Big Happy Family- Chapter One
"You called, Master?" Allen walked into the room cautiously, keeping his hands near his face in case General Cross tried to throw a weighty object (namely a hammer) at him again. But the general didn't react, just sat at his desk, staring out the window. A glass of wine sat untouched beside him. To Allen, this was even scarier that all the times Cross had been hiding behind the door, in his creepy skull-head form.
"Master?" Cross turned slowly in his chair until he faced Allen.
"Come closer." Allen took two steps forward.
"Closer." Another step.
"Come on." One more step.
"Get over here, idiot apprentice! Now!" Allen rushed over to Cross, keeping his head low. But instead of hitting him, Cross simply placed his hand on Allen's head.
"I have something to tell you. Something important."
"You have AIDS?" Allen asked hopefully.
"No idiot apprentice…" Cross smiled.
"Or should I say…son?" Allen's eyes went wide. He's drunk like always! Or this is part of some scheme he's come up with. It's not true!
"Oh, and another thing."
"Yes, Master?" Allen asked, twitching slightly.
"Lavi is your half brother and my son too! From now on, we're going to be one big happy family!" The final straw came when Cross embraced him in a hug. Allen's mind exploded from the sheer impossibility of this happening. Cross hadn't ever helped Allen up when he fell, much less hugged him.
Well, there was that one time, but Allen never thought of that.
"NOOOOOOO!!" Allen yelled, wishing he could drop dead….
--
Allen jerked up from the bed, panicking. He looked around the room. No sign of Cross.
"Whew. It was just a nightmare," Allen said, relieved.
"Yeah, a living one," Lavi said. Allen jumped.
"When did you get here?"
"I've been here. Cross, or should I say "Dad" made me drag you down here after you passed out."
"So you know huh?"
"Yeah. Bookman sent me up to Cross and he told me. So we're half brothers now?"
"I guess so," Allen replied.
"Yay! I've always wanted a little brother," Lavi said, hugging Allen.
"No! He's gotten you too!" Allen tried to get away from Lavi, but to no avail.
"I'm just happy that someone else has to share in my torture. Who knows what he's going to try on us?" At that moment, Cross himself walked in, casually smoking a cigarette.
"Ah, glad to see you're awake, Allen. I was worried about you."
"Yeah right. What do you want?"
"You're probably wondering why I've taken a sudden interest in you guys."
"No I'm not. Because you're always so concerned and you always care sooo much about me," Allen said, rolling his eyes. Cross ignored him and continued.
"As you both know, I have many debts that need to be paid off.
"No kidding," Allen snorted. Lavi stifled a laugh.
"To make a long story short, the only way the Black Order will pay off my debts is to prove that I'm a good person and worth keeping around. And what better way to do that than to take care of my two wonderful sons?"
"Achoo! Sorry, "Dad". I'm allergic to bullshit."
"Ahaha, Allen. Always the funny one," Cross smiled, giving Allen the signature "If you mess this up it's a fate worse than death" look. He yelped and tried to bury himself under the blankets. Lavi pulled him out.
"C'mon Allen. How bad can it be? I've always wished I could meet my dad, and my mom died a few years ago. Cross might actually turn out to be a great father." Allen looked at Lavi in disbelief.
"If that hazard of a man had been around when we were little kids, we'd be dead from shaken baby syndrome or carbon monoxide inhalation or severe hammer injuries," he said, pointing at Cross for emphasis, who still stood smoking.
"Yuma died? I'm sorry to hear that. She was damn good in bed." Cross shook his head and put out his cigarette.
"Brain cells…are killing themselves…because of disturbing…images…everything's going blurry…"
"Ah, suck it up Allen. No son of mine can be a prude and take my honorable name of Cross."
"Who'd want to be associated by blood with you?"
"Does that mean my name is Lavi Cross?" Allen grabbed Lavi and shook him.
"You have to fight it Lavi! That man is the devil in human skin! He'll eat you alive!"
"Yes, but I'm the sexiest damn devil there ever was." Allen twitched.
"I cannot believe you just said that."
"Well I did. And Lavi inherited more of my good looks than you. But enough of the chitchat. Time for some family bonding!" Allen envisioned a dark room filled with every kind of sharp, pointy, and evil torture device known to man and he shivered. That's when he realized Cross was dragging both him and Lavi down the hall by their jackets.
"Where are we going, Dad?" Lavi asked.
"A brothel. Where else? Someone's gotta teach you boys the facts of life."
"Hell yeah! You're the best dad ever! Hot babes, here I come!"
"That's my boy Lavi. Too bad Allen can't share your enthusiasm." Allen was scratching claw marks into the tile trying to scramble away frantically.
"Komui, Reever, Kanda, Lenalee, Miranda, anyone, SAVE ME!! Get me away from this terrible man!" But his cries went unheard, and before he knew it, they were out of the Black Order HQ…