The brandy stung his split lip, but Jack threw it back anyway, then refilled his glass.
"That stuff's a bit posh to be swillin' it down like that," Gwen chided gently.
"I have a need to get well and truly pissed, and I am all out of hyper vodka," Jack replied, pointedly not meeting her eyes.
Unperturbed, Gwen moved into his office and took a chair. "Why is today so much worse than usual?"
"Canary Wharf," he muttered, seeking wisdom in the depths of his glass, "the gift that keeps on giving."
"Were you there?"
"No, I was here, in Cardiff. When it all started to go south…it happened so fast…so damn fast. It was over before we had a chance to do anything other than mop up the blood." He drained his glass. "There was a lot of blood."
"Who did you lose, Jack?" Gwen asked intently.
He filled his glass again, sloshing a few drops on the desk top. Gwen reached out and slid the glass away from him.
"Jack."
"Rose. Her name was Rose."
"I'm sorry, Jack, truly. But just think a moment, will you…if you'd found your friend, the way that Ianto found Lisa, wouldn't you have tried to save her?"
"No! If I'd found Rose in that condition, I'd have given her peace, the only way I could."
"How can you say that?" Gwen asked, her eyes filled with horrified tears.
"Because I loved her," he ground out. He wrenched the glass out of her grasp and gulped down the contents.
"Jack, I am tryin' to understand. You lost someone you love, but knowing that…especially knowing that…how can you blame Ianto for trying to save Lisa?"
Jack slammed his hand down on the table, hard enough to jolt his glass. The cut crystal tumbler hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces. "Because that thing wasn't Lisa. Not anymore. Not since that machine cut into her and ripped out her humanity."
"Is that…is that what happened to your friend?"
"I don't know. There was no body, just a few frames of CCTV footage of her in the building, and her name on the list of the dead." Jack sank his head into his hands.
"Then how can you be sure? I mean, maybe she got out, somehow?"
"She would have found a way. If she made it out of there, Rose would have found a way to let me know. She would have made him bring her to see me, I know she would."
"Him?"
"There's only one being I know of who could have stopped a full-fledged invasion of Daleks and Cybermen."
"That mysterious Doctor of yours?"
"Yeah. And if Rose is dead…if he couldn't save her…" Jack's shoulders began to heave with sobs.
Gwen watched him for a long moment, while silent tears scrolled down her cheeks. Then she retrieved two glasses and splashed an inch of brandy in each. She placed one in front of Jack. He sucked in a ragged breath, and looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes.
Gwen raised her glass. "To absent friends."