Prologue dedicated to bijoukaiba and Nintendo4ever.

(But be warned, I will cease and desist--and delete this story--if too many readers take offense.)

Disclaimer: I do not own SSBM or any characters or locations within.

Trouble Afoot

The cold winter's night wind whistled through the drafty attic, the worst-kept room in the entire Smashers' Mansion, which was in need of repair work anyway. She shivered in the makeshift bed she had made of a battered old futon pad and some blankets, to which Master Hand had relegated her upon the discovery of extensive termite damage in the outer walls of her room and four others. All five rooms were now closed off for repair, forcing Master Hand to make alternative accommodations for their occupants. Curse her bad luck; she got the attic in the worst of seasons, and she couldn't even get the space heater there to work no matter how she tried.

Not that she had many belongings that needed places; she just had her armor, a small wardrobe of casual clothes, and some computer equipment—all of which she could easily find places for even amid the droves of antiques, things that just refused to work (like that blasted space heater), and curiosities in the attic. Finding places for her belongings was the least of her worries—keeping warm tonight was more pressing on her mind. The wind blew hard outside, and she, purple-sweatsuit-clad, huddled in the middle of her bed under at least two blankets, a third underneath her covering the futon pad like a sheet and a folded fourth at the head of the bed for use as a pillow.

She considered turning on a brighter light and reading some of the books on the spindly-legged rack, romance novels mostly, to distract her from the cold—at least, such was Princess Zelda's advice. But no, that would force her to pull her hands out from under the blankets and chill the exposed fingers--and she hated having cold hands. Should she put her armor back on just long enough to make her way to the hangar where the space travelers keep their vehicles and sleep aboard her starship? Maybe so, but that would require her to open the creaking door to the attic after descending the rickety stairs—both of which made a lot of noise that was sure to wake somebody up. It was only ten o'clock yet; no guarantees that everyone on the second floor was asleep.

And while she pondered the topic of the creaking door and those rickety stairs…

The door opened and shut, creaking above the sounds of the wind, and she distinctly registered the snick of a door-bolt in a lock. The squeaking of the stairs with each step could only mean the visit of one man…and it was exactly as she predicted upon hearing the snick of the lock.

The visitor, she could see, had abandoned his usual tight-fitting blue flight suit and was wearing instead a short-sleeved gray T-shirt and a pair of worn olive-green sweatpants. He was a deathly handsome-looking man even with his helmet on to cover most of his head and face—and now that he revealed his full face, the swept-back brown hair and the heat of desire in his coffee-colored eyes, his good looks were positively devastating. "Hey, beautiful, I thought you might not be asleep yet," he remarked.

"You shouldn't be here, honey, not in this frozen corner of the universe," she replied teasingly, "and besides, you must've certainly wakened someone up by coming up here."

He chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the makeshift bed, taking hold of one of her chilled hands with both of his warm ones and pulling her into a quick kiss. "Frozen corner of the universe, eh? Not really, I don't think—and don't worry about anyone else below; the attic's too far away anyway."

She looked surprised for a moment, and he used the momentary advantage to gather her into his arms, reveling in the delight and desire he saw in those emerald-green eyes of hers before pressing his lips upon hers for a long, lingering kiss that left her breathless.

"I've waited far too long for this," he groaned…

"Brrr, was it cold last night or what?" YoungLink complained after breakfast. Due to the repairs being done on his room, he had had to share a room with Ness once Master Hand caused a rollaway bed to be set up in Ness's room.

Ness nodded fervently in agreement. "If it was going to be that cold, we should have had some snow," he acknowledged. "Otherwise there's no real reason for it to be freezing like that."

"You could always go to the attic and grab more blankets from there—unless Samus happens to be using the blankets, I'm sure she won't mind," suggested Princess Zelda offhandedly as she finished clearing the breakfast dishes from the table, having overheard the young boys' complaints.

Zelda had barely reached the top of the stairs to the second floor, making her way to her room afterwards to get a sweater, however, when Ness met up with her just at the attic door. He looked distinctly uncomfortable as he reported, stuttering, "Princess Zelda, Your Highness, I—I found something up in the attic—I don't know what it is, but…"

"What did it look like to you?" the Hylian princess asked, perturbed. The children in the Smashers' Mansion never addressed her or Princess Peach as "Your Highness" (except maybe YoungLink) unless they had some kind of bad news to report.

"Well, it looked—kind of like a—like a balloon—but it wasn't like any kind of balloon I've ever seen—and it seemed like there was some sticky stuff on it…" Ness answered uncertainly, fumbling to find words to describe his predicament.

Zelda's stomach plummeted to the soles of her tan suede shoes at Ness's description of the unknown object. Master Hand had relegated Samus Aran to sleeping in the attic after closing off her room, as well as YoungLink's and three others, for repairs. Unbeknownst to any Smashers except themselves, Zelda, and probably Link, Captain Falcon and Samus had been in a romantic relationship for at least six months (Zelda had herself played the matchmaker when Falcon first showed an interest in Samus), and apparently the two bounty hunters had slept together on Samus's first night in the attic. It seemed like only a matter of time before they would…

Or was it?

Zelda glanced fearfully around her. Was there anybody else nearby, within earshot? If word of this got out…no, she didn't want to linger and add fuel to potential speculation. She and Ness went up the attic stairs as quietly as they could for the creaking of the wood.

"There, just next to that trash can," said Ness, pointing.

Sure enough, Princess Zelda followed Ness's uncertain gaze and the pointing of his finger—to confirm her worst suspicion. Only a used condom could have matched Ness's description of the offending object…and there was one, lying on the floor next to the wastebasket exactly where the ten-year-old boy was pointing. "A used condom…" Zelda repeated her thought aloud, though barely above a murmur.

Ness could only make an inarticulate confused sound, looking up at Zelda with a bewildered expression.

"Apparently, Ness, your parents have never told you to sit down for a discussion about what some people call "the birds and the bees" yet," said Zelda heavily, fishing in her dress pocket for a tattered handkerchief and using that to pick up the offending object and dispose of it properly in the wastebasket. "I was afraid of this."

"Should we tell Master Hand?" asked Ness.

Zelda shook her head. "No, we shouldn't," she asserted. "The fewer people know about this incident, the better. Once we fetch a couple of blankets for you and YoungLink," she continued as she pulled two folded blankets out of a cardboard box, "you'll need to come with me to the library."