Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

AN: Since you are reading a story inspired by and involving, to some extent, the Quileute tribe and its history, please consider making a charitable donation to groups that help and support American Indians. You can find some resources on twitter here: /MsKellyMHayes/status/1065411304758890497

I'd kept analyzing what'd happened, wondering what was going on, what I should do. Halfway through, as I realized I should perhaps be paying more attention to the road, it dawned on me that I was really on my way to La Push.

I wondered whether to pull over, continue ahead, or just go back where I came from. But even as I slowed down the truck, I couldn't commit to stopping now, or making a U-turn. It occurred to me that I'd never make this mistake again; I'd never be able to let my mind innocently wander and put me on the road to Billy's house. I'd always be aware of the risk – or the chance. I kept going, less than 20 miles an hour. Obviously, this is how I really wanted to proceed with the entire ordeal, or I wouldn't find myself here in the first place.

It then struck me, and it wasn't the first time, that perhaps I had read the situation completely wrong. What if Sam Uley had nothing to do with it? What if this was what Jacob wanted? I knew I hadn't been a good, honest friend. I don't mean that I didn't care for Jacob, because I did – hell, I was on my way to him now despite several days of stubborn silence. But I had played dumb, strung him along, made him repair bikes that I didn't care about because I knew that the adrenaline rush would bring his voice to my ears. I had been cruelly self-interested, and I knew Jacob was smart; I didn't expect him not to see through the cracks in the façade, the pain, the solitude, the need for comfort and company.

And that night at the movies might have been the breaking point; just him, me and Mike to see a horror movie none of us really wanted to watch. Perhaps that'd been it for Jacob: done playing the lady in waiting to a girl that didn't seem to care enough about him to spare him that, at the very least. And I had told him that there was no hope, that I'd never be what he wanted (or deserved), that he'd better give up on me. I knew it was the truth, and maybe he'd listened. I pressed the breaks.

I'd come to a complete halt on the deserted road. My heart was beating loudly in my chest. I was feeling a bit queasy. I could feel the goosebumps slowly covering my arms, a shiver up my spine. I acted before I could think any more about this, and convinced myself I knew what I wanted. Or that I didn't have a choice now that my foot was on the accelerator and the truck hit the speed limit. I could still feel my ribcage move with each beat of my heart, but I had the feeling it might be slowing down.

I spotted a figure walking along the road. It looked familiar, although not quite the same as anything in my memory. I recognized Quil.

"He looked up when the roar of my truck approached. Quil's expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry.

"Oh, hey, Bella," he greeted me dully.

"Hi, Quil… Are you okay?"

He stared at me morosely. "Fine."

"Can I give you a ride somewhere?" I offered.

"Sure, I guess," he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in.

"Where to?"

"My house is on the north side, back behind the store," he told me.

"Have you seen Jacob today?" The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking.

I looked at Quil eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. "From a distance," he finally said.

"A distance?" I echoed.

"I tried to follow them—he was with Embry." His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone—I think Sam and his crew might have been with them.

"I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up."

"So Sam did get to him." The words were a little distorted—my teeth were gritted together.

Quil stared at me. "You know about that?"

I nodded. "Jake told me… before."

"Before," Quil repeated, and sighed.

"Jacob's just as bad as the others now?"

"Never leaves Sam's side." Quil turned his head and spit out the open window.

"And before that—did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?"

His voice was low and rough. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him."

"What do you think it is? Drugs or something?"

"I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that… but what do I know? What else could it be? And why aren't the old people worried?" He shook his head, and the fear showed in his eyes now.

"Jacob didn't want to be a part of this… cult. I don't understand what could change him." He stared at me, his face frightened. "I don't want to be next."

My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I'd heard it described as a cult. I shivered. "Are your parents any help?"

He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Uley is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned."

We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in La Push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village's only store not too far ahead.

"I'll get out now," Quil said. "My house is right over there." He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder, and he jumped out.

"I'm going to go wait for Jacob," I told him in a hard voice.

"Good luck." He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped." (Stephanie Meyer, New Moon (New York City, 2006).)

My brief exchange with Quil had done nothing to ease the knot in my stomach; although I knew Jacob's sudden change of heart didn't only have to do with me, Quil's fear made me wonder what Jacob (and I by refusing to let him go) was getting into. I parked in front of Billy's house and opened the car window. The air was so damp and dense today I could feel it forming a thin layer on my skin.

A movement near the house caught my attention and I saw Billy looking at me through his window. I waved politely. Honestly what was I thinking coming all the way here? I almost considered going home, until I realized I'd be too embarrassed if Billy saw me park in front of his house only to go back with my tail between my legs after a few seconds here. So I was staying. Maybe I could give it 20 minutes and then pretend I had other things to go and attend to, and maybe Jacob wouldn't show up until then, and then I wouldn't have to blush or feel stupid every time I interacted with Billy. That sounded like a good excuse to get out of this confrontation. Maybe I could even make it 15.

But I didn't want to give up on Jacob! Only a few moments ago, I'd been as angry and determined as I was indecisive and apprehensive now. As I was deciding whether I should hold tight and stay until I could see Jacob, or drive back home, I saw a group of men, shirtless, come down from the forest towards the Black's. I squinted to try and get a better look. One of them was Sam. I was certain even without being able to make out his features in the distance. My heartrate picked up. Please let me be wrong.

Perhaps I'd still hoped it had been mono, I don't know. But as they made their way to the truck, I could see one of them was Jacob. The shock of seeing him made my hands go incredibly cold; he looked nothing like himself. Slightly lagging behind the other four, he was walking with his head down. His beautiful hair was gone, cut short. He'd grown in a way that I doubted was natural, his jaw and cheekbones had become angular, like all the teenage fat had gone from his face, and his fists were clenched by his side, unlike I'd ever seen them. I was rooted in my spot, torn between meeting them halfway and waiting for them to get to me.

I could feel my hands starting to shake slightly. God, I must have been a pitiful sight. Deprogramming no longer seemed like an achievable goal. They were only a few feet away when my right hand started to fumble with the handle. I looked down for a few seconds to end this unsightly battle between myself and the door. When I looked up I saw Jacob taking in a deep breath before lifting his head. His eyes lingered to the side for a second, the other boys standing behind him. I took in a breath to call his name. He looked me straight in the eyes as I did.

God, I didn't know what to, what to say, how to get him back, how to confront him. I thought I was going to be sick, possibly have a heart attack, or see my complete body go into shock and grow ice cold. But Jacob looked completely serene. He wasn't moving an inch. His face must have looked the opposite of mine: it was smooth, calm, composed. The skin of his nose was no longer wrinkled in a frown. His eyebrows weren't furrowed, and his eyes looked big and innocent again. His mouth stayed close but his lips weren't tight and pale, they were relaxed and full again. He looked almost tranquil with beatitude. He really did look sort of beautiful. So peaceful.

I looked away as I heard someone yell: 'I knew it!'