This fic was written for the birthday of an amazing woman, the one and only akai-echo whose very special day is today :)

You know her as a great video artist, giffer, images maker. She is the one who makes the great banners for so many writers - and always think they are not good enough.

She's the one who created the loveinpanem theme, and yes, she doesn't think it's good enough …

But we know the contrary, right? We all know she's kind, and giving, brilliant and sweet ?

so Hapy Birthday, my dear dear friend !

(My deepets thanks to loving-mellark for the awesome banner and to xerxia31 and dandelion-sunset for the gigantic task that was betaing this story :) )

Reviews, comments and feedback are more than welcomed !

It had taken time to get used to it. The colors, so pure everywhere. White, the snow all around. Blue, the sky high above. Green, the pine trees everywhere, clad under a cloak of flakes.

Winter. When temperatures reached minus 30 celsius - because apparently the entire world didn't use Fahrenheit or feet - and the cold welcomed her in its chilly embrace.

Katniss had loved it there. Loved the way people respected nature and its rhythm, how in sync they were with the seasons. Loved how breathing here had felt better, healthier, purer. Lighter. Even when the night could last for twenty hours a day.

"You okay, ulkomainen?" he had asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She could see the white plane waiting for her, the plane that would take her back to her country, to her town, to her life. WIthout him. But they had reached an agreement a few nights ago.

"I will be," she'd answered, relishing in the warmth of his hand near her face, for the last time. "I have to go…."

"You want me to come into the airport?" he had asked, hopeful.

She had wanted nothing more than to indulge him and herself, to feel him next to her for a few more minutes, seconds, but she had known better.

She had shaken her head no.

"In another life, maybe we could have been something… but in this one…. " she had whispered to the wind.

"In any life I would want to be with you…."

She had felt the tears coming up, had fought so hard not to let them fall then and there as she walked away from him. Because she couldn't let him see them, she couldn't allow herself to cry - she had promised herself she wouldn't cry over men anymore. And yet.

She had been about to walk into the small airport, but the urge had been too strong, too hard - she had turned and let her luggage fall to the ground, running to him, taking his face in her hands, letting her lips meet his for the last time - the last time. Because they had both known they wouldn't meet again. Not in this lifetime.

His lips had felt like despair, salted like the tears she had in her eyes, and warm, so warm, a stark contrast to the icy air around them. Their tongues had danced for the last time, savouring each other desperately, committing the moment to memory.

She had reluctantly pulled away, gasping for air, knowing full well she was needed inside the airport.

They had said their goodbyes the night before, over and over again. With a last peck on his lips, she had turned away, heading into the airport, heading towards her life.

Away from there.

Away from him.

"Katniss?" Prim's voice tore her out of her reverie, bringing her back to their apartment in Panem, her mug of tea still steaming in her hand. "Where were you? You seemed so far away?"

"Oh…" Katniss couldn't say she had been thinking of him, again. It had been years now, three years to be exact, and true to their agreement, he hadn't tried to contact her. And she hadn't either. But the pain of missing him was still there, still as raw as the first day. "Thinking of that new project, you know? The park on Meadow Street?"

"You seemed so lost in your thoughts… You sure it's nothing more, like someone?"

"Prim… do I have to tell you again why I have no time for men? I have enough on my plate right now!"

"But you're only twenty-four…" Katniss saw her sister coming towards her, nestled as she was in the bow-window she liked so much. "You need to go out, have fun - you're almost a crazy cat lady!"

"I don't like cats…."

"Yes you do - you just have to admit it…."

"I hate cats, Prim, and you know it. Even your cat knows it."

"Anyways, you need to get out, and have fun!"

"I do go out, I was with Madge and Delly on Friday," Katniss said, sipping on her tea. Still too hot, she did prefer it lukewarm.

"Yeah, and you were back home by nine, Katniss." Prim sighed, shaking her head. "Well, let me put it frankly, then. When was the last time you had sex?"

Katniss choked on her breath - the surprise of the question making her forget how to breathe.

"WHAT? Prim!"

"Come on, Katniss, I'm twenty, I have a boyfriend! You don't remember giving me the birds and bees talk like five years ago? I have a perfectly satisfying sex life - while yours can't even be called a dry spell. It's nonexistent. I'm not even sure if you ever had sex!"

"Primrose!" Katniss was shocked beyond words. By unspoken agreement, she never talked about her sister's sex life - it would mean she acknowledged Prim was growing up, and not the little girl she once was, a decade or more ago. "I do have a sex life, I'm just not shoving it in everybody's face." And she did. She used to have a sex life, in another country, something other than meaningless one night stands when her sister wasn't home.

"Oh, yeah, and with whom? Your dildo?"

"Prim, that's enough! Don't you have things to do instead of coming at me?" Katniss could feel the familiar scowl spreading across her face, masking the memories of a time past, a part of her life now closed.

"I'm sorry, Kat, it's just... you're young and beautiful, you're smart and funny - you should be with someone… I'm worried you'll end up alone…" Prim said, as she laid her hand on Katniss's arm. "The one you're waiting must be very special."

Without another word, Prim left the room, leaving Katniss face to face with the windows, and her memories.

"Katniss, this is Haymitch... he's - how do you call this… Architect? For the parks department of the town. He's the one who designs them and works with the gardners and everything." Jukka had brought Katniss through every department of the company she was going to intern for, from accounting to sales, from the gardeners who were taking care of the sprouts in the large greenhouses to the garden architects where she was now in.

"You'll work with him, and maybe bring some new ideas in! We are sure we all can learn from one another. We will have your computer tomorrow - of course IT didn't think you'd be here on the day you start, but well, it happens all the bloody time!" Jukka had added, before turning to the old man.

"Haymitch, will you explain what you do here?"

Katniss had heard Haymitch's sigh from her place near the door, as the man was bent over his desk, a catalogue opened in front of him.

"Come in, Sweetheart. Let's start this show."

"You're American?"

"Canadian, but not far off, right? Still not from here."

"Oh, but… "

"What am I doing here?" he asked, turning to face her, a clear smirk etched on his face. "Met a girl, followed her. Ended up in here. That's the story. What about you? What made you come to this end of the world?"

"I needed a training period abroad."

"That you could have done in Canada. Why Finland?"

"Because it has trees."

"Well, newsflash, Sweetheart. There are trees in Canada too. Too bad you had to travel so many kilometers to find that out." Katniss could feel Haymitch's eyes on her, taking her all in, from her eyes heavy with jetlag to her layers of clothes - she had somehow forgotten the cold would stay outside the buildings.

"Whatever you're running from is not my business. This," he showed her some blueprints and catalogues, "will be ours for the next few months. So let's get to business."

And into business they had dug. Working with Haymitch had been fascinating. Under his grumpy appearance, he had a sharp mind and an intelligence for creating parks and greenhouses she had never seen before.

The days had passed swiftly, until Friday evening's happy hour at the pub, where she had been dragged by coworkers. Truth was, it was the only place in the whole town where you could go out after 9 pm.

Well, except for the five star resort hotel on the hill.

That's where she had met him. In the tiny, crowded pub, on a Friday evening.

He was blond, of course, and had blue eyes, like so many other men and women there, but there was a quality to his, a color that she wasn't sure she could name. Sapphire? Baby blue? Cyan?

Brilliant. Sparkling. Warm.

"I'm Peeta," he had said, holding out his hand for him, speaking in perfect English like everybody else there. "And you're the ulkomainen."His voice was soft and calm, assured.

"How do you know that ?" Katniss had asked, stunned.

"It's a small town, and I'm pretty sure I know everyone here. I would have noticed you if you lived here."

And there it was. The usual pick-up line. She had been disappointed at the thought that this man was like all the others. He wanted nothing more than to get into her pants, have the trophy of the foreigner to brag about to his friends later.

"Oh. So that's your pickup line? You guys are so predictable." To his credit, he didn't seem to understand what she was talking about.

"Mitä?" he was surprised by her words, she could tell.

"I'm not going to sleep with you, okay?" She had wanted to be sure he completely understood her.

"Oh! Oooh! No it wasn't- what did you say? Picking line? I'm just the baker here. I know everybody. And you've never come into my bakery, I think. It wasn't to sleep with you!"

He had been a bit red by then, the flush on his cheeks having nothing to do with the drink in his hand - sparkling water it seemed, based on the designated driver wristband he was wearing.

"I mean, luoja, no, it's not- I should shut up." He had looked away then, running his hand through his hair, apparently looking for any kind of escape.

There had been something, something Katniss couldn't name that made her want him to stay a little bit longer. Maybe the fact that he hadn't been hitting on her, at last, or maybe his shyness, or just the way he prevented other men from coming near her by simply being there. "For a baker, you're here late… Don't you have to wake up like super early?"

He had smiled, and Katniss could have sworn the world around her skipped a beat. The music, the sounds of the bar, glasses clinking, and conversations all around her stopped for a split second.

Peeta had leaned forward, as if to whisper in her ear. "I'll let you in on a secret, if you promise not to tell…." he had said, waiting for Katniss to agree or not.

She had nodded, curious to know what this secret was.

"I'm the one who makes the schedule. So I might have taken the afternoon shift tomorrow, to enjoy my brother's birthday…"

She hadn't been able to help the smile that came to her lips. "That's very clever, actually. But why aren't you with your brother?"

Peeta had looked over his shoulder, scanning the crowd around them. Katniss had known when he found what he was looking for, as he had pointed to a group in the back of the pub, gathered around a large table. Women on the men's laps, bottles of alcohol displayed everywhere on the small table. Clearly, the group was enjoying the evening.

"Not really my scene. Mikka doesn't have to work tomorrow. I do. And I kind of prefer staying away from alcohol. It's a path I don't want to walk," Peeta had added, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"And you happened to come talk to me because I was alone?"

"No, I came for a refill and you were alone. I wanted to introduce myself and tell you I could try to bake you some American bread if you wanted?"

The people in that country had all been so kind to her, going to any extent to make her feel welcome, to make the distance bearable.

"Oh, wow. That's kind of you, but... well…" She hadn't really known how to tell him she had never bought actual bakery bread, had always gotten the ones on sale in the store, plastic wrapped and all. "I don't go to the bakery actually, I buy my bread in the supermarket."

"Oh - what? Like in K-Supermarket? But it's not real bread…. You have to come to the bakery, ulkomainen -"

"Katniss."

"What?" Peeta had seemed a bit lost, to Katniss's amusement. Her first name was rather uncommon, but there, in a foreign land it had sounded completely ... foreign.

"My first name. It's Katniss. Not Ulko-whatever."

"Ulkomainen. It means Foreigner."

"Oh." So that was who she was, a foreigner, in a strange land, for a period of time. Nothing more. No surprise there.

"But now you'll be Katniss," Peeta had said as he grabbed a napkin and a pen from the counter, talking quickly to the barman on the other side, before writing something. "Here," he had held out the napkin to Katniss. "If you want to come, that's the address of the leipomo - the bakery, ja?"

She had nodded, taking the napkin and looking at it. He had drawn a map, and left a number too, along with the address.

"Ask for me, and if I'm there I'll share a tea with you," he had said with a smile on his face, before he had been distracted by another blond man, talking quickly in Finnish.

Peeta had answered swiftly, and the other man had started to make his way to the exit.

"Well, my brother is going out, so it means I must too. You remember my name or you'll want me to write it?"

She had remembered. So much that even now it was as good as inked on her heart, in her blood and everywhere he had touched her - which had been pretty much everywhere.

Her tea had long gone cold, and she never had felt more alone in this too big apartment, in this too big city, where the woods were in parks, and the snow was dark from the dirt.

She shouldn't have thought about him. That page of her life was closed, over. They had both decided so, an eternity ago.

Or maybe it had just been three years.

It felt the same.

Life had continued. She had created parks, big and small, exotic and modern. She had found a relief in her work, with the long hours, the proximity of the plants, her necessary walks outside to check on the trees or the flowers.

Until the new contract had come in. She had had to go to Canada for a few months, to develop the whole greenery of a new theme park, in the center of the Quebec province. She had been the one who had volunteered to go, needing the fresh air, the scenery she had known the country could offer her. Needing to get away from her life, from her solitude, from herself.

Maybe there she could have started over. Made friends, find someone to share her life with.

She had left on a Saturday, in a big blue plane, heading straight to Montreal. She had had the whole weekend to discover the city before turning in on the Monday, to meet with the people she had worked with by mail and telephone on the project.

She had loved Canada at the first sight.

It had been fresh, and quiet, peaceful and green, so green.

She had walked, a lot. In parks, along the Saint-Laurent river, on trails rendered beautiful by the colors of the leaves - a panel of reds, yellows, and oranges of all shades combining together to create the most delicate palette, shivering in the autumn wind.

She had talked to her sister a lot. She had even set up a Facebook account to keep track of her friends' lives while was away.

She had pretended not to notice they hadn't seemed to miss her that much.

She had met new people too. Had taken walks and a bit more with one of the park rangers, one that had been tall and as dark-haired as she was, so much he could have passed for her brother.

They had spent a lot of time together. Nights, too.

Until she hadn't been able to stand having his hands on her, trying to make her feel something. It just hadn't been right.

So she had let him go, had taken more walks along the Saint-Laurent, watched the leaves fall on the grass. Then the snow had started falling lazily, one flake after another.

She had stayed in a bit more then, spending her time talking with Prim or working, as the snow kept falling, and the cold created candy canes of ice falling from the roofs of the houses.

Until one day a coworker had mentioned a spa they could go to, as the company had vouchers to use.

Katniss had agreed to come and spend time with them, trying to forget her loneliness.

Trying to forget the emptiness of her heart.

So they had gone, the band of girls cheering on Katniss, joking with her about the one-piece swimsuit they had been sure wouldn't get her a man, offering to share their own bikinis, which Katniss had declined.

They had spent time in the pool, enjoying themselves in the slides and whirlpools, swimming in the outside pools in the hopes of seeing the Northern lights, but it had been too soon, much too soon.

Until Valerie had suggested the sauna.

And the girls had all agreed to go.

Even Katniss, reluctantly.

She had kept her swimsuit on, unlike in Finland, and had welcomed the familiar dry heat on her skin, shivering from memories of another time, another place.

Another sauna.

With him.

It hadn't been the first time, far from it, that she had come to his place. It had even seemed like his neighbours knew which spote she favored in the parking lot, leaving it empty for her every time she came.

It hadn't been the first night she spent there. Hell, he had even bought her a toothbrush that stood proudly in his bathroom, next to his.

She had known the arrangement wouldn't last forever. She only had two more months before leaving for the U.S. again, two more months where she could enjoy being with him.

Peeta. He had become such a big part of her life in such a short time. He was as kind as he had seemed that first night in the bar, and had made it his mission in life to make her eat real bread, not that fake stuff she used to find in the supermarket.

And after having tasted a few of his recipes, she had been pretty sold on never eating anything else.

She had discovered that he actually owned the bakery, had taken over when his father had retired. That he was funny, liked walking in the woods, had played hockey for his university until his knee gave out. That he kissed her like she was a spring of water he needed after walking through the desert. And that he had a way of worshipping her body like no one else she had ever known.

That day, though, they had been leaving his place for a long weekend at his uncle's cabin, on the edge of a lake - he had decided to make her live the real Finnish experience of jumping into the icy cold water after the sauna.

She had decided to completely avoid it. She wasn't that crazy - or that ready. Visions of jumping into the hole never to reappear had plagued her mind. It had never been on her bucket list to die under thick ice in a foreign country, thank you very much.

Her thoughts, instead, had been on much more entertaining activities they could do in the sauna.

A sauna that wasn't shared with anyone else.

A sauna where they could be all alone.

All alone.

Katniss had shivered at the thought, not because of the cold outside - strangely she had gotten used to it - but because of the anticipation.

She had almost jumped out of her skin when she felt his hand on her thigh, caressing her through the rough denim of her jeans, a promise of pleasures to come, all the while he had kept his eyes on the road.

Because there, you had to be careful about elk and reindeer crossing the roads.

But she had felt his warmth, burning her skin with promises of much more.

The cabin had been everything she could have dreamt of. Everything.

It had been situated at the end of a road lost in a forest of pine, surrounded by the immaculate snow shining under the stars of the early and long night.

She had seen a deck leading to the ice-covered lake, on which Peeta said his uncle would anchor his boat in the summer time. A perfect place to go fishing, he had added. Even in winter - through the same hole she was supposed to jump into.

As soon as Katniss had exited the car, she had started shivering as a swirl of snow hit her in the face, immediately followed by the warmth of Peeta's arm around her shoulder. He had tucked her into his side, leaving a kiss on her hair like he usually did when she was next to him, moving her towards the wooden door.

The inside of the cabin had been bathed in a cool warmth too, thanks to Peeta's uncle's neighbor. The view from the large windows had been of the infinite white of the lake, shining under the moon.

"Breathtaking," she had heard herself whisper, as she took in the reflection of millions of stars on each flake of snow, an infinite carpet of glitter.

"Ja," he had answered. But when she had turned her head to look at him, she had seen that he was not looking at the view, but at her, with eyes that sparkled more than the stars above them.

"Peeta…" They had already had that talk, the one about no strings attached, the one about being just friends with benefits. But when he had looked at her that way… she had wondered what was beneath.

She hadn't had time to think more, his lips meeting hers as if she was his last breath of air, as if he needed her to survive, needed to breathe in her mouth, feed on her sighs and moans, become alive with her touch. They had kissed and kissed until their clothes were gone, until their bodies had screamed for the relief they granted only to each other.

They had parted only long enough to eat, naked on the carpet in front of the windows. Watching the white snowflakes dance quietly, without making a single noise. Falling shyly on the ground, matching the movement of the flames in the hearth, red and orange, so fierce, cracking.

Peeta had finally dragged her inside the built-in sauna, which had warmed up during their activities in the living room. They had walked in still completely naked, as it was the habit there. It had taken Katniss quite a while to be able to adapt to that, her first trip to the nearby spa had been nothing less than memorable. For the first hour of that trip - an excursion with workmates and friends - they had all worn suits while having fun on the slides and in the exterior pools, waiting to see the Northern Lights. Peeta had been there too - he was friends with half the company she was working for and she had passed the time ogling Peeta's body in his tight trunks. It had been very good.

When she had entered the sauna with the women though, that had been another thing altogether. That was when Katniss realized that she was expected to take her swimsuit off before entering the large room full of completely naked women. Katniss had spent a solid five minutes trying to hide the parts of her body nobody was looking at anyway, until she finally started to relax and enjoy the experience. When she noticed that, despite her embarrassment, nobody gave a damn about her being completely bare. It was the habit there, to fully enjoy the experience. . Until it was time for them to take that icy-cold shower and go back into the pool.

And repeat the treatment.

But then the women had dragged her into "Sauna World".

She had taken off her swimsuit again, before entering the even larger room.

Only to realize that "Sauna World" was a mixed sauna.

Mixed as in men and women together.

Naked.

And Peeta had been there too.

Naked.

Sure he had, by then, already seen her with no clothes on. But he had stood opposite her, his eyes a shade darker, a sure sign of his desire for her, and it suddenly became easier for her to be naked in front of the rest of the room.

Because the rest of the people there hadn't given a fuck about her body.

But he had. And even while she spoke with Irma or Susana, even then she had felt his eyes on her - tracing the lines of her breasts where he liked to take his time worshipping each of her nipples, following the curves of her hips where he had spent hours murmuring words she han't dared try to understand, memorizing the movements of her arm to put it on paper later. It had been hot as hell - and not because of the temperature in the room.

Just because of how he had looked at her.

And he'd had the same look in his uncle's sauna, in the little cabin lost in the snowy woods.

His eyes had been filled with desire, a shade darker than their usual color, his cheeks covered in a lovely blush because of the heat of the sauna, and his tongue so pink, had darted tantalizingly to moisten his lips.

Katniss hadn't hesitated. With a practiced ease, she had joined him on the bench, settling on his lap, her hands going to his hair, playing with the strands as her mouth found his and they had begun their dance.

They had danced with their tongues, each one of them giving in and chasing.

They had danced with their hands, caressing and fondling, as skin met skin, warmth met sweat.

They had danced with their bodies, grinding at first until the desire was too much to not give in to, until they couldn't stand to be apart, and finally they had joined together.

The fire in the sauna hearth had been nothing compared to the one that filled their veins, as rivulets of sweat mingled together, as hands wandered and grasped, as voices moaned and whimpered, until they found their completion, lost in the other, lost in one another.

Later, when they had regained a semblance of breathing, Peeta had carried Katniss effortlessly until they reached the door of the sauna, and then had let her shimmy down his chest to stand at the exit of the wooden room.

But instead of heading for the shower, he had grabbed her hand gently, leading her to the back door, the that lead outside.

"Peeta, no, I'm not jumping in the lake!" she had protested.

He'd laughed before kissing her forehead.

"No lake, I promise, Ulkomainen."

He had lead her outside, into the quiet cold of the night, where the snowflakes were still falling, and stopped before the cover of snow just outside.

"If you don't want to jump, you'll have to roll…"

He had shown her, lying on the cold snow, urging her to come near him. "Come quickly, or you'll catch a cold."

She had contemplated refusing until she realized she was already kneeling, feeling the cold against her body - but it was nothing like she had been expecting. The warmth of the sauna subsided on her skin, making a barrier to the cold - for only a short amount of time, she had been sure. She had leaned onto the snow, crawling to Peeta, to his warmth, and he had welcomed her, holding his arm out for her to nestle in, as she got closer and closer to him, the cold of the snow not bothering her.

They had ended up pressed so close together that there wasn't even enough space for a snowflake to fall between them. So close, their breaths had mingled together to form a single cloud, so close in the snow she hadn't been sure where she ended and where he began.

He had answered her quickly, turning his head slightly, his lips grazing hers, sweetly, taking time to caress hers, as if they had all the time in the world. And in that bubble of snow and ice, in the middle of a forest of pines, somewhere out of this world, it had seemed as if time was meaningless, endless .

They had lingered for as long as they could bear the cold on their skins, until they'd had to run into the warmth of the cabin.

They had spent that weekend away from the world, never taking their phones out of their bags, never taking clothes out of their bags, satiating their hungers or just enjoying the beautiful scenery.

The sauna had never felt the same without him.

She had smiled and laughed, had drunk cosmos with her co-workers, had tried to enjoy herself.

But something had been amiss.

Time had passed, snow fell on the ground, piling up higher and higher in the streets. And still, the pines had stood still, green as ever, green as the ones on the other side of the Atlantic.

Katniss had known she needed to move on. To forget about him, to let him be just a memory, a sweet tender memory she should have been able to think about without her heart breaking, each and every single time.

So she had set a deadline for herself. By June 30th, she would stop lingering in the past and start something new. She would indulge in the spring once more, to tell him goodbye. She had told him so many tales of spring in Central Park, with the cherry trees blooming, their petals leaving a trail of white in the wind.

The first step had been coming back home. To her sister, her life, her family. Going out, sharing her experiences in Canada with her friends, taking her time rediscovering her city.

Spring came again. A promise, and memories.

She had always loved the cherry blossoms. Each spring since she was a kid, she would look at them blooming, until the flowers would cave to the will of the wind, letting the petals go in an short rain of pinks and whites.

She could remember describing them to Peeta, as they were lying together in the secret of his bed, under the protection of his quilt, in the comfort of his arms. How she had described childhood memories of her grandmother baking the cherry tart she had loved so much as a kid. How he had laughed when he told her he would bake one for her... before stopping, both of them knowing she'd be long gone by the time the cherries were ready.

Even looking at the cherry trees hurt her now. But it had to stop. She had to be stronger.

She had to move forward with her life, not wallow in the past.

Ten times, one hundred times, she could have taken a plane that would have led her to the other side of her life.

Ten times, one hundred times, she had stopped herself, telling herself she shouldn't go. That he would probably have gone on with his own life, creating the family he so wanted.

Ten times, maybe one thousand times, her head had reasoned within her heart, repeated a mantra over and over again of all the reasons they couldn't be together, not in this life.

She walked the familiar path of the park, settling on her favorite bench where she had sat ten times, a hundred times, and let the petals wash away her tears - for the last time she had decided.

She listened to the quiet burbling of the small stream just behind her, letting the music of the water soothe her aching soul, her aching heart. She refused to open her eyes, knowing the sky would only bring back the memories of his eyes. She was here to heal, not to crave.

Once, ten times, maybe a hundred times, she took a deep breath, her eyes closed, letting the sound of the water, the feel of the wind, the smell of the flowers bathe her soul.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, light and sweet.

"You were right, Ulkomainen. The park is beautiful in the spring."