How it began

Hermiones POV

I see her everyday. Ever since this... game, started. I could feel a change. It started in midsummer. Ginny had a nightmare of Tom, and I was there to comfort her. I told her that we could sleep in the same bed, that it wasn't wrong. That we'd both feel better. I don't know. I don't know why I told her. I don't know what I felt that night. Maybe I felt lonely, and wanted to lie with somebody. Just... strictly platonic. Is that so wrong?

The next morning, we were woken up by Fred and George. They were laughing, and called us Dykes. Just as fun, though, not like they really thought we were. Then Harry and Ron came in and began to sing stupid lovesongs, and said that we looked like we should get married, and it.. it's really hard to explain, but once we woke up and went down to breakfast, and mind you, all were there. Ginny fell to her knee, stuggeling to withhold a giggle, and started to prepose. "Hermione Jane Granger, would you care to marry me, you hottie?" She said it with a smirk and a blink in her eyes. I made a small laugh back then, and agreed. Since then we allways have been the fiancées. We joked about that, next time we came to Hogsmeade, and Honeydukes, we'd get married there. Not like really married, but just... just for fun.

Now we're at Hogwarts again, all know, and don't mind. Allmost every girl is either holding hands or hugging like there was no tomorrow. It's natural. We're girls. Girls do this sort of stuff. It's not like we kiss or groupe or anything. Just stuff you could do with a close friend.

But now, now I've come in doubt. I am starting... beginning to think I'm falling in love with her. Like I never loved Ron. It scares me. I don't want to be some sort of lesbo. I want to be the book worm Hermione Jane Granger, who's madly in love with Ronald Weasley. What is it with me and redheads anyway?

I can't describe it, it's... It's like everytime we're together, the ending of the schoolday, or on weekends, after we finnish the work or are tired in general, we end up in tight imbrace. Not in a seksual manor, but just, we're both tired, and it's as if we're about to fall asleep standing up. It's hard to explain, but I'm just comfortabe around her. Like I'd never be comfortable with a guy. Not yet anyway...

But now... I'm afaid. Afraid I've fallen in love with her. She's brilliant and beautiful, and it kills me when I'm not with her. Once she wanted to spend a day with Luna, shopping a gift for Harry. And, I know Harry's her boyfriend, and it dosn't mean anything... But I got jaloux! I sulked the entire day. When she came back and asked me what was wrong I said nothing. Lately though I'm trying to come up with a way of telling her though. But it allways end up in a ramble of some sort. Now I keep saying at least two times a day stuff like.. if we're hugging, or if Snape's being an idiot, or just any situation really, I'll say "I love you, Gin" then she looks at me quickly or just stay where she is saying "Oh, you too" or "Yeah, love ya too" like she dosn't really mean it. It bothers me.

I can't believe myself. I helped her get together with Harry, I talked him into it, and still, I get jaloux when they're snogging. It get's to me. It's as if my heart is being ripped in two.

god, I'm jaloux when she has homework up to here, and dosn't have time enough to spend with me, I get jealoux if she's hanging out with Luna, and jaloux if she's kissing with her boyfrind. She keeps asking me stuff like "We should find you a boyfrind, huh?" or "Hermione, is something wrong, you've been acting so strange lately?" Now she's comming closer though "Hermione... Are you in love or what?" I may have asked what the symptoms of love is, but she couldn't tell me, or rather explain it. Then she asked me why I asked about it like it was some sort of disease. I could never tell her. When you think you're in love with your best friend and she a girl, it is some sort of disease. For me anyway. It's not like I have a problem with homosexuality, it's just... I don't want that kind of label on me. That's why I feel so bad telling her it's nothing.

When she's not there, I wonder where she's at, with who, and if she's thinking of me. When she's having fun with others, it borthers me I'm not the one to make her laugh. When she's with Harry my stomeache rumbles, as if it knows they're wrong for eachother. I don't know. I keep wondering what would happen if I kissed her. Just quickly. Would she push me away immeadiatly, would she tense and then ease into the kiss? Would she tell me how much she's in love with me, but never had the guts to come out and tell me? I doubt it. And I can't afford to loose her. She means the world to me. And I hate it.

Once I looked her straight in the face and said "Whoa, Gin, I actually think I'm in love with you." She hugged me, said she was in love with me too, and that she just had Harry for the fun of it. She thought I was joking. She thought... I was... Joking. I couldn't do anything other then just smile now could I? Just pretend it was a joke, that I flirted for 'the fun of it'

Oh well, now I'm sitting in the libery, she allways join me after her lessons. Or Quidditch practice. I don't mind, we talked it over in the summer, she said that she'd like to study more, but that she also wanted to hang more out with me. I know she hinted to that we should work together, so I said that after her or mine lessons we'd meet in here, and I'd help her with her homework. She's surpricingly bright. Not that I ever doubted that, but just... look at her brothers! She's like.. as smart as all of them together! I don't know. But lately, Luna interupted Ginny and I, while studying. If I wasn't sure I'm just being paranoid, I'd think that Luna and Ginny were flirting, but then again, maybe I'm a bit posessive? I can't help it. And I hate it!

Here, Ginny comes, She dosn't know that she makes me squirm just by looking at me. But I don't mind. She just seems so innocent. Though I know she's not. I'm awere she's done more sexual stuff then me. More then I'd like to know. I can't explain it, but I'd like her to be innocent. untouched. I freak myself out...

She sat down beside me a minute ago, she's rambeling about all her homework, stuff that happened today, or who got together with whom. She's my only gossip source. Not that I'm that much into gossip, mostly if she's the one telling, I listen, else I don't really care. now she's telling me what a jerk that Malfoy is. I'm afraid she'll notice how my eyes are fixed on her lips or sometimes her eyes. This is getting nowhere, if she dosn't soon stop talking.

"Ginny, I've got 3 papers due, and I really want to hear it, but could it wait a bit?" She nods to me. I know that expression. She's hurt, but I know she'll understand. Won't she?

We both pick up our quills and 'accio' the right books. Madam Prince is annoyied when people use magic in her libery and allways give them a good yell, but she dosn't mind when we do it. I'm not sure why, I mean we're behaving fine, and treat the books well, but so are many others. I may never know. Oh well, got to stop thinking about Ginny. Even though Ginevra Molly Weasley is the most beautifull thing I've ever seen.

Oh, but, where was I? Oh right! how to find and train a german Hitporrious...

Review! I loooove reviews... oh just do it! Make my day! I could say... 'no flames!' But hey, people are in title to their own oppinions, and I can't really stop you if you wanted to could I?

By the way, I edited some stuff, that's why I deleated it before ;D