"Goooooooooood morning world and all who inhabit it!" SpongeBob shouted cheerfully, jumping out of bed and letting the blanket land perfectly back in place. He danced through the hallway with cheer before tripping over one of Gary's toys and falling down the stairs with a loud, "GAH OOH AH GAH!" then landing gracefully into a tangled pretzel on the floor. "Ow... Gary you really need to start cleaning up after yourself."
A gurgled "MRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOW" came from the kitchen as SpongeBob's pet snail emerged, followed by, "Maybe if you gave me some damn food I would help with the chores, but you locked the fucking chip cabinet and slept in again you motherfucker."
Spongebob gasped in horror at what Gary had said. "Oh jeez Gary, you're right! Just look at the time, I did sleep in!"
"Bitch did you not understand that you haven't fed me in three days?" Gary crawled his way to SpongeBob's foot and began to bump into it again and again, hitting his kneecap with his eyes.
"You are right GareBear, I've been planning this so long, and I'm no chicken! I'm a sponge! I have to speak up for myself and be assertive! Thanks for the amazing pep talk; I can always count on you! Gotta go now, call me if you need me, there's chips in the cabinet!" Spongebob giggled as he ran, skipping outside and closing the door in a few gleeful motions.
"FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
He continued to frolic across his yard, making an abrupt stop in front of Squidward's door. 'Deep breaths...' SpongeBob thought to himself, doing the yoga exercises Patrick had taught him. This wasn't what he did every Sunday, his one day off of the week, usually he would be over at Sandy's house, or jelly fishing with Patrick, sometimes even going out shopping with Pearl and her gal pals.
Today was special, and would be the day that changed SpongeBob's life for the EVEN BETTER.
He was going to confess his love to Squidward.
Many months ago he had decided 'today is the day; I'm finally going to tell him!' but simply resolved to hiding in Squidward's house while he was in the bubble bath for a surprise sleepover. Last week was when he told himself that enough was enough; he had to tell Squidward about his undying endearment with the squid and his beautiful tentacles.
Raising a shaky fist to the door SpongeBob continued to take deep breaths. "Come on, you is a sponge... You can do this. You can do this!" He began to bang his fist violently, before remembering there was a doorbell right next to it. "Ooh a doorbell!" With another hand he began to press the doorbell, simultaneously hitting the door with a surprisingly strong punch.
"Whoever it is – go away SpongeBob – I'll be there in a second, don't break my doorbell!" An obviously annoyed yell came from inside the monument (from SpongeBob's experience in this he could tell Squidward was walking down the stairs).
"Oh no, I must have caught him in a bad mood... Tartar sauce. Well no backing out now, I've come too far!" He muttered to himself, and wrung his hands anxiously.
The door creaked open eerily, yanking Spongebob from his racing thoughts, and causing him to gasp at the view. Squidward got new night clothes! And they were blue! Which is a primary color, just like yellow! He let a dreamy sigh slip from his mouth and a crimson blush brighter than Larry's shell came to his face. "Oh, uh, hey there Squidward, didn't expect to see you in these parts. Hahaha..."
"I live here." Squidward spat out, looking the other up and down with a venomous look in the eyes. "And right now, I should be asking you why you're here. At five in the morning. Or I could ask why you aren't wearing clothes. Maybe, while I'm at it – why did you crush my dreams and move into this town with that rancid pineapple?"
'Wow he is REALLY in a bad mood today.' SpongeBob giggled awkwardly and rubbed at the back of his neck. 'I guess that means I have to try even harder to woo him!' "Well ya see Squidward dear, I can explain all of that, but I came here to tell you something that is really important and I have to do it as soon as possible!"
"Fine, I've given up trying to stop you at this point. But first-" Squidward stopped midsentence and unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it into SpongeBob's hands. "Put this on, you're out in cold water in the middle of Winter, and I don't want to have to deal with you having a flu all over again."
His blush deepened as he slipped the shirt on, wondering if he could nuzzle his face in the soft fabric without freaking the other out or scaring him away. Better not, at least for now. "Thanks Squidward, that's really kind of you. You are such a nice person... ("No I'm not.") Which brings me to what I have to say. So..." He laughed again.
"Ever since that pineapple fell from the sky and I moved in next door, I wanted to be friends with you. We've had a great time for many, many, years, and I want this to continue until the day I die." He raised his gaze up to Squidward's, nervously noting the pained look in his eyes. "But sometimes I wonder... What would happen if we were to be more than friends?
Now before you say anything, I did a lot of research online and it is technically possible for squids and sponges to reproduce. There are also a few online support groups that you could check out if you even needed one! I went on yahoo ask and seven of the eight users who answered said that it is definitely socially acceptable, while the eight just answered, 'no homo lolololol'. We're supposed to be together 5 ever! My heart burns like fire coral for you, and only you! I've been drawing fan art of us for years, some nights I can't even sleep, thinking about you being so close, yet so far. I can tell that we both care for each other, but are obviously ukes so I had to take charge and confess of course. Later on though I think that you'll come out of your shell and learn to love the idea of being the dominant seme of the relationship.
We could fulfill all of the fantasies I have written about in my stories, you're my senpai, the father to my unborn and possibly asexually produced babies! I have a book of-"
"Spongebob, that's enough!" Squidward cut in, his face an odd dark bluish-purple, "You've said enough. I understand how you feel, and in fact... I share these feelings with you. I've loved you since the day you stepped foot into the Krusty Krab and saved me from the evil anchovies. I thought that you would go after Patrick, Sandy, or even Pearl, but I never even dreamed that you would come to me. I...I don't know what to say."
Slowly raising his head, tears welled in his eyes before getting stuck in his six long eyelashes. "Do...Do you really mean it?"
"No, I hate you."