Chapter 5: Wink and you'll miss it
Hiccup's first thoughts were that Mr. Wink looked like a "gorilla" from one of Abe's nature books back in the BPRD. He was tall, walked on two legs and was powerfully-built, with numerous bulging muscles, small ears and two slightly prominent nostrils over a jutting muzzle of a mouth. But unlike what Abe had told him about gorillas, which had black fur, this guy had no fur, just leathery, wrinkled blue-grey skin like an elephant, and faint swirl tattoos on his upper torso. What hairs he did have were two black sideburns leading down the flanks of his muzzle, and long, quill-type hairs covering his back. His feet were a pair of broad, solid brown hooves, like a massive bull, and he wore leather greaves of the same colour, and studded metal strips around his feet like sandals. His waist was covered with a brown leather kilt and wraps around his lower chest and stomach, with the emblem of Bethmoora on his belt. And he wore a vambrace around his left arm, drawing attention to his huge yellow fingernails and meaty hands. He had one brown eye with two pupils- his left eye was little more than twisted red skin- "No wonder he's called Mr. Wink, then," Hiccup thought.
But what was most eye-capturing about Wink was his right arm. It was completely severed at the wrist, and replaced with a huge metal prosthesis decorated with iron studs and ending in a four-fingered hand- each finger was rectangular and wide, and looked suitable for only one task- killing. In a way, he was very similar to Hellboy himself- tattoos, hooves for feet, big, brawny, and with right arms made of artificial materials- stone in Hellboy's case, metal in Wink's case.
Every fibre of Hiccup's being was screaming at him to get out of the shop and run from the massive brute, but he then had an idea. Ignoring incredulous whispers of "what are you doing?" from both Abe and Nuala, the scrawny Viking boy pushed forwards until he was stood right in front of the Cave Troll. It felt almost as if he was before one of the usual brawny giants back in Berk.
"So, your name is Mr. Wink, then?" Hiccup spoke, reverting to his mother tongue of Danish. Gasps from behind, but Hiccup wasn't looking.
The Cave Troll raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth- exposing big yellow incisors and two short tusks like a boar- one of them was broken to a stump, suggesting he had seen his fair share of battle scars.
"You speak the language of Trolls?" Wink replied. He had a very deep, intimidating voice, more resonant and bestial than Hellboy's.
"Yes, I am a member of the Viking tribes of Berk," Hiccup agreed. "Danish is my birth-language."
So they'd established a language bond. Good. Hiccup continued, "I'm guessing you're not interested in our left socks, right?"
Wink laughed, a terrifying sound. "What would I want socks for, you fool? The Elf-woman there," here he pointed a metal finger at Princess Nuala. "She has something made of gold. Something my master wants back."
Hiccup gritted his teeth and drew Inferno from its hilt. "Well, if you want the Elf, you'll have to get past me first," he warned, preparing to fight.
Mr. Wink cracked his knuckles together. "You wish to fight against a Troll? So be it. This will be easy." And he started to walk forwards, hands opened in a "bring-it-on" gesture.
Abe immediately turned to Nuala. "Out of the window!" he hissed quickly. "We'll deal with this!" Nuala quickly slid out of an open window whilst Abe drew his pistol from his belt. However, Wink was too quick for him. With a roar, the Cave-Troll grabbed the piscine man by his head and swung at Hiccup, knocking the one-legged Viking over and enabling him to bash Abe against the desks and floors of the shop, ignoring his cries of pain until he finally threw him straight through the metal window frames, prompting Hiccup to run out after his friend. Toothless, with a protective growl, jumped after his master.
"I'm all right, Hiccup!" Abe insisted as the young Viking tried to get him up. With a roar, Wink climbed through the window, out into the street. Hiccup clicked the pommel of Inferno, activating the sword's burning properties. As Wink prepared to punch his flesh fist into Abe's face, Hiccup drove Inferno into his knuckles. A howl of pain was the only sound Wink made, before he grabbed hold of Hiccup by his waist, his grip painfully tight, and he lifted the helpless Viking to his face.
"It's been years since the last time I ate a man," the Troll growled, "a shame I'll have to start with one such as you." Then his mouth gaped before Hiccup's face, giving him an even closer look at the inside of his throat.
But the bone-splitting chomp never came. Instead, with a soft shunk, an arrow flew through the air and pierced Wink's left shoulder. The Troll gave a cry of anger and dropped Hiccup into the massive puddle at his feet. Hiccup spun around just in time to see Merida and Hellboy standing in front of the Troll. Wink roared at them and lifted his metal fist, whereupon Hellboy fired his pistol, and bullets bounced off the fist.
Lifting a cigar to his mouth, Hellboy looked at Hiccup sharply. "Get out of here, Hicc," he said. "Take Abe and the lady with you. Leave Ugly to me."
Hiccup got up and ran over to Abe and Nuala, whilst Toothless stayed behind, baring his teeth in a snarl as Wink recovered himself. Now the fight began.
"You," Hellboy called over to Mr. Wink. The Cave-Troll roared at him defiantly.
"Let me put this to ya as delicately as I can," the nonplussed demon continued, before lifting a cigar to his mouth. Mr. Wink raised his metal fist, as though poised to punch, and then...
PYOING!
The fist shot forwards out of its wrist socket on a chain, and flew straight into Hellboy's face- a spray of sparks and he fell over into a puddle.
"HELLBOY!" Merida shouted, running over to the big demon to help him up to his feet. "Are ye a'right?"
Hellboy groaned angrily as he picked up the crushed remains of his cigar from the puddle. "My cigar, it was Cuban!" he cursed.
Merida didn't care for Hellboy's smoking habits, but she did care that the big Troll had upset her friend. "Let's kick his backside, laddie." She reached over to pick up Hellboy's revolver, whilst behind them both, Mr. Wink retracted his metal fist into his wrist and walked towards them, snarling.
Merida quickly loaded another arrow to her bow, but Mr. Wink just caught it between two metal fingers and snapped it. He then grabbed Hellboy by one arm and one leg, holding him above his head in a grappling pose.
Hellboy just had enough time to say "Oh, poo!" just before Mr. Wink threw him through the air and he fell to the ground in the middle of the market.
Merida cursed under her breath, before tightening her grip on the wolverine necklace. She felt the adrenaline rush as she changed forms, then ran at the big Troll and threw herself onto Wink's shoulders.
Merida started clawing and biting him, but it was more to her discomfort than his. For a start, his skin was too dense for her to do any real damage, and he tasted awful as well- like cold, rancid haggis. Mr. Wink simply shrugged himself and dislodged her, before throwing her straight at Hellboy's face. Out of reflex, Merida tightened her grip on the nearest object.
"Ginger?" Hellboy croaked.
"Aye?" Merida replied.
"You're stranglin' me," he wheezed. Merida released her grip, then changed herself back into human form.
Before she could fire an arrow, however, a blast of fire hit Mr. Wink from behind. It didn't burn him, but it did distract him, and whilst he was distracted, a blast of ice hit him as he turned to face Toothless.
"No' again, Jack!" Merida snapped as the white-haired Guardian glided between her and the angry Troll.
"I know, you've got it all under control, ginger!" Jack quipped in reply.
"An' stop callin' me ginger!" Merida snarled.
Jack ignored her, instead whistling to Toothless. The Night Fury jumped over and blew another stream of fire at the same time that Jack fired a stream of ice.
The two elemental blasts created a massive cloud of steam, completely obscuring Mr. Wink from view as the Troll tried to thrash through the steam and get at Hellboy.
Minutes later, a frying pan flew through the air and hit him in the face. Now Rapunzel was in on the fight, and she looked dangerously angry.
As soon as the steam cleared, Mr. Wink came out, and he came out mad. He swiped Hellboy's gun from him, so the demon just started to punch him in the stomach. What was really disturbing, however, was that Wink didn't even flinch, as if he wasn't registering pain. After six blows from Hellboy, he laughed unpleasantly.
"Was that supposed to hurt me?" he asked, before following it up with a punch of his own. Hellboy flipped backwards, then rolled over, caught the ground with his feet and screeched to a halt.
The demon grinned cockily at the Troll, then walked forwards to size him up again. Mr. Wink roared a few times, then prepared to attack Hellboy again, but before he could do so, Rapunzel jumped in front of him and blocked his punch with her frying pan.
The Troll's fist withstood the blow.
Rapunzel's pan didn't.
After she registered the loss of her beloved weapon, Rapunzel then angrily clenched her own animal necklace. In a flash of scales, she was a pink-and-purple chameleon, with a yellow crest and a prehensile tongue, which she now fired at Wink's neck.
The Troll now spent at least 10 minutes trying to prize Rapunzel's tongue off his neck. As soon as his hand was free, however, he immediately shoved past the chameleon and punched Hellboy again, sending him flying backwards through a stone arch. The arch smashed as Hellboy's head went through it, but after he fell to the ground, the demon got up with a dangerous grin on his face, and as Wink poised to punch, so did Hellboy.
With a resonating crack, a stone right fist bashed into a metal right fist. And the stone came off the better, with Mr. Wink's metal fist now spraying cogs and nuts. He let out a bellowing whine of enraged pain, just the opportunity Hellboy had been waiting for. He jumped into the air before bringing his fists down in a blow on the Cave-Troll's head. Before Wink could respond, Toothless then rammed into him from behind, flipping him over and enabling Hellboy to climb on top of the Troll's chest and hammer his face repeatedly, spraying spit and teeth. After four blows, Hellboy finally pointed a stern finger at his defeated opponent and said, "Now stay DOWN!"
As soon as the fight was finished, Hellboy got up and started walking away slowly, screwing his face up at the drop of blood slowly streaming from one of his nostrils. Rapunzel winced(even now, she hadn't forgotten how Hellboy's straightforward violent ways reminded her of the Stabbington Brothers). But her squeamishness quickly turned to fear as Mr. Wink got up off the floor and roared at Hellboy. Clearly this Troll was just as hard to get rid of as his demon opponent.
Hellboy stopped, rolling his yellow eyes at the Troll's persistence, and then turned around to face him, removing something small and white from inside his mouth. "There, now I've lost one of my teeth," he said. "Happy?"
And he lobbed the afore-mentioned tooth at Mr. Wink's chest. It bounced off him like a soft pea, but clearly the Troll was angry about something else. He muttered dangerously under his breath, indicated his now badly-damaged fist.
"You broke my fist!" Hiccup heard him snarl in Danish. "Prince Nuada himself gave me this fist. I will crush your bones for that, Demon!"
Hellboy couldn't speak Danish, but he could understand Danish. "Give it up, pal," he replied, casually lifting a marzipan stick(courtesy of Rapunzel) to his mouth. "It's over."
Mr. Wink curled his lips back and drew his fist back in response. "It is not over, Demon," he hissed. "I will finish you, and then none can stop my masters from their noble work!"
Hiccup saw, at that point, that Hellboy was standing in front of two huge spiked grinders, presumably used for waste disposal. If Mr. Wink fired his metal fist at this range, he might end up getting it caught in the grinders. "Don't do that, Mr. Wink," he called in Danish. "Have you seen how close you are to certain death? Put your fist down."
"I do not take orders from humans!" Wink sneered at Hiccup. "Least of all weaklings like you, Viking!"
"He's right, buddy," Hellboy said, now not trying to taunt the Troll, but to discourage him from doing something careless and fatal. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
But if Vikings have stubbornness issues, Trolls are twice as stubborn. Mr. Wink let out a defiant bellow and fired his fist forwards on a chain, straight towards Hellboy…
But at the last minute, Hellboy moved out of the way, and the metal weapon got caught in between the grinders.
Mr. Wink's roars of anger turned to terrified barks as he tried to pull his hand free, but the grinders turned slowly, pulling him closer towards them. Hellboy reached out and strummed on the chain with his fingers, saying "Wow, told ya."
Hellboy himself was perfectly unconcerned, but Hiccup was now seriously worried. If Mr. Wink got pulled into the grinders, he'd be crushed into pieces like a meat-flavoured Yaknog. No-one deserved such a horrible death, not even a Troll.
But at the last minute, with a loud swishing noise, something flew through the air between the grinders and the Troll, and cut straight through Mr. Wink's chain. That something then flew backwards, straight into the hands of what looked suspiciously like… a rabbit?
Jack rolled his eyes. Yep, a rabbit. And one particular rabbit. A rabbit at least 6 foot 1, four inches shorter than Hellboy, who stood on his back legs and had greyish-blue fur with white markings, a harness across his chest filled with numerous boomerangs, and sharp, cocky(at least in Jack's opinion) green eyes. Even Mr. Wink gaped at him in awe.
"Well, well," the rabbit said in an Australian accent. "Who've we got here? Naughty or nice?"
Mr. Wink shook himself and then snarled at the rabbit, before lunging with one fist at the person who had just saved his life. The rabbit ducked, then got hold of the Troll's now handless arm-stump, stopping Wink from stabbing him with his elbow-dagger.
"Naughty, mate," he quickly jibed, then brought his foot up in a blow to Mr. Wink's jaw, spraying his face with teeth and spit. Before Wink could recover, Hellboy got hold of the Troll's shoulders and flipped him backwards to the ground, knocking him unconscious.
There was a few minutes awkward silence. Then all of a sudden, the huge crowd of Trolls filling the Market broke into enthusiastic applause, like they'd been watching a circus performance. Hellboy turned to shake hands with the rabbit.
"Thanks, buddy," he said. "Who are you, by the way?"
The rabbit chuckled. "Now don't tell me you've forgotten who filled all your eggs with Baby Ruth, mate."
Jack filled in, "Hellboy, this is E. Aster Bunnymund, better known as the Easter Bunny. He's another Guardian."
"Bunnymund?" Hellboy remarked incredulously.
"Call me Bunny," Bunny replied. "Now, how about we move this big drongo outta the Market?"
Hellboy lifted the unconscious Wink onto his shoulders(with some trouble, since he was so heavy), then got up and started walking off slowly. Before he could get too far away, Krauss and the other half of the group met up with him.
"Oh, vot have you done now, Agent Hellboy?" the gas-headed German exclaimed furiously, upon seeing the unconscious Troll.
"What?" Hellboy protested. "I only laid him out. This guy here did most of the action." He indicated Bunny.
"I'm the Easter Bunny," Bunnymund introduced himself to Krauss. "Pleased to meet yer, Krauss mate. Still eating Smarties by the tube?"
Jack frowned. "You can eat things, Dr. Krauss?"
"I vill tell you about zat later, Agent Frost," Krauss replied, still agitated over the Troll Hellboy and Bunny had just beaten up.
"Red, Jack, Rapunzel," Abe interjected, "This is Princess Nuala."
"Lady," Hellboy tipped his head respectfully. Bunnymund did the same.
"Right, let's ge' the big laddie out o' here," Merida interrupted. "Perhaps he can tell us whit Prince Nuada's doin'."
Nuala looked up at her with surprise. "Your voice…" she said, reaching out to lay a hand to Merida's cheek. "Could it be…" A moment's silent mind-scanning, and then Nuala gasped in awe. "Princess Merida? How? I thought you were dead!"
Merida chuckled dryly. "Well, I'm clearly no'," she said, before then pulling Nuala into a hug. "It's good tae see ye again, Nuala."
"Guys, this is touching and everything," Hiccup interrupted, "but could we continue this reunion back at the BPRD where there aren't any psychopathic Trolls trying to eat us?"
Shortly after the BPRD group had left with the Troll, the Bunny and the Elf, a pair of two-headed Imps began talking to one another in their high-pitched, unintelligible squeaking language.
"Mr. Wink is hurt!" one of them squeaked.
Another one ran to a third Imp and squeaked, "A big red man and a blue rabbit attacked him!"
Immediately afterwards, the third Imp ran below ground on a stone staircase, straight to a hidden chamber where Prince Nuada was working on what looked like a golden egg with almost surgically precise tools. Alongside him, Pitch Black was busy feeding raw meat to one of his Nightmares.
The Imp's hurried arrival and nervous pause suggested urgency to the Elven prince.
"Is there something you need to tell me?" Nuada asked the Imp in Gaelic, a language which the little animal could understand but not speak.
"Up there…" The Imp's right head said, indicating the direction with its corresponding arm.
"No, up there!" the left head squeaked back, pointing the opposite way. Each of the Imp's arms slapped both heads to shut up their dispute.
Pitch laughed dryly. "Imps," he smirked. "Always in two minds about everything."
But then the Imp's heads reconciled their differences and both said to Nuada, "Up there, in the market… someone attacked Mr. Wink!"
Pitch didn't need his magic powers of emotion sensing to read the expression on Nuada's face as he looked down at the little two-headed animal. Someone was going to get killed.
Back at the surface, the Big Four had left the Troll Market and exited through the meat locker, along the way passing the Fragglewump(who shot a rude hand sign at Toothless as he sauntered by, ignorable on account of the fact that she had very small arms and hands). Rapunzel was the last to leave, since the Cronie Troll barber had been flooding her arms with numerous gifts of a dubious nature(including a new frying pan to replace her battered old one). Outside the shop, Princess Nuala produced her piece of the Royal Crown of Bethmoora.
"To wage his war on mankind and reclaim the natural homeland of our people, my brother Nuada needs this," she said. "With it he can wake the Golden Army, and now he has Pitch Black on his side, he has access to dark magic as well."
"I don't get it," Hiccup asked. "If Pitch is really as evil as they say, then why would he want to defend the environment? The last phrase being used loosely, of course."
"Well, Pitch has a daughter called Emily Jane Pitchiner," Jack replied. "Better known as Mother Nature.(Bunnymund mouthed "She's another of the Guardians, mate," to Hellboy) Pitch could be using this as an excuse to exact what he and Nuada both consider due vengeance on mankind for the way they've polluted and ruined nature and all non-human life."
"In vhich case, your Highness," Krauss interrupted, "Perhaps it vould be better if you give ze Crown piece to us…"
"No," Nuala snapped back at him, sliding the piece back into her pockets. "Where it goes, I go. My father, King Balor died to uphold the pledge of peace he made with your world. You must honour his noble intentions."
"Nuala, yer father isnae dead," Merida said soothingly.
Nuala whirled on her sharply. "How do you know he is not dead, Merida?"
"I saw it, in a dream," Merida replied. "After yer brother took the Crown piece, Balor…somehow brought hi'self back tae life in front o' me. He'd used up the remnants o' his old magic sae he could warn me about Nuada."
Nuala's expression went from incredulous anger to surprised intrigue. "What did he say to you?"
"He told me tae beware. He said tha' if Nuada continued down this dark path, he would bring abou' his own death, an' yours as well, Nuala. He must have though tha' Pitch couldnae be trusted even by Nuada."
"Back to the point, Dr. Krauss," Abe then interrupted, before things could get anymore complicated. "The lady is in dire danger. The same goes for Merida if Nuada should find out about her."
"And he will," Nuala added grimly. "Me and Nuada are connected by a magical link known as the Banna na Anamacha."
"Banana what?" Hellboy remarked incredulously.
"The Bond of Souls," Merida filled in for him.
"It means that we can follow each other's thoughts, and share each other's wounds," Nuala explained further. "Even now, Nuada may know where we all are."
"So like I said," Abe continued, "We need to take her with us, Dr. Krauss."
"I take it you're vouching for her zen, Agent Sapien?" Krauss remarked, sceptically.
"Most emphatically, yes, I am," Abe replied.
"As are we all," Merida added, laying a hand on Nuala's shoulder. Rapunzel did the same on the other side. Jack tried not to think of it as a selfie moment.
"Even so," Krauss continued, "I am sorry, your Highness, but ve cannot simply make such an irresponsible decision."
Hiccup lost his temper at that point. He had initially admired Dr. Krauss for his brains, and his creepy but cool ectoplasmic abilities, but right now, he was being a bureaucratic pain in the backside. So he got up and shouted at Krauss, "She's trying to protect her people and prevent a war! How is that irresponsible!?"
Krauss turned to point sternly at Hiccup. "You may not care, Agent Hiccup, but zere are rules and procedures in ze BPRD vhich must be obeyed at all times…"
"She's comin' with us," Hellboy interrupted, brushing past Hiccup to get in Krauss' face(if the swirling mass of white ectoplasm inside his helmet was indeed his face). "Have you got that, Krauss, you gas bag?"
Krauss' voice was dangerously quiet when he next spoke. "Vot did you call me?"
"YOU!"
A loud, equally angry voice interrupted what could have turned into a fight between a demon and a man made of ectoplasm. The group all turned around just in time to see a tall Elf standing there. He had long white hair which turned orange at the ends, a white face, black clothes with a red sash, and yellow eyes rimmed with black, as well as a long scar running across his nose.
To make things even worse, then Flynn turned up, still wearing his Schuftein spectacles and immediately noticing Mr. Wink on Hellboy's shoulder.
"Ya know, Blondie," he said to Rapunzel, "We really need to work on your capture situations…" then he saw the black-dressed Elf and removed his headset.
"Whoa," he murmured, opening a book which he'd picked up in the BPRD trailer, about the creation of the Golden Army. Eyes darting between the Elf and the book. "Is that… Prince Nuada?"
"Yep," Rapunzel finished awkwardly.
Flynn's eyes glanced back into his book. After a few minutes, he then added, "I don't think this book got his nose right."