Disclaimer, I don't own Artemis Fowl.
Chapter One
Artemis was tied up and was completely helpless. Not even the big brain could get him out of this…helpless. No, it wasn't Opal or some other fiendishly clever maniac. It was… his two twin brothers! Well, ONE twin to be exact. Becket was using him as a personal jungle gym. Myles, on the other hand was making a…. well, Artemis wasn't sure what it was.
"Myles, could you get your brother off me?" Artemis begged.
"No brother. Beckett simple-toon. Me no touch simple-toon." Artemis sighed… it really was a shame in these occasions that Myles was so much like him.
With a crash and a bang, the door burst open and Butler strode in. He took one look at Artemis's predicament, and cracked up.
"Butler, help! Get this monster off me!"
Butler straightened up, whipping his eyes, "I told you Artemis, your brain can't get you out of everything," while chuckling a bit to himself.
"Yes, Butler, we all know what you said, now, assistance?"
Yet, Butler still didn't move. He crouched down next to Myles. "Myles, why don't you go help your brother?"
"Like I told him. Beckett simple toon. Me no touch simple-toon"
Butler stood up, grinning. "He's your brother all right."
"Yes Butler, we all now that, now help me!'
"What's the magic word?"
Artemis ground his teeth, "Honestly, you are as bad as Holly sometimes." Butler raised his eyebrows. "Fine. Butler can you… please help me?"
"Yes Artemis, I can." He took a few giant steps over and picked up the "monster" and untied his principle from the chair.
"About time," Artemis said, straightening his tie. "I thought you would never come." Butler raised his eyebrows. "Oh very well, I knew full well you would show up, as it is your job, and you always check on me ever half an hour when I do something without you."
Myles walked over with something in his test tube, a strange glowing substance that looked uncannily like boogers…
"Artemis, can you please sit down on this chair?"
Artemis, backing away, "No Myles. I don't want to be tied up again."
Myles look crestfallen. "But brother… I made a hair gel that is super strong… for you. It completely safe too."
Artemis looked at that face, took a deep breath and his resolve shattered. "Oh very well. And how do you know its safe?"
"Yey! Now Butler must leave. Surprise."
"Very well then," Butler replied in his gravely tones.
After the door slammed Artemis turned back to his little brother. "Myles you never answered my question. How do you know it's safe?"
"Oh, me tested on simple-toon. Nothing happened to him."
"You did what!?"
"Never mind."
Artemis sighed, and allowed himself to relax.
Myles opened the bottle and the distinctive smell of the outdoors after it rained filled Artemis's nostrils. "Mmmm…" Artemis said. "Myles how did you know that it was my favorite smell?"
"I read your journal" Myles replied after he finished applying it.
"You did WHAT!" Artemis exploded. Suddenly, the door flew open and Butler jumped in.
"Artemis! What's wrong?"
"That… that… MONSTER found my journal and read it! Oh and does my hair look normal?"
"Completely." Butler took one look at his charge's marble colored face and immediately something what's wrong. "Artemis, are you…"
Artemis fell to the soft carpet in Fowl Manor, unmoving.