Title: The Key

Author: Loisarah

Rating: FRT to a light FRM, I suppose.

Distribution: If you want it, ask. I'd be thrilled.

Feedback: but please, constructive criticism and no flames.

Disclaimer: Characters property of Fox and Mutant Enemy. Some dialog may be taken directly from episodes, but I do not own anything. I am making no money off of this story.

Timeline: Season 5... all of it.

Summary: What if the key hadn't been sent to Buffy as Dawn? This picks up at the very end of Buffy Vs. Dracula and goes seriously AU from there. No Dawn.

Spoilers: Season 5

Author's Notes: This is based on an old thread on BGL and TogetherBG about season 5. So... according to the emails I printed out... Shelley, Daien, and Cindy B. get the credit for inspiring this. ;)

Pairings: B/R, B/G, W/T, X/A

BIG THANKS to Joan the English Chick, whoever you are, for your wonderful transcripts.

BIGGER THANKS to Dword, Cindy, and Shelley, and Luisa for the beta and advice.

Some... okay, lots of dialogue taken from the episodes: "The Real Me" by David Fury, "The Replacement" by Jane Espenson, "Out of My Mind" by Rebecca Kirshner, "No Place Like Home" by Doug Petrie, "Family" by Joss Whedon, "Shadow" by David Fury, "Into the Woods" by Marti Noxon, "Triangle" by Jane Espenson, "Checkpoint" by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie, "Blood Ties" by Steven DeKnight, "Crush" by David Fury, "I Was Made to Love You" by Jane Espenson, "The Body" by Joss Whedon, "Intervention" by Jane Espenson, "Tough Love" by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, "Spiral" by Steven DeKnight, "The Weight of the World" by Doug Petrie, and "The Gift" by Joss Whedon.

-----

Chapter 1/23

Inside an abandoned warehouse five men in brown robes sat around a small glowing sphere, chanting, heads down, and eyes closed. Suddenly, one opened his eyes and his head snapped up.

"She's coming... I can feel her... the beast... she is near."

The monks began to panic... they weren't done with their spell... they began to argue amongst themselves.

"The beast must not find the key."

"Quickly... we must..."

"No! The Slayer... she would be defenseless... we can't... she has to be able to protect the key!"

"It's too late, we don't have time... the key must be transferred now... we can't wait..."

The five monks stopped and began a different chant, speaking quickly, giving the key form and sending it to the Slayer before they were found.

As they finished the spell, the door flew into the room. The five men looked towards the door at the figure standing there.

"I'm here. Now where's my key?"

-----

Buffy walked slowly up the stairs towards her bedroom. She paused as a slight dizzy spell caught her. Shaking her head, she continued walking upstairs, pausing in the doorway to her mother's bedroom. She leaned into the room to see her mother putting her earrings in, getting ready to go out.

"I'm outta here," Buffy said as she continued to walk down the hall toward her own bedroom. "Riley and I are going to the movies."

"Okay," Joyce responded. "Have a good time."

"I will," Buffy replied, before she got another dizzy spell and passed out.

Joyce, in her own room, heard a thud, and paused in front of her mirror. "Buffy?" No response. "Buffy, are you all right? Did you fall?" Still no response. Joyce dashed out of her room, towards Buffy's. She looked in and saw her daughter lying on the floor, unconscious. "Oh, my god... Buffy!" She knelt beside her daughter.

Buffy began to stir... "Mom?"

"Buffy, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm..." she began, trying to sit up, and failing. She laid back down on her floor.

"Buffy... what's wrong?"

"I dunno... I got dizzy... but I'm okay," she said, trying to sit up again.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine."

"Buffy... you should go to a doctor."

"No, mom, I'm okay. I just... I didn't eat much today, and that's probably what did it. I'm okay. Really."

"Are you sure, Buffy? This isn't like you."

"Yeah, mom. It's okay."

"Promise me that you'll at least tell Mr. Giles, if you won't go to the doctor."

"Yeah, okay... I see him tomorrow for a new improved training session, anyway." Buffy looked up at her mother's concerned face. "Really, I'm fine. I'm just gonna rest for a few minutes before I go meet Riley."

Joyce looked up at her daughter disapprovingly before standing up herself. "You are going to eat something before you go anywhere. Wait here, and I'll get you something... no buts."

Buffy laid down on her bed. "No complaints. Mom's room service totally appreciated."

Joyce smiled at Buffy before walking out of the room.

-----

"There is nothing but you."

Buffy closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on Giles' voice and the soft music.

"You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are," Giles continued, starting to walk in a circle around Buffy. "Find it... breathe into it."

Buffy continued to lean over the pedestal, both hands on it in preparation for her handstand. She could do this.

Giles continued walking around her and talking, trying to get her to focus. "Focus inward. Let the world fall away... fall away... fall away..."

Buffy opened her eyes, ready. She leaned forward and up into her handstand.

He continued walking in circles around her, watching her, and she concentrated, closing her eyes again, and slowly bringing one arm out, balancing on the other. She remained upright for a few seconds before falling onto the mats underneath the pedestal.

"Buffy!" Giles quickly moved to Buffy's side.

"Ow."

"Are you all right, Buffy?"

"Yeah... nothing hurt but my pride... I think."

Giles kneeled beside her as she sat up, flexing arms and legs. "I'm just... I can't do this today, Giles."

"I thought you wanted to train, Buffy."

"No, Giles, I do... really... but I don't... I don't feel okay. I... I actually passed out yesterday. Mom... Mom actually made me promise to tell you if I wouldn't go to the doctor. I told her it was probably..."

Giles cut her off. "Buffy... you passed out? Are you all right? You should go to a doctor. Joyce is right."

"No, Giles... it was just... something stupid like blood sugar or something... I'm fine. I'm just... not feeling the meditations and exercises that require actual balance today."

Giles pulled off his glasses and sighed. "Buffy... go to the doctor. Promise me."

"Okay, okay... I'll make an appointment. But I feel fine. Honestly." She looked at Giles and grinned. "You're not going to believe I'm saying this, but how about we do some of that book learnin' today?"

-----

"So Buffy, what are your plans today?"

Buffy looked up from her cereal and smiled at her mother. "Oh, actually, Giles and I are gonna go to the magic shop for supplies for my new and improved training sessions."

Joyce looked at her daughter, noting the smile on her face... the one that usually wasn't there when she talked about her plans with Riley. Joyce wasn't sure how she felt about that. "Oh, that's great," she replied.

"What about you, mom? What exciting plans have you got going on for today?"

Joyce sighed. "My exciting plans for the day are going through another shipment and getting ready for a show. I hate opening all the crates. I don't suppose..."

"Sorry, mom... Slayer training. I don't think Giles would like me to spend the day being crate-girl."

Joyce sighed. She was really hoping Buffy would help. It went so much faster that way. "Okay, but if you change your mind..."

"If I have time, I'll show up for gallery duty."

Mother and daughter smiled at each other, until they heard a knock at the door. "Oh, I'm not expecting anyone, are you Buffy?"

"Nope. Too early for it to be Giles."

"Let me go get it."

Joyce opened the door to find Riley standing on the doorstep. "Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great."

Joyce smiled back at Riley, flattered by the compliment, but still feeling like it was a little too slick. "Oh, thank you, Riley. Buffy's in the kitchen." She stepped aside to let the boy into the house.

Buffy came out of the kitchen and walked to Riley. As soon as she was close, and Joyce was out of earshot, she said, "Suck up."

"What? It's a nice outfit."

"Mm-hmmm."

"Besides," he continued, "I'm here to violate your firstborn never goes over with parents. Not sure why."

Buffy smiled and tilted her head up, stepping into his embrace to kiss him, only to have a sudden wave of nausea overtake her. She pushed him away and ran up the stairs towards the bathroom.

Riley overheard an "oh, god," as she ran and followed her.

"Buffy!" he yelled after her as she ran towards the bathroom. She reached the door and flung it open, running in and slamming the door behind her. From the other side of the door Riley could hear the sound of her retching.

"Is she all right?" Joyce asked from behind him, having followed him up the stairs after Buffy.

"I don't know."

Joyce nudged Riley out of her way and opened the door to help her daughter.

Riley continued standing outside the door after Joyce shut it. After a few more minutes he knocked on the door and said, "I'll come back later to check on you, Buffy," before leaving.

-----

Buffy sat beside Giles in his new car, leaning her head against the passenger side window.

"You feeling all right?"

"Sort of."

"Buffy... you really should go to the doctor."

"I will. I made an appointment. But let's just concentrate on Slayer Shopping today, okay, Giles?"

"All right."

They sat beside each other in companionable silence for a while, before Buffy began talking again. "I can't believe he just ditched me like that."

"Excuse me?"

"Riley. I got sick and he just yelled through the door that he'd be back later to check on me. God... I'm his girlfriend... he couldn't stick around to make sure I was okay? Men... God... maybe Will has it right."

Giles looked towards the passenger seat in alarm. "Buffy..."

"I mean, really... he can fight evil beside me, but god forbid Buffy gets the flu, then he just bolts. I sat up with him that one night when he got drunk at a party and threw up all night, I throw up once and he does his disappearing act like..."

"Buffy! Please... I'm sure Riley just didn't want to be... in the way. Did he call you?"

"No. Not yet, anyway. You showed up and I left."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure there'll be a message when you get home," Giles said, trying to reassure Buffy but feeling somewhat smug about the fact that Riley had yet to call.

"Yeah."

They drove in silence again until they reached a parking spot near the magic shop, just in time to meet Willow and Tara.

"Hey, Giles, sharp wheels!" Willow exclaimed.

"The rest of the car's nice too," Tara chimed in, smiling one of her shy smiles.

"Where are you guys headed?"

Willow walked beside Buffy, while Tara and Giles followed behind them. "Magic shop. I have some charms on back order."

"Oh. Well... Giles and I are on our way there to do some important shopping for training. It's very cool... we worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new slayer training."

Willow put an arm around her friend, overly giddy. "That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic."

"Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that?"

Behind Buffy, Tara giggled and Giles rolled his eyes.

Willow continued, "People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester."

Buffy sighed. "Oh, yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class."

Willow nodded in sympathy. "That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important."

Buffy took a deep breath and continued, "So I won't be taking drama with you."

Willow stopped walking and dropped her arm from around Buffy's shoulders. "What? You have to! You promised!"

"Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was..."

"The hell with Giles!"

"I can hear you, Willow!"

Willow ignored Giles. "Drama is just Tuesdays and Thursdays. You can blow off training, can't you?"

Buffy grinned at her friend. "What happened to people gotta respect a work ethic?"

"Other people! Not me! There's a whole best friend loophole."

Tara walked past Buffy and Willow to the shop. "Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed."

Giles walked up to stand beside Tara at one of the windows. "That's odd." He tried the door and it opened. Giles walked in, followed by Tara, Buffy, and Willow. The shop was a disaster... displays broken, glass shattered.

Buffy sighed. Why did this always happen to her? What was she, a trouble magnet? All she wanted to do today was shop. "I think odd just got upped to bad."

Giles scanned the room for any sign of the shop's owner. "Hello? Anyone here?"

Tara joined him. "Mr. Bogarty?"

Everyone looked at Tara, who just shrugged. "The owner. I-I come in here a lot."

Willow walked further into the store, trying to reassure Tara. "Well, maybe this happened... really late at night when nobody was..." she began before she tripped and fell.

"Will?" asked Buffy, walking towards her.

"I'm fine, I-I just tripped over..." her eyes get wide as she sees the body on the floor with the bloody vampire bites on the neck. "Mr. Bogarty."

Buffy walked towards the body, took one look, and turned and fled the shop. Giles followed her out, while Tara rushed over to make sure Willow was okay and help her up.

"That's strange. I've never seen Buffy bolt like that before."

"I think something's wrong, like she's n-not feeling well, or something," Tara said. "We should go check on her."

Willow and Tara walked outside in time to hear Buffy getting sick and see Giles holding her hair back, helping her.

"I think we should go back in th-the shop and let Mr. Giles take care of her," Tara said.

"Agreed."

-----

The Scooby gang sat around the living room of Buffy's house, with Buffy on the couch between Riley and Giles. Her legs were pulled up onto the couch and her arms were wrapped around her stomach. She leaned against Giles and her feet rested on Riley's leg. She missed the evil glances Riley was sending Giles' way... and if Giles noticed, he didn't give any indication.

"So, what do we know? Someone broke into the magic shop and stole books about the Slayer and some cheap tacky unicorns?" Buffy asked.

Willow looked at her friend, who still wasn't looking as if she felt very well. "'bout sums it up," she replied. "But it doesn't make sense... I mean... who would steal that combination?" Buffy asked again.

-----

Harmony stood in front of four other vampires, in her version of 'motivational speaker' mode. She clapped her hands to get their attention before speaking. "Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night." Harmony got giddy and clapped her hands. "Good job, minions!"

Her four minions stood in front of her and clapped half-heartedly, looking bored.

Harmony continued, oblivious to the attitudes of her minions. "Yes, you deserve it. Secondly..." she reached behind her to pick up the ceramic unicorn, "somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn!" She smiled at Brad.

"Anyway," continued Harmony, "the books you guys brought me to help with the plan? Well, I've been skimming through the book jackets all morning, and let me tell you, there's some pretty useful stuff in there, so..."

Cyrus raised his hand, interrupting Harmony.

"Yes, uh... sorry, forgot your name."

"Cyrus."

"Cyrus, huh, right. What's your question?"

"When are we gonna do it?"

Harmony wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Eww! That's rude! I barely know you!"

Mort, the biggest of the minions, rolled his eyes. "He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan?"

Harmony looked relieved. "Oh, the plan! Ah, well, first, lemme tell you..."

Mort cut her off. "When!"

Harmony responded defensively, "Tonight! We kill the slayer... tonight."

-----

Joyce was dressing in front of her mirror, frowning at the reflection of Buffy standing behind her. "I don't like it. I don't want you patrolling, you're not okay!"

"Mom! I have to do this. Riley's going with me. We're just going to do a quick sweep..."

"I don't care how quick it is. You're sick. You get dizzy and you've been nauseous. You can't patrol!"

Buffy stood with her hands on her hips, and rolled her eyes. "God, you sound like Giles. Riley thinks I'm okay enough to patrol."

"Well, you should listen to Mr. Giles. He's right."

Buffy relaxed her stance and stepped back to Joyce's bed, sitting down. "I feel much better now. No dizzies, and I've kept my food down like a good girl... I can do this tonight, Mom."

Joyce sighed. She knew Buffy wasn't okay, but didn't think there was anything she could do to stop her. "All right, go. But if you start to feeling sick again I want you to head straight home."

"Yes, mother."

"Don't you joke about this, young lady! I'm worried about you. This isn't like you." Joyce sighed. That doctor's appointment couldn't come fast enough. She just hoped the doctor didn't tell Buffy what Joyce thought he would.

-----

Willow and Tara unpacked boxes for the dorm they were sharing this year.

"Do you think Buffy's okay?" Tara asked Willow. "I'm worried about her. Something... something feels... weird."

Willow placed a picture on top of a bookcase and turned to Tara. "You think? Buffy's been sick before. She'll be all right."

Tara sighed. "I don't think so... didn't... didn't you feel... I dunno... magic when you were around her today?"

"Magic?" Willow asked, walking towards Tara.

"Yeah... l-like... like something had been cast on her."

"Nope. Stood with my arm around her and didn't feel anything but Buffy."

Tara grinned at her girlfriend.

Willow grinned back. "I didn't mean for that to come out like it did."

"Really?"

"Really," Willow assured her. "The only girl I want to feel right now is you."

Tara smiled her crooked smile as she stepped towards Willow and the girls embraced.

-----

"You... um... feeling okay?" Riley asked as he walked beside Buffy in the graveyard.

"Yeah. Just... so sick of that question. And my Mom, she's being so... overprotective. And it's driving me nuts. I'm surprised she didn't lecture you before letting you go with me to patrol tonight."

"Actually, she did, when you went to get your jacket."

"Oh." Buffy and Riley continued to walk beside each other, watching for action in the quiet cemetery.

"Really, I'm feeling much better."

"I know."

Buffy looked at Riley... his jaw was tense, and his posture just screamed... problem.

"Are you all right? Riley..."

"You were leaning on Mr. Giles."

"What?"

"During the meeting... you were leaning against him, not me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She was feeling better, but she still wasn't up to the ego-stroking Riley seemed to need. "It must have just been more comfy for me to lean his direction than yours."

"I bet."

"Whatever."

-----

Harmony walked up to the Summer's residence, minions in tow. The house looked dark.

"I don't think she's there," Mort said, sounding bored.

"She's got to be... this is how I planned it."

Peaches picked up a stone and threw it at a window, smiling in satisfaction at the loud smash. "No one's home."

Harmony threw the rock she was holding, with the note strapped around it, at a different window. No sound came from the house after the smash.

"This is just like her... ruining my plans."

Xander and Anya walked out of the Bronze, laughing, his arm slung possessively around her shoulders. It had been a good night, and Anya was going back to Xander's place with him.

"Oh, no."

Anya looked up at her boyfriend. "Oh, no, what?"

Xander pointed. "Look." Anya looked in the direction he pointed. "Harmony's back." His arm dropped from around Anya's shoulders.

"Hey, Harmony... why don't you go back to wherever you were."

"Xander Harris... why don't you crawl back under the rock you came from?"

Xander huffed. "You shut up, Harmony."

"Yeah." Anya said, pulling her cross out of her purse while standing slightly behind Xander.

"I've been honing my instincts since last time, Harris... I can take you," Harmony said, striking her hands on hips pose.

Xander laughed. "You and what army?"

"Me and... me and... my minions."

Xander started laughing. Once he'd sobered a bit, he repeated, "minions?" before collapsing into a fit of hysterics again.

"Yeah."

Xander slowly regained his composure. "These minions... are they... invisible? Because I don't see anyone with you," Xander said.

"They're... they're... not with me right now," Harmony huffed.

Xander and Anya started walking away, and he said, "Sorry, Harmony, but I don't feel like getting into another hair pulling contest tonight."

"Me either." Harmony vamped out and ran towards Xander, pushing him to the ground.

"No! Get off my Xander!" Anya screamed, pulling the cross from behind her back and thrusting it into her face.

"Ahh! Get that away from me!" Harmony wailed.

"Get away from Xander!"

Xander pushed Harmony off him and stood up, watching Harmony scramble up onto her feet and down the alley. "This isn't over, Harris!" Harmony yelled as she ran away.

-----

Buffy stood in her living room among the shards of glass from the broken windows. "What the hell happened here?"

"Someone must have tried to break in," Riley replied.

"But nothing's missing...oh, look. There's a rock... with a note." Confused, Buffy reached down and picked up the rock with the note still tied neatly around it. She pulled the string off and pulled the note off.

"That's strange."

"What?" asked Riley, moving to stand beside her, to read the note. It read 'Slayer, come out and die' with the i in die dotted with a smiley face.

"Not your usual doom and gloom note."

"Who would leave this for me?"

"Harmony."

Buffy and Riley turned at the sound of Xander's voice.

"We saw her outside the Bronze."

"Harmony?" Buffy tried to not laugh, but she couldn't help it. She started laughing hysterically, much like Xander outside the Bronze.

"Buffy... this is serious. She attacked Anya and I outside the Bronze. She said... she said she had... minions."

"Minions?" asked Buffy, trying desperately to keep a straight face. She couldn't help it. Riley, Xander, and Anya all joined her in laughing.

Eventually, Buffy started to calm down and tried to get the rest of the story from Xander.

-----

Harmony stalked through the cemetery, muttering to herself, minions in tow.

"What a total disaster. My first plan! I so wanted it to go well. Plus, I didn't even get to kill stupid Xander Harris! God, that was so embarrassing. Saved by that weird Anya girl. And I was even nice to her in high school and she betrays me like that!"

Mort sighed. "We'll go back later."

"No!" Harmony stopped walking and turned to face her minions. "It's no good. Buffy's gonna expect us now. The whole surprise is blown."

"Let's go back to the lair. That census taker may not be empty yet."

"Not me," spoke Brad, who began to boast, "the night is young, and I want some action."

A hand tapped Brad on the shoulder. Brad turned, only to get punched in the face.

"Happy to oblige. Here I thought it was gonna be a slow night," Spike spoke as he stepped out of the shadows toward Harmony and the rest of her gang, puffing on his cigarette.

Harmony stepped out from behind Mort.

Spike, surprise on his face, looked Harmony up and down, a sneer on his face. "Well, hello Harm."

"Spikey ... Spike. How've you been?"

Spike shrugged, leaning against a crypt. "Not bad. Just got a brand-new telly in my crypt, so..."

Mort interrupted, stepping in front of Harmony. "Why are you talking to him? He kills our kind."

"Oh, yeah," Harmony replied, turning back to Spike, hands on hips again. "What's up with that?"

Spike shrugged again, still leaning against the crypt. "Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he? What's with all this?" Spike asked, gesturing towards the minions.

"They're my gang... my minions," Harmony replied.

"Gang?" Spike peered over Harmony's head at the group standing and watching. "Is that what those circus freaks are?"

"Uh-huh. I mean... shut up!" Harmony again put her hands on her hips and assumed her defensive pose as Spike sneered at her again. "We're gonna kill the slayer."

"Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one."

"I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework... reading books and stuff," Harmony huffed.

"What, Evil for Dummies?"

Harmony sighed. "You'll see. Buffy'll be dead by sunrise. I've got a plan." At Spike's skeptical look, she continued, "I'm not telling you!"

"Thought as much. Best of luck. Let me know if this arch-villain thing works out for you," he said as he backed away and walked off into the night.

-----

Anya and Xander stepped off the stairs of Buffy's porch and onto the sidewalk, prepared to walk back to Xander's basement. He smiled down at his girlfriend. "What would I have done without you tonight?" he asked, smiling at her as she smiled back up at him. Neither of them noticed the four vampires that closed in on them at the end of Buffy's front yard.

"So, we meet again, Xander Harris."

Xander looked up at the sound of Harmony's voice, and stopped, pulling Anya to him at the sight of the four minions and Harmony behind them.

"Harmony, don't..."

"Don't what?" she asked sweetly. "Take him. Do something with her."

At Harmony's words, Mort grabbed Anya and pulled her from Xander, throwing her against a tree. She slid down into a heap at the bottom, unconscious.

"Anya! NO!" Xander cried, only to be grabbed by Brad and Cyrus. "Let me go!" He struggled, but couldn't get out of their grasp.

"Bring him with us," Harmony instructed, turning and strutting towards their lair.

"Did you hear something?" Buffy asked Riley, pulling from his arms where they sat in the couch.

"No, hear what?"

"I thought I heard yelling," Buffy said as she got up and walked towards the front door.

"Probably just your imagination," Riley said, following her to the door reluctantly.

"Buffy scanned the front yard, seeing Anya's arm from around the trunk of a tree. "Oh, god... Anya!" She ran out the door, Riley following.

Anya was lying on the lawn, sprawled around a tree trunk, bleeding from a gash on her head.

"This looks bad... we'd better call for an ambulance," Riley said, tending to Anya.

"Right... but where's Xander?" asked Buffy.

"Xander..." mumbled Anya, trying to talk, "Xander... Harmony... took... my Xander..."

"It's okay, Anya, I'll find him," Buffy reassured her as Riley pulled out his cell phone, dialing for assistance.

-----

Harmony was again parading around the lair in front of her minions. "All right, once again, nice work, minionators. I'm really, really proud of you guys."

Cyrus sighed. "When do we eat him?"

"We don't, not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because! That's not the plan," Harmony responded with another big sigh. "We use Xander as bait. We send Buffy a note..."

"More notes?"

Minions were really annoying. "We send Buffy a note," she continued as if talking to a child, "telling her that if she wants to see her friend again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her."

The minions nodded, and Mort asked, "So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the slayer's friend, just as long as she thinks we are."

"I guess..." Harmony responded, unsure.

Cyrus continued Mort's train of thought. "So it won't make any difference if we eat the boy now."

Exasperated, Harmony replied, "We're not eating Xander Harris."

"Why not?" asked Peaches.

"Do I have to say it again? That's not the plan! Besides... it's... Xander Harris. Yuck."

-----

"Bollocks!" Spike banged his fist on the television again in vain, switching to readjusting the knobs and antenna. "Gonna have to pinch me one of those satellite dishes.

The door swung open and Buffy strode in, walking purposefully.

"Well, speaking of dishes, to what do I owe this unpleasant..."

He was cut off by a punch to the face, causing him to reach up and wipe the blood coming from his nose. "Ow! Bloody hell!"

"I don't have time for banter, Spike. Where's Harmony's lair?"

"Haven't seen her in months. How should I know..."

Buffy grabbed his shirt and punched him in the nose again.

"Ow!"

"Where is she?"

"At least lay off the nose."

Buffy pulled back her fist again, ready to strike.

"Okay! Okay! Used to have a cave in the north woods. About forty meters past the overpass construction site."

Buffy punched him in the nose again before releasing his shirt and turning to leave.

"Ow! I was telling you the truth!"

She didn't even turn around as she replied, "I know."

-----

"We've been talking it over, and we decided we don't like this plan," Mort began, as the other minions moved to stand around Harmony.

Mort smiled. "We're gonna feed on the boy and kill you. Maybe not in that order."

"I don't think I like your attitude, Mort." Harmony turned towards the other minions to give her order. "Kill him for me."

Peaches, Cyrus, and Brad didn't move. Harmony looked at Mort in time to see him smirk.

Harmony started to get scared, but was still defiant. "All right. You're all on my list. Th-this isn't fair. Okay, so things haven't been perfect. I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role."

Mort stepped menacingly towards her. "Time's up." He grabbed her by the throat.

Xander watched the display fearfully, and cringed when he saw Cyrus starting to walk towards him. This wasn't good.

"Harmony being attacked by her own gang... why am I not surprised?" All the minions turned towards the door in time to see Buffy, crossbow in her arms.

"So, Slayer, at last we meet," Harmony said, like a bad B-movie villain.

Buffy paused before responding, "we've met, Harmony, you halfwit."

"Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my..."

Buffy let a bolt from her crossbow fly and hit Peaches in the heart. She took aim at another minion as he turned to dust.

"...trap..." Harmony finished as she watched Brad also turn to dust.

Cyrus advanced on Buffy and pulled the crossbow from her grasp. Buffy began hand to hand as she talked to Harmony. "Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you SUCK."

Mort moved behind Buffy with an ax, but as he swung it Xander yelled, "look out, Buffy."

Buffy ducked in time for Mort's ax to take off Cyrus' head. Buffy took the opportunity to pull the ax out of his hand, but he pushed her down.

Harmony looked around her lair and what was left of her brilliant plan, and decided to run away while she still could.

Buffy got up and started circling Mort, holding the ax. Mort charged on her, and she pushed him away, circling, looking for her shot. Mort lunged forward, and grabbed the ax from Buffy's hands. Buffy glanced behind Mort and saw the wooden unicorn. Grabbing it, she lunged forward, and staked Mort on the horn.

Buffy shrugged, dusted herself off, and strode towards Xander.

"Saved once again, by a girl."

"Yeah, well... at least Brad isn't still alive... or... undead, to see it."

"You got that right."

Buffy picked up another ax and began hacking away at Xander's chains.

"We've got to get you to the hospital... Riley called for an ambulance for Anya."

-----

"So Anya is going to be all right?"

"Yes... the doctor said she'd be fine in a few days... and Xander is playing... nurse for her," Buffy smiled.

Giles stopped writing in his notebook and looked at Buffy, smiling too. "I'm sure they'll be miserable."

Buffy grinned. "Completely." She looked around the shop, and back at Giles. "You sure about this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Giles got up and walked behind the shop counter, sorting papers and jotting down notes.

"Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap Drummer... have you ever run a store before?"

"I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. Besides... do you have any idea how profitable a shop like this is? Especially in Sunnydale?" He began to walk towards the back of the shop, and motioned for Buffy to follow him. "There may even be some space for you to train in the back."

Buffy smiled as she followed him. It'd been a while since she'd seen Giles this excited about anything. "Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored were you last year?"

Giles paused and sighed. Might as well tell her before Spike did. "I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it," he replied before walking through the doorway.

Buffy laughed as she followed him, trying to imagine Giles... her Giles... watching a soap opera.

Both missed Riley standing in the doorway, watching them as they walked, talking and laughing, into the back of the store.

End Chapter 1