In the Name of Comfort
She was still nervous. 10 years spent with and around this family and she was still nervous.
Nervous that they would one day tell her to go home, that as nice as it had been, there wasn't really a place for her here. Which she knew was a disservice to the Weasleys – they loved her, were nothing if not hospitable and would probably whack her over the head if they knew what she was thinking. Ron and Ginny had been her friends for years, she helped George with the operational aspects of running the shop, she worked with Percy at the ministry, she was tutoring Arthur in muggle studies to curtail his interest in a healthy direction, there wasn't really a way for her to be more involved. Still, looking up at the Burrow as she walked towards the house the feeling of inadequacy lingered.
There were definite advantages to being a muggleborn in the wizarding world, be it different viewpoints on certain customs or knowing how to use a pen instead of a quill, but most of the time she felt like she'd spent her entire life in magical Britain waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for someone to jump out and tell her it was all a joke, that she couldn't be here and had to go back home, to a normal life. Trying to shake the feeling off, she knocked on the door and attempted to steel herself for what was bound to be a loud and wonderful evening. How could she refuse an owl from Molly that said that she missed her children, all her children, and wanted to have everyone over for Sunday dinner?
Ginny opened the door and immediately pulled her into a hug as she heard shouts of "hey, Mione!" from the various Weasley siblings in the kitchen and living room.
"It's good to see you, Ginny. I've just realized that I've been ignoring you all for a couple weeks as I fell down the work vortex again, so I'm sorry for that. It's really lovely to see all of you and have a proper home cooked meal!"
"It's good to see you too, Hermione! And don't worry, we all tend to be quite involved with our jobs - you would hardly be the first one to lose track of time. Plus, you've seen Harry at work. I swear he never even remembers what day of the week it is," Ginny sighed.
"Isn't that the truth, that man will work himself into the ground one of these days. Maybe we should convince Molly to send out a few more owls to get him out of the house a bit? Or I could take him to Muggle London once a week or something."
"Mione, that's a fantastic idea! Mum will send out owls regardless but I think a few trips to Muggle London will definitely cheer him up and get him away from his desk," Ginny exclaimed. "Thanks for thinking about his well-being all these years, it really means a lot to me, not just to him."
"I'm told that's what siblings are for," Hermione replied laughing.
Walking through the house she greeted George and Angelina, promising to come by the shop and have a look at their newest invention, and said hello to Percy and his girlfriend Audrey before walking into the kitchen and being wrapped up in a hug from Molly and Arthur.
"Hello dear, it's nice to see you again. You're doing well, I hope?"
"Of course, Molly, and thank you for inviting me. I'm quite excited to see what you've got cooked up for tonight, I'm starving!"
Molly turned to everyone who had ambled into the kitchen and shouted, "you heard the lady, get a move on! George, could you please grab two chickens from outside? And Percy and Audrey, would you mind getting started on peeling the potatoes and carrots? Harry and Ron, the apples will be your responsibility, peel and slice them please. Ginny and Lavender, your job is setting the table. For fourteen please! Now get to it!" Changing tactics, the Weasley matriarch turned back to her and asked if she could take a mug of tea to Charlie that he'd asked for earlier and that she'd embarrassingly forgotten about.
"Of course, Molly, I've been meaning to go over and say hello anyways."
As everyone scattered to work on the various tasks that Molly assigned in preparation for dinner, she took the mug of tea that Molly had offered the both of them and wandered over to Charlie.
"Hey Charlie, how are things?"
Charlie smiled at her as she handed over the mug and quickly took a few sips. "I'm doing well Hermione, thanks for asking. I feel as though we haven't caught up in a few visits, it's nice to see you."
"You too Charlie, sorry for the part I played in being distant. I don't always manage to handle my professional and personal lives very well so my anxiety and stress spill from one to the other and make me withdraw from most social interactions."
"No need to apologize, you'd hardly be the first one to do that," he responded.
"In any case, thanks for understanding. How are things at the reserve going?"
"Apart from the dragons, it really does run like most workplaces do. We've had a couple new trainees transfer from America and they've really been testing us and not making for a particularly great working environment recently," Charlie sighed.
"How so? Have there been incidents with the dragons that caused problems?"
"Oh no, nothing like that. Nothing more than normal, that is. The trainees are just very hotheaded – think they know how to do things better than established procedures tell them to, don't really want to listen to any of the older wranglers, aren't particularly safe around the dragons or other workers. It's frustrating because the job's dangerous and stressful enough as it is. Most of what we do requires working as a team; even if you have a dragon you're tending to individually, there's always other keepers around as back-up, people that you need to trust implicitly to be able to handle the situation. So, having trainees around that you need to keep an eye on really isn't helpful."
Hermione stared at him wide-eyed, "Merlin, I can imagine. If you can share such information with me, is there anything being done about them?"
"Well, two of the keepers they're clashing with are my direct superior and I so we went to the head of the reserve and suggested that they undergo more classes and hands on training before they're allowed to work individually."
She smirked, "I'm assuming they didn't take that particularly well?"
"No, not particularly. Though I could not care less how they took the news, they're lucky to not be thrown out of the reserve for that kind of behaviour," Charlie responded, laughing. "What have you been up to recently?"
"Well, I've been trying to drum up support for an organization of mine, S.P.E.W, but I have to admit it's not going particularly well."
"Sorry, spew?"
"No, S.P.E.W., the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. It originally started when we were at the last Quidditch World Cup and ran into Barty Crouch Sr. and his house elf in the minister's box. You could tell even from a distance that she was terrified of heights but he made her sit up there and save his seat, it was horrible! I started reading up on them and just couldn't believe how they were treated. Add to that our interactions with Dobby and Kreacher and I just can't help but want to free them and give them better lives. At the very least there should be some mandated working conditions for them that would prevent outright abuse."
"Although some of your aims seem a bit misdirected and barring a definite name change, I really think it's quite admirable that you care so deeply for a creature that other wizards easily frown upon. It really speaks to who you are as a person."
"Misdirected? Charlie, how can you say my aims are misdirected? Haven't you seen how house elves are being treated?"
"Hermione, I don't mean to offend, but what you must realize is that house elves are not human. Now I'm not saying that they should be treated horribly as a result of that, but calling them anything other than what they are and trying to apply muggle or wizard laws and culture to their situation is a disservice to them. They are magical creatures, ones with their own magic, their own culture, traditions, and family structure. Your interactions with Dobby and Kreacher are not indicative of the general house elf population – those two lived in remarkable situations, with two of the darkest families known to the wizarding world, and although one desperately wanted freedom, that is not indicative of all other house elves. Have you met or spoken to elves about what they would want? Don't presume to know what's best for them just because working to prevent the horrors of slavery is an ingrained aspect of most muggle and wizarding cultures. Servitude is an ingrained aspect of elfish culture and campaigning to free all elves is not ideal because they don't understand why you would force destitution on them and turn them into social outcasts. I know you're serious about your work and I admire how much you care for these creatures. So, go out and talk to them. See what they need or are looking for in their lives. Once you have a better understanding of their culture, I think you'll have no trouble in drafting a bill that really helps them and helps you convince wizards to help them as well. For whatever it's worth, I'd support a bill like that in a heartbeat. We need more people who care about something and someone apart from themselves."
"I hadn't… I hadn't talked to any elves. And, uh, I should have. Thank you, Charlie. I tend to have to fight so hard to be heard and have my work acknowledged by the wizarding community that it's a bit of a new experience for me to have you speak reasonably on a proposal of mine and show me areas that I can improve. And I promise to take your advice to heart and rethink how I look at the situation."
"Not a problem, love, glad to be of help," Charlie grinned at her. "Come on, let's go grab a seat - mum's been sending me not so subtle hints to help with dinner the entire time we've been talking."
"Food sounds fantastic, actually. I'm starving and Molly's cooking is always phenomenal."
As they carried out dishes filled with steaming vegetables to go with the main of roast chicken to the garden, she took a seat next to Arthur and looked around to see Charlie slipping into a seat on her other side. Giving him a small smile, she turned back to Arthur ready to field whatever muggle related questions he might have – the man really was incorrigible and ever since he started reaching out more to her after the war as a way to move past the grief of losing a son, she'd found that she loved being able to offer him some small measure of distraction and comfort.
"Alright Arthur, any questions for me today?"
"Certainly, Hermione, certainly. You've explained to me what airplanes are before but I find that I'm still wondering how flight travel works in the muggle world. Would you be able to explain, in broad terms?"
Chuckling, she started on an explanation of airports, passports, security, flight control, and anything else she could think of regarding travel. "You see, Arthur, the majority of larger cities in the muggle world have something called an airport. An airport is a rather large expanse of land with paved roads circling it and a central building that serves as a hub for travellers. These paved roads allow airplanes to land safely while the central building has a large tower nearby that allows workers to communicate with airplanes and make sure that everything runs smoothly. Not every airport will connect you directly to where you want to go so most travellers use these central buildings to transfer from one plane to another. Workers help an airplane stop near the building, help everyone and their luggage off the plane and then clean and refuel it so it's ready to go somewhere else. Everyone in the muggle world who wants to travel outside their country requires something called a passport. It's a little booklet issued by the government that has your name, date of birth, and photo which is checked by workers at the airport to make sure that you are who you say you are. Does that make sense?"
"Somewhat… but I'm finding it really hard to picture, to tell you the truth," Arthur said sceptically.
"Well, how about I take you to Heathrow Airport one of these days as a sort of field trip to let you see some of this up close?"
"Oh, that would be quite an adventure indeed! How exciting!" Arthur looked like Christmas had come early at the prospect of seeing an airport up close and both Hermione and Charlie laughed at the sight.
"My problem has always been with the security lanes," Charlie said, "I can never remember what you're allowed to have and what you have to take off before they let you through. It never fails to be a nightmare and makes me feel like a complete dunce."
Arthur's face switched back to one of confusion as he inquired after what a security was and she found she needed to take a minute to try to formulate an explanation he could understand. "The muggle world has had it's share of problems and some of the more evil people in our history have found that a very effective method of murder is to put explosives on airplanes. To prevent another such catastrophe, the muggle equivalent of aurors require everyone travelling on an airplane to be examined before they board the plane. To make sure that no one is carrying anything on them or in their luggage that could harm another passenger."
"Goodness, even some of my enthusiasm has waned in the face of such horrifying history. I hope that whatever these muggle aurors are doing helps to prevent anything like that from happening again. Please send me an owl when you'd like to go and visit this Heathrow," Arthur said.
"Of course, Arthur!" Dinner raged around them with plans being made for pick-up quidditch when everyone was done eating, conversations flowing about work, Fleur's pregnancy, Ginny's performance this season, the shop, and others she was too far down the table to follow. It wasn't until people started putting their forks down after heaping slices of apple pie and getting up to grab brooms that she felt Charlie take hold of her elbow to grab her attention.
"Would you like to take a walk with me? I'm not feeling particularly up for quidditch at the moment and if I don't get out of dodge soon, I'll be dragged back to attempt to put Ginny in her place."
"Sure Charlie, I'll help you escape that fate. Besides, no one can catch Ginny now, it's a useless endeavour." Trying to carry as many things as they could, they caught Molly on the way back to the house, thanking her profusely for the food and letting her know where they were off to assuage any worries.
"Have fun dears, just don't come back too late!"
The pond at the back of the property seemed as good a destination as any so they headed that way as the shrieking sounds of the game in the backyard started to fade into the background.
"Charlie, have you flown a lot the muggle way? As much as I appreciate Arthur's interest, I didn't know that you or any of your siblings knew the first thing about being in the muggle world."
"Don't sound so surprised, Hermione, your experiences with Ron might be tainting your view of the rest of us a bit. He's never shown a particular interest in the subject but I followed dad around that blasted shed of his for decades. It was hard not to cultivate a proper interest after that. I took muggle studies at Hogwarts but most of my knowledge comes from a lot of books and muggleborn friends who took pity on me and showed me the basic ins and outs of their world. Travel by airplane is sometimes easier than international portkeys – they are a pain to get, especially if you need one short notice and bloody expensive at that. Why bother with those when I can just hop on a couple hour flight to London instead?"
She gaped at him for a minute before having the presence of mind to respond. "Fair enough. I should really remember to think before I speak. That and start paying you a thank you stipend for calling me out on my shite," she said laughing.
"I'm sure I have enough of my own shite for you to call me on," Charlie responded, laughing.
"Based on our conversations today, I somehow doubt that," she said with a tilt of the head.
"Ah, I'm just older. My shit tendencies have mellowed over the years. You should have seen me straight out of school, I was absolutely full of it." They walked a bit further on without talking until she saw Charlie glance at her and take a deep breath.
"Hermione, if you don't mind my asking, what happened between you and Ron? I don't mean to imply that I don't like Lavender or am trying to pry into your personal life, I'm really just curious. I'm away so much that I tend to miss a lot of the significant events in people's lives here."
"Oh, I don't mind you asking, nothing significant happened that is worth keeping secret. The truth is that we just realized we're rather different people. Immediately after the war, Ron was an incredible help to me, he was at my side through both the physical and mental recovery of what we had endured and through the grief of what had happened around us. I will be forever grateful for that support. But months later when it was time to return to day to day life and everything that comes with it, we realized that we want and love different things. He loves family and company and noise, and I was an only child who enjoys quiet and solitude. He loves quidditch, wants to play, follow teams, and share that passion with someone – it's not exactly an individual sport. I love to spend my evenings reading as much as I can and listening to music. I have an entire muggle heritage that he just doesn't understand. It's not fair to either one of us to force something that makes us put aside so many parts of ourselves, you know?"
"I feel like I do, yeah."
"In that case, I'm sorry your relationship didn't last."
"Ah, don't be, Hermione, it's long over. Working with dragons sounds really cool to most people on paper but the reality is that you're spending your days working long hours trying to fight people to understand and care for generally misunderstood creatures. I do it because I love the work but for someone who doesn't share my passion, it becomes rather like your situation with quidditch." He looked a little sad before stopping suddenly and turning to her. "Wait a moment, did you say that you were an only child? Are you not one anymore?"
When she didn't answer and walked on in silence, he jogged a couple steps to catch up to her and stopped them both. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to broach a difficult subject and I won't bring it up again if that's what you'd like."
She really had to get a grip on herself. "No Charlie, I'm sorry. It was really rude of me to just keep walking without talking to you. It is a difficult subject for me but it will only become worse if I never talk about it. Before Harry, Ron, and I embarked on the horcrux quest in our seventh year I was so worried about leaving my parents that I decided to modify their memories so that they wouldn't know they had a daughter and moved them to Australia. I sold their house and erased all the traces of myself so that no one would be able to hurt them because of me. After the war I took a trip to Perth to try to track them down – I had hoped to reverse the memory modification but when I did finally reach them, I just couldn't do it. They were so happy, Charlie. They had a lovely home, a dental practice, I could see my mum working in her garden, and I just couldn't do it. Ruin that happiness and throw them back into a world of uncertainty and pain just so that I could visit them every couple of weeks? I'm not really a part of that world anymore and they are not a part of this one, it wouldn't be fair. I know I played God in modifying their memories in the first place but I didn't have the strength to do it again for my own benefit."
He stood and stared at her for a moment before putting an arm around her waist and pulling her in for a hug. "Merlin, Hermione," Charlie whispered in her ear, "the sheer amount of sacrifice you gave for the good of our world will never cease to shock me." A few minutes later they separated slowly, each keeping a bit of a hold on the other. "I'm sorry that you went through such a thing but at the same time I'm glad that your parents are alright. And yes, I think you reversing the memory charm, if you even could, would be cruel. If you ever need someone to talk, please don't hesitate to come find me, you shouldn't be dealing with this alone."
"Thanks, Charlie," she said softly. "It means the world to me to have Harry and all the rest of you so willing to accept me into your family and help me out. It'd be a rather lonely existence otherwise."
"Well, what kind of people would we be if we didn't? Besides, all the Weasley kids are strays in their own way, it's easy to spot another and grab them into the mix," Charlie said matter-of-factly.
"How was growing up here? I'm sorry to ask such a personal question but I just can't imagine it – my house had three people in it for most of my life, it's alien to me to be around so much noise and commotion. I had a really hard time adjusting to Hogwarts, to be honest."
"It was… it was hard, to be completely honest with you. There were so many of us and mum and dad were always so distracted that it felt like we all fell by the wayside individually. Bill and I spent a lot of our time taking care of the younger ones and it left little room for free time and enjoyment. I completely understood why he fucked off to Egypt right after Hogwarts, we were both desperate to be alone and grow as individuals - make a name for ourselves and all that. I love my life in Romania but I do feel guilty about not being here to help out and just be around," Charlie sighed.
"You all put in so much effort to band together after the war that I don't think you need to feel guilty anymore, Charlie. As I am slowly learning, not everything is in our control and all we can do is try our best," she replied with a smile. "At least that's what my therapist tells me."
He looked at her for so long that she started wondering if she had something on her face. "Charlie? You're staring. Do I have something on my face?"
"No, no, of course not! Just had a few thoughts clouding my brain, that's all," he exclaimed. "I promise I'm still with you."
"Dare I ask what kind of thoughts?"
"I was just thinking about how although we've talked many times before, I've never felt as invested as I do today; we have a lot in common in terms of outlook on life and personality, and it's a crime it's taken me this long to notice. Not just that, but I realized I don't really have any relationship with the various significant others my siblings have amassed. It was making me wonder whether I was at all emotionally present during my visits here for the past couple of years, and I feel rather embarrassed."
"You might laugh and say that we're even more alike than you thought, but I feel the same way. I realized as I was walking up to the door today that I've been acting incredibly self-centered. I work with Percy almost every day and I'm ashamed to say that I don't have a relationship with Audrey. Ditto for Angelina and Lavender. We're friendly to be sure, but is that really enough post-war? Harry, Ron, and I spent our Hogwarts years in kind of a bubble, but that's not really the case anymore. I should spend more time being around the people I love and I need to work on that," she responded thoughtfully.
"I really enjoy talking to you, Hermione, I felt I should reiterate that. It takes an incredible person to recognize their own faults and try to work on them, you should be proud, "Charlie said rather seriously.
"I don't feel very proud, mostly just fucked up. But I really enjoy talking to you too, Charlie," she responded blushing. She could invite him somewhere to keep the night going, her treacherous mind told her - it had been so long since she had felt a connection to someone. It wasn't even about attraction, it was about the loneliness, the emptiness that sometimes engulfed her. If she had read the situation right, maybe he could also use a comforting presence. "I know this is right on the heels of us talking about how we should be more involved, but… any chance you'd like to come back to my place for a drink?"
Charlie grinned at her and she felt elated. "Yeah Mione, I'd love to. I sincerely hope you have some good booze, I've gotten picky in my old age."
"I'd hardly call you old, Charlie. Should we go back and tell everyone where we're off to? They're bound to worry, especially your mum."
"We can start being more present tomorrow, right now I've got alcohol to imbibe with a pretty girl at my side. Lead the way, love."
Staring at him smiling at her and squeezing his hand in hers, she turned in mid air and thought of home.