Never Too Late
As soon as Lucy Heartfilia step into her apartment. She felt tired and awful. She just finish a mission with her team and once again, it didn't end well. She tried and tried to help, but she was a failure to her team. She was weak and never strong enough. With that feeling, it lead her more into the depression that she had for months now.
Everything that happens to the guild, that happens to her, the hurt of her love ones, is all her fault. She doesn't know what to do anymore.
She sighed, slowly walking to her bed, and castes her eyes downward. Why does she feel this way? She feels so much hate towards herself, but why?
Fat.
Stupid.
Useless.
No one loves you. No one would care if you disappear.
A dark voice rings to her in her head. "Stop," She whispers as tears came down her face, the voices only stronger.
Slut.
Tears came down. She wanted the voices to stop. She wanted to scream loudly but knowing the Natsu might come anytime soon. As soon as the voices stop, she wiped her tears and kept reasoning herself why she needs to stay alive.
"Lucy?"
Lucy heads spin around and she saw her best friend and her biggest crush coming through her window.
She is happy that he came but she need to act fast, she just needed too.
"USE THE DOOR FOR ONCE!" She yells as she used her 'Lucy Kick' on him.
Natsu rubbed his head and grins at her, "Geez, You don't need to hit me that hard."
"She likeeeeeeeeeeeeees you!" Happy came through the window and giggles.
Lucy blushes and looks away, not denying what he just said. "Stupid Cat." She mumbled to him.
Natsu looked at Lucy and smiles. He got up and walks towards her. "Let's do a Job together!" He said cheerfully.
"But we just got back from a Job!" She looks at him with a shocked look on her face.
Natsu laughs, "Come on! Let's go! Just the three of us. You still need to pay for your rent, right?" He asked her as he lays on her bed.
Lucy sighed. He is right. She still needed another 10,000 jewels by the end of the week.
"Fine." She finally let out.
Natsu grinned widely, grabbing her hand and rushed out to the guild to get their Job.
This isn't going to end well.
Lucy sighed as soon as she goes back to her apartment again. She felt even worse than before. It was night time so she knows she has to lock her windows. She just wanted to be alone tonight.
She got into her shower and look down. She started to think about the mission she went on with Natsu. She felt so useless. He always saves her from stuff that she could save herself. Tears came down her face as the voices came back to her.
Why are you still alive?
No one loves you, not even your own father. He never loved you. Natsu will see that you're weak and will throw you away like everyone else. Why live? Cut yourself. Might make you feel better to feel pain than feeling nothing at all.
The voices were ring inside her head. Maybe they were right this time? Maybe the physical pain would be better than the emotional pain she is having right now.
She sobbed as she sat down in her shower floor, holding her knees to her chest. She never cut herself before. She was afraid. She wiped her tears and grabbed a razor.
She look down to her hands then look at the sharp small object. Is this right?
She closed her eyes and laid the blade against the skin of her wrist. She slowly slid the blade and started to shed more tears as the blood started to spill. She sighed. That wasn't so bad. It actually felt good. She kept going, until she had enough. The pain made her feel better, made her feel so good.
She clean her wounds and got dressed into her nightgown and she slept the night away.
For the past months Lucy's depression has been worse than ever. The cutting helps but not with the voices in her head. She was struggling with herself to stay alive. She didn't even go to the guild today because she felt like she couldn't stand being there without the voices making herself worthless.
She cried day and night.
She was a messed.
Her life was a messed.
Ha, Natsu would never love you. He is better off with Lisanna. You haven't been to the guild for weeks and none of them came to see you. They haven't even talked to you ever since Lisanna came back two weeks ago. You are worthless, weak, ugly. No one cares if you kill yourself right now.
The voices yelled and laughed at her inside her head.
Lucy kept whispering to herself, "Everything will be alright."
Alright? Yeah right. You are dead to them.
She couldn't take this anymore. She sat up from her bed, "Why can't you just leave me alone?!" She screamed to the voices
Because it's fun.
"Fun?! Making me feel worthless is fun to you?! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed as tears came down. Then one lone voice speaks to her.
If you want me to stop, you have to do me a favor.
Lucy's eyes widen, as she whispers, "Anything. I'll do anything for you to stop. Tell me what it is!"
Kill yourself.
Lucy heard the voice loud and clear. Kill herself? Is that the only way? She nod. What has she got to lose? She lost herself already. She lost Natsu with Lisanna. She has nothing anymore.
She got up from her bed and went into the kitchen to grab a knife. She went to her bedroom and looks at herself in the mirror. She starts singing softly to herself.
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
She touch the mirror as she looked at herself, She continued to sing.
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late
Tears came down her soft face as she holds the knife. Is it too late for her?
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
More tears came down as those words made her feel sick. She had lie to herself. She look into her own eyes and clenched her hand as she continued.
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
As she look at herself, she knew she needed to keep going but the voices will continue if she didn't end her life. She grabbed the knife and slid her stomach, causing her to cry out in pain.
No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late
No one will notice. No one will care if she disappear from this world. No one ever asked her if she was okay. No one came to check up on her. NO ONE! She continue to sing as the tears blinded her. She fell to the floor and slid her hip with the blade.
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
She looked at the mirror. How did she become this way? Blood everywhere, she began to feel more weak, but she continue to sing.
The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again
She put the knife down and start thinking about her family. She never felt so alone in her life. She was weak. What would Natsu do if she is gone? What would Erza do? Gray? Levy? Her family! How will they react? Will the care?
Her voice grew weaker as the lyrics came out.
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Its was exactly that, If I don't belong here, How will the world be?
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late
As soon as she finished saying the last words, everything was spinning before her. She looks at her window. The last thing she saw was pink hair and the last words she heard.
"Lucy!"
She passed out.
"She will be fine," said Wendy.
"Thank god," sighed Natsu.
"Well, Flame brain didn't get there sooner, she wouldn't be here!" spat Gray.
"What was that, Ice Cube?!" yelled Natsu.
"You heard me?!" Gray yelled back
"Did I hear fighting?!" asked Erza
"N-No, Erza!" Gray and Natsu daubing unison
"Will you all shut up!" Lucy groaned as she opened her eyes and saw Erza, Gray, Wendy, Lisanna, and Natsu.
"Lucy!" They shouted and tackle her in the Guild's bed.
"Ow!" She shout. They back off, and looked at her worried. "You okay?" Wendy asked softly.
Lucy nodded, and look at all her scars. They saw them. They saw all her scars.
"Hey, can you guys leave so I could be alone with her?" Lucy head shot up when she heard Natsu voice.
They all nodded and left the two alone.
Natsu went next to her and hold her, causing Lucy to be shocked. "Why... Why Lucy?" He asked lowly. She looks at him and noticed he was crying. She never seen Natsu cried unless someone he cared for was dying.
She felt guilt and put her head down in shame. "I felt useless.." She whispered.
Natsu looked at her, "But you aren't useless. Damn it Lucy! You aren't. Who is telling you these lies?"
Tears began to forming her eyes but she have to stay strong. "The Voices..." Before Natsu could speak she held up her hand to stop him. "I wrote a poem, on how I have been feeling. I don't have the paper with me, but I remember the words. Listen to me, please. This is how I feel, Natsu."
He nods and listen to her carefully as she began to say the words.
"Do you know how lost I feel?
Turn around to see you,
My blood is running through,
You never notice the truth,
Lately, I been losing sleep,
Dreaming what you did to me,
Hit, Kick, Beat me down,
Fat, Stupid, No one cares,
Don't touch me there, Help me,
That's what I hear, and feel,
I need blood on my skin, because you lead me to believe,
All the beating I get, all the bullying I heard, all the so close rape that I almost had. It never goes away,
You will never see me,
Smile, it's just an act,
Ha, You will never notice me until you know i'm gone,
Sorry, Father, Sorry, Mother. My Suicide is back and the voices are stronger,
Goodbye, i'm no longer."
Natsu didn't know what to say. He pulled her into a hug, shocking her. He whispered, "I notice you, Lucy. I noticed that you weren't in the guild. I thought you were mad at me. I thought you hated me for pushing you too much. I'm so sorry Lucy... I'm so so sorry."
She couldn't control the sob that came out of her mouth. She cried into his chest. She cried and cried until she had no more tears in her system.
She was wrong. Her voices were wrong.
"Lucy, I love you." He whispered.
Her eyes widen, "W-What? What about Lisanna? I thought you loved her?!"
He chuckle and place his forehead to hers, "I do love her, but more like a sister. I love you Lucy. I will save you from falling down. I will never let you go, ever."
She smiled. A real smile.
Natsu grins and slowly leaned in and kisses her softly. She grins as she return the kiss.
"Get a Room!" yelled Gray
The couple looked at the door and see Gray laughing.
"Damn it you Ice Queen!" yelled Natsu
"What was that you Hothead?!" yelled Gray
Lucy sighed and laughed softly.
They will never change.
A/N: New Story! Well, not so new… I wrote this story a long time ago but delete it. Now I have an editor, which is nightyelf (I think that's how you spell it-). Thanks to her for helping me and suffer my awful grammar from my freshman year. Heh.
Well, this sorry will be at least 10 chapters. I already all chapter 2,3,4 done and edited. I will post it every Friday. I am writing chapter 5 at the moment and hopefully you all enjoy it.
Please leave me a review and tell me what you thought. Favorite and follow if you enjoy it!
Until next time!