BECOMING SELENE

"Look at the way she's searching,

trapped in a world that's hurting,

so bad it makes her cry,

But I won't let her say goodbye…"

-311, Prisoner

TRAPPED IN REALITY

Private Deborah Anders never did have the mentality or tenacity to become a trooper of the New California Republic army. Then again, she never had the ability to work on a farm, run a business, start a settlement, or be a productive member of the rebuilt society in New Vegas. The one reason she was able to join the NCR was that she was good at taking orders without asking questions and was an excellent shot with a sniper rifle. Pvt. Anders did not even look or sound like a typical trooper. She stood tall at 5' 10", had long red hair with curls at the ends, blue eyes, and pale skin. She never had a reason to smile and always had a blank stare on her face. When Colonel James Hsu asked her to do something, she would do it. Pvt. Anders was suffered from depression. It was mostly caused by the state of the world, her vision of the hopeless future, and having no friends, and never achieving her life's dream. She was one of few women stationed at Camp McCarran. The guys would always interact with the other women and completely ignore Deborah. She knew they would engage in sexual intercourse each night. She would go to bed, alone in her tent as she listened to the noise made by the other troopers. Deborah didn't care, it meant more time for herself.

Pvt. Anders liked being alone in her tent which was located on what used to be the parking lot for McCarran Airport. At the same time, she wished she had someone in her life to love and care for. Before the war, she worked as a waitress in a bar. Wearing tight clothing, and serving drinks did not suit her well. There were times when she wanted to lash out at people and kill them all. When Pvt. Anders was a little girl, she developed a fascination with vampires. She had a book from when she was a kid and another book she found at a dilapidated library. She loved reading stories about them, but her religious parents disapproved of it. They demanded for her to stop but she refused and would suffer a beating from her father. When she was 15 years old, she ran away from her hometown of Nipton and headed for Las Vegas where she has remained. It took her years for her to deal with the mental anguish from the abuse.

It was twenty years ago, when Deborah was only 11 years old. It was nighttime. The full moon was out and shining bright. She had a book that she was so eager to read. The cover featured a gang of vampires, made up of men and women. Each of them were showing their fangs. Deborah was a little frightened by the cover, but she welcomed it. It was not a boring love story. It was about the violence, fear, and the intimidation they caused. She was supposed to be sleeping. Her parents were very strict about it. Deborah waited until they were in bed to start reading. The more she read, the more enticing it became. She felt scared, but kept reading anyway. The vampires would feed on innocent victims for their blood which made her smile. She wished she had fangs like them and would stop reading and quietly hiss like a vampire would.

She would often make fangs out of plastic forks and wear her blanket as a cape. At night, she would stand in a corner and pretend she was a vampire. When her father saw the book, he became upset with her. He forbade her from reading the book.

"But, dad, I want to read it," she said to him.

"You will not disobey me young lady!" He yelled.

She could smell the alcohol on him. She hated that smell because it always meant trouble for her.

"I'm going to read what I want," Deborah said.

Making him mad was not a wise decision. He threw his beer bottle on the wall and then slapped Deborah in the face. She fell to the floor with a tear in her eye.

"You see what you made me do!" He yelled, "You read this satanic book under the Lord and this is what happens to you."

Deborah felt her face as she watched the tears fall on the carpet.

Pvt. Anders woke up in the middle of the night and felt her face. The familiar smell of alcohol would come back whenever she thought about her abuse. She laid back down and drifted off to sleep.

The next day, she was out with her squadron. They were in the middle of the desert being led by Lt. Boyd. Pvt. Anders hated the hot sun of the Mojave Desert and preferred the moonlight. There were four others in the squadron: Pvt. Brooks, Pvt. Clay, Cpl. Burton, and Pvt. Duvall. The three men had always kept their attention on Pvt. Duvall. They were on a mission to hunt down nearby raiders that had been scouting Camp McCarran. Pvt. Anders lagged due to the intense heat of the sun. The others seemed to be used to it.

"Anders!" Lt. Boyd yelled, "Get moving, we don't need you holding us back."

"She's too busy fantasizing about her vampire stories, Pvt. Brooks said.

"She already is one, and the sun ain't good for her," Pvt. Clay said.

She caught up with her squad, ignoring their remarks.

"Careful, she'll suck your blood," Cpl. Burton remarked.

Then, Pvt. Duvall snuck behind her and pretended to bite her neck. She laughed as Pvt. Anders looked at her in disgust. It was unknown to her if they were insulting her or if they were joking. It did not matter to her, she hated them anyway. Then, Pvt. Anders dropped her bag and took out her sniper rifle. She shot her entire squad. They laid on the ground as she walked over them. Then, she snapped out of her daydream.

The three men smiled and laughed with Pvt. Duvall. It was strange that Lt. Boyd did not seem to mind their behavior. She focused her attention on Pvt. Anders. Lt. Boyd kept an eye on her, watching her every move. They did not find any raiders during their travels and eventually ended up at the 188 trading post as the sun was beginning to set. It had a small shack that was used to sell various items, a large trailer that contained numerous beds, and three large tents with the NCR flag waving in front. Under the overpass was another shop that was ran by an alleged psychic kid. Pvt. Anders had never spoken to him but she heard stories about him. They had been here many times before and got to know the people. Michelle and Sam Kerr were the owners of the trading post and sold food, drinks, weapons, and ammo. There was also a man wearing a hat and glasses that never interacted with anyone and numerous NCR troopers. Pvt. Anders saw someone wearing a brown robe and hood. It was a young woman. She stood by the bridge and stared out into the desert.

"Hey," the young woman said as Pvt. Anders walked by.

Pvt. Anders smiled and nodded at her. She went into one of the large tents to stash her gear. Lt. Boyd told them they would have to stay the night. The big downside is that she would have to stay with Pvt. Duvall. The men would sleep in the other tent and Lt. Boyd would stay in another tent. Pvt. Anders and Pvt. Duvall unpacked their gear.

"You know Anders," Pvt. Duvall said, "I was just kidding around. The guys are just acting like immature idiots."

Pvt. Anders went behind her and grabbed her hair. She opened her mouth and hissed. Her fangs appeared and then, she bit her neck. Once again, she snapped out of her daydream.

"Yeah, sure," Pvt. Anders replied.

Pvt. Duvall unpacked and immediately left. Pvt. Anders sat in a chair at a table. She was now dressed in an olive drab shirt and camo pants along with combat boots. Even though they may have been joking at her expense, she still hated being part of the squad. She could see outside, catching a glimpse of the desert. She also saw the young woman in the brown robe still staring at the desert from the bridge. She exited the tent and decided to approach her. The young woman noticed her.

"Well, you look like you've been down some bad roads," the young woman said.

Pvt. Anders looked at her.

"Where are you stationed at?" the young woman continued.

"Um, Camp McCarran," Pvt. Anders said, "A real paradise."

The young woman chuckled.

"Interesting. I live in a hole in the ground. Well, a bunker really. I'm Veronica."

"I'm Pvt. Anders of the NCR."

"Nice to meet you."

"So, a hole in the ground?"

"Yeah, they send me out here to pick up food and supplies. I get this vibe that they don't want me around as much. That's alright, I'd rather be out here."

Pvt. Anders realized they had something in common.

"Being in the NCR, well, I kind of hate it," Pvt. Anders said, "If I could go somewhere else I definitely would."

"Sorry you feel that way. I hope things get better for you."

"They never do. I came all the way out here from Nipton. Ran away from home. The invasion happened. Joined the NCR. Nothing changes."

"Well, you got to make the best of it. I was born and raised out here. I've always wished for something better.

"Don't we all."

"So, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What are your thoughts on the Brotherhood of Steel?"

"Trying to buy a thought from me?"

Veronica laughed.

"But seriously," Pvt. Anders continued, "They don't bother us, so we don't bother them. The war between us is over."

"Well, you're all right with me then."

The sun had finally set and the night sky took over the desert. Pvt. Anders felt she had made a real friend.

"So, I guess you'll stay here and head back to Camp McCarran," Veronica said.

"Yeah."

"I wish I could go with you, see the world. There are places out there that are too dangerous for me."

"I would like for you to come along. My asshole Lt. would probably not approve though."

"I understand."

Pvt. Anders and Veronica were now a few hundred feet from the 188 trading post, sitting by a campfire under the full moon. Veronica had also struggled to make friends in her life. She never knew the true reason why, but it was probably her talkative nature that turned many off. Now, she knew she had a true friend, even if it was someone from the NCR. Likewise, Pvt. Anders felt that she had made a true friend. She appreciated the fact that Veronica took the time to speak with her when no one else would.

"So, Pvt. Anders," Veronica said.

"Deborah," she replied.

"Oh, okay, Deborah, I want to tell you something. I asked you about the Brotherhood of Steel, because, I'm a member of them."

"Really? Where's your power armor?"

"Can't really wear it. We've made a lot of enemies. All it takes is for a gang of raiders to severely damage it."

"You're not an enemy of mine."

"Thank you."

"I feel my squadron is an enemy. They don't want to have anything to do with me. If I had my way, I'd be out on The Strip, partying, enjoying life in such a devastated world. Imagine no more worries, only comforts, no war, only unity."

"I like your idea of the world. So why don't you leave them?"

"I don't know. I can't do things like that. Something bad will happen."

"Well, that kind of thinking will get you nowhere."

"I know, you're right."

The fire began to die down. Only an ember remained. Veronica looked at her, not wanting this night to end.

"I love the moonlight," Pvt. Anders said, "I hate the damn sun."

"Deborah," Veronica said, "You've been open with me and I want to tell you something."

"Sure."

"Have you ever been in love with someone?"

"Not really."

"I have. I found that someone in the Brotherhood. Unfortunately, it was torn apart because it went against the rules."

"Just for being in love?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. For you and him."

"Her."

"Her?"

"They don't allow same-sex relationships in the Brotherhood of Steel. I've always hated them for it. It's not right."

"Then why don't you leave them?"

"I guess it's for the same reason you can't leave the NCR."

Pvt. Anders knew they had the same problems and the same aspirations.

"No one in the Brotherhood would support me," Veronica said.

Pvt. Anders had an evil smirk on her face. It was as if an idea popped into her head. Veronica kept her head down. Pvt. Anders held Veronica's hand and she looked up at her.

"Veronica, I support you," Pvt. Anders said, "They have no right to do that to you, or her."

Veronica smiled.

"Thank you so much," she said.

"Thank you for being a true friend."

Veronica was delighted that someone called her a friend. They hugged each other. Pvt. Anders had an evil smile.