After All

Sean/Holden

oOo

Love doesn't exist unless you acknowledge it in front of other people.

Sean had been grateful that his shades were covering his eyes that day, otherwise the shock and pain would have been clearly visible and, true to his nature, he didn't like being so vulnerable. Ever. But that Mexican florist had struck home whether he realized it or not and had layed down the foundation for a chain of events Sean still had trouble wrapping his head around. Holden would have laughed at him.

Not just for balking at the very mention of love - for selfishly, and immediately, thinking it meant just himself. It didn't, he knew that now. But back then, before he came slamming out of the closet, he could only ever think of himself. It amazed him Holden even stuck around for as long as he did. Sean was such a self-righteous, stuck-up bastard. So worried about his public image and pleasing the media, what had Holden seen in him anyway? He didn't blame him for dumping his sorry ass and walking away.

When it happened, when Holden had walked away, Sean had been so angry. Not at himself, but at Holden. He blamed him for 'making' him gay. For making him hide. He blamed Holden because he didn't want to admit to himself that his entire life had been a lie. He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that when he was teenager and jacked off to images of Demi Moore and Brooke Shields, they hadn't really morphed into bigger, brawnier pictures of Scott Baio, Rob Lowe and John Stamos and forced him to come so hard he saw stars. That was just his imagination.

He didn't want to admit that after Holden, even trying to think of a woman in a sexual manner had his stomach turning and him walking as fast as he could without hurting her feelings in the opposite direction.

And, Christ, his neighbor...It was such a relief after his live announcement that she finally closed her legs and her offers for a 'swim'. Probably about the only good thing that came from it, he thought.

His career was more than likely shot to hell and the public was going to burn him alive. He was stripped bare for everyone to see for the first time in his life, and for what? Because he was so goddamn pathetic and desperate to have Holden again that he was giving up. He was giving up. Sean had already forced himself to realize that Holden had left, and, knowing him, he wouldn't come back.

That's just how the man was. He didn't stick around if he wasn't needed or wanted. He had stretched himself thin for Sean and had gotten hardly anything in return, so, no, he wasn't coming back. Sean could understand that. He didn't want to, but he could.

So he was shocked and painfully hopeful when he opened his eyes from a drunken stupor four months after Holden had turned his back on him to see dancing blue eyes and a familiar warm smile curling inviting lips standing above him.

And there were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted Holden to know, but all he could say was, "You saw," with that familiar tone of shame and embarrassment soaking each word. But not for the reasons it had always been. This time - this time it was because he didn't know how Holden would take it. Didn't, for once, know how he would react.

But then he could feel Holden's hand in his hair and his voice was so warm when he answered that Sean could only stare at him. He covered Holden's hand with his own and pulled it around so he could press his lips to his palm and murmured, "I'm sorry. For everything." He stood, swayed a little, and wrapped his arms around Holden's leaner form and crushed their mouths together.

To be honest, neither of them were good with words. Especially Sean. Holden was only good with speaking in front of a room full of people and selling ideas and products to business corporate officials. Where Sean was closed off and tight lipped about feelings, Holden was a fumbling blind man that at least tried. They were so alike and so opposite at the same time that it blew Sean's mind. But he knew with every fiber of his being that he needed Holden. Needed him more than he'd ever admit and more than Holden would ever believe.

Sean was good at expressing through action though, and he fell back on it with an overwhelming sense of relief. Despite being drunk, he pulled Holden after him to his - their room without much stumbling and pressed him down into the bed, pulling off his clothes and shedding his own and kissing him with a feverish intensity that seemed to infect Holden, too. They were rolling and tangling and gasping and stealing each others breath. Every touch was fire and every move sent a shock throughout his system.

God, he had been craving this for so long.

He nearly whimpered when he finally pushed inside Holden, swallowing the man's pained grunt in a hungry kiss and lifting his legs by the backs of his knees to wrap around him. He started to move in and out, shivering in excitement at the erotic noises that fell from Holden's lips when he pulled back for air, the way he threw his head back into the pillow and gripped Sean's biceps so tight, his quick pants, his liquid groans.

Sean moaned and ground his hips deeper as Holden pushed back, meeting him halfway with each thrust. He felt him grab the back of his head and eagerly moved to cover his mouth again, breathing his air greedily and sucking wetly on his wicked tongue.

"S-Sean...fuck, Sean!"

Sean bucked forward, curling his toes into the sheets and pushing harder. His head felt like it was about to explode, every nerve-ending ablaze with an agonizing kind of pleasure. He was so close it hurt, aching and throbbing and making him arch his back over Holden to drive in again and again with pleads and animalistic groans bubbling from deep inside his chest. Everything was so captivating and hypnotic in the movements, and Holden's eyes were open and blazing bright blue in the dark of the bedroom, commanding and mesmerizing. Harder...deeper...faster...so close...not yet...don't stop...faster...chase it...faster...harder...

The world turned upside down, consumed him and tore a yell from his throat. Holden convulsed, clamping around him and matching his desperate cry with one of his own. He tried to keep himself upright, tried to make sense of the things around him, but his starved lungs struggled for air and everything went black.

oOo

Hours later, Sean woke up draped over Holden with his softened dick still inside him. He shivered and tried not to make a pained noise when he pulled out. Holden hissed and opened his eyes.

Sean blinked and smiled sheepishly, moving to lay next to him. "Holden, I -"

To his surprise, Holden covered his mouth with his hand and chuckled. "It's alright. You don't have to say anything right now." Sean relaxed and smiled against his hand. "Save it for later when I'm not half asleep."

Sean tilted his head into his hand, nuzzling his nose against the inside of Holden's wrist. "I'm going to make it up to you. I swear."

"I know."

He leaned over for a chaste kiss, felt drugged when Holden moved his lips with him, and deepened it. This time, he let Holden take over and it was slow and gentle and promises were pulled from his lips like prayers and he couldn't understand why he ever gave this up in the first place. Too soon he was gasping and writhing under Holden. He was pushed too easily over the edge into his second climax. But Holden didn't stop, kept moving, and Sean knew they wouldn't be leaving the bedroom at all that day.

And he was perfectly fine with that.

A/N: ...I don't even know :l watched the movie, was disappointed at the lack of Sean/Holden, and threw this together.