Chapter 1: Spencer
It's been a year. A year since A.D. was once and for all, reduced to nothingness. A year since the game, in all its cruelty and insanity, was derailed. A year since Endgame. A year since my life, a life of endless suspense, hypervigilance, and constant anxiety became the life I had in college, and the life I would've imagined myself having in my freshman year of high school.
Surprisingly enough, for reasons I can't explain, I stayed in this town. This town, the pinpoint of all the drama, the ceaseless turmoil which had held us captive for far beyond its time. However, walking down Hollis Street to work came along with a new sentiment of serenity. There was no longer any need to flinch when a text came in, as the only texts I received were from those who had made saying goodbye so hard in the first place. Asides from that, I was plagued with reminders to embellish my hectic schedule, and occasional alerts from OKCupid, none of which I took the time to read.
So that was life. It was monotone, I'll admit. I didn't have anywhere to put remaining energy. I spent most of my weeks advancing on law school, and if I had enough of that, I instinctively occupied myself by helping Mom at her firm. Spare time, if there was any, was spent maintaining Bashful and taking him for a ride or two, running errands, going to appointments, finishing up Dostoyevsky's intriguing Crime and Punishment, and if there was any time at all, I spent it with my sister. God, I can't even say that without a sense of discomfort coming over me. After all this time, Alex will be the wound that doesn't heal.
Melissa was my true sister. The one who I thought was horrible in high school, and inwardly rejoiced every time she flew off to London. It was only when she came back to stay that I realized how much I had missed her, or her presence, no matter how many tensions and arguments there were. She was always around when things got big. And with her decision to stay in town, I had gotten to know her better than I'd ever known her before that. We have coffee together every Saturday, and it's not an experience I would give up. The vacant spot she had filled was now occupied, and I discovered a part of me I wouldn't have found elsewhere.
My parents (I can hardly say that either) divorced for good. I can't say it wasn't difficult to witness, but at the end, our family knows it was best. Mom will always have the first place in my heart. I love my father, but I only recently truly realized that with a man like him, I can't expect truth. I don't know where it begins and where it ends. He's a compulsive liar who can't save himself from his web of lies. And as saddening as it is, it's true. And my mother is so much better off without him, the smile on her face lights me up.
A few weeks ago, while rearranging my room as I often do, I came across a business card, which served as a reminder of my legal property, the Lost Woods. Mine and Alison's. It would need maintenance if anything was to come of it, but I couldn't bring myself to go there. I don't know if I ever could. I know Mary loved me, but she was stuck in a position where she couldn't make a move without hurting one of us. Alex and I. Only that I ended up being the recipient of it. Thinking about it saddens and angers me. I'm more angry about the fact that my twin sister permanently dented any possibility of having a relationship with my biological mother than the fact that she brought the Game back into our lives. Again, a wound that will not heal.
So I ended up putting the card into a drawer and purposefully moving my socks into it, covering it. I wondered if Alison had gone, but I knew that she'd have let me know. Or at least I thought.
The girls and I have been keeping in contact. But even that's becoming harder. Especially seeing that I'm the only unmarried one in the group. I mean, while I'm busying myself as much as I can with work and online classes, they're busying themselves with family, children, work, each other, and for Aria, the possibility of having children. At the end, I feel like the least busy of all, which is miserably ironic. I have Toby, but things have had to be taken so slowly. With my purposefully hectic schedule, and his indecisive personality. But we still love each other. And that's what matters.