Hi All!!!!!!! Errrr… this is a very new realm for me… I don't write Naruto, at all, nor do I ever post on this site. But to be fair, this is a joint effort of myself and Pink Haired Brat We were watching Beauty and the Beast, and had Itachi on the brain… so this was spawned. Yay! Flames are totally otay! This is meant to be light and silly, so don't expect much, but do expect sex. So without further ado… please continue on with our story and enjoy.

Once upon a time…

There lived a prince of unimaginable ego, and quite a bit of evil. He lived in his palace with all his servants in a castle deep within the forest and mountains. One winter's night an old beggar woman came to the prince's castle asking for shelter from the winter's cold, and in return would give him a rose. Sickened by the old women's appearance the prince turned her away, just before her ugliness vanished and turned into the beautiful witch known as Tsunade. Shocked the prince snorted, "Whatever, you have no power here. I do." Tsunade glared at the prince, nobody insulted her in that manner, so she placed a curse on him transforming him into an even BIGGER bastard, with wolf ears and tail.

Tsunade laughed, "This shall be your form young prince, for eternity." Tsunade sighed, "Actually, that's not entirely true…" The witch gave the now glowing and enchanted rose to Itachi, "There is a loophole… should you find someone you love unselfishly, and who returns your love, the spell will be broken. I imagine finding such a person is impossible, but that should one be found there will be huge musical numbers."

"You bitch." The price's eyes turned a demonic red.

"Ah… hehe. Oh yeah and all your servants are…household items now. Ta!" And with those parting words, the witch was gone, never to be heard from again… at least heard from by Itachi.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

The sun shone off the blonde locks of the young and handsome Naruto as he made his way to the town square. The dress he was wearing matched his sky blue eyes. He carried a small basket around his delicate arm he began to sing softly.

"Little town

It's a quiet village

Every day

Like the one before

Little town

Full of little people

Waking up to say"

Frighteningly to Naruto the townspeople just began to scream "Bonjour!" at him!

His blue eyes were filled with fright, "Oh gods, why again? After all this time, the villagers still refuse to leave me alone… I just want to sing…"

Naruto took off running to the book store as shouts of "Hello!" "How are you?!" "BON-FREAKEN-JOUR!" was hurled at him. He finally reached the bookstore and slammed the door shut behind him gasping for air. The bookstore keeper looked up from his bible.

"Ah, Naruto."

"Hidan, what the hell is up with this town?!" Naruto asked on the brink of tears.

Hidan shrugged. "You know you can't start a song and finish it by yourself, Naruto." Hidan said shaking his head. "Now how are you this morning?"

"Oh yes, I finished the book I borrowed."

"You freak, already? I mean I leant it to you just 10 minutes ago!"

"Yeah, I just couldn't stop reading for anything, and I mean anything. So, do you have anything new?"

"Not...not since 10 minutes ago."

Naruto sighed and looked around the shelves of books in the store, "That's all right…….I'll borrow this one!" The adorable little blonde took a book from a shelf.

Hidan looked shocked, "But you've read it twice! You had it a whole hour!"

Naruto sent him a defensive pout, "Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise…-"

Hidan laughed, "If you like it so much it's yours." He whispered to himself so Naruto couldn't hear, "Maybe this will keep you away for a few days… gods I hope."

"But sir!"

"Insist!"

Naruto looked nervous, "O- okay. Thank you. Thank you very much!" He opened the book and left the store reading his new book hoping that immersing himself in the story would drown out the townsfolk's singing and undirected insults on how beautiful he was but at the same time so strange cause he loved to read.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Orochimaru scooped up the dead bird that was just shot down from the sky; he pulled out the shuriken from its body. "Wow! Sasuke you didn't miss a shot! You're the greatest ninja ever!"

"I know." Sasuke said twirling a shuriken with his fingers.

Orochimaru grinned

"No beast alive stands a chance against you. Ha ha ha! And no girl for that matter!"

Sasuke turned. "It's true!! Just count the number of my fan girls…oh wait YOU CAN'T! That's how many fan girls I have. But I have my sights set on her." Sasuke pointed at Naruto who kept reading as he walked through the streets.

"Y-you know he's a guy." Orochimaru commented.

"Shut up! I'll kill you again!"

"Sorry."

"She's the most beautiful girl in town."

"But-"

"That makes her the best! And don't I deserve the best?!" Sasuke asked grabbing Orochimaru by the collar.

"Yes! Okay! Okay!" Orochimaru nearly cried. Sasuke dropped him and turned and began to sing.

"Right from the moment when I met her, saw her

I said she's gorgeous and I fell

Here in town there's only she

Who is beautiful as ME

So I'm making plans to woo and marry Naruto!"

Sakura and Ino watched from a small distance fanning themselves as Sasuke stomped after Naruto. They sang out after him;

"Look there he goes

Isn't he dreamy?

Monsieur Sasuke,

Oh he's so cute!

Be still my heart

I'm hardly breathing

He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome emo!"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Everyone continued to sing loudly and obnoxiously about what they were buying or doing. Naruto stand what could have stand and he couldn't stand no more! He sang out loudly.

"There must be more than this provincial life!"

Sasuke sang right back.

"Just watch, I'm going to make Naruto my wife!"

The townspeople finally finished their song, Naruto turned back and glared at them. "I'm better than you all." The young man continued his way after delivering his unheeded feelings, only to be stopped by a strong hand wrapping around his waist.

"Hello Naruto."

Naruto let out a long suffering sigh, "Bonjour Sasuke."

Sasuke took the book from Naruto's hand, completely ignoring the fact that Naruto obviously didn't want the jerk around.

"Can I have my book, please?" The blonde tried really heard not to sound like he hated Sasuke and the air he breathed.

Sasuke opened the book and flipped through the pages with a confused look on his face, "How do you read this? There's no pictures!"

Naruto growled, "Some people have imaginations!"

Sasuke laughed, "Naruto it's about time you got your head out of those books," Sasuke casually tossed the book in the mud, grinning at Naruto's angry gasp, "And paid attention to more important things… like me. The whole towns talking about it."

Naruto, who was on the ground cleaning his mud covered book, glared at Sakura and Ino as they sighed.

Sasuke shrugged his muscular emo shoulders, "It's not right for a woman to read--soon she starts getting ideas... and thinking."

Naruto opened his mouth to retort, but stopped short and gave Sasuke a slightly puzzled look, "You do know I'm a boy, right?"

Sasuke grabbed Naruto around the waist again and hugged him close, ignoring Naruto's struggles, "My little wife! What strange ideas those books give you!" Naruto managed to get loose from Sasuke's arms… mostly. Sasuke kept one arm around the blonde's shoulders and was steering him toward the local tavern, "Why don't we go in, have a drink, and look at my impressive weapons collection. I promise that every one of them has killed at least one person."

Naruto ducked under and slipped away from Sasuke's hold. "No." he said turning away.

Sakura and Ino gasped insulted that Naruto wouldn't take up the offer they so clearly would never receive!

"What's wrong with him?" Sakura snapped.

"He's crazy!" Ino added, they both looked over at Sasuke and sighed dreamily. "He's gorgeous."

"I have to get home and help my father." Naruto said.

Sasuke laughed out as Orochimaru shouted; "Ha-ha! That crazy old loon needs all the help he can get!"

Naruto turned on his heel. "Don't talk about my father that way!"

Sasuke whacked Orochimaru over the head. "Yeah don't talk about her father that way!"

"For fucks sake bastard, I am A BOY! BELIEVE IT!" (A/n- Couldn't resist) "And my father is a genius!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Aw damn." Naruto grumbled running up to his house where the explosion came from. Sasuke and Orochimaru still laughing.

"Papa?" Naruto called climbing down the basement stairs. He saw destruction everywhere.

"How on Earth did this happen, darn it!" Minato Namikaze growled as he pulled a barrel off his waist. Naruto sighed, "Are you alright, Papa?"

"Do I look like I'm alright?! I'm coverd in soot and a part of my hair is on fire!"

Naruto laughed. "Oh Papa!"

"God, you went into town in a dress again, I have no son." Minato sighed taking note of Naruto's apperance. "And I'm also about to give up on this bonehead contraption!"

"You always say that…"

"I mean it! I'll never get to make it work!"

"Yes you will and you'll win first prize at the fair tomorrow." Naruto said reassuringly.

"Hmmph!"

"….and become a world famous invenor?"

"You really believe that?"

"Believe it." Naruto smiled. Minato nodded. "Well, what are we waiting for. I'll have this thing fixed in no time" He slid under the machine. "Hand me that dog-legged clenched there... So, did you have a good time in town today?"

"I got a new book, Papa; do you think I'm odd?"

"You're my only son. You wear dresses. You send the whole town into a musical number. What makes you think you're odd?" Minato grumbled. Naruto "accidentally" stomped on his father's foot.

"Ouch! Ok who called you odd?!"

"The whole damn town, Papa! There's no one to talk to here, I don't fit here."

"Uh…how bout that Sasuke he's a nice fellow?"

"Ugh, he thinks I'm a girl."

Minato clenched his hands restraining his sarcastic remark. "Don't worry…" he said instead, "This invention is gonna put Namikaze Inc. on the map! It will be the start of a new life." Minato came out from uder the machine, "I think it's done. Now lets give it a try." He started up the contration, it spluttered and whorled, and Minato looked away in dissapointment, but suddently the machine began to chop wood, as was its design.

Naruto gasped in excitement, "It works!"

His father turned in surprise, "It does? It does!"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Naruto waved as his father left the house. "Good bye, Papa! Good luck!"

Minato looked back at his son, "Good-bye Naruto! Take care while I'm gone!" And with that he turned his sights to the path ahead. 'Such good vibes, no way I'll get lost!'

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Those good vibes were false prophets because the slightly eccentric inventor found himself hopelessly lost in the forest not a few hours later. Not only lost in a dangerous forest, but a dark and foggy dangerous forest.

Minato sighed, "We should have been there by now. Maybe we missed a turn... I guess I should have taken a..." Just then the fork in the road became visible through the thick fog, a sign post stood, waiting to guide. The lost traveler held up his lantern to read it; one way to Anaheim and the other Valencia. After a moment, Minato pulled the reins to lead his horse-Gamabunta- down the path to the right.

Now, Gamabunta was not a dumb horse, he was even know to the village as a fox killer, so when he saw the he was being led down a dark, foggy, overgrown road when a perfectly nice one was only a different direction away... he pulled to the left.

Minato yanked the reluctant horse right again, "Come on Gamabunta! It's a shortcut; we'll be there in no time!" And so they continued their journey...

XOXOXOXOX… Unknown amount of time later...OXOXOXOXOXO

Minato looked around with a worried expression on his face, "This can't be right. Where have you taken us, Gamabunta?" The horse let out an offended whiney, "We'd better turn around...and...Whoa...whoa boy, whoa Gamabunta! Oh, oh! Look out!" A tree not far away suddenly erupted with bats.

Now, Gamabunta is a smart horse... but he is a horse, so like any spooked horse, the poor frightened animal ran mindlessly through the forest. With Minato helpless to stop him. Finally the trees broke, only to reveal a cliff! Thankfully, Minato managed to gain control of Gamabunta, "Back up! Back up! Back up! Good boy, good boy. That's good, that's--back up! Steady. Steady! Hey now. Steady."

Or perchance not because at this point Gamabunta was willing to cut his losses and bucked Minato off his back.

"Gamabunta!" The call was did nothing and the previously faithful horse ran off into the woods. "Gamabunta? Oh no!" It would seem that our heroine's... err... hero's father had landed himself in an action movie because things just kept going from bad to worse. The mad flight of Gamabunta through the forest had attracted the attention of a local wolf pack.

Minato cursed his luck and ran for all he was worth. Thankfully he had a bit of a head start and really long legs, after stumbling down a hill, the inventor found himself outside an iron wrought gate. He could hear the soft pounding of swift wolf paws behind him, so close- too close.

Minato frantically grabbed the locked gate and tried to shake it open, "Help! Is someone there?!" He almost fell forwards as the gate opened of its own accord, "Thank the gods!" The shaken man slammed the gate in just enough time to escape the wolves. Minato quickly kicked the gate shut with his foot before the wolves could get in. Minato stood up and backed away, his hat we forgot to mention that he was wearing fell from his head. He turned around to face a large castle before his eyes, thunder roared and rain poured down suddenly.

"That's never a good sign." Minato sighed, shaking his head. He looked over his shoulders back at the wolves, growling and snarling at the gate. Minato winced and ran up to the castle's doors. He knocked on the door loudly, the giant door creeked open ominously. "Ooh, not a good sign either." Minato said lowly, but still entered in cautiously.

"Hello?" he called out. "Hello?"

"Aw, poor fellow must have lost his way in the woods." A mellowed voice came from the dark.

"Keep still! Their sight is based on movement!" another voice snapped.

"Those are prostitutes you idiot, and I wished it was a prostitute."

Minato turned to where he could hear the voices come from. "Who's there?"

"Not a word, Kakashi, not one word." The small clock, called Iruka ordered, the candle stick named, Kakashi.

"I don't mean to intrude, but I lost my horse and I need a place to stay!"

Kakashi turned to Iruka. "The man lost his horse! His horse…think of the horse."

Iruka slapped his hand over Kakashi's mouth. Kakashi narrowed his eyes and held up his hand, burning Iruka's hand. "Shh!"

"OW! OW! OOOWWW!"

Minato turned to the noise, "Whose there?!?!"