This is my first story in what feels like forever, and this is my first Twilight fan fiction ever. You don't know how weird it feels to be back at the keyboard for writing a story not chatting with friends, ect. Lol, well anyway on with the story.
Oh and I know that Bella is a little out of character.. hell.. a little? No she's more than a little out of character, but then again I'm not even sure if I'm correct on that fact. Your opinions will be greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or any of the characters mentioned in the following fan fiction. They all belong to the wonderful and the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.
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Twilight -- It's All Over
As the music began I turned it up louder. Charlie won't like it, but I know he won't say anything about it because this is now what I do on a daily basis, have been for a few weeks now. He's slightly used to it or so that is how it seems.
'Your bottles' almost empty
You know this can't go on
Because of you my mind is always racing'
He left me nearly a month ago and I had started this sick, wonderful habit of mine just two weeks ago. Heh, I know that he won't like it, but I'm not even sure if I even care anymore. It helps to alleviate the pain I've been feeling. It makes me happy; more so than you could ever know.
'The needles' breaking your skin
The scar is sinking in
And now your trip begins but'
I picked up my innocent little blade that I hid so carefully taped to the bottom of my desk. Haha nobody would ever know what I did up here all alone in my bedroom. Using my thumb and my middle finger to hold it firmly while I used my forefinger to press it against my wrist. I took the blade and slid it slowly across the skin, applying a little pressure. The sight of that first droplet of crimson liquid bubbling up sent a shiver of excitement down my spine. God it was so good, if I had said that out loud it would have come out as a pleasured purr, that feeling of something other than confusion, betrayal, abandonment, and the like. It made me giggle, something I would not have been able to do otherwise.
'It's all over for
It's all over for
You
For you'
They would be so angry at me for this, haha! That made me laugh a crazed laugh because of how untrue that statement had been. They didn't care. Not now, not anymore, not ever. Speaking of them, something just crossed my mind. I wonder if Alice has seen this yet. Even if she did it doesn't matter, haha, no one has come to stop me yet and no one is ever going to. Oh Alice, how I miss you so. I miss all of them, but they abandoned me so why should I even care? Huh?? Someone please enlighten me.
'When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over for
For you
When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over'
My tears began to mix and mingle with the blood that slowly flowed from the brand new lacerations I had made. Wait, tears? Since when had I started crying? I lifted my fingers of my right hand of my good arm to my cheek and felt the warm wetness of my tears. Haha, I was crying what the hell?? There is absolutely nothing to cry about right now! I was finally getting my release for the day. I was happy, no, I am happy. My blood is such a beautiful thing, I know that before any of this had happened I had been… not so good with the sight of blood, but now it was my savior, my best friend. Oh if Ed-Edward still cared… still loved me he'd be so angry with me; he'd be so worried about my well-being. Though he doesn't love me and he doesn't care. I think the only thing he would care about now is the fact that my blood is being wasted. He did tell me on more than one occasion how my blood smelled so good to me, freesia with a hit of lavender, and how it made is mouth water with acid. Yes… he would love to taste it, to drink me dry.
'I know what runs though your blood
You do this all in vane
Because of you my mind is always racing
And it gets under my skin
To see you giving in'
I wish I could touch him again, I want his hands on me, but most of all I think I want his lips to my neck kissing me… his teeth in my flesh as he drinks from me until my heart stops, until the very last drop is gone. Just thinking of him made me numb, but he, his family, and how unwanted, how unneeded, how… how them not wanting me anymore was all my fault. I was nothing but a shiny toy that lost it's luster, that got old so they just threw it away. Ah, yes, I was merely a toy to be played with by them, by Edward. How pathetic I am.
'And now your trip begins but
It's all over for
It's all over for
You
For you'
As quickly as my shaky hand would allow I swiped the blade across my wrist a few more times taking a moment to revel in the beautiful work of art I had made. The blood was flowing a little more freely now than it had been before. That should have been a sign to stop, but I just couldn't. I let out a sick and twisted grin as I thought about how not too long ago I would never thought of doing this, how the sight of the blood would have made me sick and I would have fainted, but now, now! The sight made me so happy, so joyful but slowly the numbness was starting to overcome me. It was starting to take complete control, although the smile or grin, I wasn't sure which, that was on my face didn't seem to be leaving even though the feeling was.
'When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over for you
For you
When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over'
By now I was sitting in a shallow pool of my own blood, not much though. Obviously not much because it didn't feel as if I was dying. It's a good thing I had Charlie replace my carpeted floor with wood paneling. I liked wood floors, mine was that dark cherry wood. It was so pretty. Oh look at me, I'm getting off track here, hahahaha. Maybe I was dying or at least starting to become delusional. Heehee. In my delusional state of mind I didn't realize the figure standing right outside my window peering inside.
'And now you're dead inside
Still you wonder why
It's all over
And now you're dead inside
Still you wonder why'
I was feeling so numb and the more numb I felt the more I kept slashing away at the already cut and scarred flesh. A shiver ran down my back because the more blood I saw the more I became happy. Was I happy? Ha! I couldn't even tell anymore, how pathetic I was. Suddenly I felt my weapon being taken away from me. Anger began to bubble up from inside of me. That was mine! I bought it with my own money! No one has the right to do such a thing! Slowly I lifted my face to look at the accused person who had taken away my razor blade. As soon as my eyes reached his face a gasp escaped from my throat and more tears began pouring from my eyes. Oh god. Why? Why was he here? He doesn't even care about me at all! "E.. Ed… Edward-" My voice caught in my throat as I struggled to say his name. it only came out as a whisper though.
'It's all over
And now you're dead inside
Still you wonder why
When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over for (You, for you)'
"Bella…" I heard him whisper. It sounded as if he had been in pain. As if… as if the sight of me, of my condition, hurt him to see. If he didn't want to see it then why was he here? He doesn't care, I know he doesn't. "Bella… what have you- what have I done?" I noticed him wince as I moved back quickly, the look on my face a mix of surprise, confusion, and fear. Why fear though? Oh, right, I was scared that he only came back to further my pain. And suddenly I felt cold marble arms wrap around me tightly. Arms that weren't mine, but his. He was holding me, embracing me, as if he thought that if he let go he would lose me, that I would disappear. I wasn't going anywhere, at least, not in the physical sense.
"Edward… Edward…" I began to sob into his chest before I could even finish my sentence. "Edward wh-y?" My voice just cracked. Great, just wonderful. "Why are you here? Y-You don't l-love me anymore." My sobs got harsher as my body began to shake.
"I should have never left. I shouldn't have left you. All I wanted to do was protect you, but it back fired. Look at you… god Bella." he rambled on, quietly whispering into my ear every once in a while kissing my hair. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you, I love you so much." a small smile, a genuine smile, formed on my lips. Not the kind of smile that appeared every time I cut myself and made myself bleed, but the good kind. My vision start to fade a little bit and everything started to sound far away. Even my music I had been seemed to grow a lot quieter.
"Edward?" My voice was barely a whisper. "I love you. I forgive you…" I mumbled as my eyes closed. I could barely hear him calling my name now. I guess I barely hear him calling my name now. I guess I had lost way too much blood this time around. Oops, haha… suddenly it felt like I had been picked up and the wind was rushing past me, blowing my hair in my face and making me feel very, very cold. Next thing I knew I heard people, a lot of people, and Edward rushing around and screaming things. Or at least that's what it seemed like, and then there was this horrible, annoying beeping! But it too slowly faded away into the darkness just as the voices had. Slowly I followed and faded into the quiet that was the darkness.
'And now you're dead inside
Still you wonder why
When you're on the edge of falling off
It's all over for (You, for you)
And now you're dead inside
Still you wonder why
It's all over'
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So what'd you think? Was it good? Haha, I know I enjoyed writing it. I'm even thinking that I might make another one-shot as a sequel to it. Should I? Or no? Depending on how many of you think I should or shouldn't then I'll decide.
Now I do believe that little purple button down there is calling your name and telling you to press it and review! :O
-UchihaSakuraXItachi