if it's mess." She opens the door.
… as far as Nozomi can see, there is no mess. At least, there's nothing on the floor. Everything's carefully stacked and organized, as expected of Eli. There are some odd trinkets here and there, presumably things from Russia. She'd like to ask about them, until she spies the pictures on top of Eli's drawers.
There are girls in various ages wearing tutus and Nozomi notices the familiar blonde hair and blue eyes in all of them. "Is that... you?" Nozomi can't keep the amazement out of her voice as she gazes at them.
"Only the young one. The other two are my grandma and mother." Eli points out which is one is which, picking up the picture of herself.
"You know how to dance?" Nozomi feels like she's being rude, but Eli knowing how to dance is one of the furthest things she can see her friend doing, if she had to be honest.
"... when I was younger." Eli smiles fondly as she looks at the picture of her young self. "My grandma and mother were ballet dancers, so it was natural I take after them. But that was the only thing I could take after them." Her voice trails off at the end and her fond look becomes one of melancholy instead. It makes Nozomi pause.
Nozomi is at a loss at what to say. She's never seen Eli look so... self-deprecating before. She knows Eli tries hard to cover up her weaknesses but to see her stop, even for just a moment, makes Nozomi feel that she needs to do something. That's what friends did, cheer each other up, wasn't it?
But Nozomi doesn't know what it's like to have friends. She doesn't know the right words to say here. A deep heaviness comes to her, and she wants to say something, anything, but nothing comes to mind.
Eli lets out a sudden laugh then, though Nozomi can tell it's forced. "Ah, never mind me." She turns to Nozomi with a tilt of her head. "Do... you want to see some videos?"
"Hah?" Nozomi blinks at her.
"Of... my dancing." Eli rubs her neck bashfully.
"Really?" However much Nozomi wants to see them though, she remembers Eli's wistful look. "You don't have to."
Eli shakes her head with a smile. "Hey, I'm the one offering, so don't worry about it."
"Oh? In that case, I'm excited to see how cute Elicchi is, especially as a child!"
"... If you're going to say that, I don't feel like showing you anymore," Eli mutters, her cheeks red.
"But it's true. You're pretty cute now, so I want to see how cute you are back then too," Nozomi teases with a grin. Eli only groans in response but she pulls out a small music player.
"They're here." She hands it to Nozomi with a pair of earphones. Nozomi takes them, murmuring her thanks, hoping she doesn't look too eager. Eli doesn't talk much about the things she likes to do so Nozomi is always eager to learn more about her friend. Eli clicks the play button.
Nozomi stares at it, wide-eyed, slack-jawed, when a much younger Eli begins to dance. The way Eli dances... the way her movements are so precise... the way Nozomi can feel the love and dedication Eli put into her dancing...
Nozomi abruptly brings up her hand to her face, completely embarrassed to find that she's blushing. When she looks over at Eli though, Eli's gaze is both concentrated and not, almost dreamy, as she watches the video. The girl in the video has eyes that radiate with warmth and determination, the same expression Eli wears right now.
Ah... this... this is...
Nozomi doesn't think her heart's ever pounded this much before and when Nozomi looks back on it, she'd think this, this is it, this was when I... when I...
8
When the only sounds in the Student Council Room are the tapping of their pencils against the papers, they hear the girls practicing on the rooftop.
"One, two, three, four, five, six–"
"They're pretty lively, aren't they?" Nozomi murmurs as she turns to look out the window. She doesn't need to look at Eli to know her friend only spares her a glance before turning back to the forms they needed to work on. Eli refuses to rise to her provocation this time, pencil tapping against the table as she pointedly ignores everything that isn't related to their work.
Nozomi liked to think she has a large amount of patience, having had to deal with a myriad of people over all the years, but she finds even that's tested when it comes to Eli, whose sheer stubbornness is beginning to push the limits of her patience.
Watching Eli right now is like watching her friend run repeatedly into an invisible wall. It's painful and Nozomi wants to help her stop, but the more she tries to help, the more Eli brushes her hand away, intent on trying to figure out things on her own.
It's when Nozomi realizes that the problem lies more in Eli herself. Eli's eyes are always straightforward, but right now, even when Eli is being her most stubborn, her eyes are unfocused. There's something pulling Eli back, and Nozomi can't quite figure out what it is, figure out the right words to say to finally push her friend into revealing what truly troubles her.
"Elicchi, they want to stop the school from being closed down just as much as you–"
The slamming of a fist on a table jolts her out of her words. Nozomi widens her eyes at Eli's face, full of anger.
"Do you think that hard work and dedication are the only things you need to achieve your goals?" Eli whispers harshly, the words echoing loudly in the quiet room. "If that was all you needed, then I–" she sucks in a deep breath suddenly, and lets it out shakily. Nozomi lets out the breath she didn't realize she was holding, body tense as she watches her friend. Eli abruptly stands up, hand on her eyes.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." Though Eli's voice is gruff, Eli always means every word she says. Nozomi can't quite muster up anything to respond though, still staring at her with a shocked expression. "I'm... I'm going to walk around a little. Excuse me," Eli mutters, already striding toward the door and out into the hallway before Nozomi can respond.
It's only after Eli leaves that Nozomi remembers to breathe. Her laughter is shaky as she remembers the look on Eli's face. She's seen her friend angry, but never at her, at least, seriously. Impulsively, she swipes a card off of her tarot deck.
Hermit.
"And a reversed one, at that," Nozomi murmurs, staring at the card. Certainly, Eli has been more withdrawn and irritable lately, having to run around in figurative circles. Each meeting with the Chairwoman take their toll on Eli, as she continues to work hard toward a goal that even Eli has to acknowledge is no longer possible with only themselves, the Student Council.
What the school needs is μ's. What μ's needs is Eli's guidance. What Eli needs is a push.
It's a little sneaky for her to do, but if she doesn't do it, her friend will continue to run herself to the ground with nothing to show for it. It's something that only Nozomi can do, because she knows Eli and trusts that this is the right thing. She pushes down the feeling that maybe she's been meddling far too much, but she's already too far in to not do anything at this point. She doesn't know if this is what friends do for their friends, but it hurts her inside when she sees Eli working herself up for nothing. She's not a direct person though and what happened with Eli here shows her friend still has her defenses up, so Nozomi has to approach this from another angle. She doesn't mind, she's used to playing the role of the outsider far too many times.
On another impulse, Nozomi swipes another card from her tarot deck.
Chariot.
It makes her smile this time, as she taps the card against her face. "The strength for Elicchi to move forward... the courage for the both of us to be able to do what we want..."
9
Eli has become strikingly beautiful.
It's an offhanded thought that comes to Nozomi when they're taking a break after a long and grueling practice session. Eli is certainly strict but Umi is going to take the crown from Eli herself for being overly dutiful. Ever since joining μ's, Eli has noticeably relaxed, smiling more freely than she used to, face less stern than it usually is. It makes Nozomi smile, because Eli is finally free and able to do what she wants to do instead of being bound to obligations and being too caught up in things like regulations and guidelines.
Maybe it isn't an offhanded thought Nozomi has, as she subtly turns her eyes to see where Eli is.
Her clothes cling to her, and Eli herself is breathing heavily from their workout, chest heaving up and down. Sweat drips down her face and Eli tries to swipe at them with her hands but it does nothing, not when her hands are sweaty too. Instead, she ends up shaking her head, letting the droplets fly out as she runs a hand through her mussed hair.
Nozomi forcibly tears her gaze away and drinks from her water bottle, her throat suddenly dry.
"Nozomi?"
She looks up to find Eli peering down at her worriedly. "You're almost out of water. Do you need some more? You can have some of mine." Eli offers the water bottle to her. It takes all of Nozomi's self-control to not grab it in an instant, but she does end up staring at it in a daze. Eli only looks at her, amused, waving a hand in front of her. "Hey! Are you that dehydrated? Here." She pushes the water bottle into Nozomi's hands, and Nozomi has to take it before any of the (precious) water spills out.
"T-thank you," Nozomi mumbles, keeping her eyes down.
"Eli-chan!" Honoka calls out suddenly, waving Eli over. Nozomi is left by herself and though she feels a little alone at Eli suddenly leaving her, she doesn't mind right now, not when she's distracted and can't keep her focus around her friend.
She looks down at the bottle in her hands, swirling it. Should she try to drink it by pouring it into her mouth? Or... should something... more direct...
A shadow looming over makes her pause and look up. Nico stands over her, unamused expression on her face.
"Nicocchi," Nozomi greets with an easy smile. Nico huffs in acknowledgment.
"Don't Niccochi me." Nico sticks her tongue out. "Go on, drink it."
Nozomi flutters her lashes innocently. "Are you so interested in watching me drink water?" Impressively, Nico's expression is still blank.
"... it's not hard to see, you know," Nico says, "seeing how much you hang off of her for the past three years."
Nozomi blinks at her, opens her mouth to challenge her, until she realizes there is nothing in Nico's expression that has mischief in it. Nico only looks at her knowingly with a smirk, because this is one conversation Nozomi can't win. She's a little thrown off now, so used to being able to read people but never the other way around. Being in μ's allows Nozomi to experience many new things, she's quickly finding. So for just this one time, Nozomi relents, choosing to neither comment or say anything about the matter, smiling faintly.
"Does that mean you've been watching me for three years?" Nozomi decides to tease instead. This is the jab Nico can't ignore, as Nico sputters angrily. "Wait until Maki-chan hears about–"
"Hm?" Nozomi thanks the spirits around her because Maki chooses that exact moment to walk by, looking at the both of them suspiciously. "Were you talking about me?"
"You should have heard what Nicocc–"
"Gah!" Nico throws her hands up, startling the both of them. "If this is how you're going to be, fine! I don't even know why I said anything, you're so stubborn, ugh."
"Like you're one to talk," Maki immediately retorts, quirking a brow at her. Nico rounds on her with a scowl.
With Nico's attention away from her, Nozomi breathes a quiet sigh of relief to herself. Though it's gotten a little noisier, Nozomi moves her eyes to where Eli is, still talking to Honoka though Umi has joined them now. They must be going over dance moves, as Honoka begins to flail her arms and move her legs about. In contrast, Eli is graceful in her steps, lithe and nimble, her movements deliberate and precise.
Nozomi quickly takes a swig of the bottle, and another for good measure.
Later, after they've gone home for the rest of the day, Nozomi spends her evening sweeping the shrine. She's done this so many times that it's something she could do with her eyes closed, though she's guilty to admit something like this. But right now, her thoughts are anything but normal.
Nico's words ring in her mind, bouncing all over despite Nozomi's best efforts to push them out. It's something she's acknowledged, but to hear it from someone else in the first place, it has a completely different effect. Maybe it's because she's been distracted lately so she's more open?
But you allow yourself to be distracted by Eli, her traitorous mind whispers. Nozomi sighs, frowning to herself.
But Eli is always distracting, another part of her mind argues. Nozomi's expression becomes flat as she realizes this is the worst argument she's ever had in her own mind.
Sighing again to clear her mind and get a breath of new air, she allows her thoughts to continue to drift.
To be honest, Nozomi didn't think μ's would become so wildly popular. Even her fortune telling couldn't predict how incredibly successful they would become after getting their final members. It's a real miracle, she thinks, to be a part of μ's, to have something to look forward to everyday, to make people smile. Nozomi doesn't like to think she's vain but whenever she looks at μ's, she can't help but feel proud that she helped put together all of this.
It makes her choke up sometimes, when she's alone by herself, when she recalls the days of loneliness, of when they were so unbearable that she almost considered giving up because she thought everything was so useless. She's glad she's never listened to that dark part of her mind, but she's always so anxious as a result.
Being able to befriend Eli is another miracle as well because Nozomi could see someone who was similar to her. It made Nozomi push aside her own pain to reach out to Eli, because she didn't want to see Eli experience that same pain Nozomi did.
But falling in love with Eli Ayase was something Nozomi never expected to do.
Nozomi feels her throat go dry with that thought. How could she not, after watching Eli work so hard, after learning everything about her, discovering her fears and her passions, how could she not fall in love with the cool and cute Elichika, the first real friend she's ever made?
Even though Nozomi smiles, there is nothing but heaviness in her heart. Nozomi sighs deeply, murmuring to herself. If Nozomi wanted to make a list of cliched things to do, number one was falling in love with her best friend.
Though Nozomi knows that life is uncertain and even her fortune telling isn't completely set in stone, if there's something Nozomi really wants to know, it'd be Eli's feelings. But that's an impossible wish and even Nozomi only has so much courage to move forward, not when one of the possible directions is completely backward. She doesn't want to risk their friendship because being by Eli's side is more important than these feelings.
Nozomi wishes that convincing herself of that wasn't easier said than done.
10
Nozomi lets out a sneeze, rubbing her nose in discomfort.
"Are you cold? We should hurry back." Eli's face looks worriedly at her and she picks up her pace so that Nozomi will follow her. The winds continue to pick up, marking the beginning into the colder months. Nozomi scrambles up to catch Eli's arm between her hands, grinning.
"You could help keep me warm instead," Nozomi says in a singsonging voice.
"Jeez, Nozomi." Eli's cheeks are red and Nozomi's sure that it isn't completely from the cold. "C'mon then." Eli moves her arm to wrap around Nozomi's waist and pulls. Not expecting that, Nozomi lets out a squeak, and finds herself suddenly side-by-side with Eli.
"E-Elicchi?" Nozomi stammers, blinking to herself. Instead of an answer, Eli only laughs.
"Warm?" Eli's grin is warm and teasing, her eyes sparkling as she looks down at Nozomi. "You always like teasing us, but when the tables get turned on you, now you're the one who's embarrassed?" Nozomi pouts at that, slapping Eli's shoulder lightly.
"J-Jeez!" is all she can currently mutter, trying to stop her cheeks from turning even more red. It helps with the cold, she has to admit, and Eli is far too comfortable and warm for her to pull away, if she had to be honest.
Despite the strange turn of events, they continue walking back to Nozomi's apartment, with Nozomi trying to warm her hands by blowing on them. It's more of a way to distract herself really, because she's trying to make sense of the strangeness the whole situation has taken.
Nozomi knows how to tease Eli and rile her up, make her flustered, but never has Eli been the one to turn the tables. She gets far too embarrassed easily to retaliate and she tries so hard to maintain her composure, something Nozomi secretly delights in and takes advantage of. So Nozomi isn't used to being the one who's being teased, or being more embarrassed than Eli.
What they have right now... it's comfortable, but at the root of everything, it isn't what Nozomi really wants.
It's with a lot of regret that they're already at Nozomi's apartment before she realizes it. Eli fidgets slightly though before clearing her throat.
"Can I come in for a bit?" she suddenly asks. Nozomi blinks at her, waits for her to elaborate but the only answer she receives is Eli's eyes staring down at hers, bright and oddly determined for some reason. When Eli looks at her like that, Nozomi is even foolish to think she could refuse anything Eli asks of her. She nods because she can't trust herself to say anything that doesn't resemble a stammer, and occupies herself with unlocking the door.
"Pardon the intrusion," Eli murmurs while they take off their shoes.
"Tea?" Nozomi says automatically, already heading toward the stove. She doesn't really listen to Eli, though she's sure Eli doesn't really remember what she says, by the way their voices are only a quiet murmur, barely carrying even despite the small living room.
… was it ever so awkward? In the beginning, when Eli used to look at her with guardedness, yes. But this is... awkward, as Eli shifts every other second where she sits at Nozomi's table and Nozomi feels like something will inexplicably change if she turns around before the tea is ready.
Unfortunately, after several minutes of silence, the tea is done and Nozomi has nothing else to occupy herself with but to bring it over to the table. Sighing deeply in her mind, she carries the tray over to the table and prepares herself for this... strange atmosphere.
Eli takes a sip of the tea, letting out a hum of approval. Nozomi's learned which teas Eli likes by now and if Eli notices that Nozomi only keeps them in stock for her, she doesn't mention anything other than grateful hums.
"Can you believe it's already been three years?" Eli suddenly speaks. Nozomi nearly startles but keeps herself calm, looking at Eli questioningly. "Compared to what we're doing right now, our first two years seem kind of boring, don't they?"
"They do," Nozomi murmurs with a chuckle, sipping her tea.
"It's amazing how much we've gotten done, haven't we?" Eli smiles to herself. "And it's all because of you."
"... hm?" Nozomi blinks up at Eli, trying to keep her face neutral. Eli takes a deep breath.
"I... I never really properly thanked you for that day. You were going behind my back and helping out Muse. I guess the old me would have been really mad. But after everything that's happened... I'm glad you did it, so I could experience something so wonderful." Eli begins to look bashful. Nozomi feels like Eli should be able to hear the pounding of her heart.
"I was... I loved dancing, but it... didn't... cut out for me in Russia. I could do anything else but I couldn't do what I loved to do." Eli's voice wavers slightly as she continues speaking. "I was so angry every time I saw idols and their dancing... but maybe I was jealous all along. Then you pushed me, and I realized I was a fool to give up dancing, not when it mattered so much to me."
Eli laughs softly to herself. "I wanted to say thank you, Nozomi, for getting past my stubborn self, and letting me see that dancing was still something I could do. Maybe ballet dancing wasn't for me, but being together with all of you, working hard together, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you, for giving me such a wonderful opportunity." Eli's expression is warm, her cheeks red, smile full of affection, and that's when Nozomi can't hold it all in anymore.
The tear that falls down Nozomi's cheek makes Eli blink rapidly. When it doesn't stop, Eli waves her hands frantically. "N-Nozomi?!" Eli immediately stands up and makes her way over to her.
Nozomi can't do anything other than bringing her hands up to cover her crying.
"S-sorry, I just... um..." Nozomi stops speaking then, because she isn't sure if she can get anymore words out without sobbing even more. A sudden warmth enveloping her has her momentarily confused, until she hears Eli breathing close to her ears. Eli's arms wrap around her and Nozomi can't help but shiver at the delightful feeling of them.
"Nozomi, if you weren't there for me, I'm sure I would have remained too stubborn and scared to do anything outside of my comfort level. Thank you, for always being there for me, for putting up with me. You're pretty stubborn too, but I'm just as bad. Maybe that's why we're such good friends?" Eli's laughter rings next to her ear. Nozomi treasures it even through her tears.
To this day, Nozomi still can't believe the fact that she has friends. Her insecurities always take a hold of her at the worst times and she can't always help the stray thought that everything will disappear and she'll wake up. When Honoka fell sick and they couldn't go to Love Live, Nozomi couldn't help but think that was it, that was as far as μ's could go and she was going to lose all the days she looked forward to having.
The only thing that made it all better was that Eli was still at her side, in μ's, and would still be even outside of it. But it's already been three years, and come next year, they'll no longer be a part of μ's or even part of the school for that matter. They haven't talked about what they're planning on doing after high school, though she's sure they'll go to university. They don't talk about it, because to talk about it would mean that they're truly leaving behind Otonokizaka and μ's.
She doesn't know what hurts the most, having to face the reality that she won't be a part of μ's anymore, or not being by Eli's side.
"Nozomi?" Eli's voice turns worried. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... um..." Eli's voice trails off. Nozomi knows Eli's flustered now, and that makes her laugh as she shakes her head.
"S-sorry," she apologizes again. "I just... I'm... I think it's amazing too." she whispers. She pulls back slightly and though her eyes are tearful, she looks straight into Eli's blue eyes.
The air between them is strange, Nozomi thinks, as she unconsciously licks her lips. Eli's eyes flicker down for a brief moment before snapping back up to hers. Nozomi's hands are on Eli, and if she moved her hands a little lower, she'd be touching Eli's breasts. Despite her fondness for groping, Nozomi feels that it's entirely inappropriate right now. Was this normal? Were they supposed to do something like this? Have they watched too many romance movies?
She doesn't know who moves first, but suddenly she can feel Eli's lips against hers, soft and shaking. Nozomi shakes too, and through the haze in her mind, she wonders if Eli feels the same way. It's a little silly, she thinks later, because Eli's arms wrap tighter around her, to pull her closer.
The feeling is nice… except it's too hot all of a sudden and Nozomi realizes she needs to breathe. She has no choice but to push off, panting, her face burning hot. Eli blinks down at her, and then Nozomi can feel the heat radiating off of her as her cheeks begin to match Nozomi's.
They're supposed to say something, Nozomi's sure of it. What exactly can Nozomi say though?
I've been in love with you for the past three years, her mind supplies helpfully.
Be quiet, Nozomi tells herself.
"Uh... can we... move? I think my legs are cramping," Eli suddenly asks, her voice full of quiet embarrassment.
"Eh?" It's the only thing Nozomi can say, before she suddenly finds herself being pulled to the floor, trapped in between Eli's arms and legs now.
"... sorry," Eli mumbles, "I had to move, my legs, er... but I didn't want to let go, so... uh..."
"... jeez!" Nozomi laughs against Eli, hiding her face in her friend's shoulder. Though there's still some of the awkwardness lingering in the air, it feels better now, after having something so silly happening. It makes Nozomi pull back for real this time, looking into Eli's eyes.
"I always thought you were beautiful, Elicchi. But what I love most are your eyes. They're what say the most about you. When you're focused, you always look straight ahead, ready to take care of everything in your way. I admire that part of you," Nozomi speaks, her voice quiet. "You always try so hard, for everyone's sake, that you neglect yourself." Eli's cheeks turn increasingly red with each spoken word.
"Ah... is... that so." She mumbles, clearly embarrassed. She freezes when Nozomi raises a hand to cup her face, caressing it.
"It's okay to be selfish sometimes, you know?" Nozomi says with a grin. Eli's brow furrows at her words, before she looks down at Nozomi with a smirk that's both teasing and amused.
"Then, you first, Nozomi!"
"W-what?!" Nozomi gapes at her. Eli laughs at her as she raises a hand to grasp Nozomi's.
"Here, I'm giving you a push now. You said it's okay to be selfish right? Then, I want to hear you say it first."
"That's... that's..." Nozomi's cheeks turn even more impossibly red. "That's so embarrassing! You're such a tease, Elicchi."
"Oh, I'm a tease now?" Eli looks at her, amused. "Alright, fine." She pushes her face against Nozomi's hand, holding it softly, tilting her head and smiling. "I love you."
Nozomi's mind whirls around with those words. Combined with the way Eli looks right now, her expression full of warmth and affection, staring straight at her, eyes completely serious, Nozomi feels as if she'll faint on the spot. Is it possible for Eli to be both hauntingly beautiful and strikingly handsome at the same time? Ah... this isn't good...
"Uh... Nozomi?" Eli's voice is hesitant now, suddenly nervous when Nozomi hasn't answered or said anything.
"I love you," Nozomi blurts out, before smiling, the heaviness she used to feel lifting from her. Eli blinks at her for a moment, before her face breaks into a wide grin. It's the most adorable and, if she had to be honest, silly smile she's ever seen on Eli's face.
"I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but the only thing I know is that I'd like you to be a part of it, because I don't think I could imagine a life without you anyway," Eli says, her voice quiet.
"Because who would hold your hand when it gets too dark at night?" Nozomi can't help but tease slyly.
"Nozomi!" Eli groans. Nozomi only grins. Eli puffs her cheeks out in mock anger, and it's strange, feeling it under Nozomi's hand. Eli's cheeks deflate when she lets out her breath. She moves her head down, pushing their foreheads together. Nozomi closes her eyes, silently taking in everything.
Nozomi doesn't know what will happen in the future either, and though life is always fickle and changing, she'll make sure to hold on extra tight to Eli.
A/N: Whew! This got way longer than I intended. I've only watched the anime, so I don't really know much about outside details other than what I find here and there, so if any canon details seem off, feel free to let me know and I'll try to fix them. Also listened to Garden of Glass and that basically cemented the nozoeri, but I really like the type of relationship they have too.
... I didn't realize how hard and tiring it would be to write in a high school setting. Honestly didn't expect to find myself writing for LL, but this was pretty fun to write. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.