I would like to dedicate this oneshot to my grandmother, who passed away recently. She was a respected and prolific writer in my home country and considered an expert on local literature. She was the one who inspired me to write. I thus find it fitting that this was written at her funeral.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji.
Ciel hated churches.
For him, they signified the happy, carefree life that he had turned his back on. They signified what he could have had, had he not sold his soul to a demon. Redemption, peace, love, joy. These were things he could never have. Ever since that fateful day, he had considered his soul damned for eternity, and thus had no need for any saving from the Church.
Churches were for beginnings, for salvation, for hope, and for joy.
Ever since the day his parents had died, he had not stepped foot in one, with the exception of Madam Red's funeral.
Churches were also for endings, for pain, for betrayal, and for agony.
And once again, here he was, to bid goodbye to the one person he should have never seen leave.
The Church was bare and solemn, filled with the sobs and weepings of the numerous friends and family members that had turned up to mourn the departure of such a bright, shining girl. Deep, solemn notes floated into the air as the statues of the saints looked down on the sweet, silent little girl at the altar. White and pink roses adorned the aisles of the Church, their sweet fragrance just barely masking the stench of sorrow and loss.
Black heels clopped down the aisle as the Queen's Watchdog, clad in black, walked down to meet his bride. Curious eyes followed him, wondering both at the presence and the actions of the Watchdog at his fiancee's funeral.
Ciel scoffed. If Lizzie were alive, she would have scorned at it all and covered the entire Church with pink bows and adorable bears. If Lizzie were alive, the Church would be ringing not with the sobs of her mourners, but with the sound of her bell-like laughter.
If Lizzie were alive, she would be the one walking down this aisle to meet Ciel, and not the other way around.
Upon reaching the cold unmoving casket, the aristocrat of evil sighed as he silently put a hand on Edward's shoulder, who was sobbing on his knees in front of it. Edward lifted his head, meeting his deep blue with his own puffy red and green ones. Nodding silently, Edward stood up, putting a hand on Ciel's shoulder in silent understanding. Although he had once disproved of Ciel, he had seen just how much of his heart and soul Ciel had put into his attempts to save Lizzie. He had seen just how much Lizzie meant to Ciel.
He had seen the outpouring of love and agony, and could practically taste the grief in the younger boy's screams and tears when they had found her cold, lifeless body.
In short, Edward had come to respect his cousin, and would have even accepted him as his little sister's groom. Alas, that day was never to come. With one last forlorn look at the casket, he made his way to the pew, allowing Ciel his time to mourn.
With Edward gone, Ciel sat down on the edge of her casket, gazing upon the lifeless figure of the one girl he had ever cared for. She was clad in all white, just like a bride. Her blonde hair had been set in her signature curled pigtails, the gold framing her lovely face like a halo. Her face was peaceful, free from all the tragedy that had plagued her in her life. Ciel thought that she looked beautiful, but then again, he always thought she was.
He drew in a shaky breath as he gently ran a finger over the cold, pale cheek.
"Lizzie. I'm sorry. I failed to save you. I failed to protect you. I swore that I would protect you, no matter what, didn't I? I've failed you.I..I'm sorry" he whispered, voice cracking as he looked upon her still face, willing those eyelashes to flutter and reveal the green that he had always loved. "You were always smiling, Lizzie. Always. No matter how gloomy everything was, no matter how terrible I was to you, you were always there. Always smiling. Always trying to make me happy."
His throat suddenly felt constrained, as if being held hostage by Lizzie's delicate, lily white hand, which had taken his heart as well. For once in his life, he felt a tiny crack in his stone cold heart, spreading throughout the muscle as it shattered. A single, treacherous tear rolled down from eyes long dry.
"And I never gave you anything in return, did I, Lizzie? You probably thought that I hated you. But I didn't hate you, Lizzie, I never could. I would have given you the moon, had you asked for it. And yet all you ever wanted was one smile, one little smile, and I couldn't even give you that. What a sorry excuse for a fiance I was."
He caressed her face once more, savoring the feel of cold skin under his fingertips, committing her every feature to his memory.
"I never told you how beautiful you were, have I, Lizzie? How cruel of me. But you were beautiful, Lizzie, you always were. You just don't know how much you meant to me Lizzie. You..you were radiant. You didn't need anything from any of the stars, Lizzie, for you were always the brightest star that there was.
And I was always pushing you away, thinking that things would be better for you that way. I was trying to save your brilliance, but you broke your way into the darkness of my world nevertheless. I was damned, Lizzie, what is it that you saw in me? What kept you hoping?
And now here I am, saying your name and all the things you wished to hear, when you can hear me no longer. Lizzie, my Lizzie, I'm sorry."
The irony of the situation brought a sad smirk to his face. Lizzie's dream, and her whole existence, had revolved around her wish to be at the altar with Ciel. Now, here she was, having been granted her wish and a heart unable to beat. A treacherous tear threatening to slip down his cheek, Ciel leant forward and gently touched his lips to her cold, still ones. Their wedding kiss, their first and last kiss.
If this were a fairytale, and Lizzie the princess, long lashes would flutter as sleep-ridden eyes opened to meet the eyes of her lover. Alas, life was no fairytale, and Lizzie was no princess, not even having been granted enough of Ciel's love to call him her lover.
Pulling away reluctantly, gentle words slipped from lips so used to uttering words of pain and death.
"I love you. Sleep well, my queen."
Ciel walked out of the Church, leaving his heart, and whatever shreds of love that he may have had, behind. He walked out of the Church with a renewed renewed vigor in his eyes: a hatred, a fire whose flames had once been smothered and now burned brighter with a greater intensity.
For now the King played the game no longer for himself, but for his fallen Queen.
Looking up to the sky, he made a solemn vow, with his eyes dry and his voice steady with determination and hatred.
"I promise you, Lizzie, I will avenge you. I will spill drop by drop the blood of every man, woman, and child whose very existence has brought about your death and misery. I will find my family's murderers, no longer for me, but for you. To pay for the distress you had felt at the hands of the madness they had inflicted on me. I swear it, Lizzie. My one gift to you will be blood."
Beside him, the demon's mouth watered as he felt his prey's soul season itself with a torment he had not seen in centuries.
Meanwhile, inside the Church, Edward looked back into the casket to find something new: there, on the second finger of his little sister's left hand lay a bright sapphire ring. The Phantomhive ring.
"Till time shall cease:
Sleep that no pain shall wake;
Night that no morn shall break
Till joy shall overtake
Her perfect peace. "
-Dream Land by Rossetti
Thanks for reading! This is just a quick little "what if?" based on what's happening in the manga right now (Blue Cult Arc). I really really hope that Yana doesn't kill Lizzie off, though, because man I love that girl. I'll probably leave the fandom if she dies HAHA
This was written quick and unbeta'd, so if you have any comments or suggestions, they would be appreciated. :)
Favs and reviews make my day 3 I kind of want to write a story on how she could die and how they find her body (cause I'm clearly a masochist), so please do drop a review on whether or not you'd be interested in that. Thanks again!