Hinata is nothing like a girl.
His shoulders are slimmer than the other members of his team, and his hands are deceptively bony. The skin is rough and callused from hours of practice. His hair is coarse, and his legs and arms are covered finely in them. His sneakers are almost the same size as Kageyama's despite the height discrepancy. He smells like sweat and musk, or at best only vaguely like soap.
Sometimes when he closes his eyes, Kageyama can try- hard- to pretend he's a girl. That the high, slightly raspy voice comes from delicate lips, words spoken from a big heart nestled sweetly under heaving breasts. Things he used to fantasize about when he first started going through puberty, mere months before.
Kageyama reaches out. A peek of skin is revealed just over Hinata's hips, hand raised as he gulps down water gratefully. There's an almost feverish heat on his fingertips, a spark that might be static or just his imagination, before Hinata reels back violently and falls on the floor with a sharp bark of laughter. Cute… Kageyama thinks vaguely.
Hinata's eyes flick rapidly, suspiciously, below thick eyebrows. His hip is hard and definitely not curvy. "Not there, I'm ticklish…" He whines. "Did I make you mad again or something?"
The look in his eyes is vaguely fearful, and Kageyama finds himself noting that spot automatically. His cheeks flush a bit as he pauses, looking the other boy up and down. "… no." He finally decides.
He briefly wonders if he's actually got a crush on Hinata the boy, or Hinata the player. Although Kageyama's is nothing to sneeze at, Hinata has so much raw, pure athleticism that it's hard not to get jealous. (Just jealous.) Having his set completed by the smaller boy is a feeling that is unmatched by any of his other teammates.
It's far too convenient to believe that the exhilaration he feels from Hinata's smile – that Sugawara-senpai often reminds him, is only for Kageyama's sets- is merely satisfaction for a good play.
Once he realizes it, Kageyama doesn't really have a problem with Hinata being a boy. In fact, it's probably easier this way. Being around Hinata is easy, and it makes him happy.
And that is the problem he has.
It's far too natural, and it makes Kageyama too relaxed. He's almost slipped up too many times, and the thought of being really- actually- rejected by Hinata makes him feel cold and ill. It reminds him dangerously of middle school, where his team stopped trusting him. The stakes are higher this time, and they make him freeze up as soon as he gets too comfortable, like jolting awake while daydreaming in class.
He's used to being the intimidating one, whether he likes it or not. Hinata has never scared him on his own.
Plus, he thinks, there are better people to be… (in love?) with. Shimizu is beautiful, and he could certainly see why Tanaka and Noya worship her. Nishinoya, along with Sugawara and the captain, are both reliable sempai, and they're pretty patient. He knows full well he can be hard to deal with. He goes through the whole list of his teammates, and then onto people from other teams. Even Tsukishima and Oikawa- though they piss him off- are (objectively!) rather attractive, and good players to boot.
Hinata has his spikes, sure. But he's hilariously inconsistent, he's short, he's loud and overly excitable, he has bad grades, and they argue often. His attempts to list Hinata's bad points only makes him think of Hinata though, all those things fading away as his mind drifts to the things he does like.
He'll never admit them, not even to himself.
It's the uncertainty that kills him, really. Above anything else, he's not worried about what people will think- about him, about his choices, even about their genders. He simply worries about whether Hinata might share his feelings, or if he would break something as important as their setter/spiker relationship with something as useless as romantic feelings.
Useless is something he repeats over and over to himself, trying to convince himself he believes it.
"You're being quieter than usual again." Hinata furrows his brow and bites his lip, and Kageyama flinches back when he realizes the other boy's face is right in front of his.
"What do you think you're doing, dumbass?" He starts angrily but finishes lamely. Sinking back into his thoughts, his eyes glaze over again.
"Don't call me a dumbass, dumbass." Hinata mutters, trying to avoid the angry glare Kageyama gives him in return. Kageyama's heart thuds in his chest, partially out of irritation. He wants to be left to sulk, though he's secretly happy that Hinata is so tenacious. It doesn't help his self-restraint though.
There's a long pause, interrupted only by the hollow sounds of milk through their straws. "Hey," Hinata continues quietly, finally. "Didn't I tell you you can't take on everything by yourself? Aren't we teammates?"
"Yeah."
Hinata looks annoyed. "I'm telling you I'll listen to you, stupid. It's creepy for you to be worried about something that's not volleyball."
Quickly Kageyama turns to hide what he knows is a terrible poker face. "It is about volleyball," He insists. "You're awful at serving. It's a pain in the ass for me."
"Yeah, no. You seem more focused at practice than normal, so I know it's not that." Kageyama only clicks his tongue, wishing Hinata had taken the bait. He wasn't as dumb as he seemed sometimes, although what with his grades, Kageyama knew he wasn't one to talk. At least Hinata can read people better than I can, he thinks a bit bitterly. "What are you so afraid of, anyway? It's not really like you. You're usually the scary one."
Kageyama shoots him a look, which Hinata pretended to not see. "Nothing."
"Don't give me that."
"Really, nothing."
Hinata frowns. "Is your milk good?" He asks suddenly.
"Yeah."
"Do you want to practice volleyball?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want me to stop talking?"
"Yeah."
"Do you love volleyball?"
"Yeah."
"Do you love me?"
"Yea- what?" Kageyama felt his ears grow hot.
"Do you think I'm stupid? Don't say 'yeah' again. You suck at lying." Hinata grins. From the corner of his eye, Kageyama can swear that the other boy's face is red too, but he doesn't get a good look as Hinata bounces to his feet. He runs forward a few steps before folding his hands behind his head. "This Sunday. Train station. Okay?"
Kageyama sputters something that's not even close to an answer. He springs up, crushing his milk box in his hand and taking off after the other boy. "Oi, Hinata, what the hell!"
Hinata only laughs in response.
Kageyama feels stupid for a moment. He has troubles being honest, which he knows full well. He's probably wasted weeks just worrying. But he smiles. Maybe, just a little bit, he'll be able to change. Hinata's done it before.