Author's Notes:
So, it has been a LONG time since I've written a fanfiction (if you go to my other works you will be very impressed by my years of improvement). However, the real purposes of this piece are to 1) quench my own imagination of what happens after the finale, and 2) to work on my grammar/past tense issues I have when writing papers. So, if you really like what precedes, please let me know because I may not write any more after this... because I felt pretty satisfied with this. Or if you don't like it let me know just as well. But if you're a kind soul and see huge grammatical mistakes/ areas I should have said something in a different way I would really appreciate it.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy.
P.S. If I got the characters' essence wrong, I would love to know that as well.
By foot a normal person can walk around 3 miles per hour. Clarke was averaging around 1.5 miles per hour. The words Bellamy and her exchanged were still echoing through her mind only to be occasionally interrupted by memories of the dead bodies in the dining hall of Mount Weather. As she replays the memory of seeing Jasper hunched over, crying over Maya's limp body, Clarke's pace slows down even more. To her, the weight of all those that were killed are attached to her back, legs, and arms slowing her whole body. No matter how strong she has become, she does not have the strength to break free from this weight, which ends up reminding her of Dante Wallace's, her words, said to Bellamy, "I bear it, so they don't have to." Those words are almost becoming tangible, as though if she cut herself those words would bleed out instead of her own blood. She believes them and they resonate so deeply in her, which is the reason why she doesn't go back to Camp Jaha. She can't.
"Clarke, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you.
You're forgiven.
Please, come inside."
Clarke shakes her head, hoping that would be enough to erase the memories of the past night. No, the past week. But just as quickly as she can shake her head, another memory pops in her mind to replace the one that just left. The endless cycle of remembrance is the curse she bears now.
After a few hours of walking, she reaches the top of a steep hill where she turns to see if there was any sign that she made a mistake; any signs that allows her to go back to her people. But the only things consumed by her vision are the tall skinny pine trees laden with needles. There are no signs obvious to her eyes or mind, but what was she expecting? "Return now!" written in the tree bark? Did she expect all of Camp Jaha to have followed her? She turns around again to continue her trudge towards the only place she could think of, and the only place that her feet could move her to with little thought.
As the sun reached the middle of the sky Clarke finally reached the gates to her original camp. Pausing right before entering to have yet another memory of gore cross through her mind, but this time it is due to the charred bones and unidentifiable remains of the grounders killed in the blast. Weak, tired, and thirsty she enters the drop ship and sits in the blood-spattered hammock she had slept in what feels like years ago. Everything is heavy to her—the air, her clothes, her skin, her mind, and the gun she held in her right hand. A small one-breath laugh escapes her, "Of all the things I need right now. A gun is not one of them. I wish I grabbed a water bottle instead," hearing her voice aloud and no longer trapped in her mind shocks her a little. She lets the gun rest next to her side as she swings her legs over and lies completely inside the hammock. Now that the journey is done she lies there letting the gravity of her situation sink in. She doesn't have a camp anymore, because she can't stay here. Her people will eventually be on the look out for her, if they are not already, and they will definitely come here. But she hasn't explored enough to the other directions to feel confident in her survival. While all these things sink in, so does the pain from her body. Her feet are throbbing and her body is weak from a lack of sleep, food, and water. Her mind and her heart are also drained beyond what she thought was possible. The longer Clarke lies there the heavier her eyelids become and currently the only thing keeping them open is her fear of the nightmares that will follow her to sleep. Nearly a half-hour later her will breaks and her eyes shut out the world.
Bellamy turns around once more before entering camp to see Clarke's back disappears into the forest and then he turns once more towards the sea of people checking on the wounded and crying for those saved and those lost. Winding his way through the crowd he passes Clarke's mom knowing she will be looking for him later for answers, but he wants to find the one he loves as well. Thankfully, Lincoln stands out in the crowd so much it makes it a lot easier for Bellamy to find his sister. As he walks up to them Octavia turns her head in his general direction and approaches him with another hug but says nothing. The hug lingers a little longer than expected, but Bellamy appreciates every moment because of what it means to them both. He was alive and she was alive. As the two break from one another Octavia steps back and looks over his shoulder looking for someone. "Where's Clarke?" Octavia asks sharply. But the silence from Bellamy was all she needed to understand the answer to her question. "Are you serious?! You let her walk away?" Octavia shouted but was quickly silenced by the hand of Bellamy.
"Only a few know right now!" he responds finally as he glances over both of his shoulders. He lets his hand drop from her mouth and steps a little closer to make sure only her and Lincoln's ears can hear, "I tried to stop her. You know Clarke. She wasn't going to be persuaded to stay," his eyes break from Octavia's wide eyes and falls to the ground defeated.
"Where will she go? Is she going to go find the Commander? Did she mention any sort of plan?" Octavia's obvious concern pulls Bellamy's eyes off the ground and back into hers.
"I really don't know Octavia. She didn't mention a plan. She didn't know where she was going. Nothing. She just walked into the forest," his eyes dancing between Octavia's and Lincoln's.
Stepping away from the group Octavia says, "Let's go get her," and starts to march towards the gate, but is pulled back by the hand of someone other than her brother.
"No. I don't think that is what Clarke would want," the low powerful voice and the serious look on Lincoln's face are what squelches Octavia's desire to find Clarke. Without a response, Octavia just steps back towards the other two hoping one of them has a better solution for what they all know is coming soon.
However, impatience wins over, "What about Abby? She's going to want to know where Clarke is, and right now she's not here. She's going to want to send a search team out for her as soon as she figures it out," the dark haired girl quickly whispers towards Bellamy.
"I know. Octavia. I thought all about that already. We'll just have to stall them until she gets far enough away," Bellamy answers.
"Or we could make up a lie?" a familiar voice interrupts, prompting everyone to turn their heads towards Monty. "I mean," he continues stepping into the group, "all we need to do is tell Abby that Clarke went off to find Lexa to talk about continuing the truce between us. After all, the truce was only meant to last until both of our people were let out, right? Clarke is independent enough to have done something like that before telling her mom."
Bellamy nodded in approval and says "Yeah. That works too." Octavia and Lincoln both agreed.
"But there would be one problem," Monty pauses, "If Clarke never comes back Abby will think the Grounders took Clarke. And that might make them want to start another war," his eyes fell to the feet of his friends then back up hoping one of them will offer a better suggestion.
Everyone's glances keep switching between one another until Bellamy leans into the group, "We'll just tell them the truth then. I know if we told them the truth now, they would just ignore us and start looking for her. But if we can just give her a day or two head start she'll make use of it. We owe her that at least. After all she's done for us," he thrusts his finger towards the ground in tandem to his last word and then steps back looking at everyone's faces as each of them nod in agreement. "Okay, well I'm going to go check up on some others. You all should do the same but if you hear of anyone asking about Clarke make sure you tell them what we just agreed on," he walks toward the med bay before seeing if everyone else agreed.
As Bellamy left Monty walked off to, mentioning something about finding Jasper, leaving Lincoln and Octavia. The tall broad shoulder grounder turned towards Octavia picking up the conversation before Bellamy came by, "This is another reason why you should come with me. We'll live with the Boat people. You know enough Trigedasleng to pass as a grounder. We both know my people will eventually be back here to kill you all off. The truce died when we left, and once Heda finds out that Clarke isn't here either, she wont care to hold the ones who want your people dead back anymore. We have to leave before it's too late," he begs.
Octavia looks away from his pleading eyes in deep thought until she comes back at him with her own proposal, "I can't leave my friends. Sure, I don't care about the others, but Monty, Jasper, Bellamy. I can't leave them Lincoln. But we're stronger than you think. And I know as long as we only kill the grounders that attack us in self-defense, the Commander wont bother starting a war against us. She'd lose too many soldiers trying to win that war. So we'll just have to take out the ones that don't like us. That's why we need to stay. I need you to stay. You can train everyone how to fight and how to look out for grounders. We can make it work here," this time it is her eyes that plead for agreement.
But before Lincoln has any time to respond a group passing them stops and Abby, still lying on the stretcher, looks towards Octavia and asks, "Octavia, if you see Clarke can you send her to see me? I'll be in the med bay" and starts to enter the ship after she saw a slight nod from the dark haired girl.
Octavia turns to Lincoln, "We can talk about this later, but right now I need to be here to make sure my friends are okay," the thoughts of Raven and Jasper fueled her words and her stride as she headed back into the crowd.
The commotion settles down as the day progresses, leaving only a select few outside still doing work that didn't pertain to the direct treatment of those injured. Secluded from everyone else, Jasper leans against the back of the ship as the sun glares down on the nap of his neck. His head is tucked between his legs and his arms are fully extended out, supported by his knees. His stance is one of a defeated man, because that is exactly what he is right now. He can still feel the weight of Maya's limp body in his arms. The rash that covered her body, and all the bodies around hers, is burned into his mind. With so much recollection happening to him at once his eyes start to leak, completely against his will. But he can't fight them off any longer, so he sobs silently between his legs feeding the soil beneath him. He will never forget what he saw. What he could have prevented. He was so close and if only Clarke had waited a few moments he would have had Cage's limp body in his arms, not Maya's. Another burst of tears stream from his eyes, but these come from his anger not sadness. He looks up towards the sky and makes a vow to himself.