The metal gleams coldly in the harsh light of my room. To me, not even the full moon that hangs outside my window is as beautiful as this gun that lies here in my hand. Nothing could be as beautiful as this, my chance to protect all the ones I love.
It'll hurt them, I know. The last time I "died" taught me that, if nothing else. But it is something that they'll be able to survive, something they'll one day be able to put behind them. But at least they'll be protected from some sick fuck trying to take over the world and get to me through them.
Like Toguro. He pretended to kill Kuwabara to piss me off so that he could have a good fight. Forget that he didn't kill him. The point is that he cold have. And I wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing about it. I'd just be out one friend. And I don't exactly have that many, so that's a pretty big deal. And that bastard did kill Genkai. She wouldn't have even been at the stupid tournament if Toguro hadn't been bent on doing me in. Yes, she did come back to life, but again, that's not the point. That was just luck as far as I'm concerned. That won't happen every time.
And Suzaku. He was going to slice Keiko to ribbons. Keiko. The girl I love more than anything in the world. In all the worlds, for that matter. Me being able to tap into my life energy just in time to stop him wasn't skill. It was pure dumb luck.
You can only be lucky so many times.
Some may say I've beaten all these guys before. That if I really cared about my friends, I'd be willing to fight for them. I'm going farther than that. I'm going to die for them. Because eventually there would be somebody that I couldn't beat. And then they would all just be killed. And I would die. And I would have accomplished nothing except getting them killed. Why risk it? The best way to protect them is to remove the reason they need the protecting in the first place. Either me or all the big bads out there. And I'm the reasonable choice, because there will always be another psychopath out to destroy the world.
I look back down at that beautiful hunk of steel that is slowly warming in my hand and take a deep breath. It's hard, even knowing that it's for the best. To voluntarily end your own life goes against all of the most basic of instincts. Knowing that I'm about to willingly send a bullet ripping through my brain, willingly stop myself from ever seeing my friends again, from ever even taking another breath makes my eyes tear up and my hands tremble. But I know it's for the best. That's why I will do this. Why even now I'm willing my hands to stop shaking so that I can grip the gun that is my answer. Their cure.
The metal gleams coldly in the harsh light of my room as I raise the gun to my head.
A/N: Here it is! Because of Me completely rewritten! I changed more than I thought I would (...a lot more...In fact, i only kept the barest skeleton of the idea, lol). Oh well. I know it's OOc and depressing and all that, but whatever, I wrote the basis of it a long time ago just as an exercise to help me get over writer's block. So there it is. Let me know what you think!