I had been the first, born alone in the darkness. The very first, looking out into a world full of bright lights and fuzzy shapes. I heard her parents name her, and with a touch I made her giggle.
I was Rachel's Joy.
I was quickly joined by others. Sadness, first, a sorrowful lad all in blue. Then there was Fear, a thin, twitchy man in washed-out purple. Next was Disgust, a young woman in a fashionable green dress. Last was Anger, a fiery-haired woman in red. I sometimes thought that we were missing somebody, but nobody else ever appeared.
As Rachel grew older, she formed core memories, building up Islands of Personality around them.
There was Family Island, built around her memories of her parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. There had been a scare when her parents divorced and her father moved out. Parts of the island broke off and fell into the Memory Dump, and there had been a period of time when the island had become so unstable, all of us in Headquarters worried that the entire island would crumble away.
Friendship Island had been formed around memories of her best friends Melissa and Cassie. There was also Gymnastics Island, Academics Island, and Shopping Island. There was another, small and barely visible from Headquarters, called Tomboy Island. That one had been formed from Rachel's memory of her dad saying that she was a tough as any boy. She had been happy, especially because of how much she knew it was true.
For any other girl, for any other child, the onset of puberty would bring about the greatest mental upset in their lives. But for Rachel and her friends, they stumbled onto a secret that was so much worse.
War.
It changed them. Changed her. Changed us.
The first sign was in the changes to the Islands of Personality. The first to change was Family Island. A fissure ran through it now, separating memories of her cousin Tom from the rest of her family. Friendship Island was next. Attractions built around her friend Melissa were smaller and fewer in number, while those featuring Cassie grew greater. Others were added: Marco, Tobias, Ax.
Dream Production started changing the dreams they sent. Nightmares were more common than good dreams, and fewer nightmares featured actors. Instead, memories, most not even edited, were simply filmed over and over again. Imagination Land no longer focused on childish whimsy, but morbid dread.
These changes were so obvious, that we at first didn't notice the change in Rachel's other Islands of Personality. Gymnastics Island faded a bit, bolstered only by the new image of a gracefully leaping cat. Academics Island was hit harder, the entire island looking run down and abandoned. Tomboy Island changed the most, though. In just a few short months, it went from being barely noticeable, the smallest of the islands, to being the largest and most stable of them. It had become Battle Island.
Other islands appeared: Alien Island, Secrecy Island, Romance Island, Morph Island. Others came and went, but these four were the only ones that stayed. The changes to Rachel's Islands of Personality were so stunning, we almost didn't realize that we were beginning to change, ourselves.
It was subtle. Fear became more and more fearful, always worried about our secret. Everywhere we went, he whispered fears of Yeerks in our ears. Rachel looked at every person we passed with suspicion, wondering if they were an enemy. Fear's change was so gradual, none of us could pinpoint when, exactly, he became Paranoia.
Every battle, every death at Rachel's hands broke down Sadness more and more. The loss of friends and family to the Yeerks, the thought that the war was hopeless, everyone we failed to save, every lost battle, broke him further and further, until at last he became Despair.
Anger began to lash out, raging at the cruelty of the world. She screamed, ranted, and raved over the Ellimist, the Yeerks, Crayak, and David. In battle, she fought me for control, unleashing her fury on Rachel's enemies. Near the end, she was always close by, simmering just beneath the surface. She had become Rage, blind and reactionary.
Disgust made it easier to fight the war. The Yeerks were slugs, slimy and disgusting. Her reactions became more and more extreme, and she often teamed up with Rage. It wasn't even a year before Disgust became Hatred.
For the longest time, I was blind to any changes in myself. The thrill of battle was similar to the joy of gymnastics, so I often took control when Rachel fought. The scent and taste of blood brought ecstasy to us, leading up to the day that Rachel and I laughed together as she stood over the bloody and broken bodies of our foes. When I turned to my companions in exultation, they backed away. I, Joy, had become Bloodlust, rejoicing in the thrill of battle.
We eventually became aware that another had joined us. We never saw them, but there were days when Rachel would spend time with Tobias and a new memory would form, glowing brightly in a color that belonged to none of us. Too red to be Fear, too pale to be Anger, too joyous to be Sadness, too mellow to be Joy, without a hint of Disgust. Shining a soft, warm pink, these memories always featured Tobias, no matter what species he was.
At the very end, we saw her. Tall, blonde, clad in a pink leotard, eagle's wings upon her back. She took command of the empty controls, looking out of Rachel's eyes at the Blade Ship's viewscreen. Looking out at Tobias. She began to speak along with Rachel, and we watched as Love spoke her first, and last words: "I love you."
She was the last one in control as the polar bear struck. Rachel Berenson died, her last memory filled with untainted Love.