Cold Embraces

He stared at his hands for a long moment before closing his eyes and letting out the breath he held. The golden glow that had enveloped them had faded away, but he could still feel the forbidden powers coursing through him. He wasn't proud that he had to resort to using such abilities, but it hardly mattered when he thought of why. He had to save her; the other consequences seemed meaningless in comparison to fulfilling that one task.

Her words resonated all too clearly in his mind.

"Relinquish your pain...unto me."

I've been waiting too long for these days to let something happen to her now...

He opened his eyes when he heard the whir of the elevator coming back down. He watched and waited for it to arrive, still feeling a bit wary. He always tried not to let it show, but he didn't like to see her hurt or damaged. It happened too frequently for him to look fazed. Even if she wasn't fragile like she had been, her face was still the same. He had tried to see them as different individuals when she was ruled by logic alone, but there was always some part of him that did want to separate the two.

It felt as though a small eternity transpired before the elevator finally reached the bottom. He waited with anxiousness that was only faintly reflected in his eyes as the doors slowly slid open. Though he was more than accustomed to hiding his worries behind a calm expression, he didn't try to hide the relieved but weary smile when he saw her.

She had still sustained some injuries - or rather, damage - which distanced her from her usual state of almost otherworldly perfection. Instead, pieces of her armor were burned, chipped, or completely missing. Her Hilbert Effect generator was gone, allowing her ethereal, blue hair to fall around her freely. Some of the tips of her hair were singed from the heat of entering the planet's atmosphere. Regardless, she still looked beautiful in his eyes. And most important, she was still alive; he had finally managed to protect her again.

"I'm glad to see that you're alright," he said simply.

She stopped for a moment and regarded him with the same unfeeling look in her crimson eyes. "Your assistance is appreciated, but I need to report for repairs immediately."

He watched as she started walking toward the exit for a moment in silence. Everything was brusque and businesslike with her, with little exception or variation. He had grown used to it in a way since first embarking into the dark reaches of space. More on impulse rather than anything else, he placed his hand on her arm to stop her when she went past him.

"I need to report. Please do not delay me without reason," she said blankly.

"…Was it painful to fall like that?"

"I am not programmed to feel sensations that would interfere with my ability to accomplish my missions."

I must sound like Shion by questioning her so much…

Her eyes were still the same unyielding crimson that looked so unusual on her gentle face. Nevertheless, he found himself getting used to it after looking over at her to see her incomplete. It was bittersweet, especially when she stood before him all burned and battered.

But even so…

"You still did a very brave thing," he said with a gentle smile.

"Acknowledged," she said blankly.

She stepped forward and he felt her smooth skin slipping away from his fingers. The simple, even insignificant, little sensation made his logic desert him momentarily. It was too familiar and similar to memories that he sealed away so long ago.

You're still her.

On a whim, he reached out to her and pulled her into a tender embrace. Her demeanor was stiffly unfeeling, but she still felt warm, even of it was only from the heat of re-entry. She didn't move for a moment as her chin rested against his shoulder and for a few blissful seconds, there was a peaceful silence. It didn't feel ominous or forced; it was just the two of them there, together, where no one else would know of the moment.

It was so much like days that had faded to dark thousands of years prior.

After a few more seconds slipped away, she spoke again. "I need to report to for repairs."

"Of course," he said, unable to help but sound faintly wistful.

She was already losing her warmth; she returned to that natural cold far too quickly. She placed her hand on his shoulder to push him away as she stepped back. He let her go with hauntingly familiar reluctance, but with even more agonizing familiarity, he smiled at her. She didn't smile back, although it was no surprise. She still wasn't complete, but he could still wait for that hopeful day where she would be able to smile back at him.

She said nothing more as she turned and walked to the lift that would bring her higher up into the ship. He followed after her, but the fatigue that came with exhausting so much power started to catch up with him. She faced away from him as the lift lurched into motion, which prevented him from seeing the color of her eyes.

"Feeling pain did not make me complete," she said, in quiet voice that faintly deviated from her usual monotone.

He couldn't help it; his heart always leapt when those moments came where she spoke like she once had. Even though he knew it was too soon for her to awaken completely, that little hope that defied all logic still made him wish that she(?)would recognize him.

"…Mary?" he asked gently.

She didn't acknowledge the name. "What feeling would make me complete?"

But of course she didn't; she was still lost, faintly connected to where her true self slept but unable to call upon those memories and that identity. She could reach out as far as she wanted, but there were still pieces missing in the puzzle that would lead to her true awakening.

"I think that feeling happiness would make you complete," he said quietly. "Pain can only get you so far."

"Happiness…" she echoed, sounding faintly uncertain. "I do not know how to feel that."

He closed his eyes for a moment and winced as he felt the words cut like a thousand knives. He wanted to say more, he wanted to say the words that would wake her up, but there were no words to say. Even that cursed power of his wasn't enough to guide her away from the lost and into the light.

He stared at her, so clearly not her, but before he had any chance to give her a response, the mechanical doors slid open. She looked at him as her eyes returned to that same color of blood that symbolized the closeness and distance they shared. The moment was gone, just like that cold embrace.

This drabble was started nearly a year ago... XD I started it on the tiny screen of iPod back in January.

Anyway, on to the reason behind this one. Chaos' point of view was largely left for us to guess at since his character was so mysterious for so much of the trilogy. Even though he always acted so calm, I can't help but imagine that behind all of those facades, he would have had to feel really strongly about so many of the things that happened. He had plenty of time to learn how to hide it over the centuries, but considering he did wait so long just to see Mary again, it's hard to imagine that there wasn't a lot of things he really wanted to say or do but just couldn't.

Frankly...no matter how you look at their relationship and how it turned out, it's really tragic. D:

...I got rambling way too much. Have a good day, fellow XenoFreaks!

Also, if you're interested in a Xenosaga themed Secret Santa event for writers, artists, crafters, and cosplayers, check out the group XenosagaFans on DeviantART and send your wishlist in by December 1st. :D We'd love to get some more participants!