Jayla picked up a dumbbell weight in each hand, and began curling them, counting reps as she went.
She had been in the weight room for almost 2 hours today, but nothing she did seemed to relieve the hole in her stomach and the pain in her heart.
Her arms were burning but she didn't care.
"25...35…"
"Slow down." Her ghost, Orrin, told her. "You won't finish the set at this rate."
Jayla went to 50, dropped the weights and glared. "I'll finish and then some." She said determinedly.
Orrin was starting to wonder why he bothered talking to his guardian at all recently. At least she was out of bed. She was eating better, and drinking less often (for her). However the thing that helped her depressive episodes the most was pushing her body and light to the absolute limits, but even that wasn't improving was her bitter attitude.
She lay on her back and started benching.
"20...40…"
At 80, she cried out in pain, rolled off the edge of the bench and curled in a fetal position on her side.
"Are you okay?" Orrin asked.
Pain radiated from Jayla's shoulder blade, up her arm.
"You just tore a muscle. I told you to slow down." Orrin chided.
His shell opened into a blue sphere of light as he started to heal her.
"There. Now take it easy-"
Jayla flipped her sweaty blue hair out of her eyes, shifted her position and began doing push ups as fast and furiously as she could.
Orrin sighed. Nothing he could say or do would help her once she got like this.
The door to the gym opened.
Jayla pumped harder.
"Titan."
It was Commander Zavala.
Jayla barely looked at him and continued her set.
"Rin, i don't mean to sound insensitive. But is it safe to assume that you haven't given any more thought to a replacement for your lost fireteam member?"
"You'd...be correct." Jayla gasped as she finished and stood up.
"I understand." Zavala answered. "However, it's been several weeks, and i can't sanction team ops without you having a full fireteam. You can't stay in here and fight in the Crucible forever. If you truly believe you need more time, i can find a reassignment for Vol-"
"NO." Jayla cut him off. "Darren's all i have left."
"Then i trust you'll make a choice." Zavala answered.
It took everything in Jayla not to glare at him, out of habit.
"No one here is a suitable replacement for Reno-13." She said bitterly.
"I see." Zavala said after a moment. "Unfortunately, we're all you have."
Fury boiled in Jayla's chest. "Yes. Sir." She said thru clenched teeth.
As he left, she kicked the weight rack and broke two toes.
Orrin promptly healed them. "There...good as new, tho i can't say the same for the rack."
Jayla rolled her eyes but they filled with tears mid-roll. "Orrin...i...I'm sorry i've been such a bitch to you, for no reason… I just… i just hurt. And feelings aren't really-"
"I know." Orrin cut her off. "And I understand. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't always make you easy to deal with, but I understand."
His blinking blue eye looked into her tear-filled ones. "Nothing i say or do will help you feel better. It's just the way it is right now. In a way, you'll always hurt. You'll always miss him. But you'll learn to live on...someday. In the meantime...do whatever you need to do, because i'll be here with you, no matter what."
Jayla started crying even harder and sat down hard on the bench, her face in her hands.
"I don't deserve you." She sobbed.
"Don't say things like that." Orrin floated down to her knee. "You are my purpose. Without you, i wouldn't have a reason for being. That in itself makes you deserving."
Jayla sighed shakily and held out her hand. Orrin rested in her palm, and she brought him close to her cheek and rested her flushed, sweaty face against his shell.
"I'll always be here with you." He said reassuringly.
Jayla smiled a bit thru her tears. "Because you want to, or because you have to?"
Orrin cuddled closer in her hand. "Both."