Dear Batman

Now I'm not going to tell you how to live your life or anything mostly due to the fact that you will probably have no problems finding me and... Hopefully not killing me...

However I feel that this is an issue that needs to be talked about.

Your inability to take care of your sidekicks

Now don't worry I'm not going to talk about the homosexual over tones... because we all know about those.

Why did you think a Speedo was a good idea for Robin anyway?

I'm sorry let's move on

I would very much like you to pass this on to all the other incantations of Batman who have had Robins... because let's face it none of you should be allowed to have children... ever...

Why is this... well let's start at the beginning. Because starting at the end would be dumb and pointless.

Well comic book Batman since that's you let's start the show. You needed a Watson that is true, probably to tell all your insane ramblings to. You found Dick Grayson whose parents conveniently died at a circus you were conveniently at.

Also very convent for some reason they let you take on the kid even though you were a play boy billionaire who was also running a multibillion dollar company... was social services just asleep or something?

Ok so maybe you didn't plan to make him Robin.

Hey I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt maybe he picked his own costume, we all remember what Nightwing used to look like. I like to call him disco boy

But you two worked well together, you survived Adam West and shark repellent (as an Australian I will tell you that shit doesn't work) but then you fired him... ok maybe you just wanted him to move on or something right?

Now to the painful subject of Jason Todd...

Ahem... well you saved him from the streets I guess but... then he was murdered by the Joker... Now he's alive and hates you... Aren't you father of the year material?

Then we have Tim Drake who proved that he was ether a genius or everyone else was an idiot by figuring out who you are.

Which is a tossup because how many men actually have the money, ability... MONEY to be Batman... I mean seriously!

I won't blame you for him being fired because hey Disco boy did it and replaced him with your only biological son Damian who... I think I'm not going to say anything here out of fear for my life.

There was also that Stephanie chick, I give you points for you know having a girl around but she lasted what ten minutes? Then she died... Hey two out of fives not terrible...

Lets move on show we to the movies

Dear Movie Batman...

... Maybe just keep Robin out of the reboot.

Unless you plan not to make him a completely pointless imbecile

And a side note... Bat credit card... I may have to write a letter solely devoted to how illogical that is.

And lastly Cartoon Batman

You did pretty well with Dick Grayson here... Other than him quitting and running off...

You missed Jason Todd because he's death was too violent or something right? So we got the mutant clone mess of him and Tim Drake.

Which then was tortured to insanity and turned into Joker Junior

Great job mate

Your pal Skytail