Freeze My Love II: Fracture

by joudama

CCS and X. A seal that has been broken can never be fully repaired.

Freeze My Love II - Fracture

Omoide no tame ni - II

The sound of the clasp snapping on the luggage was a soft touch on the shoulder; a spike through the ear. Kaho's balled fists tightened, nails digging deeper into her palms before she abruptly relaxed, finding her poise before stepping forward with slumped shoulders.

"Eriol...please don't go. I don't see anything good coming of this if you go."

"This again, Kaho?"

His soft words, loud as thunder in the still and silent room, slapped at her, made her flinch for a moment before pressing on. "Eriol, this is a mistake."

Eriol turned to face her now, straightening. "Why? What do you see, Kaho?"

The older woman frowned, raising a hand and pressing it against the side of her face, straining slightly. "I don't know...I can't...I can't get a clear picture, and that's never happened before. It's all hazy...like I'm seeing it through a cloud. I just know it will be bad if you go."

"It'll be bad if I don't."

"It may be worse if you go."

Cold; she forgot sometimes how cold his eyes could be. There were times...there were times when he scared her. There were times when she looked at him and saw something far older than the boy in front of her; something older and crueler, hidden behind that face that seemed to have only two expressions, a smile and nothing at all. "Can you tell me that for certain, Kaho?"

"No," she said honestly. "It's going to be extremely bad no matter what. I can't see it enough to tell.

"It's like...I don't understand it," she said, abruptly switching what she was going to say, frowning. "Every time I start to see something, it clouds up, and I have this image...of a man standing in swirling sakura blossoms. But I can't see who he is...I almost think it's Touya."

She stopped suddenly, feeling herself paling and hating it. She didn't know why she was so upset; why this was scaring her so much; why she couldn't be rational. She was on uncertain ground; her emotions jumbled and slipping out of her control like ice melting into water in her hands. "I don't know if it is or not. I honestly can't tell. Eriol, it may not be him. Don't jump to conclusions, please."

Eriol raised an eyebrow, one corner of his lips twisting upwards into a tiny smile for the briefest of moments. "Conclusions, Kaho?"

She could feel the desperation in her, pleading with him with her eyes; knowing there would be no point in saying words.

Eriol's next words were calmly nonchalant in a way that made Kaho's spine freeze. "Do you think it's him?"

"I honestly don't know. I can never see his face, not clearly. Because of the cherry blossoms. And I think...I think who the man is changes every time I see it. When I think about what's happening, I see a man I think is Touya. When I think about you going, I see a man who might be Touya...or might be you. And sometimes, I see someone, and I don't know who he is. I think at first he's Touya, but ...but then I think he's not, and I just don't know who it is. And there's this feeling of change...this feeling of something larger than any of us that's trying to gather...trying to make a...I don't know, trying to do something, trying to...to...to make a split, to... I know it doesn't make sense. I know. I just know if you go, it'll create itself again, and...and it's bad. It's something that has to be, but...but let it chose someone else! Please!"

She grabbed his arm. "Please don't go, Eriol. Don't get involved in this. You can't. Let them deal with it. You don't need to go."

Eriol's eyes were cold and her hand dropped away from him. "Kaho. I am involved. I am Clow Read. I have to stop this. I have to try. I know what will happen if they keep going, and I have to stop it."

"You're not the only Clow Read!"

The boy's face fell suddenly. "No. No. He doesn't know, and I don't want him to. Ever.

"Kaho...if Fujitaka finds out the truth...everything Clow--and therefore everything he--it'll kill him. It'll just kill him."

The boy's shoulders slumped, and Kaho's eyes widened in surprise. "It's bad enough I have to know everything I...he...I...we... There's no reason for Fujitaka to..."

His words, which had begun to trail off, changed abruptly. "There's not much time, Kaho. Even from here, I can feel...there's just not much time left. It might be too late, but I have to try."

He could be so cold, and yet...and yet, there were times when she saw something else within Eriol; a kindness despite itself, struggling from its frozen chrysalis. And it was for that that she stayed; for that moment of struggling kindness.

-

At least...that is what she tells herself, when she thinks she has a choice.

-

Li opened his eyes slowly, agonizingly... then slammed them shut again, wishing he had not done something as stupid as opening them in the first place.

He hurt. Everything seemed to hurt. And he was exhausted--it felt as if he had not slept at all. He didn't know how he was going to open his eyes again, let alone actually get out of bed. His body felt as though it was going to shut back down into the dreamless sleep he had just awakened from.

For a moment, he considered it--considered letting himself fall back into that dreamless, timeless sleep--but if he did, Sakura would worry. Already, he knew, she was upset because of what had happened the night before; she would overreact and worry that a curse had gotten him if he said he was sick and wanted to sleep.

But he was so tired...

No. Better to get up. Get up, place the wards, make it through the day without letting Sakura know how bad off he felt. He had responsibilities other than those to himself.

And there was something else; some small, nagging thing in his mind that warned him that now a dreamless sleep would be bad; that longing to return to that dreamless, timeless state would perhaps damage something--perhaps himself--beyond all repair.

With a groan, he opened his eyes again, pain slamming back into him, behind his eyes; spiking in his head.

Ignore it. Get up.

He pushed his body up, ignoring how everything felt odd; disjointed. There was a heaviness in the air; something he could not understand, and it pushed at him, weighted him, dragged him back into the dreamless time.

A shower and food. Shower. Food. Had to move, had to...

His arms gave out and he collapsed again onto the bed. His eyes were shutting again, and he knew he couldn't keep them open, there was no way for him to--

fading

fading moon fading sakura fading guardian fadi--

"Li-kun? Are you getting up?"

His eyes flew open. Yukito. That was...

It seemed to fracture the cold around his head; slamming into the stillness overwhelming him and spiking into his mind--Yukito's voice from the night before, murmured moans and whispered whimpers, shattering the silence before he could process that that was what was happening.

"Li-kun...?"

He startled; rolled out of bed and hit the floor painfully. "I'm OK! Just...uh...tripped! I'll be down in a few minutes!"

Now he was awake. He still didn't want to be awake, but awake, his head feeling like it was being stabbed by red-hot knives and his vision blurry and thinking about...

"Breakfast is in five minutes, brat, and if you're late, no food!"

He bristled. "I'll be down by then!" he snapped at Touya.

"To-ya, be nice." Li heard Yukito say, his voice slightly disapproving.

"I did. I told him there was food. I could have not."

"To-yaaaa."

Their voices faded as they walked away. But in Li's head he could still hear them from last night, behind the waves of pain, the two things mingling in a way he suspected might not be healthy.

He was awake now. Head pounding; eyes not focusing; mind full of echoed moans. Breakfast could wait, sleep could wait, there were other urges that had to be answered to now.

And he wondered, not for the first time, as he imagined Yukito slipping to his knees in front of him, just what the hell he had been thinking to agree to move in to the Kinomoto house, and if he might be better off dealing with his family.

-

"Are you really leaving us here?" Spinel said, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Yes." Eriol said, voice conversational in a way that Spinel knew meant there was to be no discussion.

"Why?"

"Because you are needed here."

"Even though you are going to Japan. And with no warning, so it must be an emergency."

"I simply have business to take care of."

"...Business."

"You sound like you don't believe me."

"Because I don't. There's something you're not telling us."

"I wanna go to Japan!" Ruby Moon yelped suddenly, pouting. "Why can't we go?"

"Because I am ordering you to stay here." Eriol said calmly.

There was something about Eriol's voice, something that bothered Spinel. "What are you hiding, Eriol? What are you not telling us?"

"What I tell and what I don't are none of your concerns. Your concern is only to obey my orders." he said, voice surprisingly sharp, so sharp that Ruby Moon ceased pouting and stared, wide-eyed.

"Eriol...?"

"You will both stay here and keep an eye on Kaho. And you will make certain that she does not follow me to Japan."

Spinel startled at that. "What?"

"Kaho is not to come, either. What is happening does not concern any of you. It is my business, and all of you will do well to stay out of it this time."

"Master...if you are going into some kind of danger..." Spinel began.

"I assure you that there is no danger to me in this at all. And now this discussion is over. I will be leaving in the hour."

Eriol turned on his heel and left the room, and both his servants only stared, silent.

And afraid.

-

"You really could be nicer to him, you know." Yukito said softly, glancing at Touya as they walked down the stairs, wondering if Touya could hear his stomach growling.

"I could." Touya replied, smiling faintly.

"But you won't."

"You know me so well." Touya said, then stopped suddenly on the steps, grabbed Yukito's arm and pressed him against the wall, moving in for a quick, fiery kiss. Touya let Yukito go before he could move, but didn't step away, still cornering Yukito against the wall

"You OK? You seem a little...tired."

"I'm fine, To-ya." Yukito said, slightly breathless, eyes wide.

"You sure?" Touya said, narrowing his eyes and leaning in slightly, leaning over Yukito; blocking Yukito's view of everything that wasn't Touya.

"Yes. Fine," Yukito said softly, licking his lips, feeling his breath catching again in the face of Touya's intense stare and the closeness, fighting the urge that suddenly overwhelmed him to avert his eyes. He wasn't afraid of Touya; had never been intimidated by how much larger Touya was, but for some reason, now, this morning...Yukito held a shiver at bay; held down the sudden contradictory feelings of wanting to run and wanting to grab Touya and pull him close close closer; the contradiction of wanting to flee and to be caught. Something suddenly seemed intense; overwhelmingly intense, and he wanted to run from it and be enveloped by it--he suddenly felt so small and tiny, and Touya seemed so large...

"If something's not right, you're going to tell me, right?" Touya said, narrowing his eyes slightly, voice dropping.

Intense. So very intense. So... "I--of cou--I--" he began, words tripping half-formed out of his mouth, tangled in his breath. "Touya--?"

His stomach growled again and Touya snorted, stepping back and lightly chucking Yukito on the chin. "You and your bad gas mileage. Come on, let's get you fed."

Whatever had happened--whatever had suddenly raised itself to a fevered pitch--faded abruptly, like it had never been there, and Yukito wondered if he had just imagined it; still just thrown off by the nightmares from the night before.

Touya headed down the stairs, not looking back, and Yuki followed a step behind, still slightly breathless from both the kiss and that it had happened on the stairs, in a house full of people. Touya was always careful, so very careful. If the house was empty, things were fair game, but like this... "It's one thing for everyone to know, Yuki, Touya'd said once. It's another for them to know."

And Touya had suddenly been so intense. So--

Yukito stared at Touya's back, wondering what had happened, what was different. Something had changed; he wasn't sure what, but there was something he couldn't put his finger on; something frightening and yet exciting, some sudden spark of flame.

Yukito tried to push it out of his thoughts. It was his imagination. Nothing more. This was Touya. Touya was always intense, when he was serious. Yukito knew he was surely blowing things out of proportion, thrown off because he was hungry, with the kind of hunger he hadn't had in a long time; a feeling that he must eat and do so now. It was a gnawing emptiness inside of him, an empty black hole he kept at bay by force of will--he didn't want to worry Touya, and if he did as he wanted--ran to the kitchen and ate until the yawning emptiness was filled--then Touya would worry.

"Something's not right, you're going to tell me, right?" echoed in his mind.

Yes, of course. Of course he would tell Touya. If it was serious...if it was something he couldn't handle... But this was nothing, no need to worry Touya with it. Touya had given up so much for him, had lost something so much a part of him that it hurt him to talk about...Yuki could scarcely bother him with something so mild. He had no right to worry Touya, to make Touya carry a heavier burden than he did already.

So, no, this wasn't serious enough to tell Touya. It was nothing, that twinge of...of something. He was being paranoid. It was his imagination, and he would keep it to himself, quiet, because he wouldn't do anything more to Touya. He had no right, none.

His hand tightened on the railing as a flare of stomach pain ran through him. He allowed himself that moment, then stood up as straight as ever, no sign of the yawning emptiness inside him, sunny smile on his face.

No right.

None.

Smile firmly in place, Yukito walked into the kitchen.

None.

-

"Took you long enough, brat." Touya said, not even looking up from the table, not turning around to see who had come into the kitchen.

"Who asked you?" Li shot back, glaring at Touya's back.

"You know, we didn't have to let you stay here, freeloader."

"To-ya." Yukito said, voice disapproving. He looked up at Li from across the table, and smiled. "I, for one, and happy you're here.

"And if he's a freeloader, Touya, so am I." Yukito said, blinking.

"Nah," Touya said, pointing at Yuki with his chopsticks as he spoke. "You, I like." He gestured over his shoulder with them to where Li was now, over by the sink, never looking away from Yukito. "Him, I don't. That makes him a freeloader.

"And you touch my sister and I'll beat your face, brat," his voice changing drastically as he switched who his words were directed to.

"I have a name, you know." Li said, crossing his arms.

"This is me. This is me not caring."

"Touya." Yukito said, shooting Touya a look.

"What?"

Li stuck his tongue out at Touya's back, and then an odd thought struck him.

:How had he known that was me when I came down the stairs?

:Wait...stop being paranoid, Xiao Lang--only three other people were in the house, and he has decent ears. Probably knew my footsteps didn't sound like Fujitaka-sensei's or Sakura's. Yeah. :

So it made sense, really. But...something nagged at him, just a little. Something--

"To-yaaaa!" Yukito said suddenly, jolting Li.

"What?" Touya said again, his voice completely different this time, giving Yukito a smile that made Li want to smash Touya's face in just on principle.

Yukito glanced over at Touya, eyes barely visible through his bangs, a little half-smile on his face, and Li swallowed. Hard. That look...it was one he knew was very rarely seen by anyone...anyone but Touya. A strangely dark look, something that made Li's hands shake slightly. It was a look tinged somehow with a promise, with something barely held in check but hidden so carefully it only escaped in tiny glances like that when they thought no one was looking. Touya met the look equally and Li shifted uncomfortably in his chair, wishing he hadn't seen it, part of him boiling with rage that Touya had looked at Yukito like that and part of him jealous that Yukito had looked at Touya like that. It may have only been for a split second, but...

Li looked over and saw Touya glaring at him. Li startled and looked away hastily, dropping into a chair at the table and grabbing his chopsticks. He let out a mumbled "Thanks for the meal," and started shoving food into his mouth, face burning.

Yukito picked up his chopsticks again, quickly shoving food into his mouth. Li looked up and watched despite himself, oddly rapt, at just how much food and how quickly Yukito was eating. He had seen it before, and still. But really, he didn't remember Yukito eating quite that…

And unbidden, unwanted, Li's head was filled with memories of the soft sounds that he had overheard Yukito making the night before, low moans as Touya had…

Touya abruptly stood up, shocking Li, startling him, filling the boy with a moment of stunned, mind-numbing terror that Touya knew what he had just been thinking about. He could envision, all too easily, images of Kinomoto Touya smashing a fist into his face, and even though he knew fully well he could probably block a punch from Touya if he tried, Li knew well enough to know that there was a good chance that, even if he could block the first or second or third, one of them he would not.

And that one would probably be the one to break his nose.

But he worried for nothing, Touya headed to the stairs, yelling "Oooooi! Monster!" as he did so. "Are you eating or not?"

"Don't call me monster!" Sakura's voice snapped. She appeared a minute later, scowling at her brother. "Don't call me that anymore!"

"Hey, I call 'em like I see 'em."

"TOUYA! Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop embarrassing me!" she yelled.

"You're doing a fine job without my help, monster." he said, rolling his eyes.

"You...you...oohh!" Sakura spluttered, then stomped her foot. "I hate you!"

Touya blinked. "Aren't you too young to be PMSing?"

"TOUYAAA!" Sakura yelled again, turning red.

"I see everyone is doing well this morning," a tired-sounding voice let out. Li turned from the developing war to see Fujitaka standing in the doorway.

"Uhh...Dad?" Touya said slightly hesitantly. "Are you OK?"

"Yes. I'm fine," he said, smiling a worn smile. "I just...I didn't sleep well last night."

"Nngh." Touya said, frowning slightly.

Fujitaka smiled again. "I'm fine. I promise. I just didn't sleep well. It happens when you start to get old, son."

"...Nnnngh."

Fujitaka laughed. "Honestly, I'm perfectly fine. Breakfast will do me a world of good.

"And Sakura...weren't you and Li-kun supposed to have left for school by now?"

"Waaaaaaugh!" Sakura yelled, eyes flying open. "Syaoran, we should have left ten minutes ago!"

And with that, Sakura jumped out of her chair, grabbed Li by the arm, and hauled both of them out. "Gottagogonnabelateseeyoualaterbye!"

-

Once his sister had left, Touya turned his attention on his father. "Dad...are you OK? For real."

Fujitaka frowned for a moment, looking away, then looked back at his son. "Touya-kun...is everything all right? I mean...this is going to sound strange, but...did something happen last night?"

Touya frowned slightly, looking at his father. Fujitaka didn't look well--his face was a washed-out grey, pinched and drawn. "Everything's fine, Dad. You really look like you need more sleep, though. You OK?"

"Touya...I know that...I mean..."

"Dad. I promise. Other than the fact that that brat is here, everything is fine." Touya said, frowning again. He wasn't used to seeing is father stumbling for words, or looking so...so...old. For the first time, he could see the fine lines developing on his father's face; the flecks of grey hair. It was as if...as if he had seen them before, yes, but hadn't actually seen them.

For a moment, he could see his father's mortality, and it terrified him. He had seen it once before, long ago, and...

No. No, this was...rest, his father needed some rest and not to be worried about anything. He sure as hell didn't need to know that Yue had come out and, well, cone nuts. That was his problem, not his father's.

Protect them, echoed in his mind, for the first time in what had been so long he had almost forgotten what that soft voice had sounded like. Protect them.

"Dad, I think you need to call in sick today or something. Get some sleep."

Fujitaka's shoulders slumped. "Call in...I haven't called in sick in...well, I don't think I ever have."

"You haven't."

Fujitaka blinked.

"Well, then...I guess I have enough days saved up then. Maybe sleeping in for the day will do me some good."

Fujitaka gave his son and Yukito a wan smile, and Touya returned it with a smile that did not reach his eyes. And under the table, Yukito's hand was on Touya's knee, comforting him somehow, telling him that he was doing the right thing.

Protect them.

-

"I need to stop by my apartment after school, Sakura," Li said suddenly, during lunch.

"What?" she said, eyes huge, so surprised that the rice in her chopsticks fell back to her lunch box unnoticed. "Why?"

"I need to make sure I got everything I need. And I want to double-check for any clues as to who actually did it."

"...O-OK, then. We can stop by on the way home."

Li's eyes suddenly shifted away from hers. "Um...about that...I think it might be better if I went by myself..."

"Why?"

"Uh...well...it might be kind of dangerous, and..."

"Li Syaoran, I know you are not implying that I need to be protected." Sakura said, eyes narrowing. "Because--"

"No, no, no! I'm not saying that!" Li said, shaking his head. "I'm just saying...I'm just saying that..."

"Just. Saying. What?" Sakura asked, not liking where this conversation was going.

"Look...my family's kind of...OK, it is dangerous. You're not used to the kind of things they might pull." His shoulders slumped. "Some of the Lis are just as likely to use a..."

He sighed. "Look, I don't want to intentionally put you in a dangerous situation, OK? You're not used to the kind of black magic that might get used, and you don't know how to defend against it. You might accidentally pick up something that could...well...that could..."

"That could kill me?" Sakura finished.

Li's head dropped and he stared at his hands. "...yeah."

Sakura sighed. "But you think you'll be OK by yourself."

Li looked up then. She had almost forgotten how pretty his eyes were--large and framed with dark lashes, and intense. His eyes were incredibly intense, and when they were focused on her like that...she swallowed a little and put down her chopsticks, afraid that he would see how her hands were shaking a little if he looked at them. She felt uncomfortable in a way she hadn't before, felt like her body was both electric and relaxed, part of her getting weak while other parts seemed jolted alive. It was a new feeling, exciting and terrifying.

"I'll be OK by myself. I've trained against this kind of thing my whole life."

"Why?" she asked, more for the time of the answer than the answer itself.

"...I'm the next head of the Li family." he said, looking away, staring off into space. "I have to know these things."

Sakura sighed, pushing away the odd, alien thoughts in the periphery of her mind--things like wondering what his hand resting on the grass would feel like if it were resting against her leg instead, wondering what his hair would feel like if she brushed it out of his eyes. "All right. But you have a cell phone, right? You'll call me if something happens, right?"

"Umm...well, uh...Actually, I don't have a cell phone yet. I was going to get one this weekend, so..."

"...so instead we'll go get you one before you go back to your possibly-cursed apartment." Sakura said, narrowing her eyes and almost daring him to say otherwise. She could understand his logic about not wanting her to go, but this was a whole other matter entirely.

Li shuddered. "You look like your brother when you look like that."

"Stop changing the subject."

"OK, OK. I'll get a cell phone, then go to my apartment. OK?"

"Much better." Sakura said, and smiled. A faint smile crossed Li's face, in spite of himself, and with that suddenly pounding in her chest, Sakura knew that sooner or later, things were going to change very much.

-

Eriol stared out of the window, looking out into the black sky. They had asked him once to draw the window shade; he had calmly and politely refused and the flight attendant had almost fallen in her attempts to back away.

He had been preparing for this, in some way, longer than Kaho could have suspected. It was why he had been ready to go at a moment's notice. Bags packed, a few phone calls made, and things were settled.

But now that he was one his way, he realized that he had no idea exactly what do to or how to fix it. He knew that he couldn't even properly begin to assess the situation and begin appropriate countermeasures until he had actually gotten back to Japan and could see the state of things for himself.

He took small comfort in knowing that there were, of course, security measures already in place. And surely Kerberos...

He shook his head. No. He couldn't be sure. After all, the seal wasn't supposed to have been able to have been broken so soon.

No seal was unbreakable, he knew, but...so soon?

In a perverse way, he hoped the seal had been broken completely. If it had been shattered, then it would be far easier to construct either a new one or a new guardian. If it was only fractured, it would be more difficult to try a repair.

Perhaps in either case, he thought, smiling at the nervous flight attendant and accepting the tea she offered with a voice that tremored in spite of herself, it would be easier to simply create a new guardian anyway.

Clow had not been able to do that, so long ago.

But he was not Clow.

He did not have Clow's weaknesses. Any of them.

His hands shook as he reached for the cup of tea.

-

He had slept most of the day. He knew he had dreamed and that the dreams had been strange: disturbing, full of images and warnings; bleeding angels who wept ice under blooming sakura trees that whispered in an unknown tongue that he understood, but when he woke, the words and images and desires slipped through his fingers, leaving him shaking and confused; uncertain of his own mind.

Fujitaka stared at his room; feeling oddly out of place, as if either it was wrong or he was wrong, or possibly both. His body felt strange; alien and foreign, like it belonged to someone else and was not truly his; like he was trapped in this too small, too weak body, that something was missing--

"Nadeshiko," he whispered hoarsely, seeking in some way something that he knew was certain; that he understood. His own voice sounded strange to his ears; like it was wrong somehow, like not only was it not his voice, but that the very sounds coming out where wrong; a foreign language that he had not yet mastered and was fundamentally different from his native tongue. "Nadeshiko."

There was no answer. Only silence, a deep, deep silence that could be felt.

"Nadeshiko!" he said, his unfamiliar voice starting to take on a twinge of panic; where was she? He needed her, where was she? She was real, she was right, she would make all this confusion in his mind make sense again.

"Nadeshiko! Nadeshiko!" he yelled again, bolting now out of bed, feeling clumsy and panicked; everything was wrong, everything was horribly, horribly wrong...

"Nadeshiko! Nadeshiko!"

Silence.

-

"Ohh! This is so cute!"

"...Sakura...it's pink."

"But isn't it cute! she said, gesturing wildly at the pink cell phone.

"It's pink."

"And look! It has an international feature, so you can use it in Hong Kong and America, and..."

"It's ...pink."

"And look! It's got a huge memory! You can store 100 phone numbers in here! Wow!"

"...Can I get the black one?"

"But the pink is so...it's so..." she said, holding it in between her hands, eyes huge.

He buried his face in his hands. "No.

-

After Sakura left, Li stared at his new pink cell phone, wondering just how the hell he had ended up with it.

-

He was tired again.

Li stopped walking about a block before he got back to the Kinomoto house. He needed to stop and get himself together before he actually got there.

He would not be going back to the apartment again. He had cleaned it out, magically speaking, since not doing so would have been a disaster waiting to happen. He had been right, there had been a lot of...surprises...left behind by whoever had destroyed it. He had gone over everything three times to make sure that there wasn't anything he had missed, and now the only thing he wanted to do was shower, eat, and sleep, not necessarily in that order. He had never been just so tired before, like this, like his body was just going to shut down whether he wanted it to or not.

Coffee. Tea. Something. He needed to stop and really get himself together before he tried to go back; he didn't think he could handle questions right now, and there would be questions.

Li-kun? Are you all right?

Syaoran! What happened?

Oi, brat. You look like shit.

But worst of all, would be Yukito. Li? Did something happen? You look tired.

Worst of all would be Yukito's questions; even worse would be if he didn't ask. The thought of Yukito not noticing...

What the hell are you thinking, Xiao Lang? You have a girlfriend. Girlfriend. You have got to stop thinking about him.

And especially stop thinking about him doing THAT! ARRRGH!

He stopped and shook his head, wondering briefly how he had been too tired to think coherently for most of the walk home, but now his brain was providing live in Technicolor images that would decidedly be illegal in many countries.

Coffee. He needed some coffee. Badly. He thought about just stopping by a vending machine, but decided he would rather stop somewhere, sit down, close his eyes for a bit. If worse came to worst, he would just fall asleep, and someone would wake him up whenever the cafe closed. He turned around and started walking back to the main part of town, remember a small coffee shop he had passed on the way. It wasn't too terribly far.

When he got to the coffee shop, he nodded weakly to the waitress who welcomed him, quickly finding a seat and slumping into it. He rubbed his temples for a minute, trying to clear his head. So many things were running around in it, so much he wondered how it is that he could be so tired and yet so wired at the same time.

"Coffee. Hot." he mumbled, not opening his eyes, when the waitress approached.

"Would you like anything else? Something to eat?" he heard her say. Her voice as surprisingly gentle, and he suspected it was because he looked like crap.

"No, coffee is fine." he said, opening his eyes and giving her what he hoped was a reassuring smile, but he was sure was closer to pathetic urchin. She smiled back and nodded a little, then left. Li closed his eyes again, trying to calm his thoughts again, trying not to think too hard about what he had seen in the apartment and what it truly all meant, not wanting to make real the thought that yes, someone did actually want him dead.

His phone rang.

Li's was at first surprised, not realizing what it was. Then he dug through his bag, looking for the phone. The only one who had his number was Sakura; she must be worried, something might have happened--

"Hello?"

"Ni hao."

Li felt his blood suddenly run cold.

"Mother," he answered back in Chinese.

-

"I'm ho-ome!" Sakura yelled when she got in the door, pausing to take off her shoes. She looked down to put on her slippers, and when she looked up, Kerberos was right in front of her, only centimeters from her face.

"Waaaaaaugh!" Sakura yelped, surprised, stumbling back and falling quite inelegantly to the floor. "You startled me!" she yelled accusatively. "Don't do that!"

"...Sorry." Kerberos said, grinning apologetically. "Anyway, Ah wanted ta talk ta ya..."

Sakura felt her heart sinking. She knew that this was coming, but...but... "I have homework to do. Can it wait until after that?"

Kerberos' shoulders slumped. "Ah--Ah guess it c'n wait..." he said slowly. "But--"

"Great! Talk to you later!" Sakura said before he could finish, and ran past him to her room. She didn't stop running until she got there, and she shut her door before Kero--if he was following--could possibly fly in, then flung her bag to the floor and herself on the bed.

Hey, Sakura...you know you can't do this forever. she thought to herself. You're going to have to talk to him...really talk.

I don't wanna. some small, childish voice inside of her said petulantly. I don't wanna talk to him.

But you should try to get his side of things, you know.

But I did try. And he wouldn't say anything. So Touya was right. He was never trying to help me at all.

Sakura, you know it's not true. You know he cares about you!

Do I? Or does he just need me? Maybe he just needs someone to feed his magic, just like Yue did. And...you know, he never told me the cards were going to take my energy. He never said that. And he said that he gets his power from the sun but...is that true? I mean, Yue didn't get his power from the moon. Not all of it. What if Kero...

Arrrgh! I don't know enough about this stuff! And I don't have anyone to ask! I mean, I'm still going blind. There's so much I just don't know about all this! Kero didn't tell me anything!

Sakura, stop exaggera--

You shut up. she told that voice, getting angrier and angrier by the minute. Touya was right. No one ever told me anything. I just got thrown into this. And even though I didn't want this to start with, it's still mine now. And it's my responsibility. I have to find a way to make things right. I got off clean. But Touya...Touya's the one who lost--

She didn't know when she had started crying again.

I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I never asked questions, I never thought...

She let herself cry a little longer, then sat up and wiped her face.

I have to do my homework...I have to do my homework... she thought mechanically. Her brain felt numb, somehow. She got up and went to her desk, picking up her bag as she did so. She pulled out her math book and turned to the page she was supposed to do problems from. She took out her paper, her pencils, her erasers, and started working.

Until a drop of water splashed on the page. She looked up, not knowing where it was from, and watched in shock as another fell, this time on her hand.

That was when she realized she was crying, and Sakura just put her head on her desk, shaking a little.

-

He didn't even bother to ask how she had gotten his number.

"Are you doing well?" his mother asked.

Li felt his spine straighten with tension. He was so tense his hands shook, but he knew if his mother even got one hint from his voice that he was freaking out, it would be over.

Stick to your guns, Xiao Lang. Don't let her get to you. You knew this was coming, you knew it.

"Yes, very well, thank you." he said formally. He fought the urge to speak in Japanese just to be spiteful.

"How is your apartment?"

He almost dropped the phone.

"My living arrangements are quite satisfactory, thank you." he said once he get himself together. Did she know? Had she had anything to do with it? Was this a test of some sort? Did she not know? But how could she not know? She damned well knew the phone number to a cell phone he had had for approximately four hours.

"That is good."

There was a long pause.

"There are people--" Read, you, Li thought, "--who are most displeased about the recent turn of events."

"Oh?" Li replied, trying to keep his voice neutral. No fear, no fear, Xiao Lang. Don't let her know you're afraid...

"Yes. Rebellion is never looked well upon within the Li family."

"Rebellion!" Li let out, louder than he had intended. Could it be that she was calling because the attack on him had been sanctioned? "What!"

"You will return to Hong Kong immediately, Xiao Lang."

"What?" he yelled again.

"You have forgotten your responsibilities and you have lost respect for your family. Somewhere, your training has gone wrong, and this must be corrected. You will return immediately. From there, it will be decided how best to assess the current situation."

Li had only thought his blood had run cold before; if it was cold before, it was frozen in his veins now. God only knew what she could have meant by that, but one thing was certain--Li didn't want to find out.

It came out as a pathetic croak. "No."

"...Excuse me?"

His hand tightened around his cell phone--the phone Sakura had picked out for him--and he found his voice again. "No. I'm not leaving."

"What do you mean, you aren't leaving?"

"Just what I said, Mother. I am going to investigate the Seals, and I. Am. Not. Leaving!" His voice grew louder, and suddenly, his thumb moved of its own volition, jerking and pushing the button to end the call. There was silence before the low beeping indicating call had been terminated and he was on an empty line.

Slowly, incredibly slowly, it sunk in to him what he had done and what had been said. He pulled the phone away from his face and closed it, then realized his hands were shaking, and shaking so much he almost couldn't hold on to the phone.

That stupid, stupid pink cell phone. The stupid pink cell phone that Sakura had given him. He tightened his hands around it, then held it against his chest, eyes shut, trying to stop the shaking.

He had...he had just...

He had just hung up on...

Li buried his face in his hands, still clutching the cell phone in his right hand. It was slightly warm against his skin, now. He concentrated on breathing, trying not to burst into stupid, hysterical giggles over the fact that he had just hung up on his mother.

He had just. Hung up. On--

His phone rang again. He nearly dropped it.

"Wei?" he said unthinkingly in Chinese, unable to begin to put words together in Japanese.

"This is not over, Xiao Lang." his mother's voice said in a deathly calm, clipped Chinese.

"Mother--!"

"This is not over, Xiao Lang." came that same, deathly calm voice.

"Mother! What do you mean by that? My mind is made up; I'm not--Mother!"

The low, hollow beeping sound of an empty line.

Li stared out at nothing, cell phone still at his ear.

"Sayuri-chan! Don't leave your purse there! That kid's Chinese."

Li jerked his head and nearly dropped his cell phone. He looked around and realized that everyone was staring at him, and they were whispering.

"--Chinese--"

"--can't behave in public, yelling like that, what can you expect from a Chinese--"

"--problem nowadays, all those Chinese coming--"

"--all a bunch of thieves and--"

His hands were shaking again, but for an entirely different reason. He felt as if he were being slapped; he could feel every single stare on him, every single face looking at him seeming to say the same thing: you are not welcome here.

But he was here. He wasn't leaving. Sakura was here. He was...if they knew, if they knew who he was, what he had the power to do--

No, no, Xiao Lang. Can't, mustn't, this place is--

He stood up slowly. Picked up his bill. Walked to the front. Paid. Tried not to notice the people staring as he did. The looks. Tried not to--

Suddenly, more than anything else, he wanted to go home. He was tired, suddenly. Very tired. His head hurt, and he wanted to be somewhere quiet; a place not so strange and foreign, a place where he could open his mouth and speak his own language, and not be stared at or insulted by all the hypocritical Japanese of all pe--

NO, he thought. No, don't be as bad, just stop it, Xiao Lang.

His thoughts were dark.

-

She waited. There hadn't been much else for her to do--her homework was a waste, and she knew, she knew, if she spent any more time just sitting in her room, she was going to start sobbing again. So no, better to sit on the stairs and wait for Li. He would show up, he would have some advice, he would know what to do, right?

The minutes stretched on, growing longer and longer. She began to worry, suddenly unsure, suddenly remembering everything he had said. Horrible images filled her mind, of him getting hit by a curse of some sort, of him in pain, of hi--

"Syaoran, where were you? What took you so long?" Sakura yelled, jumping up when she saw him come into the house. Li looked pale, almost as if he was going to pass out. She ran over to him, putting her hand on his arm.

Li looked at her, almost not seeing her for a moment. He licked his lips and managed to speak. "Don't ask, Sakura." Then he closed his eyes and hugged her. "Just don't ask."

"Syaoran..." Sakura started, completely startled and not sure what to do, how to react to being hugged, and hugged in public, and...

"Please." he said, putting his head on her shoulder, face against her neck.

Shaking. Li was shaking. Sakura had never seen him shaking before. She hugged him, feeling her heart pounding in her chest, suddenly not sure of the feelings running through her; everything seeming big and greater than her and overwhelming.

"Syaoran...are you all right?"

He managed a smile, not opening his eyes. "I will be. 'Everything's going to absolutely be all right' remember?"

She held him a little tighter, and Li wished that things really could be that simple.

-

"We...we should go inside," Sakura finally said. "It'll be time to eat soon, and...and if someone comes out and..." Her words trailed off and Sakura colored, knowing it wouldn't be easy to explain to her family why she was out here, hugging Li, in public, in the dark--it would be all kinds of bad, all different kinds of bad, especially if it was Touya who found them. And Touya would be home soon, him and Yukito, she just knew he would, he had worked in the afternoon and would be back in time for dinner and if he found them outside like this he would pitch a fit and...

She heard Li let out a sigh and go a bit limp for a moment. "I guess." he finally said, letting go of her.

"Syaoran...what happened?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing. My mother just called. Nothing." he said, shaking his head again, not meeting her eyes. "I really don't want to talk about. Please?"

Sakura nodded, frowning a little. "Oh...Okay. If you don't want to talk about it..." she said, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice, and failing miserably if the look on Li's face was right.

"Sakura...it's family stuff, OK? My family's not happy. You know that. You saw what they do. Well, my mother also is not happy, either."

"Do...do you think she had something to do with what happened?"

Li's laugh was not one she had ever heard before. It was harsh, bitter. "Bu dong--I don't know. Maybe. Maybe no. Something like that not her style, too dirty. If my mother was going to do something, wouldn't be as...messy. But I think she knows about it."

Sakura frowned slightly. Li had never had spoken Chinese in front of her, never had a Chinese accent, not at least when he had been in Japan before, and his Japanese had always been flawless, but now suddenly... This was out of nowhere, as soon as he had started talking about his family. She wasn't sure if she should say something or not, then decided to leave it alone. He was worried, no reason to ride him about an accent and his Japanese being not quite right.

But it made her uncomfortable, somehow. Like the Li she knew was not this Li, like he had changed in the three years he had been gone. Silly, yes, of course he had changed, but...

She let out a breath and rolled her eyes at herself. Silly, silly, she was being silly. "It'll be dinnertime soon. We should go inside and help get everything ready. It's Dad's turn to cook, but he might need some help," she said, deciding it was better to just go on about life, do the everyday things.

Li nodded. "Yeah, good idea," he said, looking slightly relieved that the conversation was over.

Whatever had happened, Sakura decided, this was the least she could do.

-

He dreamed:

Snow was falling.

It wasn't snow. He raised his hand, and realized the whiteness falling gently from the black sky were sakura blossoms. He held his palm out and petals fell into it delicately. He picked up one of the petals that had drifted into his hand and rubbed it between two fingers to feel its softness.

Something screamed out in pain in his mind, and blood began to drip from the petals, onto his fingers; onto the ground covered in white. In horror, he dropped the petals, wiping his hands frantically against the sakura tree he stood beneath.

The white petals turned pink beneath the red moon.

His eyes flew open. Something was shaking him. "Wha--hunh!"

"This is our stop, Yuki," Touya said, frowning slightly.

"Uhhh--oh!" Yukito let out, startled. He rubbed his eyes, slipping two slim fingers under his glasses to do so, his hands feeling cold and oddly damp. "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long."

"Ahh." he said, standing up to grab his backpack from the railing over their heads. Yukito yawned suddenly, surprising himself.

"You sure you're OK?"

Yukito smiled brightly, handing Touya his backpack. "If you're worried, you can carry this for me. Thanks!"

There were times when Yukito wished he had a camera attached to his cell phone or something.

-

Dinner, Sakura noticed in shock, had not been made. In fact, it looked like no one had even bothered going into the kitchen. She glanced at Syaoran, frowning slightly.

"No one made dinner." she said stupidly, the words coming out even though she knew it was silly to state the obvious like that. It seemed like there was something fundamentally wrong now, that the kitchen had been cold and dark. One more craziness, adding up to too many. "Why didn't Dad make dinner? He always makes dinner today. So why didn't he today?"

She could hear her own voice, tinged with something she recognized as panic. She could hear the panic, see it coming, and there was no stopping it. She had needed this at least to be normal; needed something to be sane and normal and ordinary, and here was one more thing, one more thing going wrong, one more thing not being like it was supposed to, one more--

"Sakura." Li said softly. His voice was surprisingly calm, back to normal, no out-of-nowhere not-like-Syaoran accent again. Normal again.

"Let's just cook dinner. Your dad looked kinda pale this morning, so maybe he's just not feeling well. So we'll cook. If we hurry, maybe we can have something made before your brother and Yukito-san get back."

Sakura nodded, feeling relieved. There was something comforting about Li taking over, about just being told what to do and have someone else make sense out of everything for a while. She didn't want to do it any more; didn't want to think, just wanted someone to tell her what was up, what was down, and OK, Sakura, let's make dinner.

Things couldn't be crazy, after all, if you were making rice. They just couldn't. It was that simple.

-

Touya kept a close eye on Yukito as they made their way home, even though Yukito had said he was fine. Yukito had tried once to get his backpack back, and gotten glared at for his trouble. So he had settled into walking quietly along, and Touya had settled into surreptitiously watching him like a hawk.

Touya took stock for a moment of all the weirdness of the last two days. Everything had been fine until the brat showed up, and then, everything had pretty much gone straight to hell.

And there was the big things going to hell last night. Something had gone very massively wrong with Yukito's other, never-that-stable-to-begin-with personality.

You know, he thought to himself, I had the perfect chance to take Chinese but did I? Nooo, I had to take German for my not-English foreign language requirement. That was stupid.

"...Touya? Is something wrong?"

"Hunh?"

Yukito grinned. "You seem kind of out of it. Is something wrong?"

"No, just thinking."

"Don't strain yourself."

"Hey!"

Yukito's grin widened and he reached over and took his backpack out of Touya's hands. "Thanks for carrying it. You didn't have to."

"Nnngh."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, and when they were almost home, Yukito turned to Touya. "What are you thinking about?"

"Me? Just wishing I had taken Chinese instead of German."

"Well, I did suggest it..." Yukito said, giving Touya a little smile.

Touya groaned. "Forget I said anything." He had completely forgotten that Yukito had suggested they take Chinese. Well, shit.

"It would have been more useful..."

"...Yuki, forget I said anything."

"What, forget I was right and you were wrong?"

"Yes."

"But I don't want to."

"...But you do want sex at some point, right?"

"...I'm sorry, what had we been talking about? It seems to have slipped my mind."

"Yeah, thought so."

"And on that note, we're home. And you were saying something about sex...?" Yukito said, looking hopeful.

"...No one has the first clue you're as bad as you are."

"It's on a need-to-know basis. And seeing as you're the only one who needs to know..."

"Uh-hunh. Pervert." Touya said, rolling his eyes.

"No. I just have...healthy appetites. You've seen me eat, after all."

Touya snickered. "You do have a point." he said, opening the door.

-

"We're back." Touya mumbled as they walked in the door, barely opening his mouth and leaning over to take his shoes off as he did so.

"We're back," Yukito chimed after him, his voice softer. It had taken him a long time to get used to saying "We're back" instead of the other varied ways of apologizing for intruding that were so common. It had taken him longer than Touya had liked, and he'd only stopped when Touya had glared at him and said, "Do you live here or not?"

"Well, yes," Yukito had answered, "But--"

"But nothing. Quit it with that already."

"But--!"

Touya had glared at him then, and the words died on Yukito's lips. "I'm back." he said quietly, feeling out the words, and Touya had smiled.

"'Bout time," he'd muttered, covering the smile. "...and since you officially live here, you're going on the chore chart."

Yukito remembered laughing at that. "But To-ya, I already do half your chores anyway!"

But the next week, his name was there, on the chore chart, and he couldn't quite begin to explain how that had felt, what it had meant...or how easily "I'm home" came from that day on.

The Kinomoto house had always had a special feeling to it for Yukito. It wasn't just all the magic, it wasn't just the pull of everyone there, it was something else--it was the genuine warmth of the place, the love that seemed to suffuse the space. It was something that was alien to Yukito, even before he knew that it was or why. His own home had felt pale, wan, like an imitation of a home; of this. Before he knew the truth, he had thought why he had loved the Kinomoto house so much was the energy about the place, how everyone seemed to be buzzing in comparison to his own quiet, flat home.

The truth had made so much sense, when he learned it. He had never had a home before. Now, he had a home, a place that he was a part of, and he could let the warmth of the Kinomoto house pull him into it completely.

But now, something was wrong. There was a tension in the air. Something was taunt, drawn, like a violin string drawn to tight and about to snap. He straightened after turning his shoes, stepping into the house and into his slippers, eyebrows drawing in slightly.

Something was wrong; something was...something wasmissing, somehow, making the place darker, colder. "To-ya?" he began, not sure quite how to even begin.

Touya was frowning, eyes narrowed.

"Touya?" Yukito tried again, surprised at how small his voice sounded. "Touya?" he said again, his voice a little stronger.

That got Touya's attention; Touya turned sharply to Yukito, face still tense.

"Something's wrong." Yukito said, feeling rather useless, the words sounding stupid and paranoid to his own ears.

"Yeah." Touya said, frowning more. "Something's...it's too quiet." he said, some of the sudden tension in his face lightening as he placed what was so disturbing.

Yes, Yukito thought. That was it. It was too quiet, too still. The house was never so quiet, never so still. But what had--?

"Standing here isn't going to tell us anything." Touya said abruptly. Decision made, Touya walked into the house, towards the kitchen, and Yukito wordlessly followed, licking his lips nervously and resisting the urge to grab the hem of Touya's shirt, trailing after him like the child he had never been.

Better this way, Yukito thought. Better to kick the shoe off than wait for it to drop.

...right?

-

Entering the kitchen was almost anticlimactic. Sakura and Li were there, setting out dinner. They were quiet, something that struck Touya as odd the longer he was there. Quiet, yes, but this was something else. It was like the kitchen was all but humming with tension of some sort.

"Do you two need any help?" Yukito said, his quiet voice seeming somehow loud, oddly jarring in the almost overwhelming silence.

"Yes, please." Li said, his voice equally jarring.

Touya frowned suddenly. Li sounded...well, he couldn't quiet put his finger on it. Not like himself. His voice was weird, his pronunciation of things off, somehow, in a way they never had been before. But, Touya thought, I suppose it makes sense; he was gone for years.

But it had been normal before, last night.

Touya narrowed his eyes. There was something very wrong, very, very wrong, and he had no idea what it was. Sakura looked like she was about to fly apart at any second, Li was gruffer than normal and suddenly had this accent he'd never had before, more foreign than he had ever been, and...

"Hey, where's Dad?"

Sakura tensed, inhaling sharply and dropping the ladle she had been holding. It clattered to the floor, splattering dark brown curry sauce onto the floor, cabinets, and the tops of Sakura's socks.

"Ah!" Sakura said, the sound small and surprised, her eyes big. She stared at them for a while, looking starting to tremble jus the tiniest bit, like something was fraying at the edges.

Then: "Oh no!" she said, when she realized what she had done, grabbing a wash cloth and dropping to clean the curry splatters. "I'm so clumsy! I'm sorry."

"Are you OK, monster?" Touya said.

"I'm fine. Don't call me that." Sakura said, her voice oddly sharp, as tense as the room. "And...and I don't know where Dad is. It was his night to make dinner but he wasn't here. I guess he forgot."

She didn't look up, Touya noticed. She stayed crouched down, scrubbing at the floor, and the cabinet, looking resolutely at it, and anything that wasn't a person.

"I think it's clean now," Touya finally said, feeling disturbed watching his little sister's almost frantic movements.

"Oh," she said softly, and stood, picking up the ladle as she did so. "Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, dinner is all ready. I guess...I guess someone should go get Dad. His car is here, so he should be here...somewhere." Sakura said, her voice odd.

"Uh," Touya started, not sure what exactly he was going to say.

"I guess...I guess I'll go get him," Sakura said, turning to put the dish cloth on the counter.

"Nah, I'll get him," Touya said, shaking his head. He rolled his eyes, the small gesture making him feel more normal. "Don't go to any effort, after all. I'll get him."

Sakura's shoulders slumped so obviously at that that Touya couldn't convince himself it was anything other than relief.

He wanted out of the kitchen, he realized. Out of that strangling tension, away from Sakura and her tense jitteriness, away from Li and his wire-taunt aura, away even from Yukito, who suddenly seemed so unsure and nervous. Something was wrong, something fundamental was broken, somehow, and Touya had no idea what it was or who it had broken, let alone how to fix it. He only knew that there was something wrong, something very, very wrong.

"Just finish setting out dinner," Touya said gruffly. "I'll be back with Dad in a few minutes. He probably just got sucked into a paper or something."

The lie came easily. Touya didn't know that it was a lie, he couldn't know, he knew it made perfect sense, but still, part of him knew he was lying. It felt like a lie, twisted like a lie, but still. Sakura's relief was palpable at the words; he could see it working through her mind, clicking desperately. She wanted to believe it and so she did; of course, he was working, he had just forgotten, nothing else.

She was near the breaking point, Touya realized. He didn't know why she was, not exactly, but something in her was frayed and fractured, ready to burst into a thousand pieces.

Protect them, a voice in his memory whispered.

"You can go ahead and start eating without us; Dad'll understand." Touya said, and left the room.

-

Of course, Sakura thought. Of course. That's why Dad's not here, that's why he didn't make dinner, it has to be. He was working on a paper and forgot the time. Or...something like that. He's busy. I was just being silly. Everything is fine. she thought, almost desperately. Fine.

She washed the ladle, drying it carefully, then taking out another out of the cutlery drawer. She ladled curry onto the rice, paying more attention than she should have. But easier that way, it was easier to do something like this, to not think. Something inside felt wrong and had for the last few days, and everything was strange, now, unreal and surreal, and anything that was normal, anything, she grasped with relief.

But...where's Kero-chan? Where--? a part of her thought, and she gritted her teeth, tightening her hand on the ladle. I don't care. I don't care where he is. If he's hungry he can...he can damn well come out and eat and stop hiding.

For some reason, that thought made her feel better, and she refused to dwell on why.

-

The first place to go, the place that made the most sense, was to go to the basement, where his father's office was. If he was working and had just lost track of time, it was the most likely place.

But it's not the right place, Touya thought. He's not there.

He went up the stairs instead, and knocked, hesitantly, on his father's door.

"Dad?" he said softly. "Oy, Dad. You in there?" he said again.

There was no answer.

He knocked a little harder. "Dad." he said, letting his voice get as loud as he dared, not wanting it to carry downstairs. "Are you there?"

Nothing.

Touya reached for the doorknob, then stopped for a moment, hesitating. Then, "Sorry," he said, and opened the door.

-

Dinner was quiet. Sakura sat, forcing her attention onto her food rather than the strange silence. Yukito seemed oddly on edge, jittery and glancing around him as if he expected something to jump out and attack them. Something about it reminded her vaguely of Yue--it was rare she could see traces of Yue in what she had been told so many times was his false form. That Yukito could be false, just a mask, was something she had never really been able to grasp, especially with the fact that it was Yukito she saw everyday; Yukito who smiled and spoke and lived. Yue was the false form, the dark side of the moon, the shadow behind Yukito. But now, she could almost see it, could almost see Yue truly behind Yukito, and not a stranger who awoke from his dreaming slumber when she was in danger. Yue and Yukito.

But still, he was Yukito. And he was eating more than she had seem him eat in what seemed like years.

And Syaoran was...not Syaoran. What had happened, she wondered. He had been fine earlier; what had happened?

She opened her mouth, once, to ask, and then closed it with a snap. No, no, no, not right now, she would ask him in the morning. Everything was too tense; too uncomfortable. She didn't want to cause any more bad feelings; to make things worse. No, no, better to stay quiet and ignore things; everything would be better in the morning because it was impossible to be upset when the sun was shining, right?

Everyone would be back to normal tomorrow. Yukito wouldn't be so Yue and Syaoran would be more...Syaoran. And Dad would be at the table like he was supposed to be, and Touya would be back with them, normal, and...and...

"Sakura," Li started. "Are you finished?"

She realized with a start that Syaoran and Yukito had both finished eating and were staring at her.

"Oh! Sorry!" she said. "I'm finished!"

"Touya and your father haven't come down. I'll put some food away for--," Yukito began.

"I'll do it," Sakura volunteered. Something to do, anything to do, to put off going back to her room and seeing Kero or the cards.

"Thank you." Yukito said, and his smile was one that was pure Yukito, and that made everything a little more normal, and Sakura was grateful for that.

-

When Yukito left the kitchen, he glanced over at the entranceway before he went up the stairs. Touya's slippers were gone, so Touya was still in the house, but...

There was no point in worrying, he knew. If there was danger, he would know, surely he would.

Or Yue would, at least.

But...something is wrong, Yukito thought. Everything has been...off these last few days, like it's a bad copy of the world. Or like the world's got a false form and we're in it.

I'm hungry again. I just ate. What's going on?

Yukito sighed a little to himself, allowing himself to rub tiredly at his eyes because he was alone. There was no point in standing in the hallway, staring at the space were Touya's slippers would have been. And there was food in his room; Touya knew him better than he did himself some times, and always stashed some kind of food in their room. He often wondered when Touya did it; slipping away without Yukito noticing to the nearby conbini and refilling the stash of food in the desk or in Yukito's backpack.

Touya had never been one to speak his feelings, but every time Yuki opened his backpack and saw a curry bread or reached in his desk to get a pencil and found a box of snacks, he knew what Touya was saying. Touya spoke very little, but his actions said more than anyone Yukito had ever met.

He went up the stairs, noticing the light on his Kinomoto-sensei's room. He strained for a moment, for a faint trace of voices, but nothing. But Touya was there, some part of him knew. Touya and Clow--

Yukito went into his bedroom, wondering why he suddenly felt jittery and on edge. He was hungry, that was all, just needed some food--

He sat down at his desk, opening the drawer as he sat; reaching for something he knew would be there.

And yes, there in the drawer was a bag of rice crackers. He quickly opened the bag, feeling like he had not eaten dinner; like it had not been enough and that he would never be full, just empty empty empty--

"Yukito."

He looked up, eyes wide, rice cracker raised to his lips.

"Touya? Is everythi--?"

That was as far as Yukito got before he found himself pressed up against the wall, Touya against him, pressed against him, holding him up, moving against him, mouth on his with an intensity and desperation that almost scared him. Touya's hands were almost frantic, pushing and shoving clothes out of way, seeking out bare skin. Touya dropped his head onto Yukito's shoulder, mouth against Yukito's neck where it met the shoulder; moving his hips against Yukito's, hard.

"T-Touya?" Yukito whispered, knees weakening slightly, letting Touya take his weight. It was a question that was all but unasked and not expecting of an answer. Yukito relaxed against Touya, giving Touya all his weight, letting Touya move against him, wrapping his arms around Touya's shoulders.

"Don't leave me, Yuki," Touya whispered, his words muffled against Yukito's neck.

'Touya?"

"I can't take anyone else leaving, Yuki, I just can't."

With a start, Yukito realized Touya was crying.

"Everyone leaves, They all do, and...no, dammit, just not again, OK, promise you won't go."

"I'm not going anywhere Touya. I'll never leave you, never." Yukito said, putting his hand against the back of Touya's head, cradling it against his neck. "No matter what, no matter who else comes and goes...I'll always be here, Touya. Always."

"Everyone just goes. Mom...Dad did, too, in his way, after she died. He was never the same, he was just...waiting. Kaho. You almost went away...and one day, Sakura's leaving, I knew it the day I saw Li. I knew he would take her someplace far, far away from here. You're all I have, Yuki, I can't...all I have to hold on to. Just don't vanish like everyone else, just with no warning, just gone..."

Yukito held him, letting things come out of Touya like a torrent, things the man had held in most of his life, hidden from everyone, even himself. All he could do was reassure Touya, reassure him with his hands and his body and soft sounds that he was here, that he was Touya's, that he was not going anywhere.

Did Touya understand, he wondered. Did he know that he was bound to Touya, in a way deeper than love, in a way that he himself didn't understand. Even if Touya had not kept him alive, he could not have left him. He had known it, deeply inside of him, the moment he had seen Touya; the moment he had felt that pull--Touya was the moon to his tide, Touya was everything. He would not exist with Touya, would not exist in a way beyond the fact he would have faded into nothingness without him. Touya had pulled him, always had, even before he knew what Yue was or what magic he himself contained and was. After Touya had given his magic to Yukito and Yue, that pull had become something greater, something stronger, something that encompassed him totally. He had no existence outside of Touya, none; he could no sooner leave Touya than he could kill himself; the two things were one and the same. He, like the moon, orbited around Touya, tied to him. Touya was all, everything, all-encompassing. Touya would have to be ripped away from him before he would leave, and he would fight, fight anything that tried to take Touya away.

"I'll never leave," Yukito whispered, his voice shocking to him, ragged, torn at the thought of leaving. "Touya, I can't, even if I wanted to, don't you see? Even if I wanted, I couldn't. And I don't, don't want to leave, can't leave. I need you." he whispered. "I'm yours," he whispered, and the words so true he ached from it. He was--

-- Nothing, nothing at all to you. In your eyes, I am nothing, but to me, you are... Why? Why like this, when I would do anything you asked of me? Please, I can't... Why are you--why can't you--even a little--why did you even--why did you do...Is that what you enjoy? Is that what you want? Do what you want, I don't care, but please, please, I can't be alone, I can't...need you, I need you, I need you to need me, even a little, see me as...I can't be--

--Touya's, come good or bad, come what may. He loved deeply, completely; nothing else existed except for Touya and being secure in that love, helpless in the face of it and its depth and the unforgiving nature of it.

He belonged to Touya.

And Touya...Touya was his.

HIS.

And he felt a rage, a rage that flared from nowhere, directed at nothing, raging only at the thought something would take Touya. It flared; it burned, and he dug his nails into Touya's back, pulling Touya closer, hearing Touya hiss at the sudden pain. Mine, Yukito thought, the ferocity and the depth as great as that of his love, marking Touya. Mine.

And he bared his teeth, snarling in a way that was not like him, that was something deeper, something darker, shades of something and perhaps someone else, and pulled Touya closer again, then with wild strength pushing away from the wall, pushing them toward the bed, Touya on his back and Yukito on top on him, pulling frantically at Touya's clothes, desperately needing to mark him, prove he owned him, prove it was not as hopelessly and helplessly one-sided as he some part of him irrationally feared, assert that he owned as much as he was owned.

And Touya groaned when Yuki bit into his neck, and then there was no sound, none, but the sounds of clothing being torn, of their breathing and panic, and of their need for each other, to own and to be owned.

-

The plane had landed. Eriol had disembarked, going through customs barely aware of it, not paying any more attention to the mundaneness of it than was necessary. It was never wise, he knew, to let one's guard down completely, so part of him was still alert, but more of him was focused on something else, on something close and looming.

But it was easy to coast on autopilot as he arranged to have his bags shipped to the hotel he was staying at until his new lodgings were secured. Easy to pick up his ticket for the train and negotiate the various lines.

Easy.

At yet, he had noted with some detachment as he he'd signed into the hotel, that his hands still occasionally trembled. He had gone to his room and found he was full of an unusual nervous energy; that his fingers were drumming against the table.

If he was going to be full of nerves, he had decided, better to be doing something. He had already decided to wait to visit the Kinomoto house until morning.

Moon magic was so much more powerful at night.

A walk, he'd decided. A walk would be the best for now. A quiet park or something...no people. Hard enough in Tokyo, but he decided Ueno Park would be his best bet; large enough to have police routinely checking it for undesirables, yet large enough to easily elude anyone who disturbed him.

And so he walked, alone, in that quiet night, cool even for early Autumn. He tried to keep his thoughts calm, blank, but like his hands earlier, they would not do as he willed; they ran along in different directions, thinking about scenarios and what might have already been done and how the seals could have already begun to fracture.

And he remembered why the seals had been put into place; what had been done to make them so necessary, and how the seals being in place in the first place had perhaps created that first fracture long ago, that allowed Yue to split into two beings, into a false form as true as the true form. That, he had not foreseen, although he had been grateful for it when he discovered it; the false form had created a vulnerability that had been so easy to exploit to make sure things went as planned.

Weak, people were so weak, so easy to manipulate.

You never should have loved me, another voice whispered in his mind, a fragment of memory rising up. Eriol looked at the memory coldly, dispassionately. How very different he had been, in that life. He had made mistakes, then, things he would not do now.

How ironic Yue would find this, he thought to himself, if he knew the truth. We are more alike than he knows, having both been split. But I am the better for it, eh, Yue. The same thing that caused your split also caused mine, in the end. And it benefited me far more than it did you, even when it's repercussions were unknown. If you hadn't split, I never could have, because Clow would have never seen that one weakness, would never have realized--

What is THAT? Eriol thought abruptly, his spine straightening. There was something here, some kind of power, something he had never...

How is this possible? he wondered. How is this sakura blossoming now?

And it seemed to him that the tree whispered to him. It whispered an answer that he could not hear, that was too faint for now.

No. It was not too faint.

He, he realized with a start, was too weak.

Power, he thought. Here, there is power.

The sakura whispered around him, and he strained--

"Eriol."

He turned at his name. "Lovely to see you, Kerberos."

"We gotta talk."

This was not entirely unexpected. A bit early perhaps, but not unexpected. "Yes, I believe that we do. Shall we go to my hotel?"

"Yeah, sure. This place gives me the creeps," Kero said, looking around.

"Let's go, then." Eriol said. The sakura seemed to follow him, petals swirling whispers for a moment around him before he walked back to the main path; whispering words he couldn't hear but could almost feel.

Oh yes. Here, there was power.

Not, Eriol thought, that I have need of you. I am fine in that respect.

The petals swirled around him for a moment in what felt like a caress, electric and jolting, and the rustle of the wind was like the breathy laugh of a lover in his ear.

And for a moment, Eriol hungered.