Author's Note:
Honestly, I feel like anything even remotely related to Kingdom Hearts that's not some high school setting or reality type plot line is going to end up with spoilers in it. Somehow, someway. This story I wrote is guilty of a little of that. A little 358/2 Days, a little Dream Drop Distance...and blah. I don't know. I just threw something together after watching the 358/2 Days cutscene montage again. I'm such a dork! Aghhh!
Warnings: none. Really. Absolutely none. I don't know why I freak out. I don't even know if this rightly qualifies as spoiler material. Maybe I'm just overly cautious...
'What Do We Talk About?'
He let out a big sigh, flipping through the pages of a book he didn't really care about. He hadn't actually intended on reading it, but he had hoped the mind numbing boredom would lull him to sleep...eventually. Instead, the opposite happened. He felt like his eyes were permanently stuck open, his mind fully awake and aching for social stimulation.
"Ughhh." he growled to himself, placing the book face down on his chest as he sank lower into his bed, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. He almost felt like pleading with said ceiling to talk to him. Just say something, anything.
He sat up again, then, yet another sigh escaping his lips as he turned to let his legs hang over the edge of the bed. He closed the book, setting it down on a small nightstand next to his bed. He had gone truly tired of his silvery-white bedroom. Alone here he could only lay in his bed, silence surrounding him. It was driving him nuts.
"I guess I can try to talk to the others, but man..." he drawled. His face screwed up in mock disgust. He had contemplated the option earlier, but it didn't sound at all appeasing. He knew he'd have to end up giving in at some point...but for the time being it had been easy to just ignore the urge. Now he'd had enough. Was it really the lesser of two evils in the end?
The other members were not exactly what Roxas found to be good with conversations. It had been ever since the majority of the organization had been assigned to Castle Oblivion. Roxas had resorted to reaching out to speak with them in a vain attempt to find some form of entertainment. In the end it had proved fruitless.
But now...the option was becoming ever so tempting.
Hopping up from the bed, he swallowed his displeasure and made his way to the door. As his hand fell on the door and it slipped open with a metallic 'whir' sound, he braced himself.
As he walked down the halls, he briefly wondered what Axel was doing right about then. It had to have been a pretty important mission for everyone else to be kept in the dark. When he had asked people previously, they hadn't known a thing. Secretive indeed and, he tugged his sleeve nervously at the thought...possibly dangerous.
"Roxas?"
He made a soft sound of half acknowledgement, slowly coming out of his world of musings. He hadn't realized he'd stopped walking at the doorway to the Grey Area.
"What are you doing?" he heard someone ask. Right then he heard a quick succession of footsteps and turned slightly to see Xion standing right next to him.
"What am I...doing? Oh." he thought. Honestly he was still a bit dazed from his thoughts.
Damn. If only he had chosen to try this sooner. He never would have had to come all the way down here.
"Yah. I was coming down here for today's mission from Saix and found you standing here sort of...lost in thought?" she said, posing her statement slightly like a question. She giggled at Roxas' confused expression.
"Oh. Oh! Xion, I'm sorry. My mistake." Roxas apologized, scratching his head sheepishly. Xion shook her head, walking past him and taking a seat on the couch.
"You didn't do anything to me. Anyway, you never answered. Why are you down here? I thought you had already completed your mission for the day." Xion wondered as she looked down at her lap, smoothing out her coat absentmindedly.
"Oh, well I was...I mean I have. I finished the mission a little earlier than I was supposed to. I guess I came down here to..." he stopped, his cheeks feeling warm.
But wait. Why could he feel embarrassment?
"To what?" Xion asked, effectively cutting across his light bulb pause. He chuckled.
"Sorry...again. It's just..."
"You got a little lonely?" Xion finished, giggling. She looked down, her laughter fading as she did as Roxas had and begun thinking about hearts and Nobodies and...
"So anyway, what mission do you think Saix will give you today?" Roxas chirped, his expression becoming cheerful and his desire for social communication becoming rather painfully obvious.
Xion watched with mild amusement as Roxas began hooking and unhooking his fingers. To someone else he might seem like he was wired on some sort of drug. His teeth were clinched together and his smile wide and not quite right with his face. His shoulders were tensed and...
"Xion?" Roxas asked, worried when she didn't answer him. Xion twitched, her thoughts interrupted.
"You look nervous." she observed. Roxas raised an eyebrow.
"Huh?" he sputtered, suddenly even more confused. What was she talking about? "Xion, we can't..."
"Xion. What are you doing? I gave out missions two hours ago and you did not show up to receive yours."
"Oh!" Xion jumped up, her hand flying to her mouth as realization struck her and she bowed apologetically as Saix stalked up to her. He rolled his eyes at her display, a deep set frown on his face.
"It's fine." he lied. He sighed, averting his eyes to Roxas standing idly nearby...doing that hooking-unhooking thing with his fingers again.
"You will be going on a heart collection mission again. Do be sure to check in with us when you've collected the appropriate hearts." he said.
"R-right sir. I'll be back." Xion said. She gave one last weak smile to Roxas before running towards the hallway and into her portal. Saix knit his eyebrows together, his frown growing deeper if only it were possible.
"What are you doing?"
"Huh?" Roxas piped up, jumping slightly as Saix continued to stare at him curiously.
"With your hands. Why are you doing that?"
Now it was Roxas' turn to frown. His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced down at his hands. "I don't understand. What're you talking about?" he asked, now suddenly examining his hands.
Saix rolled his eyes again, sighing, before turning to leave the room. "You really do have your moments...just like him..." he mumbled cryptically to himself.
But Roxas didn't overhear, otherwise he might've questioned it. Instead, now he found himself staring at his right hand as he opened and closed it.
Why had he come down here again?
"Heya Tiger!"
Roxas looked up at the voice, his hand now forgotten and floating in front of him awkwardly. "Xigbar."
"That's my name!" Xigbar hollered cheerfully as he found a couch and plopped down into it. Roxas stared at him a moment before his self-made mission hit him and he made his way over.
"So, what's going on today? Figured you and Poppet would be busy hanging out in Twilight Town like you normally do." Xigbar began, a smug smile on his face. He was hard to read for Roxas...just about anything could be behind that little smirk.
"You know about that?" Roxas asked. He shook his head. "Never mind. No, Xion is out doing missions and..." he trailed off, his throat swallowing at the thought of his other friend.
"That's right. Your partner in crime who was sent off to Castle Cutthroat with the others." Xigbar said, chuckling deeply at the thought.
"Wow, way to be super creepy Xiggy." Demyx complained as he slid onto the couch next to Xigbar.
"Mm, I don't wanna talk about that!" Roxas bristled. Xigbar chuckled again.
"So what do you want to talk about huh?" Demyx asked, pretending to pick at his glove. Roxas walked over to the area the other two had sat down in, leaning back into it as his expression went slack.
"Well, first I have a question." he began.
"Shoot." Xigbar said, leaning forward onto his elbows on his knees.
"Okay, well, what's so special about having a heart?" Roxas asked. In retrospect maybe it wasn't the best thing to bluntly come out with in the beginning of a conversation. He had to start somewhere, though, and that was virtually the last thing he had thought of.
"Uhhh..." Demyx sputtered. He didn't know quite how to approach the question. "Well, I mean, it's a heart. It's like...man how do I put this? It's something we don't have that we wanna know more about."
Roxas sighed. "Yah, Axel said about as much."
"Well it's something I don't really think about too much." Demyx complained, furrowing his eyebrows and waving him off. He usually got uptight like this whenever this very subject came up.
"Give 'im a break faux-hawk! It's only natural that he gets curious about this sort of thing." Xigbar said, mildly entertained. Demyx made a face.
"Yah well I never did." Demyx grumbled, folding his arms over his chest in a mock pout. Xigbar grinned at him before turning his one eye, and by default his full attention, on to the little Keyblade wielder.
"So kiddo, why bring up the heart thing?" Xigbar asked. He didn't react as Xaldin entered the room, coming to a stop in front of the windows with his back turned to them.
"W-well, I...just something that popped into my head..." Roxas defended nervously. He frowned, feeling self conscious all of a sudden. He would have loved to have run to his room at that point.
"Riiiight. Listen, I'm game for your little riddle. Had enough practice working with Luxord of all people after all." Xigbar joked. Roxas shook his head furiously, his closed fist hitting his knee.
"No way! It's not a riddle, Xigbar, it's the truth." Roxas asserted. His frown became deeper as suddenly Luxord entered the room as if on cue.
"I would have to agree with him on this, Xigbar. Riddles are a bit more complex than that." he explained, a sneaky grin on his face. Roxas furrowed his eyebrows sharply. If none could tell he was getting exasperated before, they could tell now.
"Look. I just wanted to ask one simple little thing, that's all." Roxas said, suddenly getting up from the couch as if to leave.
"Whoa, you're not running off now kiddo!" said Xigbar as he shot out of his seat to grab Roxas' arm.
"Wha?"
"Look, nobody here is judgin' ya or anything...come to think of it it's not like we're even capable of judgement. That's sort of what a heart is supposed to do." Xigbar said. He nearly laughed a hollow laugh at the sight of curiosity sparked within Roxas' dark blue eyes.
"Really?" he asked. Xigbar could almost see the gears beginning to turn in Roxas' head.
"Why are you so interested in such a thing anyway?" Xaldin piped up from the window. He turned, staring at the gathered group with an air of contempt.
"Probably just bored." Demyx said, his head leaned back at he stared at the ceiling and twirled his hood strings in his hand.
"You act as if that's possible." Luxord joked, folding his arms over his chest. He began to laugh, Demyx joining in. Xigbar said nothing as Xaldin went back to staring out the window, mumbling about 'imbeciles with nothing better to talk about'. Xigbar was watching Roxas carefully, yet subtly.
"Hold on!" Roxas said, cutting off the empty laughter with a hand. Luxord and Demyx abruptly stopped, looking at him expectantly. Even Xaldin was shifted at an angle so as to hear what Roxas had to say.
"You mean to tell me that all that we're doing...the only thing we're after and the only reason we're even here right now..." Roxas shouted, his face contorted in disbelief. He stamped his foot suddenly, his teeth grit. "We're just looking for boredom and judgement and all the other bad stuff that comes with it!?"
"Just a moment, Roxas, I think you're getting off base..." Luxord began. Roxas shook his head.
"No! I'm supposed to accept all these feelings you guys complain about remembering like pain and all that stuff? Why would I want something like that!?" he bellowed.
The room was silent save for a few footsteps behind him. With that, Demyx rolled off the couch and he, Luxord, and Xaldin removed themselves from the room. Xigbar chuckled, standing up and giving Roxas' a pat on the back as he, too, left.
"We look for a heart because there's more to feeling just pain and anguish. There's bliss too."
Roxas recognized the voice and turned around, his head down in shame. "Saix..."
He stopped as Saix shook his head, putting a hand up to silence him. "We need hearts because that is what makes us human. It's the only way we can even exist."
Roxas stared at him blankly for a moment, soaking in the words like a sponge. When Saix finally stalked past him, he chose that moment to run to his room.
Maybe he'd spend eternity there. That sounded lovely right about now.
"Hey Roxas. I'm back from my mission."
He didn't look up at the sound of Xion's voice, choosing instead to keep his head buried in his knees.
"I figured I'd find you up here at the Clock Tower. Weird, Xigbar said you'd resigned yourself to living in your room from now on. But now you're out here...what's been going on?"
Roxas sighed heavily, feeling his face grow hot. He didn't know if that was his body remembering what it felt like to be embarrassed...he just wanted it to stop.
He'd have to remember to give Xigbar a piece of his mind later.
"Roxas? You haven't even said a word to me since I came up here." Xion said as she sat down next to him, Sea-Salt ice cream in hand. She flinched when she heard Roxas begin to chuckle. "C'mon, let me in on the joke!"
Roxas lifted his head, an eery smile on his face, and turned to look at Xion. He shook his head.
"Remind me never to go looking for someone to talk to again."
Author's Note:
I love how contradictory everything was when it came to the concept of 'lacking hearts and therefore emotion' especially when they interacted with each other. Then came Dream Drop Distance. Everything made sense after that. Oh, and Roxas too. And Sora. And maybe Xion. Sorry, I'm getting carried away haha.
So yah, hope you enjoyed. Hopefully my Roxas won't get bored and go looking for trouble again. On second thought...maybe he should! Sequel? Let me know what you think!
And with that, I ask you for reviews before you go IF you have the time! :)